


Dancing With Strangers

by Songbird321



Series: DWS Universe [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Contemplated suicide, F/F, F/M, Fluff, High School AU, M/M, Reincarnation AU, Romantic Comedy, Tumblr Prompts, eventually, lots of fluff, with a healthy helping of angst and emotion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-10-25
Packaged: 2018-04-12 14:18:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 91,598
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4482488
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Songbird321/pseuds/Songbird321
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The story of how Reiner Braun successfully made Bertholdt Hoover fall in love with him… twice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. From the Day We Met

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all! This fic was written from Reibert Week (2015). What I did was, instead of writing one-shots for each prompt like normal, I created a longer fic with each chapter loosely based off the week's themes. So there's a plot line that I tried to set according to the prompts, and we'll see how that works out. 
> 
> Anyway, I'd like to talk just a bit about the formatting of this work. It's separated into parts taking place in the past, and others taking placed in the present. To signify a change in time, there will be an extra space and a *. One * means the past, and ** means the present (I also put dates, but you know, why not have a system?) 
> 
> I sincerely hope you enjoy!!

*  
September 5, 840

“Dad, what’s going on?” five-year-old Reiner Braun asked, staring up at his father with curious golden eyes. 

“Remember the fighting moves your uncle and I showed you?” Myer Braun asked without looking at his son. Instead, his focus was drawn to the other two boys standing in the forest clearing, most likely asking their fathers the same question Reiner was asking. The other two were both brunettes, one was thinner than the other, but it was hard to distinguish much else from this distance. The one thing Myer could differentiate were the fathers; Otto Marcel on the left and Leo Hoover on the right. 

“Yeah,” Reiner answered, following his father’s gaze to the other boys. “Who are they?” 

“They are going to be your training partners,” Myer replied coolly. 

“Who are they?” the boy repeated. He was staring pleadingly up at his father again. 

“Stop asking so many questions,” Myer snapped. His attention flicked to movement in the trees off to his right. The Elders had arrived. The blonde man’s spine straightened with an assured air of confidence. The test was about to begin. Reiner saw the figures moving through the trees as well, but unlike his father, was filled with a foreboding sense of fear. The child reached for his father’s hand. 

Myer’s fingers pulled away as if he’d been shocked by lightning. The man didn’t say anything, simply clicking his tongue and folding his arms behind his back so the other men wouldn’t see him smack his son. Reiner, dismayed at his father’s rejection, clasped his hands together in front of him, holding his own hand and squeezing his fingers together for confidence. 

“If we’re going to be partners, does that mean we’re going to be friends?” Reiner risked asking on more question. The two other boys standing just too far away for him to see clearly captivated his attention. He hoped they were going to be his friends. 

“I told you to shut up,” Myer whispered venomously. “Listen, dammit.” Reiner closed his mouth, his eyes moving to the ground. He wished his dad wouldn’t yell at him in front of the other boys, even if they probably couldn’t hear them. He didn’t mind the yelling so much, he was used to that, but it was the thought of what the other boys would think of him, the humiliation of getting hollered at. Especially for something so silly as asking questions. He couldn’t help being curious at a time like this. 

The Elders broke into the clearing; five men dressed in black tunics all stepping in time with their booted feet crunching over the grass like they were a well-oiled machine. As the group moved towards the center of the glade, a man with thick dark hair beckoned for their guests to come closer. Myer put a commandeering hand on Reiner’s shoulder as he pushed him forward. 

“Thank you for coming today,” the man with the dark hair greeted, his voice echoing slightly around the clearing. “We have gathered you boys here today to share with you some exciting news. You three have been selected for a very important task. Not just anyone could be selected to complete this task, and you three have proven your merit over the past five years.” 

The man continued to speak, going on about how a fourth member was still required, but Reiner stopped listening. His attention was drawn to the two other boys who were now much closer and easy to see. Reiner looked to the boy on his right first. The kid in question had short, chestnut colored hair that stood up at odd angles all over his head, and brown eyes that stared curiously up at the Elders. He was about Reiner’s height. He looked nice enough to satisfy the blonde before he shifted his attention to the other kid. 

This boy caught Reiner by surprise, but he couldn’t figure out why. There was nothing in particular that stood out about him. He had dark hair that framed his face and green eyes. He was thin and tall, definitely taller than Reiner or the other boy. All traits the blonde boy had seen before. So why was he suddenly so interested in this kid? 

“Now, as to your mission,” the dark haired Elder continued. “Your task will not be an easy one, but we will provide training that will prepare you as intensely as possible for the job. Success is not based upon your ability to train or even to accomplish the tasks we assign you, but instead rests inside you. If you are able to keep your mind, your heart, and your soul focused, then will you find victory. This is what we expect you to do. Others among our council feared it was impossible to judge a child’s character, but I believe you three show unsurpassable promise. That is why you will be leading the charge against the depraved sect of humanity that live behind those infernal walls. You will fight for us unlike any soldier had fought before. You will be your village’s warriors.” 

His last words rang in Reiner’s head. Warriors. That sounded important. And dangerous. And kind of fun. He took another glance at the boy with the green eyes. The boy was watching the Elders with an intent expression, listening closely to every word. 

“Your training will begin tomorrow,” the Elder continued. “It will be run and administered by the five of us gathered here: Elder Ridgeway, Elder Thomas, Elder Holbrooke, Elder Hanson, and I, Elder Drake.” He indicated each man as he said their name, his hand resting on the spot over his heart at the mention of his own. “You shall assemble here at the same time. Now, the Elders would like to address the fathers for a moment. If you three boys wouldn’t mind stepping away for a second. Take some time to get to know one another, yes?” 

Myer gave Reiner a small push towards the other boys. The three of them shared an awkward glance before moving off towards the edge of the clearing. They fell into a line, Reiner in the middle with the tall one to his left and the one with average height to his right. 

“So… what’re your names?” the boy with chestnut hair asked awkwardly. “Mine’s Berick.”

“I’m Reiner,” the blonde supplied.

“My name’s Bertholdt,” the brunette said. 

“Great,” Berick nodded. They lapsed into an awkward silence that was quickly broken, as children are apt to do. 

“So, what do you think we’re gonna have to do in training?” Reiner asked, glancing between the two boys. 

“It depends on what the mission is,” Berick shrugged. “Did either of you hear what our mission was, by the way? I… I kind of stopped listening.”

“So did I,” Reiner laughed nervously. Both boys turned hopeful eyes to Bertholdt. The taller boy sighed, not without dramatics. 

“They didn’t say exactly what the mission would be, only that it would require intense training. But they also said it took more than training, that we’d all been chosen cause we have strong hearts. We’re going to be warriors,” the brunette summarized quickly. 

“Warriors,” Reiner repeated, liking the sound of the word on his tongue. He could see himself being a warrior, fighting monsters and evildoers, traveling to far off places beyond the village. 

“Did you two really not listen?” Bertholdt asked, surprise clear in his voice. 

“Sorry,” Berick apologized, holding up his hands. Bertholdt’s eyes stared imploringly at Reiner and the blonde shook his head with a guilty side smile. The brunette sighed again. 

“This always happens,” he muttered disappointedly. Reiner flung an arm around his shoulder, and slung another around Berick’s for good measure. The connection didn’t hinder their movement at all, as if they were made to walk together like that. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” he said reassuringly to Bertholdt’s glum expression. “We’re a team now. And to be a team you have to have three things. Brains, brawn, and beauty. You can be our brains.” He gave Bertholdt’s shoulder a squeeze. The brunette met his eyes with his own wide green eyes. Reiner nodded at their third companion. “Berick’ll be our brawn. And I’ll be the beauty.” 

“What if I want to be the beauty?” Berick asked challengingly. 

“Then you’d have to be beautiful,” Reiner pointed out, making it clear that beauty was not one of Berick’s foremost features. 

The boy gave Reiner a sharp look. “In that case, the title should be given to Bertholdt,” he retorted sharply, making it clear that beauty was not one of Reiner’s foremost traits either. Reiner swung his head to look at the boy to his left. Bertholdt blushed under his gaze. 

“You know, you’re right,” the blonde consented. “Bertholdt can be our brains and our beauty. We’ll both be brawn.” 

“Really?” Bertholdt asked in disbelief. Reiner nodded and Berick agreed. 

Bertholdt smiled. The small gesture lit up his face like the sun. Reiner blinked, suddenly realizing why he was so drawn to the tall brunette. Although none of his features stood out in particular, when looked at as a whole, Bertholdt was a beautiful person, or at least what Reiner had always thought someone beautiful looked like. Everything about him worked in tandem to create an eye-catching image. His dark hair and olive skin brought out the color in his eyes, and his height gave his movements an unusual grace. 

And when he smiled, the world seemed a little brighter. 

“Bertholdt,” Reiner said, enjoying the sound of the boy’s name on his tongue. “I want you to be my best friend.” The words tumbled out of his mouth before the thought had fully formed in the blonde’s brain, but somehow, he knew he meant it.

A look of surprise crossed the brunette’s face, replaced by an expression of uncontained joy that was soon checked and reigned back into bashful happiness. That look assured Reiner that he’d meant it. “Okay,” Bertholdt answered, sounding delighted. 

Reiner grinned from ear to ear. Bertholdt was going to be his best friend. Now he could make sure that no matter what happened, no matter how hard training or the mission or the warrior life got, the brunette was still smiling. He made it his own personal mission. A smile like Bertholdt’s had to be protected. 

“Hey! What about me?” Berick demanded as only a child that was feeling left out could. Reiner and Bertholdt turned to look at him, smiling like little madmen. 

“Well of course you’re our best friend too!” Reiner exclaimed. “Duh! Everyone knows you need three to be a proper team!” 

Berick smiled, laughing as he did so. He had a nice smile, happy and genuine, but different from Bertholdt’s. There was just… something about that kid’s smile. Something Reiner knew he’d never forget. 

**  
April 5, 2007

“Mom?” nine-year-old Reiner asked cautiously, pushing open the door to his mother’s bedroom. The room was dark, except for the glow from the red number on the digital clock on her bedside table. The little boy bit his lip as he crept forward into the room. “Mom?” he repeated, a little louder.

“Hm?” a sleepy reply carried over the dark air. The boy rushed forward and threw himself against the side of the woman’s bed. “Reiner? You okay, sweetie?” The little boy shook his head, not realizing that his mother couldn’t see him. “Did you have another dream, kid?” 

“M-mom,” Reiner choked, tears stinging his cheeks. “It was me. I’m the boy in the titan with armor.” 

Maureen Braun sat up immediately, reaching out her arms into the dark until they found her son. She blindly guided him onto the bed with her, wrapping a protective arm around him before reaching for the lamp. When the soft, golden light of the lamp dimly illuminated the room, the woman turned concerned blue eyes on the boy cuddling against her. 

“Reiner. I need you to tell me all about your dreams again,” she coaxed gently, running a soothing hand through the child’s short hair over and over again. 

“There are three walls,” Reiner began, reciting the information they both already knew as if he were reading straight from a textbook. His citation was marked here and there by hiccups characteristic of crying children. “The humans live behind them. They live there to stay alive. Humans are hunted by the titans. Titans are giant human creatures that eat people. There are people who are trained to fight the titans. These people are known as soldiers. The soldiers have machine that can make them fly. There are a group of teenage soldiers training to fight the titans. One of them looks like me. One of them is me. The other teenage soldiers are my friends. My best friend is named Bertholdt. My other friends are named Connie, Eren, Armin, Jean, Marco, Annie, Christa…” 

“Skip the friends for now. What’s the next part?” Maureen asked him softly. 

Reiner took a deep breath. “We are soldiers. There is a little boy outside of the walls. He lives somewhere outside of the walls. He has a friend that lives with him. His friend is a titan, a titan even bigger than all the other titans and bigger than the wall. The little boy is also a titan. He has armor all over his body when he is a titan. The two boys destroyed the first wall….”

“That was all you told me three nights ago,” the woman interrupted yet again. She had an awful suspicion where this conversation was headed and wanted to be as ready for the impact as she could. “What did you dream about tonight?” 

Reiner’s voice broke into a whimper before he could answer. “It was me,” he whispered into her shoulder. 

“What was that?” Maureen asked, gently prodding her son’s shoulder. 

“I said it was me,” Reiner repeated, meeting his mother with teary hazel eyes. “I was the boy in the armored titan.”

“You mean it was you in the dream?” the blonde woman questioned. Reiner shook his head. 

“No. It was me in real life,” he clarified, running a hand across his tearstained cheeks. “All of it was real. I can feel it.” Maureen sighed, staring her son straight in the eye. She was still absently stroking his hair. “Was it real, Mama? Do you know?”

“Yes, baby,” his mother nodded sadly. “It’s all true. I don’t remember any of what you’ve told me, but your father did. He said there was something special about that world, that somehow it is identical to ours in terms of the souls that made it into this world.” Her thumbs began to smooth gentle circles over her son’s cheeks. Reiner’s eyes were much too serious when they looked at her. He was really bothered by these dreams; he never said it out loud, but Maureen could tell. That’s why she pushed forward: “There are no more walls, no more titans to kill or hide from. And you most certainly are not the monster you may have been in that time.”

“But you said we still have our souls from that time,” Reiner said, his tone leaning towards desperate. “What if I am still evil?”

Maureen clicked her tongue and planted a quick kiss on the boy’s forehead. “You are anything but evil, Reiner Braun. You are you, no matter what time your soul is placed in. You are a kind, friendly, smart, handsome boy who will grow up to do wonderful things. And besides, I highly doubt your soul was evil back in the old days, whether you were a titan or not. You’ve seen how many friends you had back then in your dreams. Do you think they would have liked you so much if they thought you were evil?”

Reiner shrugged. “I suppose not.”

“Then don’t you worry about it,” the woman replied with a smile. “You are whoever you want to be. And I know that you will choose to be someone that your father and I would be proud of. Understand?”

“Yeah,” the blonde boy nodded. “Thanks, Mom.” He nuzzled his head into his mother’s shoulder again. The woman laughed. 

“I know I hardly told you anything,” she said. “I probably confused you more than soothed you. But I promise I’ll tell you more later.”

“Is there more?” Reiner questioned, head still resting on his mom’s shoulder. 

“Oh yes,” Maureen answered. “A lot more.”

“Okay,” Reiner replied. “Can you tell me tomorrow?” 

“As much as you want to hear,” his mother said in response. 

*

April 8, 845

“Ow!” Reiner hissed, quickly pulling his hand away from Bertholdt’s and rubbing his throbbing fingers. “Stop squeezing so hard.”

“Sorry,” the brunette said absently, not meeting Reiner’s eyes. As they continued on down the path through the field towards Wall Maria, drawing nearer right before their eyes, he began to wring his hands together. Reiner sighed and took a hold of the taller boy’s left hand again to calm him. “You don’t have to hold my hand…”

“Yes, I do,” Reiner insisted. “You’re scared.”

“No I’m not,” Bertholdt argued. But he was lying, and both boys saw right through it. 

“And now you’re lying,” Reiner said, digging his heels into the ground and turning his friend around so he could stare him straight in his olive green eyes. “It’s okay to be scared, Bertl. You know I won’t make fun of you for it. And besides, you don’t have to worry. Everything is going to be fine.” 

“How do you know that?” the brunette asked, voice reminiscent of a whine. 

Reiner smiled, puffing his chest out just a little. “Because I’m here, and I won’t let anything bad happen to you.” The tiniest smile appeared on Bertholdt’s face, sending a wave of butterflies fluttering through Reiner’s heart. 

“Okay,” the brunette replied simply. Keeping his fingers firmly locked in Reiner’s, Bertholdt began to lead them back down the path.

“Okay like you understand, or okay like you want me to stop talking?” Reiner asked accusingly, fearful that it was the second option. If that was the case, then Bertholdt was missing the whole point of the argument, and that would not be ‘okay’ in Reiner’s book. 

“Both,” the brunette boy said quietly. 

“Humph,” Reiner huffed in response, allowing the argument to stand as he let Bertholdt pull him forward. As he watched the taller boy’s feet move forward step by step, the blonde boy wondered at the change he’d seen in his friend. Before they’d left the village, Bertholdt had been the one driving them forward, reminding them word for word what the elders had taught them. Excited wasn’t the right word, because Bertholdt certainly wasn’t excited for their mission, but he had been determined. Driven. Ready to do what had been asked of him. 

But then they’d lost Berick. After surviving three days on their own, they lost their third best friend to a titan too fast to out run. The beast had swallowed Berick down before Reiner could pull him out of the way. That had happened three days ago, and Bertholdt hadn’t been the same since. He’d grown quieter than usual, and stopped repeating the mission and mantra of the elders over and over again. He’d ask Reiner strange questions about how one obtains bravery or what guilt felt like or what happens to cowards when they die, all questions Reiner couldn’t answer and had never really thought about himself. The blonde had even caught him crying the night before. Bertholdt’s attitude had changed and Reiner knew exactly what had happened. 

Bertholdt was scared, frightened to the very core of his soul. And that scared Reiner, because he had no idea how to help his friend feel better. Pain he could deal with. Sadness and sorrow, he was all over it. But pure fear? He’d need way more than ten years experience to handle that…

Suddenly, the solid stone of Wall Maria stood before them, so big they had to crane their necks to see the top of it. The wall stretched on forever, so high it could touch the sky. 

“Wow,” Reiner breathed. “It’s big.”

“Really big,” Bertholdt added. 

“But you’re bigger,” Reiner said. Bertholdt only nodded, his eyes fixed on the wall. The two boys stood, frozen in time, watching silent stones stand and enjoying the peace of the sturdy wall. A peace they didn’t know existed until much later when it was gone. 

After staring at the wall for some time, Bertholdt tore his eyes away and opened the pack he’d been carrying. He carefully pulled out the set of gear the elders had sent with him: three dimensional maneuver gear, they’d called it. The brunette set about hooking the machinery onto his body. His hands were shaking too hard to connect the straps. 

“Here, let my help,” Reiner offered, gently covering Bertholdt’s hands with his own and securely fastening the buckles and straps on the mechanical device. “You remember how to use it, right?”

“Um-hm,” Bertholdt nodded, looking fixedly at the ground. 

“Are you ready?” Reiner asked, staring up at the wall again. 

“Yeah,” said the brunette in a terribly quiet voice. 

“Okay. Then I have to go away now,” Reiner said. Bertholdt caught his hand before he made it very far. 

“Reiner?”

“Yeah?” the blonde boy prompted.

Bertholdt watched him for a moment, as if memorizing his face, his olive eyes staring into the golden eyes of his best friend as if for the last time. His fingers squeezed Reiner’s hand. Hard. “I’m scared.”

Reiner smiled and squeezed back harder. “I know. But you know what else I know?” Bertholdt’s eyes widened, silently willing Reiner to answer, a gesture the blonde had picked up on years ago. “What we’re about to do is the right thing to do. We are bringing justice back to the earth, and I don’t think I know anyone else more capable of curing humanity than you. They chose us for a reason. Now go be a hero.” 

Bertholdt smiled, genuinely smiled, at Reiner before nodding his head and giving his friend’s hand a final squeeze. “Okay,” he answered. “To save the village.”

“To save the village,” Reiner repeated, pulling his hand away. He offered the brunette one final wave before taking off across the field towards the main gate, which was somehow clear of titans. The rest of the wall was crawling with them. That was a good thing, Reiner noted. That was part of the plan. Another part was him slipping into the town and making it as far as he could to the inner gate before the plan was set in motion. Just before he entered the district of Shinganshina, panting slightly from his run, the blonde boy turned around. He could just see the outline of Bertholdt standing in the field, waiting for him to disappear behind the gigantic wall. Reiner smiled to himself before taking off again into the bustling streets of the town. It was show time. 

**

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

“Have you finished the summer reading book yet?” Marco asked, keeping his voice low as he and Reiner walked slowly behind Armin as the blonde boy’s eyes raked the library shelves. 

“No,” Reiner laughed, shaking his head. “We still have a two weeks. I haven’t even started.”

“You’re kidding,” Marco said in response. “Please tell me you’ve at least started reading?”

“Okay, yes, I have started. But only like five chapters or so,” the blonde answered. “What about you?”

“I’m about halfway,” Marco answered. “It’s surprised me, actually. Who’d have thought a book called The Count of Monte Cristo could actually be exciting?”

“Is it exciting?” Reiner questioned, glancing sideways at his freckled friend. “I don’t see it.”

Marco shook his head. “Just give it a few more chapters. It picks up. I promise.”

“I’ll take your word for it,” Reiner shrugged. He then nodded his head towards Armin, who was still staring wide eyed at every book he passed. “Does he always do this?” 

Marco laughed. “Would you expect anything less? He’s Armin! The same, good, old, book loving Armin he’s always been.” The brunette smiled and Reiner found himself smiling back. It had been two years since they’d met. For the second time. Reiner knew from the minute he sat down next to Marco in language arts that they had certainly met before. His freckled face was hard to forget, and always seemed to stick out a little in his dreams about the old world. Then again, the image of a friend lying dead in the street was not one easily forgotten, even if only in dreams. 

Still, Marco had remembered Reiner too, and they’d instantly become friends. Again. And although a lot had changed between them, (particularly the world around them), they were still so obviously Reiner and Marco that things just fell right back into place. The same held true when they’d crossed paths with Armin, then Sasha, and finally Christa. The blonde girl had insisted that they’d found one another because their souls were bonded, connected by a friendship that could withstand the test of time. Marco had shared his doubts about that with Reiner, saying it was all a little too metaphysical for any seventh grader to understand. Reiner promptly pointed out his use of the word metaphysical, and the two had gone on unconsciously accepting Christa’s theory as truth. How else could the people from the dreams, no the memories, seem so real if there wasn’t some sort of bond tying their souls together?

Marco drew back suddenly, gripping Reiner’s shoulder, his fingers squeezing the other boy’s muscle. “Reiner,” he hissed, pointing to a figure examining the books on the shelf that sat perpendicular to the one they were currently perusing. The blonde narrowed his eyes at the figure, a young boy about their age. He was about average height, thin and lean and a bit lanky even for a thirteen-year-old. He had brunette hair that fell messily around his ears and sharply angled face. He was dressed like any preteen boy, a hunter green t-shirt with khaki cargo shorts and sneakers, one hand stuck in his pocket as the other idly ran against the spines of the books on the shelf. But the most striking thing was the color of his eyes, visible even from feet away as the sunlight pouring in from the windows hit the irises. They were emerald green. 

Reiner met Marco’s gaze with wide eyes.

“Eren,” they both whispered at the same time. 

“Armin!” Reiner called quietly. The shorter blonde boy turned away from the books to give his friends a curious look. Reiner nodded towards where Eren stood. Armin turned, his whole body going rigid with excitement. 

Before Reiner or Marco could say another word, Armin was off, running down the library aisle fast as his feet could carry him. In a matter of seconds, his arms were wrapped tightly around the brunette, holding him in the tightest hug the world had ever seen. 

“Eren!” Armin exclaimed, burying his face in the boy’s shoulder. Reiner felt his stomach drop to his toes as Eren’s body tensed and he pushed Armin away none too gently. Neither Reiner nor Marco heard the words whispered between Eren and Armin, but it was a short enough conversation, Armin’s shoulders caving in like he wanted to shrink to the size of an ant and Eren eyeing Armin like he had three heads. 

Reiner was speechless as he watched Eren hurry away leaving Armin standing in the middle of the aisle, looking a lot like a kicked puppy. Marco ran forward first, Reiner at his heels. Armin didn’t look up when they reached him.

“Armin, what happened?” Marco asked gently. 

“He… he doesn’t remember me,” the blonde boy breathed, his blue eyes watching the ground as if the carpet could give him answers. 

“What do you mean he doesn’t remember?” Reiner questioned.

“Eren had no idea who I was,” Armin clarified, bringing his eyes up to meet the taller blonde’s. The blue eyes looking at him were shattered, empty, lacking the cheerful sparkle they’d come to associate with Armin. Reiner could practically see the boy’s heart breaking as they spoke. “He looked at me like he’d never seen me before. And a lot like he didn’t particularly want to see me again.” 

Reiner frowned, sharing a worried glance with Marco before placing a comforting hand on the blonde’s shoulder. Tears had started to spill down Armin’s cheeks, the short boy angrily swiping them away. “Hey,” Reiner said in a quiet, soothing voice. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll find out what’s wrong with Eren. Maybe some people need a little bit more than seeing a face to jog their memory. Past lives can be tricky, you know?” Armin nodded, choking back more tears and not looking at either of his friends. “But I promise you, Armin, Eren will remember you. He has to. If any two souls are connected across time and space by some metaphysical bond, it’s gotta be you two.”

“You think so?” Armin asked hopefully. 

Reiner nodded. “Yeah. I do.”

“Well, at least someone thinks so,” Armin sighed, running his sleeve across his cheeks one last time. “Cause I don’t know if I have the heart to. You didn’t see how he looked at me. He looked right through me. His eyes were completely blank. Not one spark of recognition. Just…” his hands clenched into fists, “blank.”

**

April 8, 845

The tiny room was filled with people. Men, women, children, all cramped together with their friends, neighbors, and enemies, bonded together by a shared sense of fear and loss. They’d lost everything to the titans. The gravity of the situation hadn’t sunk in for most yet. But misery hung like a yoke upon all of their shoulders. Even in the dark of night, when the lights were out and voices were hushed to whispers, the specter of despair kept watch of its victims lying in wait of whatever torment tomorrow would bring. 

That’s where Reiner had met back up with Bertholdt. The brunette had hugged him when they found one another, held him like he hadn’t seen him in years. Strangers probably thought they were just two normal kids, thankful that their best friend had been spared for another day. Those people had no idea how true that statement rang for the two boys in question. 

The duo had filed into one of the holding rooms with a large number of other civilians, and found a corner all to themselves. They’d hardly spoken a word since reuniting, just being in the presence of the other was enough for the moment. It wasn’t until all the voices had petered out and the moonlight shone through the windows that they spoke. 

“Hey,” Reiner whispered, nudging Bertholdt’s side again. The brunette lifted his head from the blonde’s shoulder and blinked tired green eyes at him. A few scars still marred the skin around his eyes, pale and jagged. Reiner ran a finger across one of the red lines, frowning as Bertholdt flinched slightly under his touch. “Do they still hurt?”

“No,” the brunette answered. Reiner frowned, poking a mark on the brunette’s cheekbone. Bertholdt pushed his hand away quickly with a small noise of discomfort.

“You liar,” Reiner said with a tiny laugh. Bertholdt rubbed sorely at the scar. “Why haven’t you healed them yet?” 

“I’m too tired. I can’t focus my energy on healing anymore,” the brunette answered. “I’m still surprised you were able to.”

Reiner shook his head. “I didn’t either,” he admitted, rolling up the sleeves of his shirt to show his friend the rough, red lacerations covering his arms, wrist to elbow. Bertholdt eyes widened. “I just focused on healing up my face so no one would ask…”

“What happened?” Bertholdt cut him off, carefully running the tips of his fingers over Reiner’s raw forearms. A few streaks of blood came off on his fingers where the cuts hadn’t yet formed into scars. 

“I had a little trouble getting out,” the blonde answered with a doleful smile. “I was under a bit of pressure with all those people so close by. I mean, I managed it all right, but, well, you can see that my arms took a bit more of a hit than expected.”

“Oh, Reiner,” Bertholdt muttered, reaching for his pack and rummaging through it quickly. Reiner couldn’t help smiling as he saw the brunette remove a roll of bandages and didn’t resist as he set about wrapping them around his torn up arms. “You should have told me sooner.”

“I didn’t want to worry you,” the blonde smiled. 

“You always worry me, Reiner,” Bertholdt replied, the hint of a joke in his voice as he spared a glance up from his work at the golden eyes of his best friend. “Are you tired?”

“Yeah,” Reiner replied. 

“Then let’s go to sleep,” Bertholdt suggested, tying off the bandage on Reiner’s left arm with a tight knot before moving to the right arm. 

“I can’t,” the blonde said in response. 

The tone of his voice was enough for Bertholdt to guess what he was thinking. Or at least that’s what Reiner figured; Bertholdt always seemed to know exactly what other people were thinking, and Reiner was sure it was through tone of voice. “Berick?” the brunette asked gently. 

“Kinda. More what are we gonna do now?” Reiner answered. Bertholdt finished wrapping his arm and knotted the bandage. Then he sat back and stared Reiner straight in the eye. In the pale light of the moon, the olive irises were practically glowing with a look of steely determination the blonde hadn’t seen since Berick. 

“Follow the plan,” Bertholdt said confidently. “We just have to fit in for the next two years, then join the cadet corps. Annie will join us then, but we can’t let them know we all know each other. It’s okay if they know we’re together. We must graduate in the top ten so we can join the Military Police. After we graduate, we destroy Wall Rose. Then we go to the interior, destroy Wall Sina, and disappear before they can catch us.”

Reiner took a deep breath. “You know, that doesn’t sound very easy.”

Bertholdt shrugged. “We just have to take it one step at a time,” he replied simply. The words ‘nothing is ever easy’ ran through both of their heads, hanging in the air like a ghost. Reiner nodded, brushing the words out his mind as he rested his head against his friend’s shoulder. Bertholdt placed his head on top. “Reiner?”

“Yeah?” 

“Can we not talk about what happened today? At least not now?” 

“We don’t have to,” the blonde answered, giving a little half smile at Bertholdt’s powers of perception. How on Earth could he have known what Reiner was about to ask? “We can wait a little while. Let it sink in.”

“Okay,” Bertholdt replied. 

“And Bertl?” 

“Yeah?”

“You’re not a coward.”

“I didn’t…”

“You asked me about it on the way here,” Reiner interrupted. “You asked what happens to cowards when they die. I still don’t know the answer to that, and I don’t think I ever will. But you won’t either, cause it won’t happen to you. You may not think you’re brave, but you are. Just look at what happened today. Only a very brave person could’ve done what we did, what you did. So stop thinking of yourself as a coward. And even if that’s hard or you forget it sometimes, you’ve got me to remind you who you really are.” 

The brunette was silent for a few moments, tears welling up suddenly in his eyes, making him feel like the childish coward he knew he was. As he felt the salt stinging the scars on his cheeks, Bertholdt let himself believe Reiner’s words, much too tired to fight back. “Promise?” he asked in a small, shaking voice. 

Reiner dragged his thumb over his heart in the shape of an X. “Cross my heart and hope to die.” Bertholdt smiled and crossed his own heart as well. “What are you promising?”

“The same to you,” the brunette answered. “You take care of me and I’ll take care of you. Just like always.”

Reiner nodded. “Just like always. Now stop crying. Everything’s going to be alright.” Bertholdt swiped a hand over his face, wincing as he brushed too hard over the scars. “I’ll always be here to make sure everything’s alright.”

* 

Wednesday, August 19, 2014

The midday sun was comfortably warm against Reiner’s back as he walked through the streets of downtown Trost with his friends, on a ‘last day of summer escapade’ as Sasha had so aptly named it. They’d be back in the classroom tomorrow, bright and early, at seven in the morning. Reiner couldn’t say he was happy about it, but he also couldn’t say he wasn’t a little excited for junior year. 

“Here we go,” Christa chirped happily pushing open the door to Sunny and Bean, the best corner café in Trost. 

“Hey, since summer’s practically over, can I start getting hot chocolate again?” Marco asked as he filed in after Christa and Sasha, turning hopeful eyes on the brunette shuffling in behind him. 

“Ha ha, no,” Ymir shook her head. “Still not aloud to be a thing. It has to be at least October for that.”

“Aw,” Marco sighed, over exaggerating a whine. Reiner chuckled, slinging an arm around Marco’s shoulder. 

“Hey, you can drink whatever you want, dude. You just have to accept that people might judge you,” the blonde said. 

“I know,” Marco replied. “That’s why I hide smoothies in a coffee mug from December to March.” Reiner shook his head, giving Marco’s a soft thump in the back of the head. The freckled boy laughed as the five teens claimed a table in the corner by the windows. 

“Okay, acquaintances. Whose turn is it to order for the team?” Ymir asked, clapping her hands as she pulled out a chair for Christa, then one for herself. 

“I think it should be yours until you start addressing us as friends instead of acquaintances,” Reiner pointed out. 

“Eh,” Ymir shrugged, leaning back in her chair. “I don’t think we’re there yet.”

“We’ve known each other for six years,” Sasha said with a laugh. 

“That doesn’t necessarily mean friends,” the freckled brunette pointed out. 

“Alright, everyone, she still called us a team. Let’s take what we can get,” Marco added, holding his hand up in the air to attract everyone’s attention. His comment was met with multiple sounds of assent. “I ordered last time, so I’m going to pick a number between one and fifteen, and the closest will be the lucky one to go order. Sound good?”

“Geez, Marco. It’s like you’re already an elementary school teacher,” Ymir commented. 

The boy shrugged with a satisfied little smile. “I try. Okay, I’ve got the number. Guess.”

“Seven,” Sasha volunteered enthusiastically. 

“Three,” Christa added.

“I’ll say ten,” Ymir shrugged. 

“And I’ll say fifteen,” Reiner said. Marco pointed both of his fingers at the blonde boy. 

“The number was fourteen. Sorry, bro,” he said in reply. Reiner held his hands up in defeat as he pushed back out of his chair. 

“Are you all getting your usual orders, or are we switching things up today?” the blonde asked. 

“Just the usual, I think,” Christa spoke, meeting everyone’s eyes before nodding in affirmation. “Yeah, just the usual. Thanks Reiner!” 

“No problem. I live to lose guessing games,” the boy answered with a cheeky grin that earned him giggles from Christa and smiles of appreciation from Sasha and Marco. Ymir even smirked at his witticism. “Be back in a sec.”

The table they’d chosen was about as far from the counter as possible inside the café, but it wasn’t as a big an inconvenience as Reiner’s friends made it out to be. The tradition of choosing one unlucky victim to order for the table had been in place as long as any of them could remember (which actually only dated back to the summer before freshman year, but it was more fun to say it was a time-honored tradition). In all honesty, Reiner didn’t mind being the chosen one at all. The few minutes spent waiting in line, ordering, waiting for their drinks, and then carefully carrying them back to the table was time he could spend alone to his own thoughts. 

Which was something he always seemed to need around this particular friend group. It wasn’t anything to do with them in particular, more the memories that came along with them. Or, put more accurately, the memories some of them shared and others had no recollection of. 

Reiner’s memories of the old world had resurfaced when he was nine in the form of vivid dreams. He’d had the dreams for about two weeks before they became too real for him to ignore. The memories clicked the night he dreamt of destroying Wall Maria. From that night on, each dream added sharper detail to the foundations laid in the previous visions. Names, faces, street corners, sounds, smells, feelings… all of it began to take shape and fall back in order until Reiner carried with him full knowledge of the life he’d lived before in the world of the titans. 

It was a slightly weird feeling, being fully aware of a past life you’d lived. The smallest things could trigger memories. The way the sunlight gleamed off of a windowpane became the moonlight shining off a blade on a nighttime training routine. You’d hear a laugh echo from across the street, ringing just like that of a friend whose bunk was just below yours. A mini Christmas tree in a store window resembled a forest you’d walked through. A puddle on the sidewalk sparked the memory of a thick pool of blood collecting between the cobblestones of a city street. 

Okay, maybe all the memories weren’t so great. 

But the greatest memory trigger was most definitely the people. Running into someone you knew back then had by far the most affective effect on Reiner. He felt safe in saying that since he hadn’t had any stronger memory flash than the ones he experienced in seventh grade. That was the year he’d been in math class with Sasha Blaus, and language arts with Marco Bodt, and art with Christa Lenz and Armin Arlert, otherwise known as the first time he’d crossed paths with anyone he’d really known in the old world since the memories had reawakened. It was awkward at first, reacquainting yourself with someone you’d known in a much different world, but after the initial ‘so, I think I’ve met you before’ conversation, the five became practically inseparable. Just like old times. 

The blonde boy got in line, three people from the front, his mind still turning. Things had been great since he’d reconnected with the guys from the 104th cadet corps. Sure, they didn’t spend every waking moment together as they had back in the old world (as they’d come to call it), but they were a solid friend group that spent nearly three quarters of their time together. They had fun, worked well as a group. Yet every moment they spent together reminded them of the gaping holes left by the missing members of the squad. 

The memory of finding Eren in the library crossed his mind. They’d made no progress in figuring out why Eren didn’t remember the old world, but it was very clear that he didn’t know a single thing about it. Sasha and Christa had run into him after the library incident, and neither one had gotten any sort of reaction out of him. Eren Jaeger did not remember the world of the titans, and there didn’t seem to be a way to change that. 

The blonde moved up one space in line. 

No one knew how it happened, but after the incident with Eren, it was clear that not everyone remembered the old world. Reiner’s mother had no recollection of it, only what his father had told her, and while that was a lot, known of it was her memory. The process of who did and who didn’t was still unclear to them. All they knew was that while the five of them could remember everything from training to their very last breath in that world, there were some people who couldn’t remember any of it. Armin had been the one to first call them Blanks, after the utterly blank look on Eren’s face when he’d seen him. The name had stuck. 

Ymir was a Blank. She’d had no idea who Christa was when the girl had first run into her in p.e. freshman year. Perhaps it was a good thing it had been Christa in that class with her. Ymir still had an unhealthy attraction to the blonde girl, latching on to her just as she had back in the cadet corps. Christa said it was because they really were soul mates, and that their hearts would find each other no matter the time or place, or if they could remember each other or not. No one disputed her theory; it actually seemed almost too sweet and romantic to doubt when it was Christa saying it. Either way, before any of them knew it, Ymir was back in the friend group, as sassy as ever. Christa had gotten lucky. Very lucky. She never had to worry about Ymir remembering or not; soul mates or not, the brunette wasn’t about to leave her side anytime soon. 

Reiner moved up another space in line. 

Connie was a Blank too. He’d moved to Trost halfway through the last school year, and had made friends with Reiner fast enough. They were both on the football team, and Reiner made it a point to make the kid feel welcome and help him improve his game. Although he couldn’t recall the old world, he was still the same old Connie, and Reiner would have felt comfortable betting money on Connie joining the friend group this year. Especially since the blonde had casual introduced him to Sasha earlier that summer. And if Christa’s theory about soul mates was true… well, then the theory would be speaking for itself in no time. 

But the Blanks weren’t what troubled Reiner the most. For him, it was more about the missing members of the training squad. Annie, Jean, Mikasa, and Bertholdt had yet to be found, and while Armin was scheming on how to win Eren back, no one had thrown out any ideas about finding the missing persons. It was an unspoken sentiment that the universe would bring them all together again eventually. Still, Reiner thought about them a lot. Particularly Bertholdt. As the years had worn on, the memories getting sharper and the emotions more and more real, the blonde had begun to recognize the tall brunette he’d been pining for, the feelings surging back into his heart, and had fallen for the idea of him all over again. It was second nature to him to love Bertholdt, he had since they day they’d met in the old world. At the time, when he’d first met the brunette, he hadn’t realized that’s what he felt, as five year olds tend not to pick up on that kind of thing. But looking back on it, there was no way to deny that Reiner had wanted nothing more than Bertholdt’s love and attention since they were three and he’d begun to pursue him as a best friend. 

And in the old world, he’d gotten him. Bertholdt had fallen back, and the two of them could’ve lived happily ever after together… if they hadn’t been titan shifters on a mission to destroy humanity, of course. The time and place were not in their favor; they weren’t made to be happy or in love in the old world. They were built to burn and destroy and waste away in the guilt of being swept along in a current of hate and ignorance. Or at least that’s what Reiner called it now, looking back bitterly on the cruel fate they’d been handed in their past life, (he felt the same for Annie too, however, he thought about Bertl more than their female comrade). Reiner wished more than anything that Bertholdt was with them in this world. Nothing could get between them here. That was really why Reiner was holding on to the soul mates theory (and why he thought about it and applied it in numerous other situations). Cause if it really was true that two souls could really find one another after being separated by time and space, then he had no doubt in his mind Bertholdt would find him soon enough. Unless, of course, he found Bertl first. Either way would work. As long as he ended up next to his warrior. 

The blonde moved up another space in line, one away from the front. 

He figured it was probably time to run through the order in his head, even though he knew it like the back of his hand. Strawberry smoothie for Christa, chocolate caramel frappechino for Sasha, vanilla latte for Ymir, mocha frappechino and not hot chocolate for Marco, and I always chose when I get there. No Armin today. 

Reiner nodded to himself, gazing absently at the menu hanging over the counter. It was written in chalk, supposedly everyday. It was just one of the things that made this café the best in town. It was so quaint, homey, so different from any other corner coffee shop you could find. It was a hidden gem. Reiner smiled to himself, letting his eyes roam over the counter, the brunette working the register, the line of coffee ingredients on the back wall, the doorway to the kitchen in the back. 

Reiner felt his heart jolt as he did a double take at the boy standing behind the counter. There was no mistaking the towering height, the slight awkwardness in how the boy in the black polo held his too tall limbs, the angle of his cheekbones, the nervous smile he always wore in overwhelming social situations. The boy standing not five feet away from him was most certainly Bertholdt Hoover, the ghost who’d been haunting his dreams since the incident in sixth grade. He was real, alive, in the flesh, standing right in front of him. It was like time froze in that moment, Reiner staring wide-eyed at the specter waiting behind the register. And if there was one thing Reiner was not prepared for today, it was finding the love of his past life working at the inconsequential corner café he’d frequented for years. 

“Next?” the soft voice he remembered so vividly called, breaking the trance his appearance had put Reiner under. Familiar olive green eyes scanned the room and landed directly on the blonde. A polite smile broke on the tall boy’s lips and Reiner felt his heart swell to nearly exploding. Bertholdt’s smile had always been his greatest weakness.

“Bertholdt!” The name tumbled out before his mind could process what he was doing, giddiness charging through his veins like pure electricity as he rushed forward. Saying that name aloud, hearing it spoken in his voice, felt so natural and instinctive, like he’d found a piece of him he hadn’t known was missing until now. He felt a smile break from ear to ear as he ran into the counter, bracing his hands against the cool wood, his face not six inches from Bertholdt’s. 

The brunette behind the counter backed away from the blonde with a surprised gasp, a cry of distress catching in his throat as his hands reflexively tightened into fists. “H-how did you know my name?” he stammered fearfully. Reiner froze, warning bells screaming in his head. His eyes quickly scanned the boy’s body for the tell tale signs he’d had memorized for years. Bertholdt’s muscles were rigid, tense with anticipation and anxiety. His lips were parted every so slightly, twitching every now and then like he wanted to bite his lip but thought better of it. His familiar green eyes, wide with fright, held no sparkle of recognition. Bertholdt was treating him like a stranger. Bertholdt was scared of him. Bertholdt did not remember him. All the happiness he’d felt before shattered as the boy across the counter continued to look at him like he had three heads and tentacles for arms. 

“Oh, I uh… it’s on your name tag,” Reiner covered, pointing to the little green piece of plastic clipped to the brunette’s black polo. “And I uh… always greet the workers here like that. A little enthusiasm to brighten the day, you know?” Bertholdt continued to stare at him with wary green eyes as Reiner forced out a laugh. “Sorry if I scared you, I just wanted to introduce myself. My name’s Reiner.” He held out a hand. Bertholdt eyed it cautiously, as if it would combust into flames at any moment, but accepted the handshake with a soft smile that broke Reiner’s heart. 

“It’s okay. I’m sorry I freaked out,” he said in reply. “It’s nice to meet you, Reiner.” 

“Yeah,” the blonde responded with a nod of his head. “You too.” He gave a small wave as he turned to go. Bertholdt awkwardly waved back. He was still freaked out, Reiner could see it in his body language. The blonde blew out a sigh, running a hand over his eyes in a mix of frustration and mortification. He passed right by the table Marco had grabbed for them, ignored when Christa called his name, moving through the restaurant as if in a daze. 

He pushed through the door, into the late August sun. Reiner took a deep breath, leaning against the wall of the café, the bustle of the street ignoring him as his world began to burn and crumble like ashes around him. He let his hands fall into his hands, the bright sky and happiness of the city street too much for him. The only image he could picture was the sight of the boy he dreamed about every night backing away from him with fear in his eyes. Reiner had been waiting for this moment for years. He’d drawn up scenario after scenario in his head of passing Bertholdt on the street, or running into him in a crowded hallway, or sitting next to him on a bus and sharing that spark of realization, of finding each other, eyes blazing with uncontrollable joy and undeniable love. Each one ended differently, ranging from a simple, bone crushing embrace to a desperately passionate kiss to the rare option of other things they’d never had the chance to consider in the old world. (Things Reiner was sure Bertholdt wouldn’t want him thinking about now.) But he’d never imagined this. The possibility of Bertholdt being a Blank had never even crossed his mind. And he felt stupid for it now as the image of his past love staring at him, scared stiff and not recognizing him at all. 

Reiner had been scared before, he knew what fear felt like. But that moment, the vacant look in Bertholdt’s eyes, had terrified him. 

“Reiner?” 

The blonde’s head whipped up to see Sasha standing next to him, watching him with worried brown eyes. “Is everything okay?” she asked, placing a hand on his shoulder. 

“No,” the boy admitted, pressing his hands into his eyes. He was starting to get a bit of a headache. “I’m sorry I walked out. And I’m sorry I didn’t put the order in.”

“That’s okay,” Sasha replied gently, leaning back against the wall next to him. She looked off at the block of buildings across the street. “Do you want to talk about what’s wrong?” 

“Bertholdt’s in there,” Reiner said, biting his lip, not skipping a beat. He could sense Sasha’s eyes turn to him, wide with surprise, but he didn’t look at her. “Working behind the register. I haven’t seen him there before so he must’ve just moved to town. When I saw him, I got so excited I just ran right up to him and he… he’s a…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it, tears prickling the corners of his eyes at just the thought of that damn word crossing his lips. 

“He’s a Blank,” Sasha finished for him. Reiner nodded, grateful he was spared of getting the word out over the lump in his throat. “I’m so sorry, Reiner.” 

Sasha’s arms wrapped around his shoulders, and Reiner hugged her back absently. He felt numb, lost. He knew exactly what Armin meant when he’d said he could feel his heart breaking after Eren. It hurt like hell, worse than death. And Reiner knew exactly what he was talking about, as he’d already been through both. Neither compared to what he felt now.


	2. Joined at the Hip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner and Bertholdt had been inseparable when they were kids, and when they got older, friendship started to shift into something more. As Reiner's feelings for Bertholdt intensify, the brunette begins to see a change in his best friend, and not just in the way of romantic pursuits. Meanwhile, in the present day, Reiner sets out to win Bertholdt's heart over again. With a shared class, a friendly not-date, a little karaoke, and some fireworks, how could Reiner not be getting closer to breaking the walls around his soul mate's heart?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is based on the prompt 'Inseparable.' 
> 
> Sorry for the wait, I planned to have this chapter done during Reibert week, but failed. Here I am now though! It just had to be perfect, and got a little longer than I'd planned. 
> 
> I would like to comment on the formatting again, this time focused on time. I do a bit of skipping around in this chapter, giving selected little episodes. Yes, things take place in between, but I'm giving you the big moments. It was just easier to put it together that way.  
> Also, I don't know why I put Connie on crutches either. 
> 
> Enjoy!

Thursday, August 20, 2014

The clock next to the bed read 1:15 a.m. in little green script. School started at 7:20, and Reiner had to be up by 6:45 in order to get there on time. But sleep was the last thing on Reiner’s mind. He hadn’t been able to close his eyes without seeing Bertholdt. Bertholdt as a child holding his hand. Bertholdt sleeping next to him in the barracks. Bertholdt fighting by his side on the roofs of Trost. Bertholdt clinging desperately to his shoulder as Reiner, in his titan form, had raced away from the Survey Corps. 

And most recently, Bertholdt staring at him with fear in his eyes, as if Reiner were a madman. 

The blonde pressed his hands into his eyes. He’d dreamt of the day when he’d meet Bertholdt in this life. Or daydreamt of it was probably the proper term. He’d played it out in his head so many times. But he’d never considered this. He’d been scared to, he realized now. The idea of Bertholdt not returning his feelings, not loving him, was more terrifying than the prospect of never seeing the brunette again. And he understood why it had scared him so badly; the gaping hole in his heart hurt like hell. He’d never had his heart broken like this before. He’d never had his heart broken, period. In the old world, Bertholdt was his and his alone, that’s the way it had always been. And without him, he felt empty. It was surreal. Reiner had never realized how much of his heart he’d sacrificed to that green-eyed boy who’d never asked for it, only accepted it with open arms. 

Reiner couldn’t remember a time when he didn’t love Bertholdt, first as a friend, then as something more, than as his other half. And he couldn’t remember a time when Bertholdt didn’t love him in return, his feelings progressing just as Reiner’s had. Everything was different now. They hadn’t met as children, hadn’t grown up together. Reiner was meeting him as a teenager who, if the past was anything to go by, was shy as they came. It would take work to earn his trust and friendship, especially considering the fact that he’d probably messed up big time in rushing him so suddenly that day. 

The boy closed his eyes, willing himself to fall asleep. He wished he was the kind of person that could just tell his brain to shut up and it would listen. But he wasn’t that lucky. He had to keep hearing his heart and mind argue, heart insisting that deep down, Bertholdt still loved him and would remember him in due time and mind arguing that it was over. And any time after one in the morning on a school night was not the time to make such serious decisions. 

*

August 14, 847

“Hey,” Reiner whispered. 

Bertholdt’s head snapped up, wide eyes imploring Reiner for the reason that he’d interrupted the staring match the brunette had been having with his soup, (and his eavesdropping on the tales of the energetic brunette from Shinganshina sitting behind him). 

“What’re you thinking about?” the blonde asked, golden eyes watching him curiously. 

Bertholdt shrugged. “Nothing, really.”

“You aren’t eating,” Reiner accusing plainly. Bertholdt forced a spoonful of soup, gone cold, into his mouth. “Are you thinking about home?” 

Home had come to mean two different things for both boys in the two years they’d been away. One was what home should be, family and friends and memories of days spent laughing together. The other was training until their bodies gave out, nights spent in paralyzing pain, crying so often that eventually their tear ducts ran dry, having the Elders mercilessly repeat the mantra and mission as their exhausted minds desperately tried to memorize them until the very words ran in their veins like blood. Neither was a pleasant thing to think about: one brought homesickness, the other...

“No,” Bertholdt answered, shaking his head slightly. Reiner frowned. He felt the impulse to reach for Bertholdt’s hand, to comfort him as he always had whenever the brunette was scared. But he couldn’t do that from across the table, not without drawing attention. And he knew attention was not what the brunette needed right now. 

Reiner settled for a reassuring smile. “Are you worried about training tomorrow?” the blonde asked. “Because I can assure you, it’ll be nothing like…”

“I know,” Bertholdt cut him off. His tone wasn’t sharp or harsh in any way. Reiner almost wished that it was. “I know it won’t be like the village. It’s just…” His green eyes shot to the side for half a breath, just long enough for Reiner to follow his line of vision. He saw a group of teenagers talking and laughing together. 

Reiner smiled. “Ah, I get it. You’re worried about making friends.”

“N-no!” Bertholdt replied a little too quickly, the slightest blush coloring his cheeks. “I’m not…”

“Oh, come on, Bertl. You have nothing to be afraid of,” Reiner cut him off with a good-natured laugh. “These kids are harmless! And they’d be lucky to have you as a friend.”

“Really?” Bertholdt asked innocently. 

“Of course!” Reiner nodded with one of his confident smiles. “Who wouldn’t want to be friends with the tallest guy in the class? That’s like automatic bully protection. Especially when his best friend is as attractive as me.” Bertholdt kicked him under the table, earning him another laugh from the blonde. “I’m serious, though. Don’t worry about making friends. I’ll help you.”

Bertholdt’s lips turned up, not exactly in a smile, but in a good enough imitation of one that Reiner turned back to his food victoriously. 

“It’s not making friends I’m worried about,” Bertholdt whispered to himself. “It’s keeping them.” 

**

Thursday, August 20, 2014

The first day of school had never really been an issue for Reiner until sophomore year of high school. Freshman year had been fine because it was the first time he’d had to experience the high school version of the first day of school. The majority of the day (roughly 85%) was spent in homeroom, passing out paperwork and schedules and student IDs and other useless things no one ever thought about again except on the first day of school. Another five percent was spent navigating the halls, trying to learn where all your new classrooms were. Lunch took up three percent, leaving seven percent for classroom time. Basically, each teacher had about twelve minutes to capture the essence of their class to their students and hope the kids would be dutiful enough to bring back the signed slips from the syllabus on time. 

It was the same old routine every year. Everyone had the hang of it by sophomore year. And by junior, it just seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. Reiner would have gladly spent the day on a regular schedule. He was already bored out of his mind, and they had just started the speed round of finding classes. He’d just sat through a twelve minute spiel about trigonometry and was now sitting at a desk in Room 213 where he’d have AP language for the next school year, waiting for the bell to ring and the first day of school talk to begin. Tapping a pencil absently against his desk, the boy was still cursing his luck at being placed in a first period math class.

“Hey.”

Reiner turned around at a soft voice interrupting his thoughts. His heart skipped a beat, breath catching in his throat. Bertholdt Hoover was standing next to his desk, a tiny smile on his lips. Like he hadn’t just appeared out of nowhere the day before. 

“Would you mind if I took the seat next to you?” the brunette asked politely. 

“Of course! Go ahead,” Reiner replied enthusiastically turning his body so he could better address the tall boy. Bertholdt’s smile widened as he slid into the desk, dropping his bag on the floor next to him. Reiner took the moment to give the brunette a once over. He still wore his hair in the same style, neatly falling across his forehead, but his fashion sense seemed to have changed slightly. Not that Reiner was complaining of course. The navy blue t-shirt and jeans the brunette had on were definitely a change from the sweaters of the past world, hugging his body a little closer and giving a clearer view of his lean arm muscles and tight abdomen. 

“Thanks,” Bertholdt said, his voice quiet as it always had been. Reiner watched with interest as the brunette pulled a notebook and pencil out from his bag and placed them neatly on the desk. “You’re… Reiner, right?”

“Yeah,” the blonde exclaimed with surprise. “You remembered.”

Bertholdt shrugged. “It’s kind of hard to forget someone running up to you, shouting your name,” he commented awkwardly. Reiner laughed nervously. Right. That happened. Yesterday. I did that yesterday. And it freaked him out. Cause he’s a Blank. And I’m an idiot. 

“Yeah, I’m really, really sorry about that,” Reiner sighed, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. 

“Oh no, really! It’s okay,” Bertholdt said hurriedly, shaking his head. “It was just a little overwhelming in the moment. It was actually kind of funny.”

“You’re telling me,” Reiner replied, leaning back in his seat, crossing his arms over his chest. “You’re not the one who embarrassed yourself.” 

“Please don’t worry about it. It’s behind us. I’m sure one day we’ll look back and laugh about it,” Bertholdt said. The smile on his face was one Reiner had seen many times, sincere and polite in the most natural way. Positively charming. He liked to call it the ‘pretty boy’ face. It was Bertholdt’s unconscious reaction to talking to people he knew, but was still trying to get to know better. Reiner figured he was getting it now because he was the only familiar face the brunette could find in a new, overwhelming social situation. He was new in town on the first day of school, after all. If those weren’t desperate measures for an introvert, Reiner didn’t know what was. 

“So, you’re new in town, aren’t you?” the blonde asked casually. Bertholdt nodded. “Where did you move from?” 

“A small town outside of Stohess,” the brunette answered. “About two hours away.”

“Cool,” Reiner nodded. “When did you guys move in? And where are you in the city?”

“About two weeks ago,” Bertholdt replied. “And we’re over on Armory Lane, by the library. What about you?” 

“Very nice,” the blonde commented. “And I’m…”

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

The sound of the bell blared through the speakers, signaling the start of class. Both boys shifted so that their eyes were focused on the front of the room where their teacher, Ms. Ral, began to pass out syllabus packets printed on green paper. But the syllabus was the last thing Reiner could possibly think about. Especially with Bertholdt sitting right next to him. 

He was sure Ms. Ral was going to be a fabulous teacher. It was her first year teaching, she was young and enthusiastic and he could practically see her intelligence and love of language arts radiating from her like the rays of the sun. He didn’t need to focus on her words to know that, which gave him more time to meditate on how to get the number of the brunette seated next to him. Reiner smiled to himself as he snuck a glance at Bertholdt, who was sitting at attention, listening intently as Ms. Ral read through the syllabus. He just looked so darn adorable. A tall, dark, and handsome nerd. 

Reiner had to look away before he started blushing. 

The teacher wrapped up her spiel a little early, giving the kids a minute or two to talk before the bell would ring and they’d move back into the frantic bustle of the hallway to find a new classroom and hear another speech from another teacher. It was a vicious cycle, a vicious cycle Reiner didn’t have the time to think about as his current mission had to be completed in the next sixty seconds. This could be the last time he saw Bertholdt. Only for the next twenty four hours, but that seemed like an eternity. 

“Hey, Bertholdt,” the blonde began, but was cut off as the brunette turned to him with hopeful eyes and said, “Would you mind if I asked for your contact information?”

Both boys blinked, caught off guard. A light blush rose on Bertholdt’s cheeks as Reiner laughed good naturedly. “Sure thing,” the blonde answered, pulling his phone from his pocket and opening up the contacts app. 

“Thank you,” Bertholdt said gratefully, swapping his phone with Reiner. “I just, haven’t met a lot of people here yet, and I feel like it would be good to have someone’s number and you seem so friendly…”

“Hey, no need to explain yourself,” Reiner interrupted lightheartedly as he typed his number into the brunette’s phone and handed it back. “Text me anytime. I’d be glad to introduce you to people or show you around town or something. It’s the least I can do for embarrassing you yesterday.” 

Bertholdt shook his head, but a small smile spread on his lips. “You didn’t embarrass me. You just… surprised me a little. And even so, I’m glad you did. Now I have a good story of how I made my first friend here.” 

Reiner’s heart skipped a beat as the bell began to ring, blaring through the classroom. He felt frozen to his seat. Bertholdt jumped up, slinging his bag over his shoulder and turned a friendly smile towards the blonde.

“Well, it was great to see you again,” the brunette said. 

“Yeah, you too,” Reiner replied, his tongue feeling a little numb. “Just let me know if you ever want to hang out or anything.”

“Thanks. I will,” Bertholdt smiled before he turned and walked out of the classroom. Reiner watched him go, a little breathless from the whole experience. 

* 

August 15, 847

“Thank you both so much,” Eren said with a beaming smile as the barracks came into view. “You don’t know how much this means to me.” 

“Anytime,” Reiner laughed, patting the shorter boy on the back. “A spirit like yours is hard to come by. We couldn’t let a soldier like you fail such an easy assessment.” 

“Well I really appreciate it,” Eren repeated. His emerald eyes were practically luminescent in the light of the moon, shining with spirit the likes of which Bertholdt had never seen before (expect maybe in Berick when they were children, but that seemed like ages ago). 

“Don’t mention it,” the brunette replied, smiling himself. “Best of luck to you tomorrow.” 

“Thank you,” Eren said. “Goodnight!” With a small wave, he started to move towards their cabin. 

“Really, thank you both so much for this,” Armin said quickly, smiling up at the two boys. “This is really important to Eren. Without you, I don’t know what would’ve happened to him. So, thank you!” Armin trotted off after Eren, the two of them walking together with a shared gait of best friends. 

Reiner silently put a hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. The brunette didn’t look at him, his eyes trailing Eren and Armin until the door closed behind them. But he didn’t shrug the blonde off either. 

A breeze blew through the trees that framed the barracks, the sound of rustling leaves adding to the symphony of the night. The wind played with the two boys standing out in the darkness, musing their hair and fluttering through the forest green cloaks draped over their shoulders. Reiner didn’t want to speak, to break the silence. He already knew what Bertholdt was thinking, feeling. He felt it too. The wicked thrill of lying, of putting on a show and playing pretend. That rush of guilt, like a stab to the heart. But it was different for Bertholdt this time: he had been directly responsible for the destruction of Shinganshina and the death of Eren’s mother. (Whereas Reiner’s guilt picked up with the inner Wall Maria.)

Of all the times to say something, Reiner couldn’t think of a damn word to say. At least not one Bertholdt hadn’t already heard. But he wanted to say something, needed to do something. He hoped Bertl understood his sympathy through the touch of his hand. 

“Reiner,” Bertholdt said quietly. His gaze had shifted to the moon sitting high in the sky. “Do you ever just feel small?” The question hung in the silence between them. Reiner didn’t respond, only his forehead creasing in thought and confusion. “Small in relation to life, or time, or something like that. Something that’s just so… big you can’t even understand it. Yet it keeps pushing and pulling you along according to its will. As if life already has you beat? Like the world has already decided your fate, bet against you, but wants to see how far you can climb until you fall? That no matter what you say, your words will always be empty or miscounted or forgotten. No matter what you feel, you’ll always be wrong, and your heart and mind will always be in discord. And no matter what you do, you’ll always just be too small to mean anything.”

Reiner looked up at the dark sky, gleaming an entrancing midnight blue in the pale, silvery light of the moon. As unreadable as the boy baring his soul to him under the shroud of night. Bertholdt had a habit of expressing himself in vague tangents, his patterns of thinking too psychologically puzzling for Reiner to even try to follow. The brunette also had a habit of sharing pieces of himself in this fashion with Reiner at the oddest moment, such as in the middle of the night after mentoring the son of a woman they’d murdered. It was like the brunette’s inner self was a secret, the workings of his soul too dark and dangerous to share in broad daylight. Or with anyone else but Reiner, for that matter. 

The blonde didn’t move his hand from his friend’s shoulder. 

“Life’s funny like that, isn’t it?” Bertholdt continued. His voice was light, airy, as if they were discussing the weather. “It always has the upper hand. And it never loses. We always die in the end. And that’s usually when we realize just how small we are and wonder how we ever thought we had a chance at victory.”

Reiner’s eyes finally moved to Bertholdt’s face, which was still upturned to the sky. An absent smile painted his lips, barring the gaits to his mind, locking away the emotions Reiner needed to read to understand the hidden meaning buried in his friend’s words. 

“I wonder if those people in Shinganshina figured out life’s game the day we broke their walls,” the brunette went on. “Most of them probably did. But I wonder if I understand it now because they never got the chance too, as if carrying this insight with me is part of my atonement for killing them. Or if I understand because I cheated life out of it’s victory of those people. I killed them before it had the chance. Atonement, or punishment. I still can’t tell.” 

Green eyes slowly turned to look at Reiner, widening as if he’d been broken from a trance when they met the blonde’s pale face. 

“What’s wrong?” Bertholdt asked nervously. 

“What do you mean?” Reiner asked in reply.

“You’re crying.”

The blonde hastily swiped away the rebellious tear rolling down his cheek. He hadn’t even realized he’d been crying, hadn’t felt the sting of tears burning his eyes. Bertholdt’s words had him so numb, he could hardly form an excuse. 

“It’s just… the moon looks so beautiful. I haven’t seen it in a while,” Reiner covered weakly, hating himself for even trying to lie. 

“Reiner…”

The shorter boy took a deep breath, hands planting firmly on his hips as he composed himself. “How long have you been holding that in?” he asked, glancing at the brunette sideways. 

“I don’t know,” Bertholdt said honestly. “I’d had all the thoughts before, but they all came together tonight when we were talking with Eren.” 

Reiner grunted a response. He looked around at the deserted grounds. Not a soul was moving. They were alone. Like they always would be. 

The blonde turned to face Bertholdt head on, taking ahold of both of his shoulders. “Bertholdt, I want you to promise me now that you will stop blaming yourself for the mission. What happened in Shinganshina, in Wall Maria, while our hands may have bloodied, we didn’t do it cause we wanted to. You don’t want to kill people and neither do I. We did it because we had to, were forced to. Blame the Elders if that’ll make you feel better. But please, stop blaming yourself. Find peace with it and forget about it. At least for our time here. You owe it to yourself to not feel so damn miserable for the three years we have left to be happy. Okay?” 

Bertholdt blinked at him, taken aback by the sudden outburst. Reiner could see the same startled fear in his green eyes that he’d felt moments before listening to Bertl pour his heart at his feet. 

“Okay,” the brunette nodded softly. Reiner released his shoulders and pulled him into a tight (but all too short) hug. 

“You’re more than what you’ve done,” he whispered in the taller boy’s ear before pulling back and walking towards the barracks. “Now come on. We have another day of intense training tomorrow, and I know how dead you are when you don’t get enough sleep.” 

**

Friday, August 28, 2014

“So what happened?” Marco asked, hanging on Reiner’s every word with a mix of interest and horror. The group was gathered in Armin’s living room, spending their Friday night gossiping about the first week of school, playing board games, and whatever else they could come up with. But the night wasn’t off to a great start since their newest initiate was missing.

“We were practicing tackles, and this senior fell right on top of Connie and snapped his ankle,” the blonde repeated as straightforward as possible. “Coach said it could bench him for the season, and the athletic trainer didn’t sound too positive either. He’s at the hospital now for an official diagnosis.” 

“Oh no,” Christa sighed for about the fifth time, and with as much feeling as the first. “Poor Connie.”

“Nah, this could be good for him,” Ymir nodded thoughtfully. “Connie’s not suited for football. He’s too small. He’s gotta find a new interest like track or tennis or still-life painting.”

“Connie can do whatever he wants,” Sasha snapped a little defensively. She hadn’t spoken much since Reiner had told them the news, but the blonde had noticed that she’d been unusually attentive to her cell phone. If he had to guess, he’d say Connie had cell service in the hospital and was filling her in on all the details. Or she was distracting him with cute, concerned, flirty text messages. Either one worked.

“And I mean, even if his ankle is broken, he seems like the kind of guy who’ll love being on crutches,” Armin pointed out positively. “You know, hitting people in the shins and leaving class early and all that jazz.”

“Yeah, that sounds like Connie, alright,” Marco nodded with a laugh. “He’ll be fine.”

“Hopefully, so he can finally come over and play Cards Against Humanity with us,” Christa said. 

“Hey, totally random, but Reiner. That kid you freaked out at Sunny and Bean on Wednesday is in my history class,” Ymir said, sitting up a little straighter in her seat. “He’s cute. Nice eyes. Tall. Really shy. Good choice if you want to give someone a heart attack by running at them and shouting their name.”

Time froze for a split second. Reiner’s head snapped to stare at the brunette. He didn’t even register her snide remarks as the images of that day replayed before his eyes. “What made you think of that?” he exclaimed. 

“Cards Against Humanity,” Ymir explained plainly. “I rock at that game. And I feel like this new guy could benefit from a round or two with me. I want to break him.”

“Well, I’m going to veto that notion,” Reiner replied curtly, regaining his composure. “Keep your hands to yourself, please. And how did you find out about that, anyway?”

“I recognized him cause I had to go get the drinks cause you failed your mission, and I asked what happened to you, and the other guy behind the counter gave me the scoop,” the freckled brunette answered simply, as if she did things like that everyday. And she probably did, cause it was Ymir he was dealing with. “And when I saw him in my class I made him my target for the year.”

“I repeat: keep your hands to yourself, please,” Reiner stated again, a little harsher than he’d wanted. 

“Why? You like him or something?” Ymir asked. A flash crossed her golden eyes as she sat up even straighter. Reiner felt fear stab through his chest at the catlike grin that spread across her freckled face. “Oh my god, you totally do. You’re crushing on the new kid.”

“No!” he exclaimed quickly. Ymir’s smile curled up even more, her eyes practically glowing with amusement as the situation was summed up for her in Reiner’s brief answer. Marco looked equally as entertained, but much less smug. If Reiner hadn’t already given himself away, the brunette’s face sealed the deal on Ymir’s suspicions. Reiner glared at Marco for betraying him. “Okay, fine. Maybe I do like him. But just because I might have a little, tiny crush on him doesn’t mean you have to do anything. In fact, it would be better if you just stayed out of…”

“Oh no, this is some serious love at first sight shit. I’m making this happen whether you like it or not,” Ymir cut him off. “Actually,” she began to correct herself, “I’m going to make it happen whether he likes it or not cause we’ve already established that you like it a little too much.” 

Reiner felt his face heat up. “Must you?” 

“Indeed,” Ymir replied coolly, sitting back and crossing one long leg over the other. “This is going to be beautiful.” Reiner gave Marco an agonizing look. 

The freckled boy simply shrugged. “I ship it,” he commented lightly, hiding a smile behind his mug as he took a sip of his hot chocolate (which he was allowed to drink in the privacy of someone’s home, but not in public until October). Reiner was tempted to smack the cup so the hot liquid poured all over the brunette, but decided that was a little too mean. Shipping wasn’t a matter that required one to douse a friend in scalding cocoa that would probably cause burns. And he couldn’t deny the slight tingle of giddiness he felt talking about him and Bertholdt as a couple. 

“Speaking of potential ships, there’s this new boy who just got a job down at the fitness club with me who might be right up your alley, Marco,” Sasha said, pointing two fingers at the boy. Marco cocked his head to the side. “He’s our age but goes to St. Maria’s. He just moved here, I don’t remember from where. But he had a sketch book in his book bag and a pre calculus book as well as the third Harry Potter book which he said he’s on his third rereading of. The whole series, not just the one book. And he was wearing a Star Wars t-shirt.”

“Oh my god, match made in heaven,” Ymir commented, seemingly forgetting about Reiner for a second. (Reiner would have to thank Sasha for the topic switch later.) “What’s this boy’s name?”

“Jean Kirschtein.”

Reiner saw Marco’s heart stop, all the color draining from his face for a moment before a look of pure elation spread across his freckled face. “He sounds wonderful,” he gasped in a quiet voice, too happy to speak. Sasha smiled, meeting Reiner, Armin, and Christa’s eyes. Two down, two to go. 

The doorbell rang. 

“That’s the pizza!” Armin announced, hopping up from the couch and racing to answer the door. 

“I’ll go get the plates ready,” Christa offered. Ymir followed her silently, as was expected. Marco mumbled something about running to the bathroom before stumbling out of the living room like his legs were made of jelly. 

“He’s so happy,” Reiner commented, smiling after Marco. “Is Jean a Blank?”

“Yes,” Sasha said sadly. “Just like Bertl.” Reiner’s heart contracted at the sound of that nickname. “Which I’ve been meaning to talk to you about.” 

The blonde turned curious hazel eyes on the brunette, who sat down on the floor in front of the couch and patted the spot next to her to indicate that he should sit too. Reiner obeyed.

“I know how you feel,” Sasha began, leaning back against the couch. “It’s the same with me and Connie. It isn’t easy to find out that the guy of your dreams doesn’t dream about you. It hurts to see that look of confusion in his eyes, like he’s never seen you before when you know in your heart everything that had once passed between the two of you. The memories hurt worse then, sting a little deeper. But I promise you, it gets better.”

“How?” Reiner asked, his throat tightening. He’d been trying not to let himself think too much about it, but he’d been failing miserably. (And Ymir bringing it up again, even so casually, had got the sentimental gears turning in his head and now all he could think of was the blank look in Bertl’s eyes when they’d met at the coffee shop.) He hadn’t, however, tried to talk about it. Not even with his mom, who was probably the only person (minus Sasha) who could remotely understand how that moment at Sunny and Bean had felt. “How can it get better unless he remembers?”

“Hey, don’t get hung up on the fact that he doesn’t remember,” Sasha said sharply, catching Reiner’s full attention. Her brown eyes were focused intently on him, full of concern and understanding and hope. “It’s probably better for him that he doesn’t, considering…”

“I understand that. I don’t want him to remember it either,” Reiner replied, running a hand over his eyes. “But it would be nice if he at least remembered me…”

Sasha shook her head. “Reiner, don’t let it get to you. Don’t make him remember you as you were. Make him fall in love with you all over again.” The blonde looked at her, a light bulb going off in his brain. “That’s what I did with Connie, and look at us. We’re practically dating again. And that can happen with you Bertholdt too, if you’ll let it. Forget about the past. Love him like you used to, and he’ll come back to you. Cause if the soul mate theory is true, I don’t think you’ll have to work too hard to win him over again.” Reiner smiled and pulled Sasha into a tight hug. He wasn’t sure he had the power to speak at the moment, not without crying. 

“Alright, I think we need to stage a dramatic meeting scene for Marco and this Harry Potter loving artist nerd,” Ymir announced as she jumped down the step into the living room. Reiner and Sasha broke apart, but not fast enough to avoid a suspicious glance from the freckled brunette. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” Reiner nodded with a smile, the most genuine smile he’d had since getting Bertholdt’s number. “Everything’s great.”

*

September 14, 847

Bertholdt watched as Reiner sent Eren flying to the ground again. It was the third time that day. Sure, Eren had succeeded in getting the knife away from Reiner each time he’d tried. But he couldn’t completely knock someone out like Reiner could. No one could. (Except Annie. But that was different.) It was really something to see; how the blonde’s whole body worked in tandem, muscles flexing and stretching in prefect proportions, like an unstoppable powerhouse of strength and stamina. 

Then again, that’s exactly what he was trained to be. 

A tap on the brunette’s shoulder broke his trance and he whirled around to see the smiling face of Connie Springer. The shorter boy had his arms crossed over his chest, sporting a smug grin. 

“Hey! Want to spar with me?” Connie asked. 

Bertholdt blinked. “Sure,” he replied, the offer taking him by surprise. No one had ever asked Bertholdt to be their partner before; Shadis usually just assigned people to him. He figured his height scared a lot of people away. And to be honest, it didn’t really bother him. The less people interacted with him, noticed him, the better. It would make the next part of the plan so much simpler, and the first part easier to stomach. 

“Great!” Connie exclaimed, falling back into an elaborate fighting position Bertholdt couldn’t say he’d ever seen in all his experience in the arts of combat. The brunette hesitantly propped his arms up defensively, bracing his forearms as Connie kicked out at him. He ducked to the side as the shorter boy swung a punch that flew over his head. Connie must’ve really wanted to spar with him, as he was putting all he had into every move. Bertholdt was hesitant to fight back. He continued to play the defensive, deflecting Connie’s hits without making any of his own. Bertholdt was, however, able to keep their spar moving in a circle instead of a linear plain, therefor neither one was losing ground to the other. Connie didn’t noticed that though. 

“Come on!” the shorter boy said, grunting as another kick was blocked. “Fight me back!” Bertholdt flinched and, on impulse, kicked Connie in the shins. As the shorter boy cried out and fell forward, the brunette swooped in, elbowing him in the abdomen before throwing him over his shoulder and to the ground. Connie landed on the earth with a pronounced ‘oof,’ grimacing. 

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry!” Bertholdt apologized quickly, kneeling down to make sure his fellow cadet wasn’t hurt. He kept reaching forward, only to draw his hands back again, not sure what to do. 

Connie’s sudden laughter cut through the air, startling the brunette. “Now that was sparring,” the shorter boy exclaimed, his hazel eyes opening wide and shining brightly. “That was awesome!”

“T-thank you?” Bertholdt replied, caught completely off guard. “Are you okay, though? I didn’t hurt you, did I?”

“Psh! Of course not!” Connie said, waving a dismissive hand as he pushed himself into a sitting position. He only winced a little bit on the way up. “I can handle a few bruises here and there. Don’t worry about it.” Bertholdt sighed; crisis averted. “But, if you really wanted to make it up to me, you could just teach me how you did it.”

“Huh?”

Connie gave him a serious look, eyes gleaming with hope. “Will you please teach me how you did whatever you just did?” he asked, more straightforward this time. “Please? You’re one of the best in the class, and I want to improve my grades. I’d ask Reiner, but everyone asks Reiner and I don’t want to bother him. And Mikasa and Annie are kinda terrifying. And Eren’s a little… I just don’t want to ask Eren. So do you think you could help me?” 

Bertholdt just stared at Connie for a moment, unable to believe what he was hearing. Connie was asking him to be his training partner. Connie admired his fighting technique, believed him to be someone he could model. Bertholdt had never been anyone’s mentor or role model. He’d never been seen as special or talented before. It was an interesting experience. 

“Sure,” the brunette nodded. Connie cheered, throwing his arms in the air. Maybe being noticed wasn’t an entirely bad thing. 

The next night, Reiner watched Bertholdt throw Connie to the ground, then offer him a hand back up. The blonde observed the two walking through the mechanics of the move, continuing to watch as Sasha then effortlessly threw Connie to the ground. Reiner smiled. He didn’t know how it had happened exactly, but Bertholdt had told him that Connie had asked him to mentor him, help him practice his combat techniques. The excitement in the brunette’s voice had been so genuine, almost childlike. Reiner couldn’t miss watching his best friend’s moment to shine. 

He had expected to Sasha to tag along to Connie’s lesson, also trying to improve her grades. But he hadn’t been expecting the butterflies that fluttered through his chest every time he caught a glimpse of Bertholdt’s muscles straining under his gear, or saw a smile light up his face. That was new. 

Reiner figured he could used to it. 

**

Saturday, September 5, 2014

“Come on, Lucy,” Reiner said to the golden retriever who’d been sitting so patiently in the backseat of the car. The dog hopped to the ground, giving a happy shake and looking up at her owner in a way that almost looked like a smile. Reiner smiled as he hooked a leash to the dog’s collar, giving her neck a good scratch before setting off towards the path. 

One of Reiner’s favorite parts of the city was this park. With miles of paths winding through forest, he could spend hours here, enjoying nature or losing himself in his thoughts. Or walking the dog. Lucy was a walk enthusiast and had claimed Reiner as he favorite walking buddy. The blonde didn’t mind; more walks with Lucy meant more time in the park. 

As Reiner led the golden retriever to their favorite path, a light breeze ran through his hair, making him smile. The day was comfortably cool. The oppressive heat of summer had passed, leading into warm, early autumn weather. The kind of weather where one could still manage only wearing a t-shirt with jeans, but a sweater or jacket could be thrown on with no qualms. According to Sasha, this was the best time of the year for that very reason. No one was quick to argue with her. After all, it was the perfect kind of weather for a walk in the park. 

“Reiner!”

The blonde looked up to see two young men running at him along the other side of the path. Both were dressed in running gear, one in a navy blue short-sleeved shirt with gray shorts, and the other in a bright, neon green muscle shirt and black shorts with a brace around his left knee. From this distance, Reiner couldn’t distinguish much else past height and hair color (both were tall and the one in blue had dark hair while the other’s was a sandy blonde.) The boy in blue started waving. Reiner narrowed his eyes, squinting to try to see them better. He felt his heart jump when he realized the boy in blue was Bertholdt, and felt like an idiot for not recognizing him sooner. 

“Hey!” Reiner called back. “Come on, Lucy,” he whispered to his dog, jogging to catch up to the duo running at him. The golden retriever kept pace with him, running a little faster than she had to, tongue hanging joyfully from her mouth and wind rushing through her fur. “Hey,” Reiner repeated when the two parties met on the path. “Funny meeting you here.”

Bertholdt, though breathing hard, was smiling. “Yeah,” he replied breathlessly, bracing his hands on his hips. “We seem to have a habit of running into each other.”

“We do. And this time, literally,” Reiner nodded, glancing at the other boy. He tried not to double take too obviously when he stared into the sharply angled face of Jean Kirschtein. It was the first time Reiner had seen him in this world. He still wore his hair with an undercut. He was still all lean muscle, tall and lanky. His eyes were still a bright hazel color, always gleaming with a hint of self-confidence. But the one thing that caught Reiner off guard the most was his smile. Jean was actually, truly smiling. With amusement. Most of his smiles back in training had been sarcastic, or false in some way, and it had taken a while for Reiner to see through it as insecurity. But here they were, and Jean was actually smiling. 

“So, who’s this?” Jean asked, giving Reiner a quick once over as the blonde’s mind snapped back into focused. He realized he was probably staring and quickly shifted his gaze back to Bertholdt (which wasn’t much better because the taller boy looked like a model with his wind blown hair and his cheeks red from running and that darn smile on his face that made Reiner want to kiss him.)

“Oh, this is Reiner,” Bertholdt introduced quickly. “He’s my… he’s the first friend I’ve made here.” Reiner smiled at his title. 

“Awesome,” Jean commented. “It’s good to meet ya, man.”

“You too,” Reiner replied, holding his hand out. Jean shook it, his hand cold. Jean’s hands had always been cold, as if his fingers were made of ice. 

“And this is Jean,” Bertholdt said, gesturing to the familiar boy standing next to him. “We used to swim together when we were kids, and then swam against each other when I moved. Now, we’re still going to swim against each other, but we can train together in the off season.” 

“That’s great,” Reiner said with a nod of his head. “Where do you go to school, Jean?”

“St. Maria’s,” Jean answered. “But I live around here. I used to live out closer to Stohess, but we moved last year.” Reiner could hear a familiar note of Jean’s old arrogance in the fair-haired boy’s voice, but, just like his smile, it was somehow different. Reiner couldn’t put his finger on what the difference was though. “Well, don’t let us get in the way of your walk,” Jean said as Lucy nuzzled up against his leg. Jean rubbed her head affectionately. 

“Right. Sorry to hold you boys up,” Reiner said in response. “It was nice to meet you Jean. Bertholdt, always fun running into you.”

“You too,” the brunette laughed. “See you later, Reiner!” 

As the duo ran off, Lucy began to pull Reiner forward. The blonde hardly noticed though, his mind racing. He had to help Sasha get Jean and Marco to meet. Jean seemed happier in this life, less guarded. Maybe Marco would have an easier go at winning the fair-haired boy’s affections this time around. Speaking of winning affections, Reiner pulled his phone from his pocket and shot a quick text off to Bertholdt. He waited patiently for the vibration to tell him the brunette’s run was over. 

~  
“Well, he seems nice,” Jean said once the were a safe distance away from Reiner. 

Bertholdt smiled. “Yeah. He’s the one I told you about earlier, the guy who knew my name at the coffee place.”

“Really?” Jean questioned thoughtfully. “Neat. Never thought I’d meet the guy. Never thought he’d be so good looking, either.” Bertholdt felt a blush rise to his face. Jean noticed. “You think he’s attractive.”

“No, I…”

“Bert, don’t lie to me,” Jean warned with an amused smile. “You think Reiner’s attractive, don’t you?”

“M-maybe,” Bertholdt answered. “But I don’t want to think about him like that! Not yet. We just met. We’re hardly friends. We have to be friends before anything else can happen.”

“Yeah, yeah. You and your old time courting principles,” Jean rolled his eyes. “Just don’t take too long. He might lose interest. Or someone else might snatch him from you.” Bertholdt looked at him with panicked green eyes and Jean laughed. “Relax! I wouldn’t do that to you. Besides, brunettes are more my type.” 

“Okay,” Bertholdt laughed as they began to slow down, jogging the last few feet to the parking lot. “That was a good work out. Thanks for inviting me to join you.”

“Yeah. Thanks for coming,” Jean replied, offering a high five. “It’s more fun to train with someone else. Especially someone I’ll be racing in a matter of months.”

Bertholdt chuckled. “Yeah, it’s going to be a good year.”

“I think it will be,” Jean replied. “I’ll catch you later.” 

“See ya,” Bertholdt waved as they both moved towards separate cars. After sliding into the drivers seat, Bertholdt checked his phone, expecting a text from him mom. One message lit up the small screen. 

**Reiner: Hey! Are you free Tuesday night?**

Bertholdt paused, feeling his chest tighten for a moment. He quickly typed a reply. 

**Bertholdt: Hi! Yes, I’m free. What’s up?**

The response was almost instantaneous.

**Reiner: Want to hang out?**

A little burst of happiness surged through Bertholdt’s veins. 

**Bertholdt: Sure!**

**Reiner: Awesome! ☺ I have practice till 5. Want to meet at 5:15 at Sunny and Bean? A place I know you’re familiar with. ;)**

**Bertholdt: Haha! That sounds good. See you then!**

Bertholdt set the phone down, releasing a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. This was the first plan he’d made to meet one-on-one with anyone here. His first date… or not-date. Reiner was just his friend. This was not a date, it was a get to know you hang out. The brunette sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot. Maybe he did find Reiner a little more attractive than he was giving himself credit for. 

~

**Reiner: Awesome! ☺ I have practice till 5. Want to meet at 5:15 at Sunny and Bean? A place I know you’re familiar with. ;)**

Reiner knew sending the winky face might be a little forward, but he was in a mood to take a few risks. His heart still pounded in his chest as he awaited the brunette’s answer. 

**Bertholdt: Haha! That sounds good. See you then!**

“Yes!” the blonde said, pumping a fist in the air. Lucy gave a bark of excitement. “Oh, Luce, you have no idea how happy I am right now,” Reiner said as he fired off one last text. 

**Reiner: Awesome! See you then!**

* 

January 6, 847

Watching had always been Bertholdt’s thing. When they were kids, the brunette would usually watch Reiner and Berick roll down the hill or jump across the creek first before joining in himself. He’d watch his two best friends practice hand to hand combat. He’d watch Annie sit off by herself for at least fifteen minutes before approaching her. Bertholdt was just good at observing things, standing on the sidelines, going unnoticed as he noticed everything. 

Reiner had never realized how interesting of an art observation was until he’d joined the cadet corps and made it his mission to make sure that Bertholdt made friends. This mini mission meant watching the brunette closely, sometimes trailing him from a distance or snooping on him behind trees or half closed door. He couldn’t let Bertholdt know that he was watching, that would make the taller boy uncomfortable. Reiner could explain it to him all he wanted, that he was doing it to make sure that his best friend was happy, but Bertholdt would still think if was weird and would ask why he hadn’t just talked to him about it. It was a weird scenario, one only two people who’d known each other for a very long time could wind up in. Reiner wouldn’t have traded a minute of it for the world. 

And his mission had paid off. They’d only been there for a little over five months, and the shy brunette had already managed to establish some ties with a few people. It was progress, and Reiner was proud of him.

The blonde boy smiled from his current hiding place, lurking in the shadowed doorway to the compound’s library. He watched Armin gesture wildly with his hands to illustrate movement patterns and trajectory angles, Marco furiously flipping through book after book for specific quotations, and Bertholdt drawing out strategy boards on page after page of his notebook. The three were lost together in a world composed of theory and intellect and academic inquiry, absorbed in their element.

As adept at Bertholdt was in combat, nothing lit him up like books. The fire that fueled him in battle was different from that which animated him now. The warrior flames were dazzling, brilliant, white-hot, and short lived, only lasting for long enough to pacify the enemy. This academic fire, in contrast, burned steadily, with an ephemeral glow like living gold shining behind those olive eyes and radiating from the veins running beneath his skin. 

It made Reiner feel inexplicably happy and relieved to see such joy in Bertholdt’s face again.

And on top of that, he’d found friends who felt that same fire in learning. Armin and Marco gave Bertl a chance to be himself without feeling fake. A sense of sincerity. Almost honesty. And Reiner knew Bertholdt needed that more than he needed friends. He needed to know that he belonged. 

Reiner couldn’t think of a more prefect place for his friend than a library full of his precious books where he was the only one who could reach some of the highest shelves, and could carry an ungodly amount of the volumes in his long arms. It was a place where he felt safe, comfortable, needed. It was a place he could share with people. It was good for him. 

The blonde smiled, creeping away from the door and making his way back to the barracks through the cold, frost covered grounds. He knew he didn’t need to watch out for Bertholdt anymore, he was doing fine socially on his own. But a slight pang in his chest told Reiner that while he didn’t need to look out for Bertl, he still wanted to. He didn’t want to give up the art of observing Bertholdt Hoover. Something about the boy had caught Reiner’s attention, and we was now trapped so deep under Bertholdt’s spell, he didn’t think he could break the trance if he tried. 

There was something wonderful about it. Reiner wondered if this was what love felt like: never wanted to let the other person out of your sight, enjoying every little part of them, just the thought of them making the world seem a little brighter. The blonde wasn’t willing to accept it yet, he was only thirteen after all. But it didn’t surprise him at all when, one week later, in the dead of night, Reiner shot awake from a dream with only one thought in his head. 

“I am in love with Bertholdt Hoover.”

**

Tuesday, September 8, 2014

Reiner smoothed a hand through his hair one last time, checking it out in the rearview mirror quickly before heading into the café. The clock on the dash said it was twenty-five after five, five minutes before he was supposed to meet Bertholdt. The blonde slumped back against the seat. He was surprised he wasn’t earlier. 

He’d considered it a miracle that Bertholdt had even agreed to go out with him. Or more agreed to hang out with him; ‘go out’ had too many connotations that didn’t yet apply to their relationship. But Reiner would have liked to be going out with Bertholdt tonight. And the next night. And the next night. And for all the next nights there would be. The blonde ran his hand through his hair again, this time with a frustrated sigh. That was not any way to be thinking tonight. There would be no next time if he appeared too attached tonight; it would scare Bertholdt away. 

No, he had to be subtle. As if they’d just met. Which, technically, they hadn’t. 

After musing over his tragic situation for another minute, Reiner pushed out of the car and shut the door behind him with a soft slam. He noticed a tall figure waiting on the sidewalk by the door as he clicked the button to lock up his car. A warm feeling began to spread its way from his heart into his nerves. He ignored it, shoving his hands into his pockets and trying to look as casual as possible as he waltzed up to the doorway, meeting Bertholdt with a friendly smile. 

“Hello,” the blonde greeted cheerily. Bertholdt smiled when he saw him, the polite smile he used for people he recognized as acquaintances. 

“Hey,” the brunette greeted back. “How are you?”

“Fantastic. Sorry I’m late. Practice went a little over time,” Reiner apologized quickly. 

“Don’t worry about it,” Bertholdt shook his head. “What were you practicing for?” 

“Football,” Reiner answered. “I can tell you about it inside, if you want.” He moved towards the door, holding it open for the brunette. 

“Sure. Thank you,” Bertholdt said with a nod as he passed into the café. Reiner followed right behind him, his eyes already scanning the venue for a place not too out of the way, but private enough that they could talk with minimal interruption. He spotted the perfect table against the back wall. 

“How does there look?” Reiner pointed, touching Bertholdt’s elbow ever so gently to steer him in the right direction. The taller boy didn’t flinch away from him. That was good. 

“That looks great,” Bertholdt replied. 

“Awesome,” Reiner said, moving towards the table and throwing his jacket over the back of one of the chairs to claim it. Bertholdt did the same before following Reiner up to the counter. 

“You can go first,” the brunette offered, his eyes running over the menu hung above the counter. 

“Not familiar with the menu?” Reiner asked, joking lightly. “Don’t you work here?”

Bertholdt shrugged. “Menus are my brain’s arch nemesis. I can memorize mathematical theories and algorithms just fine, but ask me to recite all our coffee specials and I couldn’t do it to save my life.” Reiner laughed, shaking his head. Bertholdt’s lips curved up ever so slightly, pleased that he’d made the blonde laugh. The sheer cuteness of the action made Reiner’s chest tighten even more. Damn it, stop being so adorable, he thought to himself as he stepped up to the counter and ordered a regular coffee. As he paid for his drink, he heard Bertholdt order a smoothie.

The blonde glared at the brunette as he paid, wincing slightly when he turned to look at Reiner again. “Do you not drink coffee?” the blonde asked. “Cause we could’ve gone somewhere else if you’d let me know.”

“No, no, I like coffee,” Bertholdt replied hurriedly. “I just try not to drink it after five pm.”

“Weird dreams?” Reiner questioned, narrowing his eyes again. 

Bertholdt nodded. “They’re either super weird or the kind of terrifying that can keep you up for a week.” 

“Like what? Give me an example,” the blonde prompted, leaning against a display counter as they waited for their orders. He was careful not to mess up the display behind him as he casually crossed his arms over his chest. 

“Well,” Bertholdt began, looking off at the ceiling as he tried to recall the best example. “One time I had this dream where a group of boy scouts, including me, had to track down this mud monster or something and we had shovels that could sense monster activity, and when we finally found the thing, it turned out to be one of the kids on our team. So we all jumped in a jeep that was just there and rode away. And then the dream changed we were getting chased by dinosaurs, who turned out to be robots. Controlled by the kid who was the monster. That’s not… super crazy, but it was one of the more detailed and intense dreams I’ve had.”

“That’s hilarious,” Reiner said in reply. “How old were you?” 

“About eleven,” Bertholdt answered. “What about you? Have you ever had any crazy dreams that you’ve remembered for years?” 

An idea popped into Reiner’s head, blinking like a strobe light or a lighthouse in a storm. “Yeah, actually I have,” he answered. “I’m the same way with sugar as you are with coffee. Can’t eat anything too sweet anytime after nine. And I had this one dream once, actually, come to think of it, I’ve had it a few times. It’s this dream where…”

A girl behind the counter called out Reiner’s and Bertholdt’s orders at the same time. The blonde moved forward to claim his cup and nodded towards the table, motioning that he’d continue his story over there. 

“So it’s this dream where giants have taken over the earth and humanity is caged behind these huge walls,” Reiner continued as he slid into his seat, Bertholdt sitting down across from him. His green eyes were fixed attentively on the blonde, hanging on his every word. Reiner continued to watch those green eyes for any signs of recognition. Maybe he could jog his memory by flat out telling him their story. “And, naturally, the humans want their world back. So they create this military force to fight the giants. And they have these machines that are like a fusion of jetpacks and grappling hooks that they use to fly through the air. They’re very steampunk-esque machines...” Bertholdt gave a laugh. “You know what steampunk is, right?”

“Yes, I do,” Bertholdt nodded. “Please continue.”

“Well, the dream always focused on this team of soldiers, well, cadets really,” Reiner went on, telling the story as if it were just a story. “They’re just kids, really. But there’s this one boy who’s made it his life goal to destroy the giants because they attacked his hometown and killed his mother, and he wants them gone. And he’s got a best friend who wants to see the ocean, and a girlfriend who’s always by his side no matter what. But then there’s this other trio, also two guys and a girl, who are infiltrating the system. You see, the humans inside the walls were corrupted and these other three were sent to help the giants destroy them. They had the power to turn into giants. It was crazy!”

“Wow,” Bertholdt sighed. Disappointment shot through Reiner’s heart, but he didn’t let it break the expression on his face. So what if Bertholdt still didn’t remember? After all, in the movies, whenever someone had amnesia, it usually took more than words to snap them back to their old selves. “That sounds insane. Did you ever find out who won?” 

Reiner shrugged. “I woke up before a conclusion was ever decided.” He took a sip of his coffee then, as if closing the discussion. He didn’t have much else to say on the topic. There was no point in lingering in the past when Bertholdt clearly wasn’t going to remember it anytime soon. Time to take Sasha’s advice and focus on the present. 

“So you play football?” Bertholdt asked, surprising Reiner slightly. He hadn’t expected the brunette to take the initiative in a conversation, especially so soon after they’d met. It was a pleasant surprise. 

Reiner nodded enthusiastically. “Yep. Varsity since freshman year,” he boasted with a small laugh. 

“Wow, that’s amazing,” Bertholdt exclaimed, shifting in his seat. It was a habit he had whenever he was talking to people for the first time, as if moving were a symbol that he was listening as they were getting to know each other. Reiner felt a small pang of sadness in his heart. He hadn’t realized how many of Bertl’s quirks and habits he’d memorized. 

“Thanks,” the blonde boy said with a bittersweet smile. “What about you? Play any sports? Basketball maybe?”

Bertholdt chuckled, looking down at his coffee cup before meeting his eyes again with a confident, “No.” Reiner’s eyebrows shot up curiously. “I’m a swimmer, actually.”

“Oh right!” Reiner exclaimed, taking a sip of his drink. “You told me that when we ran into each other in the park. Right, right. Why not basketball?”

“I uh…” Bertholdt laughed nervously. “When I was little, my parents could see I wasn’t good at being aggressive and pushed me towards non-contact sports. And swimming’s worked out pretty well.”

Reiner shook his head, laughing good-naturedly. “What strokes do you swim?”

“I’ve done a mix of them all over the years. But I prefer free and fly,” Bertholdt answered, running a hand through his hair. As if Reiner needed another reason to keep his eyes on the brunette. 

“Very nice, very nice,” the blonde commented, nodding approvingly. “So what classes are you taking?” 

“Well,” Bertholdt began, “AP language arts. Then, uh, AP European history, honors pre-calculus, regular physics…”

“Wait, pause please. Physics?” Reiner asked with a slight hint of disgust. “Why on Earth are you taking physics?” 

Bertholdt shrugged. “I needed to take a science class, and I’ve already taken biology and chemistry, so I figured why not physics?” Reiner shook his head.

“You’re insane,” he commented. “What about foreign languages? Or music?”

“I’m in level four French and choir,” the brunette answered. “What about yourself?” 

“Oh yeah, you’re in choir with Marco, aren’t you?” Reiner asked. Bertholdt nodded. “Wow, that’s fantastic! So you can really sing then, can’t you?”

Spots of color appeared on the brunette’s cheeks. Reiner’s smile widened. “Well, I don’t know about that…” 

“Oh come in. You’re in the best choir at our school. You’ve gotta be good,” the blonde interrupted. “You don’t have to be modest with me. I’m as arrogant a guy as they come.”

“No,” Bertholdt argued lightly, politely, as you do with a new friend.

“Really, I am,” Reiner insisted. “See? I’ve turned the conversation from you to me so easily. Only a very good narcissist would have the ability to do that.”

“But a good narcissist also would not recognize their turning of the conversation, or ask the other person to talk more,” Bertholdt pointed out, taking a casual sip of his drink. Reiner’s lips quirked into a sideways smile. 

“How many AP classes are you in again? Is debate one of them?” the blonde questioned jokingly. Bertholdt laughed, a simple little laugh that Reiner had to admit made his heart flutter with glee. 

“Sadly, I had to turn that one down this year,” the taller boy replied. “Too busy trying to navigate my way through AP making new friends and adjusting to a new town.” Reiner gave him a small chuckle, but stared at him with what he hoped was a kind expression. 

“Do you miss your old town?” he asked gently. 

Bertholdt shrugged. “A little. I’m more just stressed about fitting in here right now.” He began to drum his fingers on the side of his cup. 

Reiner frowned. “What do you mean by that?”

“I’m just… I’m not good at making friends,” Bertholdt sighed, looking down at the table like he always did when he wanted to say something but didn’t want to see your reaction until the end. The blonde boy blinked, feeling a light bulb go off in his head as he recognized another familiar pattern in the brunette’s behavior. “I just… it stresses me out. Like, I want to talk to people, but at the same time, I don’t want to annoy them. So I usually just wait for them to make the first move and they don’t always do that and then you’re just… alone. Sometimes it’s easier to just be alone. But these are my last two years of high school, and I feel like I have to make something out of them, and I can’t do that if I can’t make friends.” 

He finally lifted his green eyes, pausing slightly when he found Reiner staring so intently at him.

“Bertholdt,” Reiner said in a voice tinged with astonishment. “You don’t have to worry about making friends. You’re the kind of guy that could never bother anyone. People love to have you around. You’re smart, you come up with witty jokes, and you’re kind and considerate. People dig that! Don’t be scared to reach out to anyone here. I promise you. You don’t have to be alone here. We got you.” 

The brunette smiled, looking away again. “Thanks, Reiner. That… that’s really nice of you to say.” 

Reiner could sense an air of apprehension in the brunette and realized he’d probably overstepped a boundary or two. “I mean,” he began, a cover already prepared in his mind, “I’ve only known you for two weeks, but I feel like we’ve been friends for a while. You’re easy to talk to, and you’re the kind of guy you want to get to know and be around. You know what I’m saying?” 

“Yeah,” Bertholdt nodded. 

Reiner nodded back, dubbing that conversation over before it got too awkward. He mentally gave himself a kick for getting ahead of himself. This was a slippery slope he was walking, and he’d almost gotten too close to the edge with that one. As much as Bertholdt loved words and all the sweet things people could say to one another, he needed to be at a certain comfort level with someone before he could accept such words from them. And even though Reiner was at that level, he had to remember Bertholdt hardly knew him yet. So the blonde chose to veer the conversation elsewhere. 

“So, what was it like in Stohess?” Reiner asked, taking a casual sip of his coffee. 

“It was nice,” Bertholdt shrugged. 

“You never really connected with anyone?”

“No,” the brunette shook his head. “I mean, I had friends, but no one I really bonded with.”

“Not even romantically?” Reiner questioned. “Pardon my prying.”

“N-no, no it’s alright,” Bertholdt shook his head. “But uh, no. I’ve never really had any success romantically.” He took an awkward sip of his smoothie before asking: “H-how about you? Are you, uh, lucky romantically?”

“I don’t know, my last relationship didn’t end so well,” Reiner said with a slight joke in his voice. Bertholdt looked at him curiously. The blonde waved him off. “It’s nothing. Just a small tale. I’d rather not talk about it right now.” 

“Okay,” Bertholdt consented, nodding with understanding. Reiner had missed that about him, not pushing when someone said stop. He’d forgotten how admirable that quality was in a person. 

“What about your family? Any siblings?” the blonde pushed on the conversation, feeling that the ball was in his court to get rolling again.

“I have one older brother,” Bertholdt answered. 

“How much older?” Reiner questioned, already knowing the answer. 

“Five years,” Bertholdt replied. There it is. “His name’s Jordan…” Thought so. “…he’s a history teacher two cities over, and he still lives with my parents and I, but he’s planning to move into an apartment over there next summer.” Reiner nodded his head. “What about you? Do you have any siblings?” 

“No,” Reiner shook his head, his lips quirking to the side. “Just me and my mom. But I do live with my aunt and uncle, and they have three young kids, so you could say my cousins are kind of like my siblings.” 

“That counts,” Bertholdt nodded affirmatively. Reiner noted that his grip had tightened around his cup. That meant he wanted to know something, already had the question worded in his mind, but didn’t want to ask it. And Reiner knew exactly what question it was. “What about your dad?” 

Reiner sat up a little straighter against the seat back. “My dad died when I was eight years old. He was a cop, and one night there was an armed robbery downtown and the robbers were holding hostages. My father tried to get the people out, and was shot while defending a little boy. He died in the hospital two days later.” He looked down at his hands, which had started to shake slightly. The image of his father in the hospital room popped in his brain, an image that he tried to push back. A get-to-know-you not-date was not the time to be thinking about this. He took a deep breath to calm himself. 

The blonde could hear the embarrassed regret in the brunette’s voice as he quickly stuttered: “Reiner, I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have asked, I…”

“No, no it’s okay. I really don’t mind talking about it,” Reiner cut him off with a reassuring smile before his eyes fell to the table again. His fingers absently ran over the lid of his coffee cup. “I mean, yes, I miss him like crazy. But… I’m so insanely proud of my dad, I feel like it would be an injustice to his memory if I refused to think or talk about him, you know? He’s my role model, and I do everything I do with him in mind. If it wouldn’t make my father proud, then I won’t do it.” 

He gazed back up at his companion. Bertholdt was smiling at him, the first genuine smile Reiner had gotten out of him since they’d met in this world. “That’s a really good way to live,” he said. His eyes never left Reiner’s. The blonde felt butterflies begin to flutter in his stomach and moved his eyes away first. 

“Thanks,” he replied. He checked his watch, eyes bulging slightly at the tiny 7:59 p.m. “Oh my god! We’ve been here for nearly two hours! I’m sorry, you didn’t have to be anywhere, did you?”

“Oh, no, no, that’s okay!” Bertholdt replied quickly. “You didn’t have any other plans, did you?” 

“No. Don’t worry,” Reiner smiled reassuringly. “The only other obligation I have is homework, and I would much rather spend my time talking to you than conversing with my trigonometry textbook.” Both boys pushed their chairs back at the same time, sharing a smile as they moved towards the door, tossing their empty cups away before stepping out into the warm, September night. 

“Where are you parked?” Reiner asked, shoving his hands into his pockets, fishing for his keys. 

“A block down that way,” Bertholdt nodded his head towards the street behind them. “Thank you for inviting me tonight.”

“Hey, anytime,” Reiner replied. “I figured it was time to get to know you a little more, if we’re going to be best friends and all.”

At the mention of best friends, Bertholdt’s eyes lit up. The blonde felt an army of warm fuzzies burst in his chest. “Yeah. This was really great.”

“I’m glad,” Reiner nodded. He held his hand out, and Bertholdt accepted the handshake, his hand warm in Reiner’s. “Till tomorrow in English class.”

“Till tomorrow. Don’t have too much fun with your trig textbook,” the brunette joked. Reiner laughed. “Alright. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight.” Reiner waved as Bertholdt walked away. He watched him go, memorizing the way that the brunette walked. He moved with practiced grace, totally in control of all his long limbs, something not all people with the same tall, willowy frame could pull off. He walked more confidently than he felt about himself. 

Reiner smiled as he turned towards his own car. He’d missed watching Bertholdt. Missed watching him walk, sleep, talk with his hands, smile as he read books, laugh at Reiner’s jokes. The blonde hadn’t realized how much he missed such little things, as he’d been more focused on missing Bertholdt in general. But all of his worries and fears were cast aside for now. He had reached friend status with Bertholdt Hoover. Step by step, he was winning the brunette over. 

“One day, you will be mine,” the blonde whispered as Bertholdt disappeared around the street corner. “I promise you that. You will be mine.” 

*

January 29, 847

“Aw, look at him,” Marco cooed softly, his eyes widening. “He looks so peaceful.”

“And very inhuman,” Jean commented from where he was hanging with one arm slung over the bunk next to Reiner and Bertholdt’s. Reiner chuckled quietly, doing his best not to wake the brunette. During the night, Bertholdt had wrapped his arms around Reiner’s torso, dug his face into his chest, and had one leg intertwined between Reiner’s claves with the other one hanging off the side of the bed. And he was still fast asleep. The blonde hadn’t exactly been quick to tell the other boys about Bertholdt’s odd sleeping habits, the crazy positions he could contort his body into while unconscious. It hadn’t taken them long to figure it out though. 

“I just… I don’t understand,” Connie said, shaking his head. “How does he do it? He’s gotta be really flexible.”

“I still have no idea how it happens either,” Reiner said in response. “However, be prepared for it to rain this afternoon; one foot’s over the edge of the bed.” The other boys groaned and moved off to get ready for the day as the blonde carefully shook Bertholdt’s shoulder until the brunette’s eyes peeled open. “Morning sunshine.” 

“Morning,” Bertholdt replied sleepily, slowly pulling himself away from Reiner, not even questioning their closeness. To him it must’ve been second nature by now, waking up somehow entangled with his blonde best friend. Reiner chuckled at the state of his friend’s hair as he sat up. “What?”

“You look like a dork,” Reiner laughed, gently smoothing down the crazy bumps in his friend’s soft brunette hair, sweeping every strand back into place. Bertholdt still didn’t seem to notice how Reiner’s fingers lingered ever so slightly every time they brushed his skin. “There. That’s better. Now come on, breakfast’s in half an hour.” 

“Half an hour? That’s more than enough time,” Bertholdt said, rubbing at his eyes as he pushed off the bed, his feet hitting the floor. Reiner watched as he reached his arms above his head, stretching the muscles in his back. The bottom of his shirt rose ever so slightly, teasing the blonde with a shadowed glimpse of his tight abdomen. Reiner didn’t know how Bertholdt was still oblivious to the way he watched him, smiled at every movement he made, grinned at every word he said, marveled at the sheer perfection of his body. Maybe that’s what made his attraction to Bertholdt so satisfying: the way the brunette so innocently and unknowingly peaked his unrequited desire.

“Did you sleep well?” Reiner asked as Bertholdt moved towards their box of personal possessions. The blonde pulled his legs up to his chest, cocking his head to the side as he continued to observe his friend as he started rummaging through his box. 

“Yes. Did you?” Bertholdt answered cordially. He wasn’t awake enough for deeper conversation, Reiner could tell. That didn’t stop him from trying.

“I slept fine,” he answered. “What did you dream about?”

“Home,” Bertholdt answered quickly. He didn’t look up. “Why do you ask?” 

“You always dream about home,” Reiner commented pensively. 

“Not always,” Bertholdt corrected gently, closing his box and throwing his uniform on the bed. His green eyes met Reiner’s for the first time that morning. The blonde held his gaze thoughtfully. “A lot, but not always.”

“What do you dream about when you dream of home?” Reiner asked.

“My family. Mom, Dad, and Jordan,” Bertholdt answered with a small smile, as if he were still in the dream. “I dream about Berick and Annie and all the adventures we went on when we weren’t in training. The woods and the lake and all of that. Never about training or the Elders or any of the bad things.”

“Only the things you want to remember,” Reiner said in summary, nodding as the same images appeared in his mind. Images of his own mother and father and their little house with a hill in the backyard. Of his aunt and uncle and cousins who lived right next door to him. Of running through fields of grass and splashing through creeks and counting stars with Bertholdt, Annie, and Berick at his side. No wonder Bertholdt slept so soundly. With dreams like that, who would ever want to be awake?

“Hey, guys, come on. Thomas says the upper classmen have almost finished off the hot water,” Connie warned, sliding over to Reiner and Bertholdt in his sock, slick against the wood floor. There was panic in his eyes. 

“Well, guess we’d better get a move on,” Reiner said in reply, hoping off the bed and quickly pulling his things from his box. “Bertl, you coming?”

“Absolutely,” the brunette replied, still sounding slightly out of it from sleep. 

Connie chuckled, shaking his head. “You two crack me up. Joined at the hip. Just like Eren and Armin.”

“Yep, just like Eren and Armin,” Reiner repeated, smiling over at Bertholdt, silently hoping the brunette would get the hint that he wanted to be more than best friends. Bertholdt just smiled at him like always, blissfully unaware of the obvious. All it did was make Reiner want him harder, and curse himself for his misfortune of falling for his best friend. 

** 

Friday, September 18, 2014

Reiner pushed out of the locker room doors, muscles still tense and adrenaline still pumping through his veins from the game. It had been their home opener and a nail bitter, the team only pulling through for the win with a last minute touchdown, which Reiner had helped orchestrate. The lights were still illuminating the field as he walked across the turf, eyes scanning the bleachers for a small group of teenager.

The blonde felt his heart give a start when the first person he saw out of the bunch was a tall brunette waving at him nervously. Bertholdt. 

“Reiner!” Ymir called from where she stood next to the brunette, whom she’d been getting closer with despite Reiner’s warnings. Christa was on Ymir’s other side, standing on one of the metal benches and waving her arm high in the air. Sasha, Connie, Marco, and Armin were crowded with them as well. Reiner gave them a sweeping wave in response, running up to meet them. He climbed the stairs two at a time, stopping one bench before his friends’ and pulling up in front of them. 

“Hey guys,” the blonde greeted, running a hand through his hair, which was still slightly damp from the shower. “Were you here for the whole game?” 

“Yes!” Armin exclaimed, jumping up excitedly. “That was so intense!” 

“What? You like sports now, coconut head?” Ymir asked sarcastically, offering a hand to help Christa down from the bench, which the blonde took gratefully. 

Armin shrugged. “I know a good game when I see one. Just cause it’s entertaining to watch doesn’t mean it makes me want to pick up football or soccer or lacrosse. I’m way too devoted to my life as a nerd.” 

“And why would you pick up lacrosse anyway? Ew,” Sasha joked, shaking her head in disgust. “But really, Reiner, you looked great out there!” 

“Thanks,” the blonde smiled, his eyes drawn to Bertholdt. The brunette was watching him with a soft smile. He started and looked away shyly, the faintest blush coloring his cheeks. All it did was make Reiner’s heart beat faster. “You guys ready to hit the road? I don’t know about you, but I’m starving!” 

“Yes! Onwards to karaoke night!” Marco cheered, leading the group off down the bleachers. Ymir held Christa’s hand as they walked down the metal steps together, and behind them, Sasha fluttered worriedly behind Connie as he maneuvered his way down on his crutches. 

“Karaoke?” Bertholdt asked softly, Reiner turning to see a nervous expression on his tanned face. 

The blonde smiled. “Don’t worry. You’ll be fine.” He offered a hand out to the brunette. “You don’t have to sing if you don’t want to. I can put in a good word for you.” Bertholdt smiled, taking Reiner’s hand only so far as the steps, then releasing him.

“Aw, how come you never put in a good word for me not to sing?” Armin asked, following the two taller boys down the steps. 

“Because you have too much talent not to share it with the world,” Reiner replied, glancing over his shoulder at the shorter blonde. “Even if you can’t sing, you perform like a true Disney Channel star. Real life Troy Bolton.”

“You’re not funny,” Armin deadpanned. Reiner slung an arm around his shoulder, then looped his other arm around Bertholdt for good measure. 

“Relax, guys,” he said. “Tonight is going to be fun. I promise.”

~

“Okay, here’s how karaoke works with us,” Ymir explained. The group was gathered around a table at a local restaurant, the Walled City, with a few appetizers spread amongst them. It was a classic, neighborhood dining establishment complete with a small stage where patrons could perform karaoke every Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday night. And the food wasn’t half bad. “You get a partner, and you get up on the stage, DJ picks a song, and the two of you battle it out like this was High School Musical. It’s fun.” 

“Okay,” Bertholdt replied shyly.

“See, Armin? Real life Troy Bolton,” Reiner said, ruffling the shorter blonde’s hair, much to Armin’s chagrin.

“Speaking of, Armin, want to start us off?” Ymir purred, fixing her best persuasive grin on the blonde. 

“Fine,” Armin sighed dramatically, pushing up out of his chair. “Christa, will you join me?”

“Sure!” the girl chirped, jumping up from her seat. The two made their way up on stage, and prepared for battle. Reiner snuck multiple peeks at Bertholdt as the brunette watched the two blondes perform Britney Spear’s _Baby One More Time_. His green eyes held the tiniest glint of worry, but he was smiling. Enjoying himself. And that was all Reiner could really ask for. 

The night continued to go well as Armin and Christa were followed by Marco and Ymir singing Of Monsters and Men’s _Little Talks_. After that, Reiner and Sasha hammed it up to _Don’t Go Breaking My Heart_ only to be completely upstaged by Christa and Ymir’s rendition of Beyonce’s _Love on Top_. 

It was then that Marco asked Bertholdt to sing with him. To everyone’s surprise, the brunette agreed, and the next moment, both boys were up on stage singing _Accidentally in Love_. No one made a big deal about it though, knowing that doing so would scare Bertholdt away. Even Ymir and Connie, who couldn’t remember the shy boy he’d been, seemed to have picked up on how careful one had to be to get the brunette to trust them. And for that, Reiner would forever be grateful to them. 

The night continued with Sasha and Marco’s battle over _Before He Cheats_ , then Armin and Connie’s rendition of _American Pie_ , then Sasha kept Connie on stage with her for Rob Thomas’ _Lonely No More_. 

“Wow, we’re on fire tonight,” Armin sighed happily as Sasha helped Connie down from the stage and back to the table. “Who’s next?” 

“I think the better question is what song will be next,” Ymir pointed out. 

“You know, no one’s gotten any T. Swift yet,” Connie commented offhandedly. “I wouldn’t be at all surprised if the next people up there got Love Story or Mine or something.”

“No, my bet’s still on something classic rock,” Marco nodded. “Maybe some Journey or Bon Jovi or Pat Benetar.”

“Why not country?” Sasha asked. “I love country.”

“Cause we already got out allotted one country song,” Ymir replied. “Be thankful it was you.” Sasha shrugged in agreement, popping a mozzarella stick in her mouth (Connie had bet her earlier that she couldn’t fit a whole one in her mouth. He was brutally proven wrong.) “But Reiner, cute new shy person from my history class, your turn.” Reiner felt a wave of adrenaline course through his veins at the thought of the moment he’d secretly been waiting for all night. 

“You know his name,” Reiner corrected with a sharp look at the freckled girl. Ymir simply shrugged, eyes gleaming mischievously.

Bertholdt, (in complete Bertholdt fashion), gave a start at the suggestion, sitting up straighter, his fingers tightly gripping the bottom ledge of his chair. “Oh, I don’t know,” he stuttered quickly. The blonde shook his head with an excited grin. 

“Come on. Sing with me,” Reiner prompted, jumping out of his seat and offering a hand to Bertholdt. Wide green eyes met his, silently pleading with him for something. The look only fueled Reiner’s desire to get him back on the stage. “It’s no fair if only Marco gets to harmonize with your pretty voice.” The brunette sighed, relenting to Reiner’s request and pushing himself out of his chair. The blonde dropped his hand, but smiled. Ymir gave a whoop of excitement as the two boys mounted the stairs to the little stage. Reiner grabbed a microphone and passed it to Bertholdt who took it reluctantly. 

“Hey,” the blonde whispered, leaning close to the taller boy for just a second. He knew he couldn’t stay that close to him too long, lest he forget that he was still a stranger to the brunette and couldn’t lean forward and kiss him. “Don’t worry. You’re gonna be great,” he said encouragingly with a well-timed wink. That earned him a charming little smile that was interrupted by the appearance of their song on the screen. Reiner felt his shoulders physically depress. 

“Connie, I hate you!” he moaned as he heard the bald boy cackle with delight. On the screen, in little blue letters, read: _You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift._ Ymir gave another excited whoop as the music started. 

Reiner looked at Bertholdt apologetically, suddenly regretting forcing the boy on stage with him. “Bertholdt, you don’t have to do this…”

“No, no it’s okay,” the brunette cut him off. His back straightened as the cue time sped closer. “I mean, why not?” he whispered with a giddy little smile that made Reiner a little dizzy. He fought the butterflies with a self-assured grin as he turned back to the screen and sang along. 

_You’re on the phone with your girlfriend, she’s upset. She’s going off about something that you said. But she doesn’t get your humor like I do._

Reiner had known the train wreck he was headed for before they’d even pulled into the parking lot. He knew for a fact that Bertholdt could actually sing while he was tone deaf as a rhinoceros. And that fact was very apparent from the moment the song started. 

_I’m in my room, it’s a typical Tuesday night. I’m listening to the kind of music she doesn’t like. But she’ll never know your story like I do._

But what Reiner lacked in pitch, tone, and timbre, he made up for in stage presence. He began to dance, as cheesily as possible, step touching in time to the beat and mimicking snapping his fingers. He chanced a glance sideways to find Bertholdt watching him with an amused smile as he continued to sing in perfect harmony with the karaoke track. 

_But she wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts. She’s cheer captain and I’m on the bleachers. ___

Reiner pointed to himself on each of the I’s, hyping up the dramatics as much as possible. Next to him, Bertholdt continued to hold the microphone like a lifeline, his legs stock still as if he were frozen in place. A light bulb suddenly went off in Reiner’s head, the objective of getting Bertholdt Hoover to dance with him. 

_Dreaming about the day when you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time._

Reiner paused dramatically in his dancing, spinning on his heels to face the brunette head on. Bertholdt’s eyes widened slightly as a finger was pointed in his direction, aimed at his heart. 

_If you could see that I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with me._

Reiner’s eyes never left Bertholdt, singing to him as if the song were about them. Which… it sort of was. He winked at the brunette on the second “You belong with me,” lilting his voice in what he hoped was the perfect mimic of every sexy, seductive leading actor of the day. Bertholdt laughed in spite of himself. Reiner raised his eyebrows at him as he turned on his heel and stalked to the other end of the stage. The song had taken on a whole new meaning with his self-appointed mission. It was as if he weren’t singing against Bertholdt, but to him. As if he was the one desperately trying to prove to Bertholdt that they were meant to be together. He felt his heart begin to pound harder, in tandem with the trick the karaoke gods were playing on him. A new goal popped into his head: convince Bertholdt they belonged together. He let that goal slip to the back of his mind, focusing instead on the smaller task of getting the brunette to dance with him. Baby steps. 

_Walk in the streets with you and your worn out jeans, I can’t help thinking this is how it ought to be._

Reiner began to move back towards Bertholdt with an over exaggerated walk, swinging his arms happily at his side while keeping the microphone close enough to his mouth to pick up his voice, (not that anyone would mind if he forgot that part). He held his arms wide open on ‘how it ought to be’. 

_Laughing on a park bench thinking to myself: hey isn’t this easy?_

Bertholdt, to Reiner’s amusement, gave an over exaggerated shrug on ‘isn’t this easy?’ and the blonde felt his blood being to boil with excited electricity. 

_And you’ve got a smile that can light up this whole town. I haven’t seen it in a while since she brought you down._

Reiner was pointing again, this time with Bertholdt pointing right back at him. There was still the tension of apprehension in the brunette’s movements. Reiner needed to fix that, moving forward by giving an enthusiastic thumbs down on ‘brought you down,’ and falling to his knees for comedic effect. 

_You say you’re fine, I know you better than that. Hey, whatch’a doin’ with a girl like that?_

Bertholdt offered his hand to Reiner with a fanciful flourish of the wrist, helping him rise back to his feet as he hit the dips and rises of the lyrics with sweet accuracy. His eyes were narrowed suspiciously, as if he were actually interrogating Reiner, admonishing him for believing he didn’t know him. The blonde’s heart soared; he was getting close. 

_She wears high heels, I wear sneakers. She’s cheer captain, and I’m on the bleachers. Dreamin’ bout the day when you wake up and find that what you’re looking for has been here the whole time._

Reiner successfully got Bertholdt to mimic him acting out the lyrics: raising to tip toes for ‘high heels,’ one of the corny moves where you lift one foot behind the opposite knee and tap the bottom of your shoe for ‘sneakers,’ and two terrible pantomimes of cheerleaders and someone sitting miserably on bleachers. And he could tell by the smile lighting up the brunette’s face that he was enjoying it. 

_If you could see that I’m the one who understands you. Been here all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with me._

Reiner returned to his dancing from before, pumping one fist in the air and jamming around his half of the stage. Bertholdt settled for simply step touching back and forth, which, while it was improvement, was not good enough. 

_Standing by and waiting at your back door. All this time how could you now know? Baby, you belong with me. You belong with me!_

Slowly, Reiner slid his way closer and closer to Bertholdt, until he was close enough to grab his hand on the second ‘you belong with me.’ He heard the sharp gasp from his taller companion, but ignored his surprise by twirling him under his arm as the track rolled into the music break. Reiner didn’t let go of Bertholdt’s hand after the turn either, instead pulling him through a series of cheesy, cliché dance moves that certainly required both hands and would’ve been much easier without microphones. Amidst the spinning came the sounds of laughter, from Bertholdt or himself, the blonde couldn’t tell. But the sweetness of the moment, the feeling of Bertholdt’s hand in his again, lit up the room like lightning. 

_Oh, I remember you driving to my house in the middle of the night. I’m the one who makes you laugh when you know you’re ‘bout to cry._

Reluctantly, Reiner let go of Bertholdt’s hand, opting to simply sing to his partner as if the two were having a serious conversation. Bertholdt, still a little shaken from their dance break, easily caught on to Reiner’s game, his green eyes intently watching the blonde for warning signs of any more sudden twirling. His voice was still so clear and beautiful, Reiner couldn’t keep his lips in a straight line. 

_I know your favorite songs, and you tell me ‘bout your dreams. Think I know where you belong. Think I know it’s with me._

Reiner carried on with his antics, pointing with energy on every ‘I’ and ‘you,’ but he felt his heart beat faster on the last lyric. Especially with the gentle lilt to Bertholdt’s voice as he sang it. The blonde knew, of course, that he was only imitating the song, but he couldn’t help wondering if there was an ulterior motive buried underneath. 

_Can’t you see that I’m the one who understands you? Been here all along, so why can’t you see? You belong with me._

Bertholdt threw his free arm wide, as if he were truly asking Reiner those questions. In the heat of the moment, the blonde was able to do the same, to play up the dramatics, to hide away the fact that he meant every single word he was singing (or whatever his equivalent of singing was). 

_Standing by and waiting at your back door. All this time, how could you know? Baby, you belong with me. You belong with me!_

Reiner returned to his dancing, looking away from Bertholdt and losing himself in the music for just a moment. His golden eyes flashed suddenly when they looked back on the taller boy as he sang the third ‘you belong with me’ in the most perfect way possible; so calm and assured, confident and sweet. So Bertholdt. Reiner shook his head as, together, they sang: 

_Have you ever thought just maybe you belong with me? You belong with me._

Reiner held his mic in the air as the song drew to a close, taking a dramatic step backwards. His heart was beating wildly in his chest, lungs gasping for air. He took one look at the brunette, one look at his smiling face, shining with happiness. Without a thought, Reiner moved forward and pulled Bertholdt into a hug, casual as he could. He pushed away first, offering up a high five that the brunette accepted. 

“Not bad,” he complimented with a winning smile. “And you didn’t want to sing with me.” 

“It wasn’t you,” Bertholdt replied quickly. 

“What?” Reiner asked, his face wrinkling with confusion. “But you sing like a freaking angel. It has to be me.” 

That earned him a laugh from the brunette, a genuine laugh charged with happiness and just a little bit of nervousness. It was so Bertholdt, it almost hurt. Just like the way he’d sung that one phrase. There was something about that boy, something unique to his essence, that drew Reiner to him so inexplicably. And feeling that something again, even if Bertholdt didn’t remember him, was worth it. 

After Reiner and Bertholdt’s song, Armin got a call from him mom asking when he planned on coming home, and that became the signal that they should all start heading out. Checks were paid, hugs were exchanged, new inside jokes were tossed around for the first time. A classic ending to a classic night of karaoke and French fries, the first of many to come that year. 

As everyone disappeared towards their cars, Reiner offered to drive Bertholdt back to his car, (which was still at the high school, as they’d all carpooled to the restaurant), but the brunette declined, opting to walk. 

“I just want to try to learn my way around the city,” Bertholdt explained. “The high school isn’t too far from here. And it’s just such a nice night.” He looked up at the dark sky, a few stars peeking through. 

“Hey, fine by me,” Reiner shrugged, hands in his pockets. “Then at least let me walk with you to the next street corner. That’s where I parked.” 

“Fine by me,” Bertholdt said with a smile. Reiner smiled back at the brunette’s repetition of his own words. They walked on in silence, completely comfortable. Reiner found himself caught in his memory again, all the times he’d walked side by side with Bertholdt back in the old world, neither one saying a word. He hadn’t really appreciated it back then, hadn’t understood the value of having someone you were so close with that you could simply enjoy their presence without making a sound. 

Not to mention that under the street lamps, Bertholdt’s eyes looked more green than usual. And he hadn’t quite stopped smiling since their song. He’d had fun, truly had fun. Seeing Bertholdt so obviously happy brightened the smile on Reiner’s face, a small chuckle escaping from his throat. 

“What are you thinking about?” Bertholdt asked offhandedly. 

“Just… how cute you are,” Reiner admitted honestly. 

“Cute?” Bertholdt questioned, cocking his head to the side as they continued on down the street. Reiner kept his eyes focused in front of him, hands shoved in his pockets. He could see the gleam of disbelief in the brunette’s green eyes without looking over at him. 

“Yeah. You’re just… adorable,” the blonde said, the words tumbling out of his mouth with a laugh. “Sorry if that makes you uncomfortable.” 

“No, no it’s just… I’ve never been called ‘cute’ before,” Bertholdt said in reply, sounding an odd mix of surprised, intrigued, and proud. He awkwardly stuffed his hands in the pockets of his black jacket. “T-thank you.” 

“Anytime,” Reiner smirked coolly, looking off nonchalantly at the other side of the street. It looked empty, no one passing by the street lamps shining on dark storefronts. “Did you have a good time tonight?” 

Bertholdt nodded. “Yes I did. I’m glad Ymir invited me along.” Reiner snuck a peek at the childlike smile lighting up the taller boy’s face. He didn’t look too long though, fearing the blush he could already feel climbing his cheeks. Bertholdt’s smile had always made him uncontrollably happy. Perhaps it had something to do with the scarcity of genuine Bertholdt smiles he’d glimpsed in the old world. “Your friends are really fun people.” 

“I’m glad you think so, cause they already love you,” Reiner replied. Bertholdt’s spine straightened. “And you said you don’t make friends easily.” 

“But I don’t!” Bertholdt argued lightly. “This was like magic or something.” 

“Not magic. Just a lot of extroverts and Armin in a room together with a karaoke machine,” Reiner corrected, wagging his finger in front of Bertholdt’s face. “No amount of shyness can withstand our friendly nature.” 

“Oh really?” the brunette challenged. 

“Yeah really,” Reiner shot back. 

“Then I guess I’m pretty lucky we’re in the same English class,” Bertholdt said. Reiner smiled, knocking his elbow against the brunette’s. 

“I guess so,” he said in reply. He then nodded towards the road signs. “This is my street. You’ve got about two more blocks to walk, then turn right and you should be good from there. Do you want me to walk it with you, or can you handle it.” 

“I think I’ve got it, but thank you,” Bertholdt nodded his head, looking up at the signs himself. “Two blocks, make a right, then things should look familiar. Got it.” He flashed Reiner one more winning smile. “Thanks again for all your help. With finding my way through the city and making friends and all. You don’t know how much it means to me.” 

Reiner gave one solitary nod. “Anytime, friend. That’s what I’m here for. Be safe walking to your car.” 

“Thanks. You too,” Bertholdt said, moving to cross the street. He offered a small wave. “Goodnight.” 

“Goodnight,” Reiner waved back. “Hey, could you shoot me a text when you get home? Just so I know you aren’t lost in a field somewhere.” 

“Of course,” Bertholdt replied, walking backwards across the side street so he could still see the blonde. “Goodnight, Reiner!” 

“Night, Bertholdt,” Reiner replied. The brunette turned around, still smiling, and began to make his way home. 

“You can’t take a compliment because you feel as though you don’t deserve it,” Reiner whispered to himself as he watched Bertholdt walk on alone down the street. “You fidget during conversations to give the appearance of listening because you fear that they think you are disinterested because you don’t vocalize your interest. You like to talk about yourself on the surface level because you don’t want to bore people. You blush and smile easier when you like the person you are talking to. You run your hands through your hair more often when you find the person you are talking to attractive because you want them to find you attractive too but don’t know how to get there.” He paused, taking a deep breath. The image of Bertholdt Hoover turned around a corner and disappeared from sight. “Damn,” Reiner breathed, rubbing his hands over his eyes. “So close. So close.” 

“But not close enough.” 

* 

February 8, 847 

“Hey Reiner?” Bertholdt asked as the two of them left the study room, leaving Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Christa, and Ymir to their work. 

“Yeah?” the blonde asked, turning to face his friend with a cheerful smile. 

Bertholdt had to look away. Reiner looked too happy for what he was about to ask. “Do you know why we’re here?” 

“Sure I do,” Reiner replied confidently. “We’re here to learn how to fight titans, training to join the military.” He paused at the dark expression that crossed the brunette’s face. “What? Isn’t that what we’re doing?” 

Bertholdt sighed, his eyes scanning the room quickly. “Is there anything else?” he asked hopefully. “Anything after we join the military?” 

“Of course there is,” Reiner answered energetically. “Once we’re in the military, we’re going to fight for the king. We’re going to defend the walls and, hopefully, one day defeat the titans. Win back the world for humanity, you know.” A stab of disappointment shot its way through the brunette’s chest, settling there like a stone. He’d been expecting that answer, but hearing it out loud didn’t make anything better. It actually made him feel a whole lot worse. 

“I know,” Bertholdt whispered, unable to keep the disappointment out of his voice. He’d started to notice something different about his blonde friend, not necessarily something bad but definitely not something good either. For the past month or so, Reiner hadn’t mentioned the mission at all. It seemed to come and go from his mind. Sometimes, he’d openly discuss the plan with Bertholdt when they were alone, and other times, it took a lot of provoking on Bertholdt’s part to get him to remember it. Reiner had also become more enthusiastic about the military, taking training and lessons very seriously, joking around with the others at free time, talking about the future as if they were going to spend it with these people. As if these people would still treat them this way when they knew the truth. It was almost as though Reiner had forgotten that their lives as cadets were a lie. At first, Bertholdt had played along, but now it was starting to scare him. He figured his question was probably the best one to see if Reiner knew the truth or not. 

“Hey.” Reiner said, moving closer to Bertholdt, eyeing him nervously. “What’s wrong?” Berthold shrugged him off. 

“Nothing,” he sighed. “Come on, we should go join the others in the common room. They’re probably wondering where we are.” 

Reiner’s eyes followed the brunette as he walked faster towards the doorway at the end of the hall, following after him with a worried look on his face. He didn’t try to say anything. He had no idea what had come over Bertholdt, and the brunette’s face was unreadable as ever. Reiner had never been very good about reading other people, that had always been Bertholdt’s forte. But now his talents were closed off to Reiner as he clearly didn’t want to talk about whatever was bothering him. Reiner decided that all he could do now was try to snap Bertl out of it, make him laugh again. He loved Bertholdt’s laugh. 

“Hey guys!” Marco greeted when the two entered the common room. 

“Evening,” Reiner replied cheerily, his eyes taking a quick scan of the room. “What’s going on?” 

“We were just going to run through a few combat exercises,” Sasha explained. “Want to join?” 

“Sure,” Reiner answered, looking to Bertholdt for confirmation. The brunette simply nodded. 

“Great! You two can be partners, then,” Sasha said. “What we’re trying to do is prepare for the observations tomorrow. So just don’t get too crazy because we’re inside after all.” 

“I still don’t understand why this is so important,” Jean commented, crossing his arms over his chest. “So we’re getting observed tomorrow. It’s not like it’s an exam. Or even graded for that matter…” 

“You don’t understand!” Sasha exclaimed. “So what if it isn’t graded? If Shadis sees us working hard, he’ll be more likely to give us better grades later on!” 

“Yeah, just cause you’re grades are fine doesn’t mean you can just forget about the rest of us,” Connie added enthusiastically. Reiner couldn’t help smiling as he watched them. 

“Alright everyone, settle down,” the blonde said, moving forward with his hands outstretched, as if he were attempting to settle a pack of wound-up puppies. “Let’s just run through the exercises quick, okay?” A chorus of assent rose guiltily from the group, and then the room divided into a number of one-on-one matches. Or really half matches, as they were inside. 

Bertholdt took the defensive right away, dodging and blocking Reiner’s hits instead of making any of his own. Reiner figured that was fair. As the years of warrior training had wore on, the Elders had intensified Berick, Annie, and Reiner’s combat training, but had Bertholdt focus more on shifting and disappearing instead of fighting. It made sense: Bertholdt’s titan form wasn’t meant to fight while the others were. The brunette had still picked up a lot from the training he had received, but hardly ever used it in the months they’d been in the cadet corps. Maybe it was because the other trainees were intimidated by his height and tried to avoid sparing with him. Or maybe it was because he was afraid to hurt someone. That had always been a thing for Bertl, even when they were kids; he was about as scared of hurting people as the sky is blue. 

Whatever the reason, Reiner hadn’t seen Bertholdt using the full extent of his combat skills in a long time, and for some odd reason that bothered him. A part of his brain was aching to see Bertholdt’s warrior side shine through his shy exterior. Maybe that was his heart talking instead of his head, he’d begun to confuse the two as of late, ever since he’d come to the conclusion that he was in love with his best friend. Reiner kicked high. Bertholdt blocked him with one arm. The blonde boy used the momentum to spin himself around in a circle, lunging back to gain more power. He and Bertholdt had fought so many times, it was hard to get a good hit in. They knew one another’s technique so well, all the mannerisms, patterns, and tricks of the trade. It would take a real surprise to slip the other one up. 

And the surprise this time came when Bertholdt’s foot slipped on the floor and he failed to dodge out of the way in time. 

Reiner kicked again, his foot colliding with bone-crushing speed into Bertholdt’s face. Momentum broken, Reiner fell to his knees as the brunette cried out. “Bertholdt!” the blonde exclaimed, scrambling to his feet, stumbling towards his friend. The room went quiet around them. Someone gasped. Bertholdt’s face was hidden behind his hands. A slow trickle of blood ran down his wrist. “Let me see,” Reiner said, softly pulling the brunette’s hands away. 

The left side of Bertholdt’s face was a bright red that would soon bruise to an angry black, blue and purple, and his eye beginning to swell. His nose, though bleeding steadily, didn’t look too crooked or out of place. His cheek had obviously taken most of the hit, and for that, Reiner let go of a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding. 

“What happened?” Marco asked, moving closer to the pair. 

“I kicked him,” Reiner answered earnestly. Bertholdt slowly rose to his feet, Reiner following suit. “It was an accident.” 

“I know,” the taller brunette whispered softly. His voice was muffled as he’d covered his face with his hands again. “I’m just gonna… I’ll be back.” 

The brunette walked quickly through the doorway and Reiner ran after him, ignoring all the stares and whispers from the teenagers crowded in the common room. He knew Marco could handle them. He had a bigger problem right now. 

Reiner caught up to Bertholdt in no time, as the brunette had stopped and waited for him at the end of the hallway. 

“Bertholdt, I’m so sorry,” Reiner said, pulling to a stop in front of him. 

“N-no, it’s okay,” Bertholdt stammered, pressing the sleeve of his sweater against his nose. He looked at the blood on his other hand and visibly paled. Reiner grabbed his shoulder protectively. 

“Come on. Let’s get you to the infirmary…“ 

“No,” Bertholdt whispered. 

Reiner paused. “Huh?” 

“N-no,” Bertholdt repeated. He took a step back from Reiner, tears suddenly brimming in his eyes. 

“Bertholdt?” Reiner breathed, his heartbeat picking up with worry. He tried to reach for his friend again, but the taller boy took another step away. His eyes were unfocused, as if he were seeing something far away, buried in his memory. There was sheer terror there as well. Reiner had seen that look before, but it took a few moments, and a few mumbled words from the brunette, for his mind to locate the memory. 

He hardly heard Bertholdt whisper, “I can’t do it. I’ll fail. I’ll fail.” But he’d heard enough. The words were the key that unlocked Reiner’s memory. 

The blonde gasped when the image of a seven-year-old Bertholdt, kneeling on the grass and panting raggedly with exhaustion, flashed before his eyes. The child was being yelled at by Elder Thomas to shift again, for the fifth time that day. Bertholdt begged him to stop, pleading with the man, saying he couldn’t shift again, that he would fail, that he knew he would fail. Thomas didn’t listen though, angrily slicing a gash into the brunette’s cheek and pushing him until he shifted, not even caring that he was blown back in the blast. It was the first time any of them had been pushed to shift more then three times in one day. 

The memory skipped ahead to the moment when Berick pulled a half-conscious Bertholdt free from the remains of the Colossal Titan. The tall boy’s knees buckled as soon as Berick let go of him. His face was torn apart with scars, blood trickling from his nose as he collapsed in the grass, gasping for breath as if he were crying. Reiner and Berick had been at his side, Annie too, simply watching as their friend broke down, knowing they couldn’t do anything to make the pain go away except make sure Bertholdt knew they were there. 

“Is it the village?” Reiner asked, already knowing the answer. 

“It was the first time I’d ever gotten a nosebleed,” Bertholdt said in a distant, distracted voice. “The next time, I just passed out. I can’t even remember that day anymore…” 

“Bertholdt,” Reiner said sternly, staring steadily into his friend’s eyes. He seized the taller boy by the arms, forcing attention. “This is not the village. We’re safe here. As insane as Shadis is, he will never push you like that again. Do you understand me? You’re safe!” 

“I know,” Bertholdt whimpered. “I just… this is the first time I’ve thought about the village in three months.” He took a shaking breath. “I was doing so well.” 

Reiner’s smile was laced with sadness as he watched his friend swipe the tears from his eyes. “And I’m proud of you,” the blonde said. “I’m glad you’ve finally been able to forget. But don’t let this one little memory upset you.” 

“Oh, that’s not why I’m upset.” 

“Huh?” Reiner blinked, his eyebrows arching curiously. 

Bertholdt shook his head, giving a small laugh. “I’m crying cause I just got kicked in the face and tears are the body’s natural reaction to pain.” 

Reiner froze for a moment before bursting out laughing. Bertholdt laughed along with him. For that single moment in time, things felt normal again, like they had when home had still been home instead of the awful ‘village’ they remembered now. For just that one tick of the clock, they were just two boys sharing a laugh, enjoying each other’s presence. They were still laughing when the showed up at the infirmary. 

** 

Saturday, September 26, 2014 

The doorbell rang. 

“I’ll get it!” Reiner’s cousin Julia cried, racing towards the door as her brother Tyler called, “I wanna get it!” Reiner laughed as the two children squabbled over the lock, Julia eventually triumphing over her brother and throwing the door wide open. 

“Hi,” the little girl’s voice carried through the house. “Are you Reiner’s friend?” 

“Hi,” Bertholdt’s voice replied. Reiner started to move towards the entryway. “And yes, I am Reiner’s friend. You must be his cousins. I’ve heard a lot about you.” 

“Yeah, we are!” Tyler exclaimed as only a four year old could, bending his knees and jumping a bit with excitement. 

“You’re really tall,” Julia observed. 

Bertholdt laughed. “Thank you.” 

Reiner decided now was a good time to make his entrance, sneaking up and scooping both cousins up into his arms with a battle cry. The children squealed with delight. Bertholdt laughed again, a smile lighting up his face as Reiner put the kids back down. 

“Reiner!” Julia exclaimed, slamming her tiny fists against his stomach. “You scared us!” But she was giggling. 

“What? I thought you liked when I picked you up,” Reiner challenged. He sighed overdramatically. “Guess I can’t give you piggy back rides anymore if you’re scared of…” 

“No!” Julia insisted, reaching for the blonde’s hand. “I like it when you pick me up.” 

“Me too!” Tyler chimed in. Reiner smiled. 

“Okay, good,” he said. “Now why don’t you two go play in the basement? Bertholdt and I have to leave soon and I want him to meet Aunt Maur.” 

“Okay,” Julia replied, taking her little brother by the hand. “It was nice to meet you Ber… Bertl… Bert…” 

“Bertholdt,” the brunette inserted helpfully. “I know, it’s tricky. I couldn’t even say it right till I was five and a half.” The little girl beamed up at him before scurrying off to play with her brother. “They’re precious.” 

“Thanks. They’re always a fun time,” Reiner replied. “Come on in. Mom’s waiting in the kitchen. You can leave your shoes on.” He motioned for Bertholdt to follow him as he walked through the hall to the kitchen. “Mom?” 

“Yes?” Maureen Braun replied, turning around from a pot on the stove. She was wearing a blue t-shirt with jeans and her blonde hair was pulled into a messy bun. Her face lit up at the sight of the brunette walking in behind her son. 

“Mom, this is Bertholdt,” Reiner introduced as the brunette took his prompt and moved to shake his mother’s hand. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Braun,” Bertholdt said with one of his charming smiles. 

“It’s very nice to finally meet you too,” the woman replied, running her eyes quickly up and down his tall frame. “I’ve heard a lot about you. And please, call me Maureen.” 

“Thank you,” Bertholdt said, stepping back so he was in line with Reiner. 

“So you just moved here?” Maureen asked, moving back to the stove. 

“Yes. We moved here from Stohess,” Bertholdt answered. 

“Very nice,” the woman nodded. “And what classes are you in, sweet heart?” 

“I’m in AP English, honors pre-calculus, physics, AP European history, French level four, and choir,” Bertholdt listed. Maureen paused and gave him an astonished look. 

“Wow! That’s quite a schedule,” she said, a hint of pride in her voice. “Good for you. Have you thought about where you want to go to school yet? Or what you want to do?” 

“No, I really haven’t thought about it too much yet,” the brunette shook his head. Reiner smiled. He seemed to be doing fine with all the questions. The only sign of the nervousness he must’ve been feeling was the way his fingers kept twitching. 

“That’s fine. You’ve got plenty of time,” the woman said. “Well, I don’t want to hold you boys up. It was so nice to meet you, Bertholdt. You’re welcome here anytime, honey.” 

“Thank you,” Bertholdt replied. “It was nice to meet you too Mrs. Brau… Maureen.” Reiner’s mother smiled as the blonde directed the brunette back towards the door and waved to his mom before disappearing after him. 

“Your mom’s really nice,” Bertholdt commented as they slid into the front seat of his car. 

“Thank you,” Reiner said, shutting the passenger’s door tightly. “I’m really lucky to have her.” 

Speaking of his mother, Reiner’s phone buzzed with a text from the woman as Bertholdt pulled out of the Braun’s driveway. 

**Mom: Marry him.**

Reiner smiled to himself and typed back a response. 

**Reiner: We’re not even dating!**

“Thank you for driving me, by the way,” the blonde said. 

“Anytime,” Bertholdt said in response, focusing on making a left turn out of Reiner’s neighborhood. Another text came in and the blonde looked at it as discreetly as possible. 

**Mom: Well, get to it, dude! A kid like that won’t be on the market for long! You have my blessing. Marry him.**

Reiner shook his head. If only his mom knew how badly he wanted that to happen. 

~ 

“I’m still confused at why there are fireworks in September,” Jean said. Sasha had introduced him to Marco a week and a half prior, and since then, they’d gone out twice. This was their third ‘not-date,’ (cause Marco didn’t want to rush Jean into anything, even though the fair-haired boy seemed properly enamored with the freckled brunette), and Jean’s first time meeting the gang. Not surprisingly, he fit right in. And without Eren there to tick him off, he was positively charming. “I mean, I understand the concept of celebrating the school year, but it seems a little late now, doesn’t it?” 

“It does, but I think I’ve figured out why,” Ymir said, leaning against Sasha’s kitchen table in a conspiratorial fashion. “I think it’s just to force people to cuddle with one another.” Jean chuckled, unconsciously sliding closer to Marco. Or at least the action looked unconscious to Reiner. He bet the two would be dating next week. Jean was a little reckless when it came to love, and regardless of Marco not pushing him, he was falling fast anyway. And even Marco’s flirting tactics looked reckless compared to Bertholdt. Reiner cursed himself for falling in love with someone so guarded, but reminded himself that it would be worth the wait. 

“I don’t know, that seems a little far fetched,” Connie argued. 

“Why?” Ymir challenged lightly. “It’s a perfect way to let someone know you like them.” 

“But you could always just use words like normal humans instead of going straight for the cuddling,” Connie replied. 

Both Armin and Bertholdt replied with an automatic: “You can’t tell a girl you like them; it makes you look like an idiot.” The two boys froze, eyes widening as they stared at each other in slow motion. 

“You’ve seen A Very Potter Musical?” Armin asked, a little breathless. 

“Yeah,” Bertholdt answered. “I’ve watched it at least three times through.” 

“No way,” Armin shook his head. “I have all the music to it on my phone.” 

“Me too,” Bertholdt admitted shamelessly, seemingly amazed that they’d never brought this up before. “So, you must be an intense Potter fan. I assume you’ve read all the books? Seen all the films?” 

“Multiple times,” Armin exclaimed. “Were you a midnight premiere kid?” 

“Yes! Which book is your favorite?” 

Watching them was like watching someone put magnets on a fridge. The connection was instantaneous as they got lost in the world of being Harry Potter fans. Before anyone knew it, they’d moved to the Hunger Games trilogy, then Game of Thrones, and then to numerous other books, classics and science fiction and young adult lit and more. It was a textbook definition of nerdiness. Ymir had dubbed these kinds of moments the ‘cell division of nerdom’; creating new nerds and expanding the horizons of the kingdom each day. 

As the two continued to chat excitedly about the wonderful world of books, Reiner couldn’t help but smile. The sight of the two of them, leaning towards one another across the table, their height difference obsolete, brought him right back to the old world. Armin and Bertholdt used to be able to talk for hours. They were both just so interested in learning, sharing knowledge and listening to what others had to say. Watching them interact had always made Reiner feel light and happy. 

But as his gaze lingered on the two now, rekindling the friendship they once had, he felt the hole in his heart beating with a fresh wave of pain. The smile began to slip away. Jealousy poisoned the happiness he’d felt at seeing Bertholdt look so happy again, because someone else was making him smile like that. 

Reiner slipped away from the table, unnoticed, as everyone had continued whatever conversation they’d started before the Harry Potter double jinx. 

The blonde made his way to the front door, pushing out into the early autumn night. The air was cool, a slight breeze sending a chill through the air. It was comforting after the heat of the party. Reiner moved across the porch to the steps, slumping down on the first of three, his elbows resting against his knees. He took a deep breath. 

Pursuing Bertholdt in this world was a lot harder than it had been the first time. They’d been friends since they were kids in the old world, and they’d had a life-threatening secret to hold them together, not to mention the shared guilt they carried between them. Reiner needed Bertholdt to remember who he was, and Bertholdt needed Reiner to prove he wasn’t alone. They needed each other like a heart needs a beat. 

It was totally different now. They hadn’t met in childhood, when making friends is second nature and one’s inhibitions aren’t as strong. Instead, he’d met Bertholdt at a time in which the brunette was probably as insecure as he’d ever be. Getting Bertholdt to trust him now was hard. And, although he hated to admit it, watching Armin break the wall so easily hurt him like hell. It wasn’t fair that Armin could win back Bertl’s friendship by dropping one little quote, when Reiner was working his tail off to get the boy to just smile at him. 

Then again, wasn’t he enjoying spending so much time with Bertholdt? And if that was true why couldn’t he see the sidewalk through the tears in his eyes? 

“Reiner?” 

The blonde jumped, shoulders tensing as he swiped the water from his eyes before he turned around. He felt his breath catch. Bertholdt was standing in the doorway, watching him with worried green eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

The blonde shrugged half-heartedly. “It’s nothing,” he said, feeling incredibly lame as the lie tumbled off his lips. 

“No, tell me. What is it?” Bertholdt asked, stepping forward. He stood there, staring down at Reiner for a moment before carefully lowering himself onto the step. He’d been waiting for Reiner to tell him to leave. Or stay. Reiner couldn’t tell. But the blonde could felt his heart swell up at the genuine worry in his friend’s eyes. A fresh wave of tears stung the back of his eyes. 

“It’s just…” He sighed, rubbing the back of his hand roughly against his eyes. Bertholdt placed a hand on his shoulder. His touch was so gentle, soft and warm, communicating something words couldn’t: compassion. Caring for another person. Something Bertholdt often felt intimidated to communicate aloud, but always seemed to know how to show in actions. Instead of helping, it seemed to make the tears come faster. Reiner hid his face in his hand, elbow propped up on his knee. Bertholdt continued to sit with him, hand on his shoulder, not saying anything for a moment. 

“Is it your dad?” the brunette asked quietly. 

Reiner felt a smile tug at his lips. That Bertholdt remembered that meant a lot to him, something he’d have to let the brunette know later. “No. No it’s not that,” he shook his head. 

“Is it your last relationship?” 

The blonde laughed in spite of himself. “Damn. You’re good at this game,” he sighed, rubbing a hand at the back of his neck. “But, uh, yeah… Sometimes, being at places like this, with all these smiling people, just reminds me of him. His smile, his laugh. But that’s all gone now. And it’s like he… he doesn’t even remember me. And… and it shouldn’t bother me, but it still does.” 

“Do you want to talk about him?” Bertholdt questioned. 

“Nah,” Reiner shook his head. Why talk about him when he’s sitting right next to me? 

“Do you want me to stay with you?” Bertholdt asked. Reiner could hear the apprehension in his voice when he asked it, like he was nervous of the answer but knew he’d beat himself up later if he didn’t get it out. “Until you’re ready to go back inside?” 

“That’d be great,” the blonde said, staring up at the brunette through watery eyes. Bertholdt smiled softly, his arm carefully moving around Reiner’s shoulder. The blonde let his head fall on the brunette’s shoulder, willing himself not to cry anymore. Bertholdt felt warm, smelled vaguely of cinnamon and laundry detergent. It felt almost natural to be this close to him. Reiner was tempted to throw his arms around the taller boy and never let go. But he didn’t. Instead, he asked: “Hey Bertholdt?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Thank you,” Reiner said. “For caring.” 

Bertholdt gave a small laugh. “What are friends for?” he asked. 

“What are friends for,” Reiner repeated softly. 

About ten minutes later, Reiner pulled away from Bertholdt’s embrace and stood up, stretching his back with a sideways grin at the brunette. “Sorry about that,” he sighed, placing his hands on his hips. 

“Don’t apologize,” Bertholdt replied, standing up. He was standing on the lowest step, and with Reiner was on the second, they were the same height. Reiner could see head on the way that the porch lights caught the color in Bertholdt’s eyes. “I’m just glad you’re okay.” 

“Well, it’s all thanks to you,” Reiner said, clapping a hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. “It means a lot to me that you came out here.” Bertholdt smiled shyly. “Now come on. This is your first year in Trost, and I’m not letting you miss the fireworks.” 

Bertholdt laughed as Reiner led the way back inside. The group didn’t give any sort of reaction when the duo returned, but Reiner caught both Sasha and Marco’s eyes. The way Marco was smiling and the wink he got from Sasha brought a smile back to his face. 

“Okay, guys, we’ve got like five minutes. Let’s get outside,” Ymir announced, glancing at her watch. There was a chorus of affirmative responses, and soon enough, the whole gang was in Sasha’s backyard. As soon as they’d gotten outside, Christa had pulled Ymir straight for one of the blankets spread on the grass, where the two were now sitting with Christa leaning against Ymir with the brunette running a hand though the blonde’s hair. Marco and Armin took the other blanket, pulling Jean down in between them and chatting excitedly about the fireworks. Reiner and Bertholdt ended up sitting side by side in two soccer chairs, Connie and Sasha right next to them. The sky was an inky midnight blue, clear and perfect for fireworks. 

“Oh, I’m so excited!” Sasha squealed, squeezing Connie’s arm excitedly. The boy laughed, leaning closer to her. 

“I thought you weren’t a fan of loud noises,” he said accusingly. Sasha shrugged. 

“Only the ones I don’t expect. It’s expected with fireworks,” she explained. 

“And that’s why you’re clinging to my arm like it’s a life preserver,” Connie observed, sarcasm oozing in his tone. Sasha’s lips pursed together in irritation as Connie laughed at her. The boy stopped, flashing her a winning smile. “It’s okay, though. You can hang on to me as hard as you need. I’m a football player. I got muscles to spare.” 

“Hm, I don’t know. Where’s your evidence?” Sasha asked jokingly, pinching Connie’s thin bicep. 

Reiner smirked at their flirting patterns. Blank or not, nothing had changed in how much of a dork Connie was in all things romantic. 

A boom went off, red sparks lighting up the sky. A chorus of ooo’s went up from the yard. Sasha gave a little yelp, and went in to hug Connie’s abdomen tight. The boy wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulders. 

A second firework went off, shooting green spark through the air. Reiner watched the show with a smile on his face, sneaking peeks at Bertholdt every few seconds. The brunette was watching the sky with a look of wonder on his face, lips slightly parted and eyes wide like a child’s. The fireworks lit up his eyes, having their own mini show just for Reiner on the emerald backdrop of his irises. 

If he was going to make a move, it should be now. It was only right. 

Keeping his eyes focused forward, Reiner carefully slid his arm around Bertholdt’s shoulders. He felt the boy’s muscles tense under his hand, but relax after a moment. In fact, the next thing Reiner knew, Bertl’s head was leaning lightly against his shoulder. The blonde’s heart felt as though it could explode. He hadn’t felt this happy since… well, since the first time they’d kissed back in the old world. 

Reiner decided he could wait a little longer for their second first kiss. If the way he felt now was any indication, he knew a kiss from Bertholdt would send him straight into cardiac arrest. And Reiner wasn’t sure he was ready to die yet. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it! 
> 
> Look out for an update soon (don't be surprised if it's another week; I'm so sorry about that, by the way... this is just taking longer for me to get right!)
> 
> You can also find my on tumblr at princessofthepen if you so desire!


	3. Right Place, Right Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Present: Reiner and Bertholdt break the border between friends and best friends, but how much longer can Reiner wait until they become something more? 
> 
> Past: Bertholdt and Reiner begin to fall harder and harder for each other, but how much longer can Bertholdt go on without his partner in crime to fend off the guilt?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! I am so sorry for the slow updates; I'm heading back to school soon, so I'm currently reeling through the final days of work and social interaction and I'm trying my best to get this done! 
> 
> This chapter was based of the prompt 'modern au' which is kind of the whole story so... this is basically just more super fun fluff (in the present world anyway... ;3 ) 
> 
> ***Important! There is a scene of contemplated suicide near the end of the chapter (the section beginning with the date JANUARY 4, 849) If this is a trigger for you, the last thing I want to do is make you feel uncomfortable, so please skip over that section. 
> 
> A couple of notes before we start (these will make no senses now, but it's a way for me to explain some minor details in the story later on):  
> 1\. I don't know if 3DMG gear ever gets hot, I feel like it would.  
> 2\. I know nothing about football, so that's why those scenes never actually show the games (I'm a baby when it comes to horror movies too, so that scene also lacks some description)  
> 3\. Licking things to claim them as your own is a card in Card Against Humanity, and I make a joke about that without stating that's where it came from.  
> 4\. I still have no idea why I put Connie on crutches.   
> 5\. I'm sorry about all the parentheses. I really don't know what my obsession with them is. 
> 
> Enjoy!

*

March 30, 848

Bertholdt blushed as he caught Reiner’s eye from across the lecture hall and the blonde winked at him. The brunette turned back to his notes with furious attention, pressing harder on his pen than he had to. 

He’d started to notice two changes in Reiner since January. One was the development of an alter ego, which was the bigger of the two problems and one Bertholdt wasn’t ready to handle yet. He was still holding out hope that the blonde would get over that and he wouldn’t have to handle it at all. The other change was much more immediate, and much closer to home. 

It had started with the way Reiner looked at him when he thought no one else was watching. After Bertholdt had caught Reiner staring at him more than just a few times, he’s started to pick up on the blonde’s other not so subtle hints. How he’d listen intently whenever Bertholdt talked, whether in class, during training, or in the dorms. The way he stressed certain words in conversation, as if there was a deeper meaning meant only for Bertholdt. How his hands would linger for just a second too long whenever their hands bumped together or when he’d straighten out the brunette’s hair or collar or something. 

The pieces had started to fall into place, and everything seemed to make more sense now. Reiner was flirting with him. Reiner Braun, his best friend since the age of five, was hitting on him. Reiner freaking Braun, the toughest, friendliest, most well-liked, most attractive guy in the entire cadet corps was romantically interested in him, the epitome of shy and socially awkward. The very thought made Bertholdt’s heart race. He couldn’t imagine what Reiner saw in him. 

He risked another glance in Reiner’s direction. The blonde was now absorbed in his notes, but by the looks of it, he was more focused on doodling than actually taking notes. Bertholdt took the opportunity to study the boy. Reiner had always been good at adapting to new places, new people. He fit right into life here in training. He was an average student, and an above average soldier. Shadis favored him for his teamwork abilities and brute strength. The other cadets loved him for the heart of gold that lay behind all that muscle. Bertholdt loved him because he was the one thing in his life that hadn’t changed. 

And even that wasn’t true anymore. 

The brunette frowned, focus moving back to his own notebook. Reiner was different, yet somehow the same. It was because of the alter ego Bertholdt wasn’t ready to face yet. As the solider, (Bertholdt’s name for the new personality), Reiner was as enthusiastic as he’d always been, but couldn’t remember the mission at all. Which scared the brunette to his core. If he couldn’t talk to Reiner about what they’d done, what they were still going to do… Well, he didn’t want to think about what would happen then. It wouldn’t be good. He’d cross that bridge only if he had to. 

He’d considered talking to Annie about it, finding a quiet space where no one would overhear the exchange. But he couldn’t tell Annie about it without telling her about how he felt about Reiner, because she would know. Heck, Annie probably knew already. She was good at things like that. 

Bertholdt wasn’t ready to see that knowing look in Annie’s ice blue eyes, mostly because he wasn’t ready to understand it himself. He didn’t want to acknowledge the way his heartbeat sped up when he caught Reiner staring at him, or the butterflies that spread through his chest when the blonde said his name, or even the sting of excitement he felt when he considered the fact that Reiner was openly flirting with him. 

Bertholdt wasn’t ready to accept that his best friend had fallen for him, and that he’d fallen right back. 

Maybe it was because of the mission. He didn’t want to get too distracted, and he knew for a fact that a romantic relationship with a comrade would screw the whole thing over. But that was just a lame excuse, and Bertholdt knew it. 

Maybe it was because Reiner was way out of his league. Sure, they’d known each other forever, but that didn’t make much of a difference when one grew up to be one of the cool kids and the other was a ghost who did their best to be invisible. Then again, a lot of the other kids in the corps saw Bertholdt as one of the ‘cool’ kids too, because of his high grades and advanced combat skills. 

Or maybe it was that ever present sense of guilt eating a hole in the brunette’s heart. Perhaps the guilt was numbing all his other emotions to the point where he couldn’t make sense of them anymore. Maybe he didn’t actually like Reiner, he only _thought_ he did because the blonde paid attention to him. That could be it. That also seemed rather pathetic to him, though. Even he had some standard of dignity. So, if he wasn’t just entranced by Reiner’s affections, then maybe the thought of returning those feelings scared him because he was incapable of love. It was possible wasn’t it? The guilt could have eaten up so much of his heart that the ability to love another person had disappeared completely…

“Hey.”

Bertholdt jumped, an involuntary gasp escaping his throat as he looked up into gleaming gold eyes. 

“What are you thinking about?” Ymir asked, a slight purr in her voice. The freckled girl had taken a startling interest in Bertholdt ever since he’d saved Christa from some unruly upperclassman on an expedition in February. Even before that, she’d seemed to hang on him a little more than the others, talking at him and teasing him until he talked to her. The whole situation still confused him, but you didn’t argue with a girl like Ymir. 

“I, um… n-nothing,” Bertholdt stuttered, fumbling to close his notebook. Ymir laughed at his general awkwardness. 

“Did I see a heart scribbled on your notes, there?” the girl asked, reaching forward to flip the notebook back open. Bertholdt caught her wrist and the girl laughed again. “Oh, I see. You’re thinking about a girl.” 

“No,” Bertholdt sighed half-heartedly. 

“No?” Ymir cocked her head to the side innocently. Her amber eyes looked like they could cut through steel. “A boy then?”

Bertholdt paused for just a moment before uttering another half-hearted, “No.” The damage was done though. Ymir was even more wickedly perceptive than Annie. 

“Oh, so it is a boy,” the freckled girl said, her eyes scanning the room at the faces of all the teenagers packing up to leave the lecture hall. “Care to share who it is?”

“N-not particularly,” Bertholdt said quietly, looking down at his fingers. 

“Come on, Bertl. We’re friends, aren’t we?” Ymir wheedled, leaning nonchalantly back against the desk. 

“Yeah, we’re friends,” the brunette affirmed with a nod. “I just… I don’t really want to talk about it.”

“Why not? I could be your wingwoman,” Ymir suggested. 

“That’s okay. I don’t think I’d be any good for him anyway,” Bertholdt shrugged, moving to stand up. Ymir pushed him back into his seat, her hands planted firmly on his shoulders.

“Listen. I don’t care if you tell me who it is or not,” the girl said, her tone quiet and fierce, eyes gleaming. “But I want you to promise me that you won’t let your feelings go to waste. We haven’t known each other very long, but you seem like a nice enough guy. A nice, quiet guy. A little too quiet. And because you’re quiet, you let others walk all over you and think you’re worth nothing. And if you keep thinking like that, no matter who you like, you’ll get hurt. Promise me you’ll act on your feelings so I don’t have to do it for you.” 

Bertholdt blinked, completely taken aback by the sudden outburst. He was very aware of how close the girl was to him. He nervously choked out a, “Promise.” Ymir took a step back, brushing her bangs behind her ears as Bertholdt regained his composure. “Ymir?”

“Yeah?”

“Why did you just say all those things?” 

The freckled girl smiled, turning to face the door and looking over her shoulder at the tall boy. “I like you,” she said silkily. “I don’t want to see you hurt by some guy. Breaking you is my job.” She took two steps towards the door before glancing over her shoulder again. Her eyes sparkled. “And watching Reiner try to get you to notice him is making me sick.” 

Bertholdt watched Ymir leave in a daze. How did she…? Reiner’s feelings obviously weren’t a secret, (and he was slightly embarrassed to admit it had taken him so long to notice.) But how could Ymir possibly know that he’d started to have feelings for the blonde? The boy shook his head as he pushed out of the classroom to meet Armin and Marco in the library, Ymir’s words still swimming through his brain. He pushed them down until the end of the day, taking the words with him to bed that night, thinking about them in the quiet of the night. 

_And if you keep thinking like that, no matter who you like, you’ll get hurt. Promise me you’ll act on your feelings… I don’t want to see you hurt by some guy… Watching Reiner try to get you to notice him is making me sick._

The brunette snuck a peek over at Reiner who was sleeping like a rock next to him. He hadn’t thought about his feelings that way, as if they could hurt him. He hadn’t considered how he would feel if he let Reiner’s affections for him peter out, for him to turn his attention anywhere. He also hadn’t thought about how Reiner was feeling either. What if he was hurting his best friend by not acknowledging his feelings? 

Bertholdt sighed, curling up on his side, facing the blonde. Perhaps that was why he couldn’t let himself be in love. He didn’t want anyone to get hurt, himself included. Love was a lot more complicated than he’d thought it would be. It was confusing, exciting, reckless, and somewhat painful. Maybe that’s how he knew he was ignoring his obvious feelings for Reiner; he’d never felt so dizzily alive. 

The boy took a deep breath, letting his eyes slip closed. Maybe he _could_ accept that he’d fallen for his best friend. But that was much easier said than done. 

** 

Saturday, October 10, 2014

“No,” Bertholdt said, shaking his head with disbelief as Reiner beamed. 

“Fun fact 28, I love a good surprise,” the blonde replied, grinning from ear to ear as he employed an inside joke. “Looks like we’re going to be working together now,” Bertholdt’s groan of displeasure quickly turned into a laugh as he turned to retrieve an apron for Reiner, which he promptly threw at the blonde. 

“Fine,” the brunette sighed, motioning for Reiner to follow him through the door into the kitchen. He pointed an accusatory finger at the shorter boy, his olive eyes narrowing and hiding a glint of happiness. “But you better behave yourself.” 

Reiner held his hands up in surrender. “Cross my heart,” he promised. Bertholdt’s eyebrows lifted suspiciously until Reiner begrudgingly ran his thumb over his chest in the shape of an X. “Happy?”

“Very,” Bertholdt said with a small smile. That look still gave Reiner butterflies. He didn’t think that would ever quite go away. 

It had been two weeks since the fireworks. Two weeks since Reiner had successfully gotten the brunette to cuddle with him in Sasha’s backyard. (Platonically of course.) And during those two weeks, the sun seemed to burst through the storm clouds that had troubled Reiner’s heart since that fateful day at Sunny and Bean. Bertholdt had officially been initiated into the group, hanging out with them whenever he wasn’t busy with homework. He’d begun to break out of his shell; he and Armin discussed books, Marco could get him talking about anything, and he’d learned to handle Ymir’s jokes (for the most part…). He fit right in. 

But most importantly, Bertholdt had started to let Reiner in. 

The two had hung out three times in the past nine days, all for the purpose of studying; once at the library (where Bertholdt actually helped Reiner understand the symbolism in _The Scarlet Letter_ ), once at the Braun’s house (which became video games and a discussion on the possibility of a zombie apocalypse), and once at the Hoover’s house (which turned into watching videos on Youtube and Reiner convincing Bertholdt to play the piano for him). Very little studying actually got done the last two times, but midterms were still two months away and his classes weren’t very hard. His grades were fine, Bertholdt’s were stellar as could be expected; so what was the harm in wasting a little time being teenagers? Reiner considered is consolation for all the pain of their previous life. 

In all their time spent together, Bertholdt seemed to have memorized all the little details Reiner gave about himself, from favorite songs to sports teams. And Reiner had done the same with Bertholdt, hanging on the brunette’s every word (which Bertholdt endearingly didn’t seem to notice), and saving those tidbits for later. They texted each other on a regular basis, (a.k.a. everyday), usually shooting ridiculous inside jokes back and forth. They’d met each other’s parents. Bertholdt was smiling more, particularly when Reiner was around. 

Any stranger on the street could tell that Bertholdt was Reiner’s best friend, and the blonde would bet anything (his life included) that he was Bertholdt’s. He could see it in the way that Bertholdt lit up when he was around, how he talked more easily when Reiner was in the room. He could even see it in the way Mrs. Hoover looked at him when her son had introduced them. The soft look in the woman’s eyes, green like her son’s, thanked him silently. It wasn’t a look Reiner planned to forget, and filled him with hope. Hope that soon he could surpass the title of best friend to boyfriend. He just had to be patient a little while longer. 

The walls were tumbling. And the good kind of walls this time. Reiner couldn’t have been happier. 

So, on a slight whim and a strong suggestion from his mother that he should get a job, Reiner had sent in an application to everyone’s favorite corner coffee shop. And he’d received an interview with the manager, Erd Gin, not two days later. And gotten the job. Without telling Bertholdt. And despite the grumpy response he’d just received, Reiner knew the brunette was elated to work with him. 

“Okay, so there are two main jobs here: working the front or working the kitchen,” Bertholdt explained. “Working the front entails serving customers at the register. Working the kitchen means making up people’s orders.”

“So basically, one’s for introverts and one’s for extroverts,” Reiner summed up, hinting at a joke. Bertholdt smirked. 

“Sure. Or, said another way, one’s for introverts and extroverts who can’t handle rude people well, and the other’s for extroverts and introverts who can’t cook.”

“That’s a mouthful,” Reiner commented. 

“Not as much as saying disestablishmentarianism five times fast,” Bertholdt replied. 

Reiner’s eyebrows arched curiously. “Please tell me you have better things to do with your time.”

Bertholdt laughed as he motioned Reiner over to one of the coffee machines. Reiner smiled as the brunette walked him through the basics of working the kitchen. It really didn’t seem too difficult; most of the drinks were made with machines with buttons that were neatly labeled and easy enough to understand and the heavy lifting (a.k.a baking) was performed by people who’d been working there for at least a year. The job seemed easy enough. Then again, flying to the moon would have seemed like a cake walk with Bertholdt next to him. 

“Any questions?” Bertholdt asked as he and Reiner moved back out to the front counter. 

Reiner shrugged. “What are you doing Friday night?” 

“Going to your football game,” Bertholdt answered pointedly, leaning back against the counter with his arms crossed over his chest. His eyes were watching him curiously, trying to read him for something. Reiner smirked, crossing his own arms to throw off whatever hints he might have been dropping. 

“Sounds like a lovely time,” the blonde replied casually. “I’ve been told I’m a phenomenal running back, a real star on the field.” Bertholdt scoffed, rolling his eyes at Reiner’s humility. “You know, I really will have to make this up by coming to all of your swim meets in the winter.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Berthold shook his head. 

“I want to,” Reiner insisted. “You’ve been so patient and kind coming to all of my games, even when the squad doesn’t show up.”

“Connie’s always there,” the brunette commented in a bashful voice. 

“Yeah, but that’s cause he’s on the team. He feels obligated to be there. You, however, have no obligation,” Reiner pointed out. Bertholdt looked away, the slightest blush coloring his face. Reiner chuckled; time to change the subject. “So, are we aloud to give out our numbers to cute customers?”

Bertholdt rolled his eyes. “You promised you would behave,” he said, eyes glittering with laughter and the mid-morning sunshine pouring in through the café’s windows. 

“Hey, I promised you. I never promised Erd,” Reiner pointed out. “Fun fact 43, I’m an expert at finding loopholes.” Bertholdt groaned with mock irritation as he pushed the door to the kitchen open once more and disappeared inside. Reiner laughed, following him inside. This was going to be fun whether Bertholdt wanted it to be or not. 

** 

May 1, 847

A booming roll of thunder rattled the windows in the barracks. Afternoon training had been cancelled on account of the rain; usually, Shadis wouldn’t care if it was raining and would make them train anyway, but the grounds had turned into a cesspool of mud and would be permanently damaged if a bunch teenagers ran over it. So for once, they’d been freed from the torture of training in the rain. 

Some of the guys had decided to still try to hold their own training. Bertholdt glanced over the top of his book every now and then at Eren and Reiner. The blonde was holding Eren’s feet to the floor as he worked through a set of full sit-ups. Reiner was probably saying something encouraging every time Eren made it to the top, pushing him to keep going. Watching them work was amusing Bertholdt more than it should have been. He loved to observe Reiner when he was training, in his element, sharing his immense knowledge of fighting techniques and showing off his incredible skill in all things combat. 

The brunette smiled to himself, turning his eyes back to the pages of his book, casually noting how tight Reiner’s biceps were. It wasn’t just his biceps though. Both of his arms, from shoulder to fingertips, were covered with well-defined, well-used muscle. Really, his whole body was incredibly tight, but Bertholdt was honing in on just the arms right now. Arms that had, for the past two months, always found a way to be attached to Bertholdt whenever physically possible. Adjusting his fighting position, steadying him during 3DMG practice, ruffling his hair in the morning, sitting as close to him on the bench as possible during meals. Reiner couldn’t seem to keep his hands to himself, however, he was so subtle about it, Bertholdt wasn’t sure anyone else even picked up on it. 

Ymir obviously had. But then again, Ymir was Ymir and tended to be hyper-observant of anything she deemed interesting. Apparently Reiner and Bertholdt’s relationship status was worthy of her interest. Bertholdt still couldn’t figure out why, but that wasn’t as much of a problem considering that he now had feelings for his best friend, who reciprocated those feelings. 

That was a bigger issue. A much bigger issue.

Bertholdt absent mindedly flipped another page in his book. Now that he knew Reiner liked him, he was afraid he’d started to act weird around the blonde. He’d started to read into every word Reiner said to him; every gesture and movement and tone of voice he’d memorize and analyze until he couldn’t think anymore and needed to distract himself with a book or a run or something. He knew overanalyzing was bad, but it was second nature to him to think before acting, even if that meant overthinking. It worried him that all this thinking could appear to Reiner as indifference, or disinterest. He certainly hoped that wasn’t the case.

Bertholdt also hoped that Reiner didn’t notice how he jumped every time their skin touched, and how he reflexively moved just a hair away. It wasn’t cause he didn’t want to be closer to Reiner, he was just so used to making space for others that it was an impulse not to sit arm to arm with anyone. He hoped that wasn’t rude or something…

He felt the bed depress next to him and predictably jumped as an arm was draped across his shoulders. _Speak of the devil..._

“How’s the book?” Reiner asked, golden eyes sparkling.

“Good,” Bertholdt answered plainly. He closed the book, placing it neatly on his lap to give his friend his full attention. “How was training?”

“Great,” Reiner nodded proudly, gazing over at Eren where the brunette had just collapsed onto his stomach on his bed, predictably having a similar conversation with Armin as the two of them were right now. “Eren’s getting a lot better. His dedication is incredible. I’ve never seen anyone commit themselves so fully to anything.” Reiner chuckled, deep and musical. Bertholdt forced a smile to his lips as his eyes lingered on Eren. _I destroyed his hometown; I’m the reason he’s working so hard. Cause he wants to kill monsters like me._

“Wow,” the brunette said in a reply. He broke his gaze away from the boy from Shinganshina to look back at his best friend. “It’s really nice of you to help him out.”

Reiner shrugged. “Hey, anything for a fellow soldier.” The blonde grinned, pulling his arm away from Bertholdt and reclining back against the wall. “Speaking of, would you mind helping me with the lecture lesson later? I’m sorry I ask you that all the time, but I swear I took all the notes and they still make zero sense to me.”

“Yeah, of course,” Bertholdt nodded, pulling his knees to his chest, facing Reiner. “It’s no trouble.” It really wasn’t; where Reiner was great at coaching people through combat techniques, Bertholdt was a master of all things academic. 

“You’re the best,” Reiner said with a smile, so candid and charming that Bertholdt looked away and pretended to be interested in the sleeve of his sweater. “And I promise I’ll make this up to you.”

“You don’t have to do that,” Bertholdt shook his head earnestly. “Reiner, you’re my best friend. I’m supposed to help you with your studies.”

“I know, but I want to,” the blonde insisted. There was something in his eyes, a mischievous gold gleam enhanced by the light of the cabin’s lamps, burning a bright yellow. “What are you doing next Thursday? After training?”

Bertholdt’s heart began to skip, rattling against his ribcage. “N-nothing,” he stammered. 

Reiner’s smile was small, but spoke volumes. “Care to take a walk with me? It’s been a while since we saw the lake.”

The brunette nodded wordlessly, happy beyond the power of speech. His fears seemed to vanish, dissolving in the rain falling from the sky outside. Reiner still wanted to be with him, even if they weren’t together in that way. Yet. Yet was the key word there. Bertholdt felt himself smile, the action reflected back to him as Reiner beamed harder at his reaction. The brunette felt a blush rush his face. Of all the times to forget how to speak...

“I’d love to,” Bertholdt said quietly. 

“I’m glad,” Reiner whispered back before taking the brunette by the hand to pull him into conversation with Jean, Marco, and Connie two bunks over. 

* 

Saturday, October 31, 2014

“Next year, I say we all do a group costume,” Sasha said, nodding approvingly at the teens gathered around Christa’s kitchen table, which was covered with Halloween-themed snacks donated by the party guests. 

“Sasha, what’s the point of a group costume when you’re just going to spend the night with the same people at a friend’s house?” Jean asked skeptically. “I mean, if we were going to a big party, yeah sure. That’d be fine. But if it’s just gonna be us, which is totally cool…”

Sasha shrugged. “I think it would be cute,” she replied curtly, popping a mini Reese’s cup in her mouth to close the discussion. 

“And hey, at least we know we’d all commit,” Armin pointed out, gesturing at each of the people assembled at the table. “I’m obliged to say we rocked it this year, everyone.”

It was only the second year of the group’s soon-to-be-annual Halloween party at Christa’s. And surprisingly, everyone had followed the mandatory costume rule. Reiner approved, especially because he’d simply taken a bed sheet from the closet and formed a makeshift toga out of it and was dubbing himself dressed as Socrates. Marco, looking chipper as always, had donned a fez and bowtie and became a freckled imitation of the 11th Doctor, while next to him, Jean’s Batman costume accentuated his dark, brooding personality (or at least that’s what Connie said). Connie himself was dressed as Ash, everyone’s favorite Pokémon trainer. Sasha was the spitting image of Wonder Woman, her dark hair falling like waves around her shoulders instead of held up in a ponytail. It seemed as though Christa was made to wear her dark blue princess gown, and Ymir made one heck of a pirate. Armin swore that the Luke Skywalker costume he was wearing had fit him five years ago (which it probably did). And Bertholdt was a very tall (and very cute) Harry Potter. 

“We are rather awesome, aren’t we?” Ymir commented, her tone proud, as she surveyed everyone’s costumes again. She was probably just happy because Christa was happy. Ymir wouldn’t have dressed up if her girlfriend hadn’t been the one to make the costume rule. Reiner and Marco liked to joke that Christa was Ymir’s most deadly sin, to which the brunette simply replied that Christa was not a sin, but a peculiar vice. 

“So, movie time?” Christa asked, considering they’d just finished two rounds of Cards Against Humanity (which Ymir had won, surprisingly followed by Armin, and honorable mention went to Reiner.) “We can take the food in the living room.” 

“Yes!” Sasha exclaimed, pumping a fist in the air. 

“Is food all you ever think about?” Connie asked, a joke hiding somewhere in his tone. 

“Of course not,” Sasha replied sweetly, rubbing a hand over Connie’s recently buzzed hair. “Sometimes I think about you.” The boy blushed madly as Sasha grabbed a bowl of chips from the table and glided away to the living room.

“Bang, bang,” Jean chuckled, following Sasha’s lead and picking up a bowl of candy. “Shots fired.”

“You can leave,” Connie fired back, still terribly flustered. 

“Hey, only I can tell people to leave,” Christa said. Connie sighed, picking his crutches up from the wall and following after Sasha without further comment.

“I love when people walk right into their own misery and I don’t even have to say a word,” Ymir smirked, her lips curling up like the Cheshire cat’s. 

“Well, that’s lovely,” Bertholdt commented, reaching to help Christa carry a tray of pumpkin shaped cookies Sasha had made. Reiner snickered, eyeing Ymir for a reaction. 

The freckled girl simply met the blonde’s eyes. “I like him,” she said simply before directing her golden gaze back to the tall boy. “Never leave us. We’re keeping you. I’m claiming you as ours.” 

“Just don’t lick me, okay?” he asked harmlessly, cocking his head with a smile that was so classically Bertholdt that Ymir grabbed Christa’s wrist and pulled her towards the living room, mumbling something about not being able to handle such innocence. 

“Joke on point,” Jean laughed, offering Bertholdt a high five as the five boys remaining in the kitchen grabbed the remaining snacks and headed for the living room. 

Christa’s living room was the perfect place to watch a movie, with two couches, ample floor space, and the TV set at an angle so no seat in the room was bad. The hostess herself had moved to the cabinet below the television, where she was selecting possible movie options. Ymir had staked a place for her and Christa on the couch to the right. Jean and Marco took residence on the other couch, their hands carefully intertwined. Connie and Sasha sat on the floor in front of Ymir, and Armin hopped onto the couch opposite Jean and Marco. Reiner moved to sit on the floor in front of the boys’ couch, next to a sliding door that led to the backyard, and Bertholdt followed after him, settling on the carpet between him and the door. Reiner offered him a quick smile before turning his attention to the collected group. 

“Okay, what are we watching this year?” he asked. “Last year it was _Nightmare on Elm Street_ , so that one’s out.”

“We’ve got quite a few horror movies,” Christa said in reply, pulling a few more DVD’s from the cabinet, examining each cover closely. “My dad loves them. So if it’s one you’ve heard of, we probably have it.”

“What about _Halloween_?” Ymir offered. “I mean, it is Halloween after all.”

“Or _Psycho_ ,” Connie added. 

“There’s always _The Blair Witch Project_ ,” Armin proposed. 

“Ooo, Armin, pulling out the big guns,” Ymir whistled. 

“I mean, there are so many possibilities,” Jean said thoughtfully. “ _Poltergeist, Scream, The Exorcist_ …”

“How about we watch _The Great Pumpkin_?” Marco suggested, a hint of optimistic hope in his voice. “That one’s a classic.”

“Don’t be a wimp, Marco,” Connie chastised him, peeking over at the movies Christa was leafing through. “It’s Halloween. We have to watch a horror movie.” Marco sighed, having tried his best. Jean squeezed his hand with a reassuring look before saying: “What about _Insidious_? That one’s not too bad.”

“That one’s awful!” Marco exclaimed, his eyes blowing wide. “My cousin made me watch that last year and I didn’t sleep for two weeks!” 

“Then maybe we should just throw you in the other room, cause if you can’t handle that movie I don’t think you can handle anything we’re about to watch,” Ymir suggested, drowning out Jean’s speechless expression and quickly muttered apologies. While her words were snarky as ever, her tone lacked the usual sharp edge. Reiner supposed she had a bit of a soft spot for Marco; most people did. He was too kind and innocent. Speaking of innocent, Reiner spared a glance in Bertholdt’s direction. The brunette was observing the scene with a calm, impassive expression on his face. 

“No. I can do it,” Marco conceded. “I got Jean this time.” He smiled over at the fair-haired boy, who blushed endearingly before snaking an arm around his boyfriend’s shoulders. “He’ll protect me.”

“Okay. I still want to throw you out of the room for inappropriate levels of lovey-dovey mush,” Ymir said in reply. “Christa, why don’t you just pick a movie and surprise us? I think that’ll settle the argument.”

“Alright!” the blonde chirped. She selected a film at random and popped it into the DVD player without giving away the title. 

“Just letting you all know, I’ve got like, three yards of fabric here so if you get scared and want to snuggle, I’m right over here by the door,” Reiner announced cheekily. “We could probably fit at least three people.” 

“Get a hobby,” Ymir deadpanned. 

“I have a hobby. It’s called being an expert cuddler,” Reiner shot back, leaning jauntily back against the couch. He heard Bertholdt chuckle softly next to him. On a whim, he threw his arm around the brunette’s shoulders, turning gleaming gold eyes on him. “I’m not kidding, though. Just say the word, and I’ll protect you from whatever monster, demon, or axe murderer appears on that screen.” 

Bertholdt smiled, his eyes focused in front of him as Christa skipped through the previews. “You and your toga of awesomeness?” 

“Me and my toga of awesomeness,” Reiner repeated triumphantly. Bertholdt laughed again, quiet and soft as if it were only meant for Reiner. The blonde didn’t move his arm from the brunette’s shoulders, and Bertholdt didn’t move away. Reiner felt him tense, though, unlike he had during the fireworks. He wondered what had changed, but didn’t question it. As long as Bertholdt stayed next to him, that’s all that really mattered. 

The title screen of _Friday the 13th_ appeared on the TV and Christa pressed play. The blonde snuggled right into Ymir’s arms after that, watching the screen without a hint of anticipation. On the couch above him, Reiner heard Armin pull his feet up under him, and Marco scoot closer to Jean with a stifled whimper. 

“Hey, you don’t have to watch,” Jean whispered. 

“It’s okay,” Marco whispered back. “I’ll be okay.” 

Reiner felt Bertholdt shift next to him. The blonde looked at him sideways. 

“You good?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” Bertholdt nodded. Reiner didn’t look away, though. Back in the old world, Bertholdt hadn’t been scared easily. The creepy tales people would tell around a fire or in the dark of night in the cabins never seemed to have an effect on him. He would, however, tend to think about the scariest parts of the stories at the most inopportune times, such as right before they went to sleep on an overnight expedition in the woods. Reiner wondered how that would translate to this world when the scary stories were made even more real by Hollywood. 

But as the movie started, Bertholdt appeared to be fine. In fact, the only thing that seemed to trouble him was Reiner’s arm, which was still perched on his shoulders. The brunette’s muscles were still tense and tight. Reiner wasn’t sure what to make of that. Was it because they were in a room full of people? Did physical contact make him nervous, and he’d only let Reiner touch him last time because the blonde had been upset? Was it because he didn’t think about Reiner like Reiner thought about him? 

Whatever the reason, Reiner carefully pulled his arm away from the brunette, letting it fall to the side. Bertholdt didn’t look at him, and his expression didn’t change. Reiner tried not to let it get to him, tried to focus his attention on the movie. He also tried not to laugh whenever he heard Marco jump or gasp behind him. The freckled boy was probably squeezing Jean’s hand so hard that he’d soon lose feeling in his fingers. A small pang of jealous desire shot through Reiner’s heart. He wished Bertholdt would hold on to him like that…

The sliding door right next to Bertholdt slammed open, a figure with a monstrous face holding a sharp-looking weapon silhouetted in the TV light. The screaming that ensued could have raised the dead. Reiner reached out, enveloping Bertholdt in his arms and pulling the brunette backwards as the taller boy grabbed Reiner, one hand twisting in his toga while the other clutched his shoulder. 

The figure in the doorway laughed, a sharp cackle. Reiner’s eyes narrowed. 

“YMIR?!” the blonde exclaimed. 

The figure in the doorway laughed again as someone flipped on the lights. Ymir pulled the mask away from her face, dropping the plastic slasher knife on the floor. “Oh, that was too fun,” the freckled girl sighed, sliding the door closed. “I wish you could see your faces.”

“What the hell was that for?!” Jean exclaimed, his expression extremely unamused as he ran a soothing hand through Marco’s hair. The freckled brunette had his head buried in Jean’s stomach, and it sounded like he was crying. Armin slowly detached himself from where he’d clung to Marco’s legs. Sasha’s head snapped away from where she’d buried it in Connie’s shoulder, and Connie quickly scrambled off Sasha’s lap (god knew how they’d managed that.) Bertholdt let go of Reiner, retreating as fast as the blonde would let him. Christa was looking smug on the sofa as Ymir plopped down beside her once again. 

“I thought it would be fun,” the brunette replied with a simple shrug. “And it was.”

“You’re awful,” Armin said, hugging his knees to his chest. “I was about to pull out my lightsaber and slash you in half.”

“Armin, that thing’s plastic,” Jean pointed out lightly. “And besides, you weren’t going anywhere.”

“Jean, I was trying to be tough,” the blonde boy replied pointedly. 

“Armin, you look like you’re twelve,” Connie commented. 

“So?!”

“Shhh, guys, the movie’s still going,” Sasha hushed them all before an argument could break out. Luckily, the boys settled down as everyone’s heartbeats returned to normal. Reiner spared another glance in Bertholdt’s direction, surprised to see the brunette looking at him too. 

“You okay?” Bertholdt whispered. 

Reiner smiled. “Yeah. You?”

Bertholdt nodded. Reiner smiled even harder as he turned his attention back to the TV, his hand casually brushing against Bertholdt’s as they watched the rest of the movie free from interruptions.

~

Laying in bed, toga exchanged for a t-shirt and sweatpants and thrown in a heap on the floor, Reiner let his mind have its way with him. Life was good. Life was very good. School was going great, his new job was easy and pretty fun, his friends were weirdos. And he’d gotten a hug from Bertholdt that night. 

The group usually hugged goodbye after they hung out, and it had been awkward with Bertl at first. His hugs had been short and quick, like a formality. Reiner noticed him hug Sasha and Christa more openly, Marco and Ymir had received better Bertholdt hugs, and even with the height difference, he and Armin looked like they’d been bros for years. But tonight, for the first time, Bertholdt had truly hugged Reiner back. It had been sincere, like he’d meant it. 

Reiner’s whole body felt like it had been charged with electricity, the feeling of Bertholdt against him tingling through his every nerve. 

_Buzz! Buzz!_

Reiner turned to his side, glancing down at the illuminated screen on his cell phone. 

**Bertholdt: Hey, are you awake?**

Reiner smiled to himself as he typed back a response. 

**Reiner: Yeah. Can’t sleep??**

**Bertholdt: You won’t make fun of me if I say no, right?**

Reiner chuckled, pulling the phone off its charger before calling the brunette. For as impassive as the brunette had looked during the movie, the blonde had noticed the hesitation in his eyes as they’d all parted ways in Christa’s driveway. Although he’d never show it, the movie must have gotten to him. Or maybe it had been Ymir's little stunt. Maybe a mixture of both.

“Hello?” Bertholdt picked up hesitantly. 

“Talk to me till you fall asleep,” Reiner instructed gently. Although he couldn’t see it, Reiner could hear the smile on Bertholdt’s face in the way he whispered, “Okay,” so breathlessly, as if he hadn’t expected such a kindness from his best friend. Reiner’s smile spread wider, secretly wondering how oblivious Bertholdt had to be to think he wouldn’t do something like this for him. 

Then again, history could tell him that it took Bertholdt a while to accept other’s feelings for him, especially Reiner’s. Even if they’d crossed the line from just friends to best friends, there were still a few miles to go before Bertholdt would recognize how he felt for the blonde, and then a few more before he could even think about Reiner liking him back. Maybe that’s why the brunette had been awkward hugging him before; maybe Bertholdt had suddenly noticed that he and Reiner could be more than friends and he was dealing with it in his own awkward way. But judging by the pace their relationship was moving at now, regardless of Bertholdt’s insecurities, Reiner thought it safe to say they’d be dating by Christmas. He expected it to happen much sooner than that, but setting a safety goal couldn’t hurt. 

Besides, it would be a story he’d enjoy telling Bertholdt before he kissed him under the mistletoe. It was like a promise, a promise to himself and to his future boyfriend. A promise he didn’t intend to break.

* 

August 12, 848 

“You know, for as awful as training is, they sure picked a beautiful location,” Reiner sighed, leaning back in the grass, rough with the summer heat. The night sky spread above him was black as ink, seemingly endless, with silver stars gleaming in the light of the crescent moon. Bertholdt sat on the grass next to him, knees pulled to his chest, chin resting atop his knees. Like he always sat. Reiner didn’t know why that was Bertholdt’s position of choice, but if he was comfortable, that’s all that mattered. (However, with his long legs, it certainly didn’t look comfortable.)

“Yeah. They did,” the brunette replied, smiling softly as he turned his eyes skyward. He saw the same night sky, beautiful and still. The sound of voices echoed from the tents behind them as their fellow cadets prepared for bed. Reiner and Bertholdt had been given first watch. Neither one had protested. 

Reiner gazed at the brunette out of the corner of his eye. “Hey Bertl?”

“Hmm?”

“Do you still dream about home?” 

The brunette froze for a moment. “Sometimes,” he answered honestly. His dreams about the village had become less frequent in the past few months. In fact, they’d almost disappeared, both the good dreams and the nightmares. The dreams had been having recently were all about the cadet corps, and Annie being his friend again, and Reiner… Well, Reiner being more than his friend. “Why do you ask?”

Reiner shrugged, looking back at the sky. “I just wondered. Your sleeping positions have only improved, and I was beginning to think dreams might have had something to do with it.”

“Sleeping positions?” Bertholdt asked, looking down at his blonde companion. 

“Yeah,” Reiner nodded. “You cannot sleep like a normal human being. I’m surprised you haven’t noticed how you wake up in the morning. Or how you can sleep like that at all.” 

Bertholdt’s expression wrinkled with confusion. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

The blonde chuckled. “Well, let’s see, how does one explain such a thing? Let’s say that you’re much more flexible than you appear.” Bertholdt blushed madly. “You tend to contort your body in the most inhuman ways while you sleep. Sometimes, I’ll wake up to find you sprawled halfway off the bed, or horizontally across me, or holding me in a death grip, or your feet where your head goes…”

Reiner stopped; Bertholdt’s eyes had gone so wide, he feared they might explode. “I don’t hurt you, do I?” the brunette asked softly. 

“Of course not,” Reiner exclaimed, sitting up to look his best friend square in the face. “It’s actually rather cute.” Bertholdt blushed again. Without a warning, he reached out and wrapped a tentative hand around Reiner’s fingers. Reiner’s heart skipped a beat. 

“I’m glad it doesn’t hurt you,” the taller boy said, gazing intently at their interlocked fingers. 

Reiner smiled. “You could never hurt me, Bertl,” he whispered. His tone was so sincere, so heartfelt. 

Bertholdt didn’t know why the next words to stumble from his mouth were: “Do you know why we’re here?” He regretted it instantly. 

“To learn how to kill titans, and prepare for life in the military serving the king and humanity.” 

The stone in Bertholdt’s heart grew two sizes, weighing down his chest. Reiner sounded so sure, so honest, so confident in his answer. As if it was the only one imaginable. Bertholdt didn’t know what he’d been expecting. It had been two months since Reiner had given him the correct answer. 

Keeping his fingers wound tightly in Reiner’s, the brunette looked up at the night sky, the moon reflected in his green eyes. He remembered the night after they’d helped Eren master the art of 3DMG, the talk they’d had about guilt and blame, atonement and feeling small. Bertholdt felt small again. As if he had been singled out by life to forever watch from the sidelines, observing a life he could see but not touch, learn about but not take part in. As if he were the moon, watching the world turn forever and ever without being able to change it. He felt out of control. 

The feeling of Reiner squeezing his hand broke Bertholdt’s reverie. The blonde had his eyes closed, absorbing the night with his other senses. The feel of Bertholdt’s hand in his was the most real sensation he’d ever felt, and he longed to pull the brunette closer to him, listen to his heart beat, know that he was alive. But if he did that, he’d risk getting caught by the others, and Bertholdt would probably die of embarrassment if that happened. (Even if everyone already knew they had a thing for each other.)

“It’s nice here,” Reiner said softly, opening his eyes to gaze directly at Bertholdt. “Being here with you, I mean. Even if we’re supposed to be on guard. It’s still nice to be alone.” 

The brunette forced a smile. He was still lost in his thoughts, a new idea beginning to gnaw at the corners of his brain. _It’s you, idiot. You’re the reason he’s like this._ “Yes. Yes, it is,” he replied in a whisper, willing his mind to stop talking. But as Reiner continued to smile at him like a love-struck dope, the gears kept on turning. 

_You are his distraction. He’s lost himself trying to carve out a space for you in his heart. If you hadn’t let him fall in love with you, he wouldn’t have forgotten the mission. This is all your fault. Everything is your fault. How dare you distract your friend from his mission? Why should someone like him spend time on you anyway? How dare you think a monster like you deserves to be happy?_

**

Friday, November 6, 2014

Hair sticking to his face, uniform plastered to his skin, Reiner ran off the field walking on air. He’d just played one of his personal best games ever. The team hadn’t won in the end, but the blonde had been on fire all night, pulling off some major plays and either scoring or assisting in scoring about ninety percent of their points. And all of that in the pouring rain. With Bertholdt watching him from the stands, cheering for him against the roar of the wind. Reiner felt like a superhero, adrenaline coursing through his veins. 

The blonde didn’t even bother showering after the game, as it was still pouring down rain and he’d be wet again in a moment. It just made more sense to wait till he was at home. He hastily pulled off his dripping wet uniform and tossed on a black long sleeved t-shirt and jeans, haphazardly throwing his wet uniform into his gym bag and making a mental note to throw it in the laundry as soon as he got home. But he couldn’t think about that now. His friends were sitting in the rain, waiting for him. _He_ was waiting for him. 

Reiner jogged out of the locker room, back into the downpour, squinting up at the bleachers, searching for his friends. He couldn’t see them. The blonde boy frowned, squinting harder. Maybe the rain was obstructing them from view. But he’d been able to see them during the game and it had been storming even harder then…

“Reiner!” 

Someone jumped on his back. Reiner took a step forward, bracing himself so he wouldn’t take the person on his back down with him to the muddy ground. He glanced back over his shoulder, the first thing he saw a dark ponytail.

“Sasha,” the blonde said in reply as the girl slid off his back and the rest of the gang appeared from the shadows. 

Sasha laughed. “We just wanted to surprise you,” she said, giving him a small punch on the arm. “Killer game, dude! How’s it feel to be the MVP?” 

“Stellar,” Reiner exclaimed, holding his arms wide and throwing his head back and letting the rain splash his face. He felt like he was on top of the world. Christa took advantage of his vulnerability and ran in for a hug, Reiner’s muscular arms enveloping her petite frame. Sasha ran in for the hug too, soon followed by Marco and Armin until the entire group was huddled together, arms wound around one another, soaking wet, laughing like there was no tomorrow. 

“This is what heaven must be like,” Marco thought out loud. 

“What? Cold and rainy?” Jean questioned. 

“Like an eternal group hug with the people you love,” the freckled boy corrected, smiling through his words. 

“Marco, stop. I’m going to melt,” Ymir said in reply.

“You sure that’s not cause of the rain?” Reiner asked, one eyebrow arching up curiously. Ymir’s head lolled to the side, gazing at him questioningly until Reiner gave his best wicked witch impression, screeching: “I’m melting! I’m melting! Oh what a world, what a world!” 

Ymir looked like she would’ve punched him if they weren’t separated by a pile of bodies. “I’ll give you points for making a classic reference,” the girl conceded. “But only because you played so well tonight.” 

“Why thank you,” Reiner sighed as the hug began to dissolve. It didn’t slip his notice that Bertholdt stood significantly closer to him after they’d all backed away. “So, what shall we do tonight? Anyone feeling karaoke?” 

“Nah. We did that last week,” Connie shrugged. “We have to preserve our voices, you know?”

“I feel that,” Armin nodded. It wasn’t hard to see that he was elated to not have to go to karaoke (which didn’t make sense cause Armin’s was a total boss up on that stage, but whatever.)

“You know what we could do?” Ymir said thoughtfully, her eyes gazing up at the stormy, black sky. “Every pop singer ever glorifies dancing in the rain. I’ve personally never tried it.” A flash crossed her golden irises. “Anyone care for a dance?” 

“Like, right now?” Jean asked, sounding unconvinced. 

“No, next week. Of course right now,” Ymir answered in her usual sarcastic manner. “In the parking lot. Everyone’s gone, for the most part. And we wouldn’t have to stay too long, you know? Just a song or two. It could be fun.” 

“Wow, Ymir. This is new for you,” Sasha commented, nodding her head approvingly. “You don’t usually come up with such cute things.”

The freckled girl shrugged. “Hey, I can be romantic.” 

Reiner took one look at Christa, saw how wide her smile was and the way her blue eyes were sparkling up at Ymir, and just knew that Ymir hadn’t just thought this idea up. She’d probably had it planned all night, her heart racing now as she waited to see if her plan worked or not. She was doing this as a surprise for Christa, a way to show how romantic she could be. It was something he would've done to get Bertholdt to smile like that. Reiner had to give her this one. 

“Come on, guys. It’ll be fun,” the blonde joined in, flashing Bertholdt a winning smile before sharing it with the group. “Just like the movies.” 

“Well, the movies are never wrong,” Marco conceded with a shrug and a hopeful glance in Jean’s direction. The fair-haired boy sighed, running a hand through his hair to push it away from his face. 

“Fine,” Jean gave in. Marco beamed with excitement. 

They all ended up in the parking lot three minutes later, partnered up randomly by Connie (who couldn’t dance cause crutches) and jamming to a homemade CD blasting from the back of Sasha’s mom’s minivan (which she’d had to drive there that night and where Connie sat on the lip of the open trunk.) Reiner had ended up with Ymir as a partner, and begrudgingly, the two fell into their own awkward dance routine containing a lot of step touches and twirls under the arm. The blonde glanced (slightly bitter) at Bertholdt and Sasha who’d wasted no time in linking arms and waltzing haphazardly around the open lot. The smile on Bertholdt’s face was so genuine, so pure, Reiner yearned to be the cause of it. He wanted to light Bertholdt up like that. And he absolutely hated all this jealousy he’d been feeling because of it. 

“Hey. You be careful with him,” Ymir whispered, soft and fierce, catching Reiner off guard. “He’s fragile. He hasn’t been in many relationships, if any. He’s probably not used to getting attention from guys like you. You two have come pretty far, but don’t push him. Let him come to you.” Reiner blinked, playing it off as brushing water from his eyes. Was Ymir threatening him? Threatening him about his relationship with Bertholdt? Was this Ymir _caring_? 

The boy knew he couldn’t let her know how much it meant to him that she cared enough about their relationship to say something remotely nice to him. So he went for the teasing approach. “Wow, look at you,” Reiner stuck his bottom lip out in a joking puppy dog face. “Concerned for someone other than Christa.” 

“Shut up,” Ymir said, giving him a sharp slap on the shoulder that Reiner would never admit stung horribly. “I mean it. Bertholdt’s special. I can tell. And I can also tell that he really likes you. So don’t you dare break his heart, you hear me?” 

Reiner swung Ymir in a circle, pulling her close to him with a hand around her waist. “Promise,” the blonde purred in her ears before swinging her out and letting go of her hand, promptly ending that discussion. Christa swung into his arms next (who’d gotten him to swing dance), followed by Marco (who he’d convinced to do classic 80’s moves with him until the whole gang had followed along.) The partners stopped after the group dance along, and Reiner couldn’t deny the shock of disappointment that he hadn’t had the chance to dance with Bertholdt. He’d watched how Ymir and Christa had looked dancing together on the rain slicked pavement. It had been beautiful. 

Could he really be blamed for wanting a piece of that with the boy of his dreams? 

The dance party drew to a close when someone mentioned how cold it was. Goodbyes and hugs were exchanged. Rain continued to pour from the sky, lightning flashing from above. Reiner hopped into his car, slamming the door shut as Bertholdt climbed in the other side. The blonde felt a rush of relief. In all the excitement of the night, Reiner had forgotten that he’d agreed to drive Bertholdt home from the game the night before. The disappointment of not dancing with him in the rain disappeared. 

“Oh my gosh!” Reiner exclaimed, running his hands over his face and opening his eyes wide as water dripped from the tip of his hair down over his forehead. “I feel like I’m six again!”

“I know, right?” Bertholdt replied, beaming in the passenger’s seat. He shifted slightly before asking, “Are you sure it’s okay that I’m in here? I don’t want to get your car all wet.”

Reiner scoffed. “Please. You’re fine. The car was going to get wet anyway. And it’ll dry. Please don’t worry about it.” The blonde turned the keys in the ignition and as the car hummed to life, he turned the heater on. “Man, that was fun.”

“Yeah it was,” Bertholdt agreed, snapping his seatbelt on as Reiner pulled out of the parking lot onto the road. He sat back against the seat, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath. “I never thought my junior year would be so fun.”

“I’m glad it surprised you,” Reiner said with a smile. A genuine smile that shone straight from his heart. “Bet you never thought you’d ever get to play in the rain again, did you? Or that you’d be involved in karaoke battles to the death at least once a month?”

“Or that I’d be accosted by energetic strangers at work,” Bertholdt added in an overly excited voice. Reiner glared at him, a glare that Bertholdt jokingly returned. 

“Come on. You know you loved that,” Reiner commented snidely. 

Bertholdt shrugged. “Yeah,” he said simply. There was more to it than that, Reiner could tell. He knew that far-away gaze the brunette sometimes got in his eyes, his thinking face. And that usually wasn’t a good sign. 

The blonde stared at him as they reached a red light. “What are you thinking about?” he asked carefully. 

“I just…” Bertholdt began, looking off at the storm through the windshield. “I guess I’m just waiting for it all to be a dream. It’s just too good to be true for me to find something this wonderful so quickly.” 

Reiner laughed. Bertholdt stared at him with wide eyes. “Look at you, worrying about something you can’t change,” the blonde explained with a shake of his head. “It’s not a dream, Bertholdt, so you best believe in those you believe in you. When are you going to understand that people adore you?”

Bertholdt’s lips parted with a quiet gasp. Reiner looked away as the light turned green, speeding off as fast as the rain would allow him

“I mean it,” Reiner said, eyes focused on the road. 

“That means a lot,” Bertholdt replied quietly. 

“Good. Don’t forget it,” the blonde instructed, closing the conversation by punching the radio on. _You Belong With Me_ came blaring through the stereo. “We can’t escape it!” Reiner cried despairingly. Bertholdt laughed, all his previous thoughts dissolving like smoke. “Well, you know what we have to do?” Green eyes stared at him curiously. “Sing along!” 

Reiner turned the volume up a little more, singing loud and obnoxious as he could, staring pleadingly at the brunette every few seconds until Bertholdt begrudgingly began to sing along. By the time the song was over, both boys were singing along, charged with energy from their night of frolicking in the rain and drunk off the joy of life. One song turned to five as the DJ kept selecting popular hits that were perfect for sing-alongs. 

Reiner did his best to keep his eyes on the road. It was considerably harder as the brunette in his passenger’s seat started dancing in time to the beat of the stereo. Bertholdt was so relaxed, so comfortable. Reiner couldn’t image him anywhere else but sitting in his passenger’s seat, singing along to Jason Mraz and Kelly Clarkson. All he wanted to do was watch Bertholdt be happy for the rest of his life. 

As the car pulled into the Hoover’s driveway, the rain seemed to thunder down even harder. 

“Figures,” Reiner muttered, flopping back against his seat after he shifted the car into park. “Want to wait it out, or just run for it?”

“I think I’d better run for it. I just saw the curtains flutter in the front room,” Bertholdt replied with a bittersweet smile. “We’ve been spotted.” Reiner gave a laugh as he noted the hint of reluctance in the brunette’s voice. 

“Well, don’t want to keep Mama Hoover waiting,” the blonde said lightly. “Thanks again for coming to the game tonight. It means a lot to me that you were there.”

“I’m glad,” Bertholdt smiled. “The gang thought it would be fun to go to a game in the rain. For the experience, you know?”

Reiner nodded. “Yeah. It really got me pumped up to see you all sitting in the stands,” he answered, running a hand through his hair. His heart began to beat faster as he quickly added, “But it was really awesome to have you there.” 

Bertholdt looked away, down at his soaked sneakers. “Anytime,” he said in a quiet response. “I uh, I really enjoy watching you play. You’re really good, and you can just tell that you love what you do on the field.” Reiner watched him with admiration in his eyes, almost happy that the brunette wasn’t looking at him. He’d always loved it when Bertholdt said such sweet, candid things.

“Thank you,” the blonde replied. “That means a lot.” 

Bertholdt smiled softly, his green eyes lifting back to meet Reiner’s. Whatever expression he saw on the blonde’s face, his gentle expression didn’t change. Without a word, the taller boy reached across the console and pulled Reiner into a tight hug. The blonde started slightly before wrapping his arms around the brunette, settling his head against Bertholdt’s shoulder. The brunette smelled like cinnamon and laundry detergent, and sweet autumn rain. A wave of warmth spread through his body before Bertholdt pulled away. 

“Thanks for the ride,” the brunette said shyly. “You still want to hang out on Sunday?”

“Of course,” Reiner nodded. “Good luck getting to the house.” He saluted the brunette with a serious expression on his face. Bertholdt laughed, saluting back before pushing out into the downpour and racing for the house. 

Reiner watched him, as he’d found himself doing a lot as of late. The blonde settled against the steering wheel, heaving a sigh and waving back at the brunette before he disappeared through the garage door. His skin tingled from the hug, his heart still beating wildly in his chest. 

“I love you,” Reiner whispered, the words sounding small on his lips, getting lost in the raindrops sliding down his windshield. 

He was so close. 

*

September 21, 848

“And then, we’ll all retire together and get drunk on Saturday nights talking about all our adventures in our younger days, snapping at the young hooligans making fools of themselves in the bar and making jokes about Eren’s missing leg,” Connie finished with a flourish of the wrists. It had become a tradition that each night, while they waited for the showers, the boys would share tales of what they would do after they graduated from the cadet corps. Applause met Connie’s speech as the boy took a bow. “Thank you, thank you.”

“Wow, that was a nice prediction, Con,” Marco beamed. “But, why will Eren be the only one to lose a limb?”

“Cause it’s Eren,” Connie explained simply with a shrug of his shoulders. “Who else would be crazy enough to stick a limb inside a titan’s mouth to save his girlfriend?” 

“Well how would Mikasa end up in a titan’s mouth anyway?” Reiner questioned. “She’s probably the best soldier in the corps. Maybe the whole military.”

“And why would she be Eren’s girlfriend?” Jean asked bitterly. “She can do better.”

“Hey!” Eren protested. 

“And why would he use his leg to get her out instead of his arm? That’s just bad rescue technique,” Armin pointed out.

“Screw rescue technique, the girl’s being swallowed by a titan,” Thomas replied. “I’m pretty sure all bets are off at that point.”

“But you’d still instinctively use your arm to save someone from being swallowed,” Bertholdt added.

“But it is Eren we’re talking about,” Jean countered. 

“Hey!” Eren protested again, this time shoving Jean’s shoulder. “Let’s not forget the part where you ‘accidentally’ cut Annie’s 3DMG strings slipping on a rooftop and mess up that whole expedition.” 

“Why are you putting air quotes on accidentally?” Jean exclaimed defensively.

“Guys, is that really all you took from that?” Connie exclaimed with a frustrated expression. “I worked really hard to craft that story of our future.”

“And it was great,” Marco nodded approvingly. “Especially the part about you saving Sasha.” Connie blushed. 

“You’re mean,” Reiner said, giving Marco a slight shove on the shoulder as the freckled boy laughed. 

A group of upperclassman pushed out of the shower room and the little friend group made their way in. They hadn’t planned it, but each boy had somehow claimed a specific shower as their own, and no one questioned it. They all moved to their preferred shower, the jokes and laughter dying away as they were separated by doors and walls. 

Finally alone in a tight shower stall, the smile slipped from Bertholdt’s face. He was starting to dread story time. Or at least he was going through a phase of despising it. There wasn’t anything wrong with the other boys dreaming about the future. Many of their stories were actually quite amusing. But what got Bertholdt was the thought that he’d never actually be a part of any of those possible futures. He’d never be able to grow old with these boys, share memories with them, laugh with them as he did now. There was a time stamp on these happy days. 

And it was entirely his fault. 

Everything was Bertholdt’s fault recently. Reiner was in a constant battle to remember who he was, and it was all because Bertholdt had let himself fall in love with him. There couldn’t have been another explanation. The blonde boy must have realized that the two of them could never be together without jeopardizing the mission, and had thus created a world in his head where they could be together, and somehow, that world had manifested itself in a new persona that Reiner slipped back and forth between without warning. And there was nothing Bertholdt could do to fix it. 

As the water started to beat against his back, Berthold felt a lump rise in his throat. He tried to swallow it back, but figured what the hell. He was already wet. No one would notice a few more lines of water running down his face afterwards.

He hadn’t cried in months. He’s done his best to hold it together, to be strong for Reiner and Annie and the other boys. He had no idea why, but the others seemed to look up to him. He wouldn’t have looked up to himself if he were someone else. Especially if he knew what he was and what he’d done and what he was going to do. 

Water drumming on his shoulders, the brunette’s head fell into his hands. Bertholdt had never felt so absolutely alone in his entire life. Here he was, surrounded by people who cared about him, pretending to be a good little soldier boy, while blatantly deceiving his friends and hiding he was the grim reaper who haunted the dreams of all who lived inside the walls. It was like a game, a miserable game Bertholdt was forced to play, a game he could not win. Either he lost his home or his friends. Either way, he would be alone. 

It used to be him and Reiner and Annie and Berick playing the game together. But Berick was dead. Annie couldn’t associate with them to avoid suspicion. And now Warrior Reiner had almost completely disappeared. Bertholdt was left by himself, carrying the weight of his guilt like a yoke on his shoulders that he couldn’t shake off. 

And he had to pretend that he didn’t feel that guilt every waking second of his life. He had to keep smiling, keep associating with the other cadets, keep up the act. As far as he knew, it was still going well. The others continued to accept him, joke with him, ask him for help. Sasha hugged him on a regular basis. He’d spend hours on end with Marco and Armin in the library. Ymir talked to him regularly, without the biting wit most people received. Eren looked up to him. They saw him as a friend; a little shy maybe, but a friend. It hurt more than the memories of warrior training. 

Bertholdt didn’t deserve friends like them. And they all certainly didn’t deserve a friend like him, who would bring them nothing but pain. Reiner especially didn’t need him around to distract him from the mission and cost him his home. 

The brunette figured he deserved to cry about it. All he wanted was to get the mission over with, to go back home, to forget all the pain he felt in the cadet corps, to have the old Reiner back before emotions or love or whatever got in the way. 

He was being selfish and he knew it, but he hardly cared, not right now, when he was trying to sob as quietly as possible in the shower. He was already a miserable enough excuse of a human being, why not add something else to the list? 

*

Sunday, November 8, 2014

_Knock, knock, knock!_

The sound of Reiner's fist hitting the door suddenly sounded much louder than it usually did. Maybe it was because he knew the house was empty save for one certain, significant someone. Or maybe it was because this was the first time he knew that someone would for sure be the one to answer his call. 

Reiner ran a hand through his hair, trying to settle it back after the November wind had playfully messed it up. The same conversation had been playing in his head for four hours, throughout his entire shift at the coffee shop until the clock had finally read 4:30. 

_“Hey, where’s Bertholdt?” Reiner asked nonchalantly._

_“Called in sick today,” Erd replied plainly._

No wonder he hadn’t been answering any of Reiner’s messages. It had been two days since they’d seen one another, and Reiner was surprised at how desperately he wanted to see Bertholdt. He’d been babysitting his cousins all day on Saturday, and the three of them had had a wonderful day full of crafts and adventures (and snapchats to Bertl) that he wouldn’t have traded for the world. He’d woken up that morning dying to see the brunette, and expected to at work at least. But he hadn’t heard a word from him; Bertholdt hadn’t answered any texts that morning. That was odd. Suddenly it made sense in a way that made Reiner’s heart pound nervously. 

After a few seconds of no response at the door, Reiner tried the bell. The musical sound echoed from inside the otherwise silent house. Eyebrows arching suspiciously, the blonde hit the bell again. Same musical ring, same nonexistent response. With a frustrated sigh, Reiner moved closer to the small window next to the door, peering through the glass for any sign of movement. The inside of the house was dark. Worry started to gnaw at the back of his brain as Reiner knocked again, three more times, eyes straining to see inside. Still silence. 

“Huh,” Reiner sighed to himself, rubbing the back of his head. “I don’t remember him being able to sleep that soundly,” he muttered. Blowing the air from his cheeks with an audible sound, a new light bulb went off in the back of his mind. “His room’s on the first floor.”

Without a second thought, Reiner ran down the cement path that led to the back of the house, stopping at a window on the side of the building. The blinds were shut. That didn’t stop the blonde from tapping his finger against the glass three times. He pressed his ear to the cool surface, trying to see if he could hear anything from inside the room. He tapped the glass again. 

He heard the blinds slide open before he could react. His face still pressed to the glass, he looked up to meet the confused, slightly terrified gaze of a certain brunette. He also saw Bertholdt jump backwards, screaming as he did so, at the sight of him. Reiner laughed in spite of himself as he pulled away from the window.

The next moment the window was thrown open and irritated green eyes were glaring down at him. “Reiner, what are you doing?!” 

“You weren’t answering the door!” the blonde replied plainly. 

“I was going to!” Bertholdt retorted. 

“When?!” Reiner shot back. 

“I was just about to when I heard the knock on the window!”

“That would’ve been far too long,” Reiner shook his head with disappointment. “Were you sleeping?” 

Bertholdt nodded, turning to the side and catching a thick, raspy sounding cough in his elbow. Reiner flinched. “You sound awful.” 

“I know,” the brunette croaked, sniffling and rubbing at his throat with a grimace. A frown tugged at Reiner’s lips as he found that Bertholdt didn’t look all that great either. His olive skin was pale, dark shadows hung under his eyes, and he was swaying ever so slightly. If the saying was true that you felt worse then you looked, Reiner felt a pit of guilt form in his stomach for waking his angel of a best friend up. “I feel gross.” 

“That tends to happen when you’re sick,” Reiner said with a nod. “How long have you been under?”

“Since yesterday. Probably cause of Friday night,” Bertholdt answered, absently wrapping his arms around himself and unknowingly drawing attention to the shivers racking his tall frame. Shivers that probably weren’t helped by the cool, autumn breeze pouring in from the open window. Reiner picked up on it immediately, hit with another pang of guilt at being the reason the window was opened in the first place. 

“Can I come in?” the blonde asked quickly. “Only if you’re okay with it, of course.”

Bertholdt nodded. “I’ll let you in the front.” 

“Cool,” said Reiner, hurrying back around the house. He heard the window click shut behind him and mentally kicked himself for being an absolute creep. Appearing at someone’s bedroom window unexpectedly was not the way to win back the love of your life in a future world; in fact, it wasn’t the way to win anyone’s heart ever! Luckily, he’d gotten to know Bertholdt before being a total creep, and he well on his way to wooing him over. Maybe that could be his saving grace. 

Reiner pushed his self-admonishing thoughts aside as he approached the porch, jumping up the two steps and waltzing up to the doorway just as the lock clicked open and the door swung back. 

“Hi again,” Bertholdt greeted with a soft smile that made Reiner’s heart hurt a little. But the good kind of hurt; the happy pain of seeing the one you love look at you so gently, you could cry. A pain that was only intensified considering this particular loved one didn’t remember him and was obviously having trouble standing up, based on how heavily Bertholdt was leaning against the door. 

“Actually, this is our first ‘hi’ today cause your terrified screaming and my stalker laughter served as the greeting earlier,” Reiner corrected gently with a hint of embarrassment in his tone. He moved through the doorway as he spoke, kicking off his shoes as Bertholdt shut the door and clicked the lock shut. “So hi.” 

“Yeah. You should appeal to the Boy Scouts for your official Creeper Badge now,” the brunette commented, leaning back against the closed door. He ran a hand through his hair, still messy and mused (and adorably hot) with sleep. He was also wearing his glasses now; glasses with thick, black, rectangular frames like hipster glasses. And from this distance, he looked a lot worse than from through the window: eyes glassy, cheeks and nose dusted with red, shivering consistently. 

It was with a considerable amount of force that Reiner humored his friend’s joke without sending him straight back to bed. “What? You mean I’ve leveled up past stalker?!” he asked with overdramatic disbelief, clutching a hand to his heart. 

“Congratulations,” Bertholdt nodded. He turned away coughing again, his breaths wheezing slightly afterwards. Reiner frowned and moved closer, placing a hand on the taller boy’s forehead. 

“You’re really hot,” the blonde said, moving his hand to Bertholdt’s cheek. “Have you taken anything?” 

“Jordan left something on the counter in the bathroom this morning,” the brunette answered. “I took that around nine.” Reiner’s eyes widened.

“That was almost eight hours ago!” the blonde exclaimed. “And you haven’t thought to take any since?” 

“No, I was asleep,” Bertholdt replied as if he were being interrogated for a crime he hadn’t committed.

“For eight hours?” Reiner asked. 

“Yes!”

“Augh!” Reiner threw his hands up with mock frustration, turning away from Bertholdt and planting his hands on his hips as his brain kicked into care-taker mode. “Then I take it you haven’t eaten either.”

“Sadly, no,” Bertholdt admitted. “But I do acknowledge that’s not exactly healthy.”

“No, it’s okay. You’re sick, your body is trying to heal itself and if it said ‘sleep,’ it means you needed it and did the right thing,” Reiner replied.

“My body is still saying sleep,” Bertholdt commented, rubbing at his eyes. 

“Well, Reiner says you have to eat something first and then you can sleep for as long as you want, okay?” the blonde suggested, moving off towards the kitchen before further discussion could be made. He heard Bertholdt’s quiet footsteps trailing behind him. “How about you just go back to your room and I’ll be in in like ten minutes…”

“Reiner, you don’t know where anything is,” Bertholdt said with a small laugh. 

“Bertholdt, you can hardly stand up,” Reiner pointed out, pausing in his tracks and catching the brunette by the arms. He was still shaking. “Please go lay down before you pass out. I have no qualms with carrying you, but I don’t want your body to have to go through that.” 

Bertholdt blinked at him as if he didn’t understand the words that had just come out of Reiner’s mouth. Then he smiled. “That’s… really sweet of you,” he said before shuffling back towards his room. Reiner smiled triumphantly, turning back to the kitchen. He moved between the counters, staring at the cabinets like a superhero. Then he felt his stomach drop. He really didn’t know where anything was.

“Huh,” the blonde commented, crossing his arms over his chest. How was he supposed to be an awesome best friend slash potential boyfriend if he couldn’t show off his A+ cooking skills? Reiner moved to open a cabinet, frowning when he found nothing but boxes of cereal and granola bars. With a sigh he opened a second cabinet. Cups and mugs. Darn! 

“Need help?”

Reiner jumped, whirling around to see Bertholdt watching him with a cat-like grin on his face, leaning against the very end of counter with his chin propped in his hand. How long had he been there? Reiner sighed. “Fine.”

Bertholdt’s smile widened a bit as he moved into the kitchen. “I promise I won’t be here long,” he said softly as he moved to the nearest cabinet and began to sift through its contents. Reiner watched him from behind. Just like the henleys Bertholdt had taken to wearing in this world, the maroon sweatshirt he wore now hugged the muscles of his arms and glided smoothly over his back and abdomen. _He’s skinnier this round_ , the blonde mentally noted. _Less muscular. But the muscles are definitely still there, just not as much as last time. But still so damn attractive._

“Reiner?” 

The blonde looked up, startled slightly. Bertholdt was watching him curiously. “What are you thinking about?” the brunette asked. There was the slightest hint of accusation in his voice that cut right through Reiner. 

“Puppies,” the blonde answered automatically, earning him a look of pure surprise from the brunette. He certainly hadn’t been expecting that one, and honestly neither had Reiner. “Fun fact 73, I space out and think about puppies a lot. I apologize. Please continue.”

Bertholdt just shook his head. “The can opener is in the drawer right behind you. To use the microwave, you…”

Reiner held up a hand. “I can handle the microwave,” he said confidently. 

“I don’t doubt your abilities,” Bertholdt replied. “I just wanted to make sure…”

“That I don’t blow up the house?” Reiner suggested. 

Bertholdt rolled his eyes. “Yeah. Something like that.” He moved over to another cabinet across the room. Reiner continued to observe him. Damn, why did he have to be so attractive? The blonde had to restrain himself from peeking as Bertholdt’s sweatshirt rode up a bit as he reached higher in the cabinet. And self-restraint wasn’t exactly the blonde’s strong suit. 

A smile had worked its way onto Reiner’s lips, a smile that didn’t pass the brunette’s perception. As Bertholdt moved away from the cabinet, he eyed the blonde curiously and desperately asked, “What are you smiling about? And please don’t say puppies.”

“Just… how cute you are,” Reiner admitted honestly. 

“This again?” Bertholdt questioned, placing a can of soup down on the counter next to him. 

“Sorry,” Reiner admitted reluctantly. “It’s become a bit of a habit.” 

Bertholdt’s eyes flew wide. “A habit?!” 

Reiner felt his face flush. He hid his face in his hands. “Oh my god, that probably sounded really creepy. Creepier than me knocking on your window.” 

“No, no it’s okay,” Bertholdt said in response. “I just… I guess I never really thought someone could…” He was interrupted by another round of harsh coughing, the kind that made Reiner’s chest hurt just listening to it. The blonde rushed forward as his friend lost his balance and stumbled back into the counter. 

“Hey,” Reiner said softly, moving behind the taller boy and wrapping an arm around his waist to steady him as the brunette caught his breath, careful not to hold him too tight, which was easier said than done. If there was one thing Reiner wanted to do right now it was to pull Bertholdt into his arms and cuddle him till the cold went away, whispering reassuring nothings into his ear and kissing his forehead until he fell asleep. Like he’d done during their days in the cadet corps. But he couldn’t do that here, not yet. To his surprise, Bertholdt didn’t react to his touch, didn’t tense up or pull away or anything. Maybe it was the fever Reiner could feel just standing so close to him. Or maybe he was finally getting closer to breaking the best friend wall. “I can take it from here. Just go back to bed. ” 

“Are you sure?” Bertholdt asked, surrender clear in his tone of voice. Reiner nodded with a reassuringly smile. 

“I can handle the microwave, remember?” the blonde answered coolly with a smoldering look. He gave the taller boy a gentle push towards his bedroom. “Go lay down. I’ll be in soon.”

“Okay,” Bertholdt consented in the soft voice Reiner was used to, made even softer by his sore throat. “Thank you.” The blonde smiled to himself as he watched the taller boy stumble back to his room, making sure he made it through the door before quickly going through the necessary steps to make soup, including using the microwave properly. 

In about five minutes, Reiner made his way back to Bertholdt’s room, where he found the brunette half asleep and still shivering despite the fact that he was cuddled beneath at least three blankets. He smiled as he set the soup down on the bedside table and hopped onto the bed next to the brunette, swinging his backpack up with him. “Hi again.”

“Hi,” Bertholdt croaked, sitting up sleepily and inching away from the blonde. 

“Where are you going?” Reiner laughed slightly with an amused expression. 

“Don’t want you to get sick,” the brunette mumbled, sniffling as he rubbed his hands over his eyes. Reiner chuckled again, pulling Bertholdt closer to him with an arm around the shoulders. Dang, was he cute.

“Would I be here if I was worried about that?” the blonde questioned. 

“Probably,” Bertholdt answered honestly, trying to squirm away. Reiner tightened his grip until the taller boy stopped struggling and slumped against his side. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll be fine,” Reiner insisted, taking the mug from the table and handing it to the brunette. “Now eat your soup. I promise it’ll make you feel better.”

“You put it in a mug,” Bertholdt said with surprise.

“Didn’t want to risk spilling it,” Reiner shrugged the shoulder the brunette wasn’t leaning on.

“You’re so creative,” Bertholdt whispered, taking a cautious sip of the hot liquid. He smiled. “This tastes really good.”

“I’m glad,” Reiner replied. “And I didn’t blow up the microwave.”

“Good.” Bertholdt sounded honestly proud. And tired. So Reiner grabbed his backpack with his foot and pulled his laptop out and loaded up Netflix. 

“Any requests?” Reiner asked. 

“You pick,” Bertholdt insisted, the further argument that he wouldn’t be awake long enough to enjoy it going without saying. The blonde selected Disney’s _Hercules._

“Thank you, by the way,” Bertholdt said offhandedly as the opening credits began to roll. 

“Anytime,” Reiner replied, smiling down at the brunette. He started to rub slow circles into Bertholdt’s shoulder; a simple motion that Reiner knew would calm him down and (hopefully) put him to sleep. “Taking care of people has always been one of my strongest suits.”

“No. Or, well, thank you for that too. But you said I was hot earlier,” Bertholdt corrected. “That’s what I was initially thanking you for.” Reiner groaned at the sly joke of his companion, but smiled at the laugh it elicited from the brunette. The conversation ended there, both boys turning their attention to the movie on the screen. Reiner continued to trace circles into Bertholdt’s shoulder. It felt so natural to him, he didn’t even realize he was doing it. 

When Reiner looked down again, Bertholdt was asleep, curled up on his side, head resting on his arm, breathing evenly, snuggled closer to Reiner than he’d even been in this life. Somewhere along the way, he’d set his empty mug down by their feet. The blonde smiled, running a hand through the boy’s sweaty hair. 

“The only time you can sleep like a normal person is when you’re sick,” Reiner whispered to himself, his finger trailing down the side of Bertholdt’s face, contouring the shape of his cheekbone. “And you like to ignore being sick until you physically cannot stand anymore. But that’s an okay flaw to have, because I’ll always be here to take care of you.”

The blonde’s phone screen lit up with a snapchat from Marco. He opened it to find a picture of a pouting Marco with a pajama-clad Jean slamming his head into the brunette’s shoulder, with the caption: ‘Ymir’s plan sucks.’ Another message from Armin popped up immediately after with a similar tale: a pale blonde boy looking none too pleased with the caption: ‘Ymir’s plan sucks pt.2.’ 

Reiner, always one for poking fun at Ymir, snapped a pic of Bertholdt cuddled next to him and captioned it ‘Ymir’s plan sucks pt.3.’ He also made sure to save the photo to his phone before adding the caption, just for future reference. He also saved the photo of Sasha and Connie holding up peace signs captioned ‘Haha, sucks to be you’ with a ‘+ Ymir’ written on in yellow text. And of course, how could he not save the final two photos in the collection: Ymir’s sweet smile and choice hand signal, and Christa’s final smirk with a joking ‘Ymir’s plan sucks pt.4.’ 

** 

December 13, 848

Reiner flinched as he felt Bertholdt cringe under his touch. “I’m sorry,” he grunted quietly, trying to wrap the bandages as quick as possible. Every touch, no matter how slight, seemed to cause the brunette pain. His arm was shaking of it’s own accord in the blonde’s grasp, scorched scarlet with burns from a dysfunctional piece of practice 3DMG. Reiner could feel his own arm stinging empathetically as he wrapped the bindings around the taller boy’s arm. 

“It’s not your fault,” Bertholdt hissed, biting hard against his lip. He was fighting to keep his eyes open, to watch Reiner’s work instead of squeezing them closed. Ruby red beads of blood appeared where his teeth pierced the soft flesh of his lips. 

Reiner tied off the end of the binding, holding Bertholdt’s arm as gently as he could to examine his work. He gently lifted the brunette’s wrist, softly kissing the back of his hand before placing the injured arm in Bertholdt’s lap. 

“Did that help?” Reiner asked with the ghost of a sly smile. 

“No,” Bertholdt answered plainly. Reiner frowned, leaning closer to the brunette and brushing some of his hair away from his forehead. Bertholdt tensed at the contact.

Warning bells started to go off in Reiner’s head. “What’s wrong?” 

Bertholdt shook his head. “Don’t worry about it,” he muttered. 

“No,” Reiner insisted, shaking his head without breaking eye contact. “You’re lying. You keep telling me nothing’s wrong when something clearly is. Tell me.” Bertholdt looked away. “Bertl, don’t you dare try lying to me again. What’s the matter?”

The brunette rubbed his eyes with his good hand before meeting Reiner’s gaze. “Reiner, why are we here?” he asked pointedly. The blonde knew he was looking for something, a particular answer. And he was almost offended that Bertl didn’t trust that he would know that answer. 

“We’re here to infiltrate the military,” Reiner whispered, his eyes flashing quickly around the area to make sure they were still alone. “We will graduate in the top ten, then join the Military Police, locate the coordinate, break the other two walls from the inside, and finally we’ll go home.” Bertholdt continued to stare at him for a moment. He was choosing his next words very carefully. Reiner could see the gears turning in his mind.

“Do you know why I asked you that?” Bertholdt asked plainly. “Why I ask you that all the time?”

“No,” Reiner answered honestly. “Enlighten me. Please.” 

Bertholdt was breathing harder than normal. “It’s because you don’t always answer the way you just did,” he said. “There are two of you, Reiner. And I can never tell which one I’m talking to.” 

Reiner felt his heart sink to his toes, the blood draining from his face. That couldn’t be true, could it? There couldn’t be two Reiners; the world physically couldn’t handle two of him. However, that might be the explanation he’d been looking for to explain the strange lapses in memory he’d been having. Small parts of his past had been disappearing. There were days when he couldn’t remember the village at all, or warrior training, or Berick. It could also explain the glares he’d been receiving from Annie. They’d been much more recent in the past few months, around the same time that Bertholdt had started asking him ‘the question’. And that also cleared up his confusion over his best friend’s behavior towards him as well. The sudden shyness, all the wary glances, his caution with getting too close to Reiner or telling him anything, the signs of stress in his body language. They’d been getting so close since May, Reiner had started to believe that… no, he’d _known_ that Bertholdt liked him back. But he’d been growing more and more distant since August, always lost in thought, his head in the clouds, quiet with stress. 

And he couldn’t deny the look on Bertholdt’s face now, so honest and painful and even hopeful. 

“I’m sorry,” Reiner said quietly. “I didn’t know.”

“It’s not your fault,” Bertholdt replied with the ghost of a smile. “It makes perfect sense actually. It’s just… weird not knowing if you’re there or not.” He gave a small laugh that seemed to catch in the back of his throat, nervous and forced. “I wasn’t going to tell you but…”

“No. I’m glad you told me,” Reiner cut him off, placing a hand on Bertholdt’s shoulder. He made sure olive green eyes were staring back at him before he continued. “Bertholdt, when you say you never know if I’m there or not… what is the other me like?” 

“It’s… he’s like you except… if we’d never… you know,” Bertholdt stammered, not wanting to admit the truth anymore than Reiner wanted to hear it. “He’d be you if we were human.”

The blonde boy paused, absorbing that information. “We are human,” he commented softly. 

Bertholdt shook his head. “You know that isn’t true,” he whispered, voice barely audible. “I know it’s you right now.” 

Reiner felt a pang of sudden guilt stab his heart. “Bertholdt,” he began, but the words died on his lips. He knew what he wanted to ask, what he wanted to say. But his mind was slowly turning into a mess of thoughts and the formation of intelligible words was the least of his troubles. Instead of speaking, he gently pulled the brunette into his arms, minding his wounded arm. He pressed the brunette’s head to his chest. “What do you hear?” he asked. 

“Your heart,” Bertholdt answered quietly. 

“Beating for you,” Reiner said in a voice so soft and strong that Bertholdt lost it. And it scared Reiner more than hearing that he’d been leaving his best friend to deal with his guilt alone. The blonde held the brunette tighter as he cried, not prying for an explanation. 

Whatever was troubling Bertholdt, whether it was deeper than what he’d shared with Reiner or not, was obviously taking a serious toll on him. And Reiner knew that he’d tell him when he was ready. The blonde just hoped Bertholdt would tell him before he fell apart completely. Because if he was already losing himself, they couldn’t afford for Bertholdt to break too. 

Was it unfair? Yes. But Reiner promised himself in the silence of his heart that he wouldn’t let it get any worse. 

* 

Sunday, November 15, 2014

“You didn’t have to do this,” Reiner said, pushing his fork around his nearly empty plate. Part of him wished it was still full so he could eat it over again. He never thought something simple as pasta tossed with chicken and a few vegetables could taste so fantastic. Then again, there could be ulterior motives at work and his heart might’ve been bribing his taste buds to love whatever they came in contact with that night. 

Bertholdt shrugged, the tiniest smile on his adorable face. “I wanted to. To thank you.” A week had passed since they'd played in the rain, since Bertholdt had fallen asleep cuddled next to Reiner. The brunette had been at school on Monday, but he hadn't felt like himself again until Wednesday, (neither had the other cold-ridden members of the squad, but Reiner could worry about them later.) Bertholdt had thus texted Reiner Friday night, asking if the blonde wanted to come over for dinner Sunday. Reiner had known that Bertholdt’s parents and brother would be out again, so it wasn’t weird for the brunette to invite him over so he wouldn’t be alone. What Reiner didn’t know at the time was that Bertholdt would be the one cooking for them. 

“You know, you’re going to make me think it’s okay to stalk you at your house and creep at your window,” the blonde joked lightly. 

“Please don’t,” Bertholdt laughed, shaking his head. “But that’s not the only thing I’m thanking you for. It’s also because of how wonderful you’ve been to me. Reiner, moving here absolutely terrified me. I was scared that… I thought I wouldn’t be able to make friends. And then we met, and you’ve introduced me to so many wonderful people and we’ve had so many fun times I… I’m just very thankful I met you. And for you in general. So...” Bertholdt’s face had turned beet red as he was talking, and Reiner could practically see him forcing himself to keep his eyes focused on the blonde as he very cheese-ily raised his glass to his companion. “…here’s to you, and to many more memories to come.” 

Reiner couldn’t keep the smile off of his face as he raised his glass. “Only if we can toast to you too. For being brave and letting me be your friend and drag you around and pull you out of your shell.” He was surprised he could get that much out around the lump in his throat. 

“Then to us it is,” Bertholdt said in response. 

“To us,” Reiner repeated, clinking his glass against the brunette’s. Both boys took a generous sip of their waters, falling into a comfortingly uncomfortably silence after both glasses had been placed back on the table. Reiner scooped another spoonful of pasta into his mouth, chewing thoughtfully and thinking over Bertholdt’s words again. _I’m just very thankful I met you. And for you in general._ He really wished the stinging sensation in the back of his eyes would go away. Now was not the time to cry in front of Bertholdt. Especially over a few corny words. If he’d held it together during the fireworks, he could hold it together now. 

“So, um… you really think I’m brave?” Bertholdt asked quietly. 

Reiner chuckled. “Yes. I think you are the bravest person I’ve ever known.” _In this life and the last one._

“Thank you,” the brunette said. The sweetest smile spread on his lips as he ran his fingers through his hair. Reiner’s heart skipped twelve beats. “That… means a lot.” 

The blonde smiled back. “I’m glad.” 

Another beat of silence passed, both boys turning back to their plates which we quickly reaching empty. Soon they’d have no excuse not to talk to one another. Which had never been an issue before. _So why’s it so awkward now?_ Reiner thought. 

“Reiner?”

“Yeah?” The blonde jumped at a chance to end the silence. 

“What are we?” Bertholdt asked thoughtfully, cocking his head ever so slightly to the side. 

Reiner felt his heart drop to his stomach, but forced his mind to stay on track. He shrugged casually, playing it cool and not meeting Bertholdt’s eye right away. “What do you think we are?”

“Best friends,” the brunette answered quietly. “Maybe more.”

The blonde looked up at him, gold meeting green, with genuine, pleasant surprise. “Maybe more?” Reiner repeated with disbelief. 

“Maybe,” Bertholdt replied, shrugging nervously. He shifted in his seat, sitting on the edge of the chair. So visibly uncomfortable that Reiner couldn’t keep a smile off his face. 

“Do you want to be more?” the shorter boy asked, heart hammering against his ribs. 

“Yes. I think I do,” Bertholdt nodded. 

“You think?” Reiner questioned, eyebrows raising skeptically. 

He almost felt guilty at the flash of panic that crossed the brunette’s eyes. “Yes, I think!” Bertholdt exclaimed, too flustered to handle Reiner’s sarcasm. 

The blonde, unable to stop himself, laughed out loud. Bertholdt watched him with terrified, wide eyes. Reiner wiped a tear, the product of how hard he’d been laughing, away from his eye before saying: “Well, I think I want that too.” 

Bertholdt looked straight at him, green eyes so wide Reiner was scared they’d pop right out of his head. As if he feared that Reiner would have rejected him. His incredulity was so endearing, Reiner marveled at his powers of self-restraint and how he’d managed to make it this long without declaring his undying love to this giant nerd. “Go out with me next Friday,” the blonde continued, taking Bertholdt’s hand across the table. “It’ll be like a test run, and if it feels right at the end of the night, we’ll officially make it something more. Agree?” Reiner held his pinkie out with his other hand, the one that was not holding Bertholdt’s. 

“Agree,” Bertholdt said, locking his little finger around Reiner’s, permanently sealing their deal. A new silence fell upon the dining room, but this one wasn’t awkward. This one felt comfortable, right. Just two people enjoying each other’s presence, caught somewhere between more than friends and lovers. It had been a while since Reiner had been there. Had felt this giddy rush of excitement that preceded a full-blown relationship. He was so close to being with Bertholdt again. 

Judging by the smile that had taken over the brunette’s face, Reiner was willing to bet that Bertholdt was rather excited to be with him too. Friday was going to be the day when everything changed. Reiner almost considered rescheduling to Wednesday, just so he’d have something to break the mid-week depression, something to look forward to. But what was the rush? It had only taken them hundreds of years to find each other. What were seven more days? 

* 

January 4, 849

Shadis was barking orders as usual, sending the cadets one by one through an obstacle course of targets to practice wielding their blades. It wasn’t a hard exercise at all, and that tended to spark a little horsing around, which in turn caused more yelling. It was a vicious cycle. 

Bertholdt had already made his way through the course, watching from the sidelines as his friends completed the course. _Friends._ He still couldn’t get used to it. It had once seemed so easy to say, but now it was harder to believe than the existence of a world outside the walls. 

The brunette had done his best to keep his feelings bottled down since the break down in October. He’d never meant to say such things to Reiner, never meant to shatter his happiness like that. The worst of it was that Reiner didn’t even mind. Soldier Reiner kept on being his cheery self, while Warrior Reiner (who’d started to appear again) never made mention of the day Bertholdt ruined his fun. In fact, the whole thing had only intensified the blonde’s feelings for Bertholdt. The tall boy wasn’t sure what to make of that.

Maybe Reiner really did love him. Maybe all of these people did. Maybe that was why Bertholdt could hardly stand the thought of himself. 

The brunette walked away, turning a corner and disappearing from the view of the other cadets. No one noticed him leave. He was used to it. And now he was alone. 

Bertholdt stared down at his wrist. He could see the blue veins networked under the skin, sensing the blood running through them. Keeping his worthless self alive. The brunette glanced at the blade he held in his right hand. It would be easy. All he had to do was break the skin and not much beyond that. His skin would tear like paper, the veins beneath it severed. One slice could be enough if he wanted it to. Or he could drag it out, suffering as he deserved. 

The hand holding the blade began to shake. Bertholdt felt his eyes begin to sting. He dropped the blade to the floor, sinking to his knees next to it. The boy pulled his knees to his chest, burying his face in his arms as the tears began to pour down his face. He couldn’t find a way to stop the sobs heaving from his chest. He’d been so good at it the past two years. 

He figured this was a testament to his true nature. He was a coward. He couldn’t even kill the monster inside of him. 

**

Wednesday, November 18, 2014

The doorbell rang. Reiner set down his pencil on the page in his trigonometry book and ran to answer it. He pulled the door open to find a girl standing on his porch dressed in black skinny jeans and a turquoise sweater with a white scarf wrapped around her neck, her blonde hair pulled up into a perfectly messy bun. The blonde took a step back, a breath catching in his throat. There was no mistaking who the icy blue eyes staring him down belonged to. 

“Hey, Reiner. It’s been a while,” the girl said in greeting, the smallest of smiles breaking on her lips. Reiner was too stunned to say more than one word, and even that word sounded strange on his tongue. 

“Annie.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it!
> 
> Please don't hesitate to leave a comment: tell me what you liked, what you didn't, predictions, side comments, fashion tips, anything! It would honestly make my day!
> 
> Look out for a new chapter soon! Love you guys! 
> 
> (You can check me out on tumblr [here](http://princessofthepen.tumblr.com))


	4. Tumble Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reiner gets closer and closer to capturing Bertholdt's heart, but will he be able to keep him once he's got him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, the prompt this was supposed to be based on was 'Marks.' Gonna be honest, I don't think I did that good of a job with sticking to it, but hey. It's the story that counts at this point. 
> 
> I would also like to apologize for how long it's taken me to get this chapter out. I went back to school a few weeks ago, and that's been taking up a lot of my time. But, the good news is, the next two chapters are a little shorter (based on number of scenes alone). I'm not saying they're going to be short, but they'll be comparatively shorter. (And a lot of the pivotal stuff is already written; I just have to fluff it out!) 
> 
> Also, I tried for a little more angst in this chapter. Please let me know how I did with that, as fluff seems to be my stronger suit. 
> 
> Enjoy!

** 

Wednesday, November 18, 2014

“So you go to Maria’s?” Reiner asked. After the initial shock of seeing Annie Leonhardt on his doorstep, the boy had come back to reality and invited her in. The two were currently sitting in the living room, Annie perched on the couch and Reiner sitting on the end of an armchair and leaning towards the girl. 

Annie nodded. “Yep. I’ve been there all three years of high school. I live one town over.”

“How did you find me?” Reiner asked, still shocked by her sudden appearance. 

“Jean Kirschtein is in my English class,” Annie explained plainly. “We were paired for a project and I went to his house to plan things out, and his boyfriend came to pick him up as I was leaving. As I think you know, that boyfriend is Marco. When Jean ran off to grab his jacket, Marco and I exchanged information about who remembered what. And later that night, he sent me your contact information from Jean’s phone.”

The story sounded reasonable enough. “Why my contact information?” Reiner questioned. 

Annie shrugged. “You and Bertholdt were my best friends. Why wouldn’t I try to get in contact with you?” Reiner sat up a little straighter. This was the second time Annie Leonhardt had surprised him tonight. He’d never heard something so honest (or nice) come out her mouth. Or at least she’d never said anything so candid to _him_ before. 

“And since Bertholdt is a Blank, you came after me,” Reiner finished for her, nodding his head. 

“Right,” Annie said. “Speaking of, Marco also mentioned that you haven’t given up on him.” Reiner met her eyes. They were as unreadable as always. “I’m glad.” 

“Huh?”

“What you and Bertholdt had, back in the old days, that was something really special,” Annie said, looking off at the floor. “You just… you made him feel like a person, like he was worth something. You made him so happy. And I know he made you happy too. It was like you two were made for each other, as if the universe had crafted you both out of the same source of cosmic matter so that one day you would find each other and feel whole again. Does that make any sense?”

“It sounds beautiful to me,” Reiner replied with a genuine smile. “Please, tell me more about how Bertl and I are two chips off the same block of cosmic matter.”

Annie fixed him a glare. “I’m starting to remember why it was so easy to ignore you for the entirety of cadet training.” Reiner shrugged with a devilish grin motioning for her to proceed. “But I’m being completely serious with you right now. I feel like you two were made to be together, to be happy together. And you clearly didn’t get that last time. So I’m glad you’re moving past his lapse in memory and still trying to make it work. Not everyone could do what you’re doing. And I’m proud of you.” 

“That really does mean a lot, Annie,” Reiner said in reply, a smile breaking on his lips. “I never knew you felt that way.”

The blonde girl pulled a strand of hair behind her ear, avoiding Reiner’s eyes as she said, “I never had the chance to tell you. We didn’t really talk during training, then I joined the Military Police and got caught and hid like a coward and by the time they broke me out, you two were both…” She dragged a finger across her throat, avoiding the word. 

“Annie, you were not a coward,” Reiner chastised gently. “Our lives were about survival. You did what you could to keep yourself alive. You were a warrior, and your comrades abandoned you.”

Annie clicked her tongue, settling back further as her cerulean eyes met Reiner’s once again. They were still the same icy shade of blue, but they lacked the cold, unfeeling touch of the old world. “I crystallized my body,” the girl said. “That is the epitome of giving up and running away. And you did not abandon me. The mission was in jeopardy and we had to delegate tasks. You are not to blame for my failure.”

“You were not a failure,” Reiner repeated. “You were a model warrior and an outstanding soldier. Bertholdt and I both admired your skills. Stop selling yourself short.”

Annie smiled, looking away for just a moment. “Thank you, Reiner. I wish we’d been able to talk like this back then.” The boy smiled as well, his heart clenching with a feeling of sentimentality. “But I’m not here to talk about the past. We can do that later. I’m here to gossip about boys.” 

Reiner laughed out loud, earning him a glare from Annie. “I never thought I’d ever hear those words come out of your mouth!” the blonde boy laughed, clutching his stomach. 

Annie crossed her arms over her chest. “Reiner, this is a serious matter.” But her lips betrayed her, curling up into a grin. “When are you going to see Bertholdt next? Excluding school?”

“We’ve got a date Friday,” Reiner beamed, laughter still bubbling in his chest. “Our first official date. We’re calling it a test run.”

“Wonderful,” Annie replied, nodding approvingly. “I’m so happy you guys found each other…”

“Speaking of boys,” Reiner interrupted, holding out the last word. “I might know a guy who’d be good for you. If you’re interested.” Annie’s light eyebrows arched up curiously. 

“We’ve known each other for half an hour and you think you know me well enough to set me up with a friend?” the girl asked, placing a hand over her heart. “My, my, a little forward, aren’t we?” 

Reiner shrugged. “Perhaps. I’ve been told I come on a little strong. Ask Bertl next time you see him.” The blonde spared her a wink and Annie rolled her eyes. Just like old times. “But really, I think you’d like him. He’s smart and nerdy and about your height.”

The blonde girl crossed her arms over her chest. “Let me guess. He’s blonde? Blue eyed?” Reiner nodded, biting his lip. “With alliterative initials?” 

“Oh, alliterative. Say that word around him and he’d probably ask you to marry him on the spot,” Reiner sighed dramatically. Annie smiled. 

“What’s his number?” she asked, sounding reluctant. But Reiner could see a sparkle in her eyes. He grinned as he read off Armin’s number, and promised her that she’d be invited to their next group event to meet the gang. 

With Annie’s number saved in his phone, and his first date with Bertholdt just around the corner, Reiner felt on top of the world. 

* 

February 5, 849

“Bertl.”

Bertholdt jumped, whirling to face the girl leaning casually against the wall outside the library. 

“A-Annie?” he stuttered. “I… What are you doing here?” He took a quick sweep of the grounds, and found them dark and deserted, the sun near to setting behind the trees, the sky a pale violet and vaguely copper around the edges. “Is it okay for you to be here?”

Annie shrugged. “If anyone asked, you were helping me with a study question, and I wanted to sit outside.”

“Sit outside?”

“Yep,” Annie confirmed taking Bertholdt by the hand and leading him towards the building’s steps, where she promptly sat down and prompted him to follow. Bertholdt took a seat next to the blonde, his heartbeat racing. “So, what’s going on?”

“That’s what I wanted to ask you.” Annie’s eyes were luminescent in the evening light, so sharp and clear that Bertholdt could feel them tearing into his soul, searching the recesses of his mind. He swallowed hard, his mouth gone dry. “Something’s bothering you.”

Bertholdt sighed, wrapping his arms around his knees. He gave a short nod. “Yeah, but… it’s really nothing you have to worry about. Just something I have to deal with on my own and…”

“Marco said he’s heard you crying in the showers,” Annie cut him off, her voice sharp yet gentle, like a sword with a dulled blade. Bertholdt’s breath caught in his throat. “I heard him say something to Ymir when she made one of her ridiculous comments about who cares what. You’ve also been taking a lot of unnecessary risks lately, letting yourself get a little too bruised and beaten. That’s not like you. So you obviously _can’t_ deal with whatever is bothering you on your own. Have you told Reiner?”

The brunette felt his heart constrict in his chest. “I can’t tell Reiner,” he whispered, looking down at his knees. “Because Reiner is what’s bothering me.”

If that surprised Annie, her face didn’t show it. She continued to watch Bertholdt with a flat expression, her eyes as cold and unreadable as ever. (As they had been since the night her father had told her the truth about the night she’d become a titan for the first time.) “What about him?” she asked plainly. 

Bertholdt ran his tongue over his teeth, trying to get his words together. He’d always found it incredibly easy to talk to Annie, after the initial awkwardness of course. She just seemed to have a sense of what he was thinking, like they were on the same wavelength. And that made getting the words out that much easier. “He isn’t himself,” the brunette began. “He’s developed a split personality, a new persona that allows him to forget the mission and be a regular soldier.” As plain and simple as the words were, saying them aloud instead of hearing them echo though his brain felt like poison on Bertholdt’s lips. 

“And when he forgets, he forgets you too?” Annie questioned.

The boy shook his head. “No, it’s not like that. It’s that… he forgets the guilt, the pain, the weight of what we did. He looks at me like I’m his best friend, not his partner in crime. He looks at me like we could have a future together, when I know that’s impossible, a fool’s fantasy.” Bertholdt pulled his knees up closer to his chest, sinking into as small a form as he possibly could. 

Annie looked away for a second, gathering her words. “And that makes you unhappy.”

It wasn’t a question. 

“It makes me very unhappy,” Bertholdt replied. 

“Are you mad at Reiner?” the girl questioned. “And that’s only making it worse?”

The brunette shook his head. “No, I’m not mad at him at all. If anything, I’m probably a little… jealous of him. Because he can let go, and make friends, and be happy while I’m… miserable and alone.”

Annie’s light eyebrows knit together. “Bertholdt…” she said quietly. The boy looked over at her, her blue eyes still guarding the gates to the gears turning in her head. “Are you mad at yourself?” she asked. Green eyes widened in response. A ghost of a smile played on Annie’s lips as more pieces of the puzzle fell into place. “Of course you are,” she sighed. 

“Well,” Bertholdt huffed, releasing his knees, legs stretching to their full length down the steps. “It’s my fault, isn’t it? I let him fall into his own head, didn’t do anything to stop him from losing himself. And it’s probably my fault that it happened in the first place…” He trailed off, lost to his own thoughts. Annie placed her hand on his shoulder, small and warm. 

“Bertholdt, this isn’t your fault,” the girl said. “You can’t blame yourself for everything.” The brunette didn’t meet her eyes. “Hey. I know that this is hard for you. I’m not going to pretend that I know how you’re feeling. But I know you, and I think I have a pretty good idea what’s going through your head. And I need you to snap out of it.” 

Bertholdt still refused to look at her, but his expression softened ever so slightly. 

“You’re much more important than you think,” Annie went on. “Reiner needs you. He needs you to help him remember who he is.”

“But that’s the thing,” Bertholdt interrupted, staring off at the quiet compound. “I… I think I’m the reason he’s forgetting who he is. Because he’s… interested in me. As more than a friend.”

Annie paused, letting his words sink in. “So you’re saying that Reiner’s grown a split personality because he has a crush on you?”

Bertholdt nodded. “But it’s not that simple,” he began to explain. “I think he realized that we could never be together in our warrior lives. Then, when we got here, he got so caught up in the act of playing a soldier that he began to believe that we could be together, as soldiers. And I think that’s when the new Reiner appeared, his alias becoming reality. And I’m also pretty sure it’s because I let him fall in love with me and I… I just keep making it worse by falling right back. Dear gods, that sounds so selfish.” He felt that familiar kick of self-hatred pound mercilessly through his chest. 

Annie stared at him quietly, calculating. Bertholdt continued to look away from her, feeling a blush rise in his cheeks. It was the first time he’d told anyone about his feelings for Reiner. It was only right that it was Annie, because she probably already knew. And she also knew both him and Reiner well enough to tell him if he was an idiot for even dreaming of such a thing.

“You can’t ever let yourself be happy, can you?” Annie whispered. 

Bertholdt smiled, sadly, resignedly. “No,” he said. “I wasn’t born to be happy.”

The next thing he knew, Annie had her arms wrapped around him, her head nestled on his shoulder, and he was holding her right back, an arm wrapped protectively around her waist. 

“I want you to be happy,” the girl said quietly. “For me. Be happy for me. Smile for me, if for nothing else. Even if no one knows why you’re smiling, just do it for me, okay?” She paused for a moment. “Or Reiner. Smile for Reiner. You have no idea what your smile does to that boy.”

Bertholdt made a small noise of affirmation, unable to form a verbal response. 

“But, either way, promise me that you’ll stop blaming yourself for everything. It’s exhausting watching you deteriorate into sadness like this,” Annie continued. “Try to have fun. Try to enjoy these final days of freedom. Try to let yourself be happy, and let yourself be open to love. Trust me. Everything will get better once you do. Let the mission happen when the time is right. For now, you’re just a normal teenage boy.”

“Annie?” Bertholdt sighed, leaning his head against hers. “I love you.”

The blonde girl smiled. “I know.”

** 

Friday, November 20, 2014

“I think you lied when you said you weren’t good at this,” Reiner said, setting his mouth in a straight line and narrowing his eyes to look disappointed as he leaned precariously on his golf club. Bertholdt shook his head vehemently, but he smiled. 

“No, I swear! It’s just luck,” he argued lightly. 

“Dude, that was your third hole in one!” Reiner exclaimed, gesturing to Hole 17 in all its glory, green turf and neon bumpers and all. 

“Not in a row,” Bertholdt shrugged innocently. The smile had yet to leave his face. 

“Pfff. You sneaky little mastermind,” the blonde shook his head, moving up to the final hole as the three kids in front of them made their way off the course. He prepared for the shot and haphazardly hit his neon yellow golf ball at the hole, knowing that no matter how he scored, he was going to lose. But he didn’t care about the game. He’d already won. Bertholdt was on a date with him. That was the greatest victory he’d had in a while, (which he hoped would soon be usurped by the ultimate victory of a real, romantic relationship with said brunette.)

The blonde smiled to himself as he watched Bertholdt carefully arrange his shot and cleanly sink the ball into the hole one final time. He couldn’t help but note how adorably focused the brunette was, or the way that the muscles in his arms worked with every stroke. Damn, he’d love to watch him swim, see those muscles in action. Or to just touch them, run his hands over the lean tendons stretched tight under soft, olive skin. That would work too.

Bertholdt smiled at him as the two boys moved off the course to turn in their clubs and golf balls at the front desk.

“I think this was a good idea,” Bertholdt commented as they left the mini golf place. It had been Reiner’s idea to go mini golfing for the trial date; that way they weren’t staring at each other awkwardly across a table and trying to make conversation under pressure. Mini golf gave them something else to do, to talk about, to ease away the significance of the evening. And it had gone perfectly, Reiner couldn’t have asked for a better first date. They’d spent all 18 holes laughing and joking with each other, lightheartedly absorbing themselves in the competition when neither one actually cared about the game at all. 

Reiner could only speak for himself when he said that, while he’d been able to push it down with all his might for the better portion of the evening, only one thought had pervaded all other thoughts that night. And it had nothing to do with how insanely good Bertholdt was at mini golf.

“So,” the blonde began, shoving his hands into his pockets as the duo made their way through the door and out into the shopping plaza that housed the mini golf venue. “As was promised upon arrival,” he said smoothly. “Loser buys post-game smoothies.” 

“No, it’s okay,” Bertholdt said dismissively. “You don’t…”

“No, Bertl, I have to. It’s my sentence for bragging so much at the start of the match,” the blonde cut him off, waving away his protestations. He paused when he saw the expression on the brunette’s face, a mix of surprise and something the blonde couldn’t read. “What?”

“You called me Bertl,” Bertholdt said, so soft the blonde probably wouldn’t have heard them had they not been alone. Reiner was tempted to punch himself in the mouth. The nickname was so second nature to him, always present in his thoughts, he hadn’t realized they might not have been at the point where nicknames could be distributed in reality yet. “You’ve never called me that before.”

“Y-yeah, sorry,” Reiner stuttered nervously, his heart pounding in trepidation. The gears began to whirl in his head, fast as a runaway train. _What if I just blew everything? What if that one little slip of the tongue cost me my soul mate?_ “I just… you’re name’s so long I figured it was time for a nickname.” It was a lame excuse, and he knew it.

But Bertholdt smiled, sweet and gentle under the streetlights, genuine happiness sparkling in his green eyes. “I like it,” he said in reply.

“Really?” Reiner asked. Bertholdt nodded. The blonde felt a weight lift off his chest. Good, he was doing this right. 

“It sounds nice when you say it,” Bertholdt added shyly, averting his eyes from Reiner’s. The blonde smiled, holding his hand out to the brunette. Bertholdt paused for a moment before taking the hint and wrapping his hand around Reiner’s. The blonde grinned as he led his date down the plaza to the smoothie place on the corner of the block. 

The feeling of holding hands, their fingers intertwining, Bertholdt walking in perfect step next to him, was so euphoric Reiner pinched his thigh to make sure he wasn’t dreaming. And the sharp pain he felt assured him that he wasn’t. 

They reached the smoothie place all too soon, their hands falling away so they could properly get through the narrow doorway. There wasn’t much of a line, but the small café was packed with other customers, including multiple young families, a few other high schoolers out for the night, and group of rowdy middle school hooligans. The crowd seemed to set Bertholdt on edge, visible only by the slight rigidity of his muscles and the tight set of the corners of his mouth, neither of which slipped Reiner’s notice. Thus, after receiving their smoothies, Reiner suggested that they go sit in the car instead of staying inside. And he knew it was a good idea by the way Bertholdt’s shoulders relaxed as soon as they got outside. 

Reiner second-guessed himself in a matter of minutes though, as he’d failed to understand the gravity of his suggestion until his hand touched the cold handle of the door to Bertholdt’s car. They would be totally alone now, no mini golf or screaming pre-teens to distract them. The blonde wasn’t sure if that was a blessing or a curse. Still, he climbed into the passenger’s side, settling back against the seat and turning a wide grin on his brunette companion. 

“So, we already participated in some sort of fun activity, and now we have food. What else do we need to complete the first date task?” Reiner asked jokingly.

“Let me just check the list…” Bertholdt trailed off, reaching for his phone wedged in his pocket. 

Reiner froze. “You don’t actually have a list do you?”

“No,” Bertholdt laughed, shaking his head sarcastically. “I was just trying to be funny. I’m pretty sure making witty remarks is on the list, if there were to be a task list for successful first dates.” 

“You are learning fast, my friend,” Reiner said, lifting his drink as a salute. Bertholdt raised his smoothie in response and both took a sip after to commemorate the brunette’s expanding humor repertoire. 

Reiner hated to acknowledge the butterflies throwing a party in his stomach, the jitterbugs scurrying through his every nerve. This was the part of the date that mattered the most. It was now all on Reiner to convince Bertholdt that he would be the best boyfriend he’d ever have. He felt that he’d been doing a good job over the past few months, taking it slow as he could, not rushing Bertholdt, letting the brunette come to him. And he was pretty sure Bertholdt reciprocated his feelings. The only problem was bridging the gap between friends and romantic partners. It was a delicate situation, transitioning to something more. And Reiner knew that he was very capable of screwing it up. 

For as confident as he seemed (and honestly was) Reiner had always been reduced to shambles when it came to expressing romantic feelings. He could handle the rest of it: the flirting, the hand holding, the other public displays of affection, the act of actually being in a relationship. But when it came to saying those simple words, (and not the big three, no, he was a little too well versed in those,) of asking a person to be his one and only, everything fell apart.

“That would actually be a helpful list,” Bertholdt mused aloud, breaking Reiner from his thoughts.

“Hm?”

“A first date checklist,” Bertholdt clarified, shifting in his seat to face Reiner better. “I think that would help a lot of people. Shy kids would be a little less afraid of asking out the people they liked if there was a system to follow. It eliminates the chance of prolonged awkwardness. I mean, it’s probably impossible to eliminate all awkwardness from any date, but it does limit the possibility.” The brunette looked down at his finger, tracing the lid of his cup. The simple action made Reiner smile. 

“Then let’s write it,” the blonde suggested. 

“Really?” Bertholdt asked, his eyes meeting Reiner’s. 

“Of course,” Reiner nodded, pulling out his phone and opening a new note. “I mean, who better than us? You’re shy and I’m as extroverted as they come… and we’re on a date right now. So who else could give a truly accurate representation, to use some of your academic jargon?”

Bertholdt blushed. “I don’t… I don’t talk like that a lot, do I?”

Reiner chuckled, reaching across the console and ruffling the brunette’s hair. “You do when you’re nervous. But don’t worry, it’s cute.” Bertholdt blushed even harder, looking down at the digital note with a flattered smile. Reiner channeled the nerves touching Bertholdt sparked into quickly typing up a bullet point. “And that’s going to be step number three of our list: always compliment your date.” 

“Why step three?” Bertholdt questioned as the blonde finished typing the statement with a flourish.

“Because step one has to be ‘pick up the date’ and step two is ‘pick a fun venue,’” Reiner explained as if it were common knowledge. “That’s what we did, wasn’t it?” 

“It was,” Bertholdt nodded. “Add a bullet point under step two about picking something fun that encourages spending time together. Going to a movie is fine, but it limits social interaction, so you might want to do something else for a first date like grabbing dinner or taking a walk or…”

“Mini golf,” Reiner finished in perfect time with Bertholdt. The two boys met eyes, holding each other’s gaze for a moment too long before they broke off into laughter and Reiner added the appropriate bullet points. His heart had yet to stop hammering, and he could tell that Bertholdt was just as nervous by the death grip with which he was holding his smoothie. “Okay, what else?”

“Witty banter,” Bertholdt reminded.

“Witty banter, step four,” Reiner repeated, typing it in. “Then what?” Bertholdt bit his lip, looking off at the street through the windshield as he thought. Reiner clicked his tongue and shook his head, earning him a confused look. “Bertl. You know the next step has to be jamming out to the radio on the way home.” 

The brunette blinked, taking in the answer, before rolling his eyes overdramatically. 

“You’re hopeless,” he sighed, but turned the car on and punched the power button on the radio, which happened to be on commercial. “But if they play Taylor Swift one more time…”

“What? Already tired of our song, are you?” Reiner joked. “Damn, we’re hardly even dating.” The words slipped so easily between his lips that Reiner didn’t even realize what he’d done until the awkward silence fell. The blonde met his companion’s eyes, holding his gaze as the radio commentator continued to babble on; white noise in the background of something life changing taking place. Reiner forced himself not to look away, and he knew Bertholdt must’ve been struggling just as much, if not more, to do the same. _We need to talk. We need to talk now. Do it Reiner. Get it over with. Just… talk to him._

“We should… probably talk about this then,” Reiner said, awkward as the silence. 

Bertholdt shook his head ever so slightly. “No, we can’t.”

Ice ran through Reiner’s veins. “W-why not?”

“The date’s not over yet,” Bertholdt said plainly, shifting the car into reverse and backing out of their parking space. Reiner fumbled to snap in his seatbelt, giving a mental sigh of relief. For a second there, he’d thought… what did it matter? He hadn’t lost Bertl yet, that was the only important thing. And he now had about ten minutes to compose the perfect relationship proposal. 

As they pulled out of the parking lot, the radio transitioned to music, blaring Ariana Grande’s _Problem._ Reiner took it upon himself to put the awkwardness behind them by taking the opportunity to once again show off his less than stellar singing ability, complemented by as much shoulder action as he could manage around the seatbelt. Bertholdt shouldn’t have been surprised by Reiner’s antics anymore (at least not much,) but yet again, the blonde had him giggling in spite of himself, stealing glances here and there as he tried to focus on the road. It felt as though it was any other Friday night, two best friends goofing off on the ride home. 

This was how Reiner always wanted to feel, happy and uninhibited and spontaneous. He’d felt all of them before, separately, but never all at once. He hadn’t felt that until Bertholdt had joined his daily life again. Reiner had no choice but to believe that the best definition for how he felt right now was love. This had to be the paradigm of in love. Sitting in this passenger’s seat, making a fool of himself to Ariana Grande in front of this particular boy, who just happened to captivate Reiner’s heart without even trying. 

It wasn’t fair, how effortlessly Bertholdt could turn him into such a fool, weak at the knees, all that jazz. But Reiner couldn’t care less. All he had left to do was translate this euphoric feeling into words and hope Bertholdt felt the same way. 

As the song drew to an end and the DJ took a few moments to talk about current celebrity gossip, Reiner turned to Bertholdt and poked his shoulder. “Okay, I’ve completed my end of First Date Rule 5. It’s your turn. Next song is all you.”

“But…”

“No ifs, ands, or buts. You have to sing or this doesn’t count as a first date,” Reiner argued. Bertholdt shot him a quick glare before looking back at the road. “Hey, we wrote those rules together. You know what you have to do.” The brunette still looked hesitant. “And besides,” Reiner added, his tone suddenly becoming much softer, more tender. “I like to hear you sing.”

Bertholdt sighed, his shoulders sagging slightly. “Okay,” he consented. Reiner hid his smirk behind the straw of his smoothie, hoping Bertholdt wouldn’t think less of him for holding such power over his head. Just as Bertholdt’s smile melted Reiner’s heart, a genuine, heartfelt compliment could render Bertholdt malleable to anyone’s will. (Not that Reiner would _ever_ abuse that of course. 99.9 percent of the time, his compliments were good as gold.) It wasn’t Reiner’s fault that the kid couldn’t take a compliment without being overwhelmed by the other person’s kindness. It was a confidence issue they could work out over time, but for now, it seemed to work in Reiner’s favor. 

Or it appeared to be in Reiner’s favor until the next song was _All of Me._

And Bertholdt sang along. Perfectly. Each lyric fell away, encrypting itself in Reiner’s brain, this very moment to be forever engrained in his memory. Bertholdt didn’t look at him, but Reiner knew the song was meant for him. That Bertholdt was singing to him, not for him. And he meant every word. 

And it was all just a little too much for Reiner to handle. All his fears about asking Bertholdt out officially, solidifying their relationship with labels and everything, came rushing through his brain as the sweet lyrics fell off Bertholdt’s lips in perfect time and harmony. Reiner truly loved this boy with everything he had, all of him, just like the song. All he needed to feel whole was Bertholdt’s smile. And as they rounded the corner down Reiner’s street, the blonde knew he was almost out of time to make it happen. 

“Hey.”

Reiner blinked, looking up at a curious looking Bertholdt. “What are you thinking about?” he asked. 

Reiner smiled. “You sing that song so well,” he said in reply, quiet and lame and sheepish for once in his life. 

“T-thank you,” the brunette replied, as self-conscious as he always was. “It’s uh… it’s one of the songs I’ve been singing a lot recently.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” Bertholdt said in response as he slowed and turned into the Braun’s driveway. The lights outside the house were on, but the inside was dark. “I really like the lyrics.”

“You’re a sucker for all that lovey-dovey stuff then, huh?” Reiner asked, cocking his head to the side with what he hoped was an inquisitive expression. His nerves were bringing out his sarcastic side and he couldn’t stop himself from talking, words pouring off his lips like a river. “All these months we’ve known each other, and you’ve never hinted at your love of the romantic. Tell me, are you like the others who dream of wishing on shooting stars, and secret letters passed between forbidden lovers, and happy endings, and other such drivel?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m a hopeless romantic. I know,” Bertholdt laughed it off, his face glowing a charming crimson at the comment. Reiner’s smile widened as he continued to stare at the brunette. It never took long for his eyes to wander back to the green-eyed boy, magnetically drawn to him and that adorable little smile on his blushing face. Bertholdt really was too attractive for his own good. Or at least that’s how Reiner had always felt about him. 

“So when does the date officially end?”

“When I walk you home,” Bertholdt answered, the hint of a clever grin sliding up his lips as he nodded towards the house and hopped out of the car before Reiner could stop him. The blonde chuckled, sliding out of his side of the car. The wind had picked up during the drive, refreshingly cool against Reiner’s skin. He leaned his elbows on the hood of the car, a mischievous glint shining in his golden eyes, his back to the wind.

“What if I’m not ready to say goodnight yet?” he questioned slyly. Bertholdt, standing on the opposite end of the car, shoved his hands into his pockets, looking up at the clouded night sky. The wind was pushing his hair back, away from his face, very movie star-esque. 

“Then I guess we’ll have to add another addendum to the first date rules,” he answered plainly, shrugging his shoulders. 

Reiner opened his mouth to reply when a streak of lightning shot through the sky, followed by a roll of thunder. Both boys glanced up. The dark of the night had hidden the storm clouds brewing up above. The duo shared a panicked glance before sprinting towards the Braun’s front porch, jumping up the steps just in time for the water to start pouring from the skies. 

“What is it about us and rain?” Reiner asked, watching the sky with a mystified expression. “I mean, the last time I took you home, it was pouring down rain. And now it’s interrupting our date.”

“I think the universe is trying to tell us something,” Bertholdt said, a warm laugh bubbling beneath his smile. Reiner raised his eyebrows at the brunette, silently inquiring for an answer. Bertholdt’s expression didn’t change, but something about his smile softened while the sparkle in his eyes grew brighter. “Isn’t this how it always goes in the movies? Two people, caught in a rainstorm? Doesn’t that usually mean that they’re…” He reached out towards Reiner’s hand, hesitating for just a moment before wrapping his fingers around the blonde’s before finishing, “meant to be together?” 

Reiner felt sparks explode from his fingertips at the feeling of Bertholdt’s hand, as gentle and secure against his skin as a spider’s web. He couldn’t stop the giggle (yes, _giggle_ ) that served as his answer. A hand was haphazardly flung in front of his lips, the hand Bertholdt wasn’t holding, in a useless effort to contain his joy. But he knew that was a fruitless endeavor.

“You really are a hopeless romantic at heart, aren’t you?” Reiner finally said. Bertholdt shrugged innocently, his own laugh drowned out by a rolling sound of thunder. “Well, if the universe says it must be so, who are we to mess with fate?” He took a hold of Bertholdt’s other hand, ensuring that those two green eyes, filled with excited anticipation, were focused on nothing but his own golden irises. “What’ll it be then, Bertl? What are we?” 

The taller boy squeezed the blonde’s hands. “I think you already know the answer,” he said.

“I want to hear you say it,” Reiner challenged innocently. 

Bertholdt took a deep breath, closing his eyes for a brief second. When he opened them again, Reiner saw a confidence shining there that he hadn’t seen in a very, very long time (if ever.) It was genuine certainty; completely sure of what he was about to say, and unspeakably happy about it. “Well then, Reiner Braun, I think that you and I are more than friends. And I would very much like to be your boyfriend.”

Reiner felt like laughing again, or shaking his head, or acknowledging Bertholdt’s adorable awkwardness in some way. But none of it felt right, not in the face of the extremely important event that was taking place. “All you had to do was ask,” the blonde replied fondly, leaning forward towards Bertholdt’s lips, which really weren’t all that far away. The height difference was hardly a problem for Reiner. All he had to do was just lean a little bit farther and…

He paused when he felt a finger pushed to his lips. 

His eyes snapped open to find a guilty-looking Bertholdt taking a tiny step back. “Sorry, not on the first date,” he said guiltily. 

Reiner sighed overdramatically, feeling more embarrassed than disappointed. He ran a hand through his hair, his heart pounding with humiliation. “Dang, I’m sorry. I should’ve asked…”

“No, no, you’re fine,” Bertholdt replied, shaking his head with the most charming smile. “I’m just old fashioned. I… I’d prefer to save something that important for another time. Cherish each little moment, you know? Tonight will always be remembered as the night we got together. And another night will be the one we remember as our first kiss. Does that… that’s stupid isn’t it?”

The admiration glowing in Reiner’s golden eyes said otherwise. “I think that’s a great way to live,” the blonde replied, his voice soft, meant only for Bertholdt to hear. “We’re together now. That’s all that matters.”

“That’s all that matters,” Bertholdt repeated, nodding affirmatively. Without a word, he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around Reiner’s shoulders as the blonde simultaneously hugged him around the waist. They stood like that for a while, wrapped in each other’s arms, listening to the rain falling against the sidewalk, just existing together. 

Reiner had never felt so at peace with the world as he did right now, Bertholdt’s heart beating so close to his, in time with his. The blonde smiled to himself. He’d done it; Bertholdt had found him again, had fallen for him again. It was like they’d never been separated at all. 

*

February 20, 849

Bertholdt had tried to take Annie’s advice. He really had. 

He’d dedicated himself even more rigorously to each and every training exercise and maneuver. He’d stopped letting himself sustain little injuries here and there. He’d made a point to chime in at least once during dinner conversations, as well as the rounds of jokes and stories told in the barracks at night. He’d helped Connie and Sasha with their fighting technique, as well as Armin and Franz and anyone else who asked him to. He’d spent hours in the library with Armin and Marco, pouring through books ranging from histories to fairytales to field notes. He’d spent an afternoon in the infirmary with Christa after she’d twisted an ankle, keeping her company and having a serious discussion about Ymir. He’d smiled, even when he wanted to do the exact opposite. 

And it had been exhausting. 

Pushing himself to be social, to be happy, had been more work than he’d expected. He contributed some of the challenge to the ever-present weight of guilt wearing him down, plaguing his thoughts, viciously pushing him back into the corners of his mind where he was forced to face the awful truth about himself. No matter how hard he tried, that would always be there. But he was used to it, able to function without it hindering him too much beyond what could easily be taken for shyness. Something was different this time, though. Forcing himself to engage more with the world around him had opened Bertholdt’s eyes to a truth he’d been delicately avoiding for the past two years. 

The truth that the village Elders may have been wrong. 

These people were not devils. The cadets he trained with, ate with, talked with, lived with, were nothing but teenagers. Plain, simple teenagers. And above that, they were some of the nicest people he’d ever met. Connie’s jokes, Marco’s enthusiasm and positivity, Sasha’s hugs, Eren’s perseverance, Franz and Hannah’s puppy love, Armin’s smile, Mikasa’s devotion to her friends, Jean’s narcissism and hopeless crushes on Mikasa and Marco, Ymir’s backhanded compliments and adoration for Christa, Christa in general… There was no way that all the humans inside the walls could be as corrupt, greedy, and heartless as the Elders had taught them. Not if all these people were so genuinely kind. 

That thought, that everything he knew might be wrong, had started to weigh him down almost as much as the guilt did. 

And Bertholdt was honestly surprised at how much energy it took to keep the charade up, to force himself to talk and laugh and keep the smile on his face as if nothing were wrong. 

Two weeks of it had left him confused, conflicted, and exhausted. He wasn’t any happier either, in fact, he was probably more miserable than before his talk with Annie. He’d hardly had time to deal with the Reiner issue (although he’d found plenty of time to steal multiple glances at the blonde over the past fifteen days, and hadn’t exactly discouraged the flirtatious behavior directed his way.) And, to make matters worse, he’d developed a splitting headache two days ago that refused to go away. 

The silence of the corridor was refreshing as Bertholdt followed Reiner towards the doors, nothing but their footsteps echoing around them. They both had been on clean up crew that night, washing dishes and packing up left over food rations with a fourth of the other cadets. It hadn’t taken too long, but even an hour spent washing dishes seemed agonizing when your skull felt like it was disintegrating from the inside out. Bertholdt admitted to himself how overdramatic he was being, but didn’t feel much like correcting his subconscious at the moment. He was finally on his way home. With Reiner. Alone. 

Bertholdt was tempted to reach for Reiner’s hand, to feel his presence next to him. To tell him about the revelation he’d been having, the conflict tearing him apart from the inside out. But he didn’t. He couldn’t. And he knew that. The mission came first. That’s the way it always was…

“Hey Bertholdt, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, of course. Anything,” the brunette said, caught of guard by the sudden noise. 

Reiner’s lips stretched up at the taller boy’s startled reaction, admiration glowing in his golden irises. “Well, we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well over the past few years. You’re my best friend. You know that right?” Bertholdt nodded. Reiner took a deep breath before continuing, “And in recent months I’ve been feeling… I’ve come to regard you as more than that. Or, at least I’d like to regard you as more than that.” Bertholdt’s eyebrows drew together curiously, his mind hurrying to process what Reiner had just said, and deciding he wasn’t being clear enough. The blonde sighed. “I uh… I want more than just friendship between us. Between you and me. More than best friends.” The brunette’s expression grew even more confused and Reiner felt like screaming with frustration at his own inability to speak words in the moment. Or to speak the proper words, at least. “Okay, look. I’ve been flirting with you. We’ve talked about this. Maybe not directly but… I know you know, alright? And I’m pretty sure you feel it too. So what I’m trying to say is… Bertholdt, I would very much like to be in a romantic relationship with you.”

The brunette paused, his step slowing to a stop as he gasped quietly, immediately averting his eyes from Reiner’s gaze. His brain stalled, frozen by those few words _I would very much like to be in a romantic relationship with you._ A blush rose to his face as Bertholdt considered what was being asked of him. A statement that crushed all his worries and fears from the past weeks, the past months, past years. One simple offer that hit with the strength of a fifteen-meter titan. The whole room began to heat up. He hadn’t expected it to happen like this. In fact, he hadn’t expected it to happen at all. And he certainly wasn’t prepared to deal with this now. 

For a single moment, his heart began to hammer in his chest, thumping with an exuberant joy, fueled by his desire to be Reiner’s one and only. But the warm, fuzzy jitters of bliss were quickly stomped out by an overwhelming sense of anxiety. The world came crashing back, his responsibilities piercing his heart like a thorn tipped with poison. This, this very question, would determine the fate of their mission. If he said no, then things would be fine. But if Bertholdt gave in and agreed, then they were done for. They could never go home again. And he couldn’t do that to Reiner. Not even if it cost him the last shred of happiness he’d been unconsciously clinging to since Ymir tipped him off to Reiner’s feelings for him. 

“Reiner I… I don’t know what to say,” he mumbled, fidgeting nervously with his fingers as the war raged on inside his head, heart against mind. 

“In like, a good way or…” Reiner trailed off, his tone anxious as his own head spun. This wasn’t the reaction he’d been hoping for. He was disappointed. Guilt begin to grind amongst the tumult in the brunette’s brain. Reiner was disappointed with him. _No, no, this is not how I wanted this conversation to go!_

“I… don’t know,” Bertholdt replied, shaking his head, which was starting to pound again with a renewed vengeance. 

“Damn,” Reiner muttered, more to himself than to Bertholdt. It still caught the brunette’s attention though, setting off more internal warning bells. “The guys warned me that you might react like this.”

“You told them?” Bertholdt asked, breathlessly, as if it were a shock. 

“Of course,” Reiner replied matter-of-factly, his tone quipped and precise, as if he were controlling every syllable with the utmost care. “Why wouldn’t I? They’ve been asking me when I was going to ask you for months! And they have a right to know what’s going on between us just like what’s going on between Connie and Sasha, or Jean and Marco. They’re our friends…”

“Reiner, they aren’t your friends!”

The brunette’s hands flew to his face, covering his lips as his eyes flew wide. The damage was done. The words were already out there. _Damn it! Why did I say that?_

Reiner’s eyes narrowed as Bertholdt began to walk forward again, his pace quickening with every step. He shoved his shaking hands into his pockets, only to pull them out a moment later, too nervous to deal with them. His heartbeat was rising with every step he took. He needed to get away from Reiner; needed space to think and breathe or else he was going to say things he didn’t want to. 

Reiner didn’t seem to pick up on his distress though, as he kept perfect step with the brunette. “Well isn’t it the same with you, Armin, and Marco?” the blonde asked questioningly, his tone bordering on annoyance. The creases in his forehead exposed the anger he was trying to suppress, something Bertholdt was used to seeing. Reiner always did his best to not let his temper get away with him, especially when it came to Bertholdt. But the brunette wasn’t so sure he could stay on his good side for much longer. Not after ruining his proposal earlier. 

“No, no it’s not,” Bertholdt argued, gentle as he could, focusing rather intently on the corridor surrounding him, suffocating him. When had it gotten so hot? He needed to get out.

“And how is it any different?” Reiner challenged. 

“Because I know there’s an expiration date!” 

Bertholdt stopped walking so suddenly that Reiner slammed into his shoulder, using the momentum to take a step backwards, his friend’s words like a slap to the face. This was _not_ how he had planned this conversation going at all. It wasn’t how either of them had planned it. Bertholdt tucked his disappointment away for later as the bubbles of pent up emotion began to spill over in his throbbing head. 

Bertholdt kept speaking, grimly muttering, “We’re just friends by association, anyway. We just talk about books. There’s nothing deeper to it.”

“That’s a lie and you know it,” Reiner said sharply, crossing his arms over his chest. Bertholdt still didn’t meet his eye, his hands still trembling in fists at his sides. The taller boy felt his knees beginning to shake as well. “I know you value Marco and Armin as more than that. You want them to like you as more than just a reading buddy. You _want_ friends, Bertholdt. Don’t try to tell me you don’t.”

“That’s not the point,” the brunette replied sharply.

“Then what is?!” Reiner exclaimed, flinging his arms wide in frustration. “What is the point, Bertl? Cause I used to think that it was me.” He choked a little on his words, taking a deep breath and planting his hands firmly on his hips. Wide green eyes met his at the confession, prompting the blonde to keep going. “I thought it was me. That you were uncomfortable with the way I was pursuing you. But then… then things got better. A lot better. And I thought that you were still acting weird because you… also had feelings for me and didn’t know how to deal with them. That you were confused and jealous because I was getting closer with the other guys, and giving you mixed signals…”

“You thought I was jealous?” Bertholdt interrupted, the thought momentarily silencing the tumult in his brain. His voice was quiet, hollow.

“Well, yeah,” Reiner said in reply. “Is that not it?” 

“No. No it’s not.” 

The brunette’s voice had grown darker. Reiner, indignation still flooding his veins and clouding his thoughts, took it as a provocation. Yet he couldn’t deny the warning bells that started ringing at how upfront Bertholdt was being. He was never one to spur confrontation; what was different now? But while that worry flashed in the back of his brain, a larger part of his subconscious was telling him to figure out what was going wrong now.

“Then what is it?” the blonde prompted. 

The taller boy ran his hands through his hair, sighing a little overdramatically. “Reiner, why are we here?” Bertholdt asked tiredly. 

The blonde suppressed a sigh. “To infiltrate the military, destroy the walls, eradicate mankind. Are you happy now?” 

Bertholdt’s gaze was hard, almost cold, as he met Reiner’s eyes. “Happy isn’t something I’ll ever be again.” Reiner didn’t let the shock of the brunette’s words show on his face, but they stunned him like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head. “You know why I ask you that. Now put it together.” Bertholdt turned and began to walk away. He didn’t know why learning that Reiner was oblivious to his misery made him feel so bitter. Hadn’t he planned it like this, wanted it to be this way? Wasn’t he the one that had been purposely hiding the tears and the guilt and the suffering from Reiner these past few years? Hadn’t he done this to himself? 

And when had the room started spinning? 

After a beat, Reiner was following on his heels. The wheels in the blonde’s mind began to kick and turn, spinning out the awful truth he’d been purposely ignoring for months. The truth that Bertholdt was not okay, that he was bothered by his guilt more than he let on, that he was as miserable as Reiner feared he would be. “Bertl, wait. I think I understand…”

“No, Reiner, you don’t understand!” Bertholdt exclaimed suddenly, spinning on his heel so that he and Reiner were face to face. The blonde stopped mid step, frozen by the force of the brunette’s words. The olive eyes he was looking into were not the calm, quiet, guarded eyes he’d come to associate with Bertholdt. Instead, they were on fire. “You don’t understand at all what I go through every single day. I won’t pretend that you don’t feel the weight of what we did, or that it’s different for me because I know it’s no different and I know you feel it too. But you don’t feel it the same way. You’ve found some way to separate yourself from it. There are two of you Reiner, the one I’ve known forever and the one I don’t know at all. And even that’s a lie because I almost know the new you better than the old you cause it’s just you if you hadn’t been stuck murdering people with me….”

Bertholdt trailed off, running both of his shaking hands through his hair. His breathing was starting to pick up, heart hammering inside his chest as all the words that had been trapped in his brain for months began to pool together and pour off his tongue like a river. 

Reiner remained frozen, staring in horrorstruck awe as the tirade continued. He’d heard everything Bertholdt had just said before, but it stung more the second time around. And he certainly hadn’t heard what came next. 

“And I can’t do what you do. I can’t go a day without thinking about _that_ day. I can’t separate myself from what I’ve done. Someone has to remember why we’re here, someone has to keep you in line, and we both know Annie can’t do that. So it has to be me. I have to be the guardian of the mission and stay awake and keep you on track. So when you become the other you, you leave me here all by myself. Just me and the guilt of what we did. Alone. So absolutely alone that it physically hurts…”

“Bertholdt, you are not alone,” Reiner cut in forcefully, grabbing tightly to the boy’s forearms. “You have me! And you have Connie, and Marco, Armin and the other guys…”

“No,” Bertholdt cut him off, his voice so terrifyingly quiet as he pulled away from Reiner’s grip with a hidden strength. “You don’t understand. Even with all of you here, I’m still by myself because I have no place here. I have no right to a place here. And neither do you. But unlike me, you’ve been able to create an alias for yourself that can thrive here. I can’t. I can’t forget what we did, and that’s what separates me from all these people. Surrounded by people who love us like brothers because they don’t know what we’ve done. And it hurts, Reiner! It hurts knowing that I am the enemy they’re training us to kill. That I’m the reason Eren watched his mother get eaten. That one day they’ll all find out the truth and hate us. Or, even if they don’t find out, they will all die and it will all be my fault because I was born to be a murderer.” He stopped abruptly, taking a shuddering breath as he collapsed back against the wall, holding his head in his hands. The corridor was squeezing tighter and tighter around him. His head felt like it was about to crack into a million pieces. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He figured this must’ve been what people referred to when they said they felt as though the world was crashing down on top of them. 

Reiner didn’t even know what to say. He just watched as the boy he loved continued to take ragged breaths, in and out, until he slid to the floor with a hopeless cry, his emotions beyond the power of speech, burying his face in his hands. Marco had told him he’d caught Bertholdt crying in the shower at night. Part of Reiner had ignored it, wanting to pretend that Bertl was fine, to believe that he was the same old Bert he’d always been, that maybe he was just a little homesick. This outburst was his sign of how dead wrong that was, how stupid he’d been to let himself believe such an illusion. 

“Bertholdt,” Reiner said softly, crouching down in front of the brunette. 

“I just can’t deal with this right now,” Bertholdt whimpered, words muffled in his hands.

“I know that, and I’d never have asked if I’d known,” Reiner replied regretfully. And he meant it; if he knew that such a simple question would set the brunette off like this, he would’ve avoided it at all costs. Bertholdt didn’t look up at him, or acknowledge that he’d spoken. Reiner sighed. “Bertholdt, I love you. You know that, right?”

“Why?” the brunette pleaded, still not looking up. 

“Because you seem to think it’s impossible,” Reiner answered, his voice steady. Three heart beats later, Bertholdt lifted his head to stare at Reiner. His eyes looked different, incredulous and hopeless and so broken, and his face was ghostly pale. He wasn’t crying, a sight that startled Reiner, but he didn’t let it faze him. The blonde reached forward and caught the taller boy up in his arms, squeezing him tight for just a moment too short before pulling away. 

“My offer still stands,” Reiner said softly, taking Bertholdt’s hands and helping him to his feet. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be here.” The blonde gently placed a kiss on both of the brunette’s hands before releasing him and walking away. He had nothing left to say, and even if he had the words, his mind was too jumbled after hearing everything Bertholdt had been holding back from him all these months. He needed time. And so did Bertholdt. So Reiner would give them both time, time to think and breathe and understand. 

But the clock was ticking. And both boys knew it. 

“Reiner!”

The blonde paused, his heart leaping hopefully as he turned to face his best friend, who was watching him with wide green eyes. The way he was leaning against the wall was unsettling. 

“Yeah?” Reiner replied simply. 

“Don’t leave,” Bertholdt said quietly. A new guilt was pressing on his heart, the desire to apologize to Reiner, to erase the failed proposal and start over. “Please. I…” He took a step forward, and the corridor began to pitch and spin around him, black spots marring the edges. Reiner was at his side before he could make sense of the world again, holding him up by the elbows.

“Bertholdt?” Reiner said, voice thick with worry as he stared intently at the brunette’s face assessing the situation. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m just… dizzy,” Bertholdt mumbled, blinking away the spots. 

Reiner frowned. “Are you feeling okay?” Bertholdt nodded. “Are you sure?” Another tight nod. Reiner wasn’t convinced, but wasn’t in the mood to fight with him anymore. “Come on. You should get to bed,” he suggested, wrapping his arm securely through the taller boy’s to lead him back to the barracks. 

“Reiner. I’m sorry,” Bertholdt said suddenly, quickly. He didn’t know how much longer he had to get the words out. But he couldn’t let Reiner go without apologizing. “For saying all those things just now. I shouldn’t have.”

“No. Please don’t apologize,” Reiner shook his head. “You had every right to let those thoughts out. I’m sorry you’ve been feelings that way for so long.” He couldn’t bring himself to say the _and all because of me._ Not now. 

“I should have told you,” the brunette said quietly. “But I… I didn’t want to make you unhappy.”

“Bertl, I’m so sorry,” Reiner said. His heart was breaking with every word. “I’m sorry about the other me. I really am.”

“No. It’s not your fault,” Bertholdt shook his head in earnest. “You can’t help it. It’s my fault, anyway.”

Reiner started, struck by confusion. “How? How could this possibly be your fault?” 

“Well, isn’t it because you love me?” Bertholdt asked in reply. “Aren’t I the reason you can’t remember the mission? I’m the distraction that’s holding you back, the reason you’ve created the other Reiner, because you knew we couldn’t be together in real life. So you invented him as an escape route.” As he talked, the brunette became more and more interested in his shoes as a way to avoid Reiner’s gaze as they walked. Or maybe it was to keep himself from falling over.

“Are you serious? Bertholdt, you’re the only thing that helps me remember!” Reiner said around an incredulous laugh. Bertholdt blinked at him in disbelief, eyes wide. Reiner drew them to a halt to better address his best friend. “Being with the other guys, joking around with them and being friends with them, I know that’s going to end. Trust me, I do. But what we have won’t, and not just because of the mission. You are the one thing I will always remember.” He took Bertholdt’s hand and pressed it to his chest. “You feel that? No matter what I may say, even if I forget the real me for a little while, this right here, this heart, it’s yours. Always. And do you know what that means?” Bertholdt shook his head. “It means that you are never alone.”

“Reiner,” Bertholdt whispered, staring at his hand, still held so softly in the blonde’s. 

“I’m sorry for all the stress you’ve been putting up with all these years,” Reiner continued softly. “You’re a much better man than me. I wouldn’t have stuck by me if I were you. Yet here you are, letting yourself suffer for my sake. It breaks my heart to hear that you’ve been blaming yourself for my problems, and I want you to know that it is not your fault, not your fault in any way at all. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to apologize enough for all the trouble I’ve caused you. But I want you to know that, even when I’m not myself, I still love you and I’m still here for you. I know that sounds sappy but… I mean it.”

Bertholdt smiled. “I don’t think it’s sappy. It’s… really sweet.”

Reiner smiled back. “You always were a sucker for all that romantic hubbub, weren’t you?” All he got in response was another soft smile, the simple action revealing the depth of Bertholdt’s emotions. Reiner hadn’t seen a smile that genuine on the taller boy’s face in months. (And it made his chest hurt now to realize that he’d been blaming it all on the boy’s crippling shyness, not even considering that it was the guilt… or Reiner himself.)

“So,” Reiner began, inching closer to Bertholdt. “Would you, uh… like to reconsider my offer? You don’t have to by any means!” 

“I would,” Bertholdt answered with a slight nod. “And… and I think I’d…” He bit his lip. 

“You want to accept it?” Reiner finished. Bertholdt nodded. 

“But I don’t want to distract you,” he added nervously. Reiner sighed, shaking his head as he closed the distance between the two of them, firmly wrapped Bertl’s hands in his own, and placed a soft kiss to the brunette’s cheek. He heard a soft gasp escape the other boy’s throat, but he didn’t let go. 

“When are you going to realize that you are the only distraction I’ll ever need?” he whispered against Bertholdt’s ear. “You remind me why we’re here. You keep me on track. You keep me grounded when my ego gets the best of me. All I ever need to see is your smile and I know who I am and where I’m meant to be and that’s wherever you are so that I know that you’re still smiling. You understand?”

“Yeah,” Bertholdt replied weakly, his voice choked by a lump forming in his throat. 

“Good,” Reiner said, moving back so he could see the brunette’s face. He ran a hand through the boy’s hair, brushing the dark strands away from those gorgeous green eyes. “Now I think we need to get you back to the barracks. You look exhausted.”

“Okay,” Bertholdt said in reply, happily linking arms with Reiner once more as the blonde led him home. 

** 

Saturday, November 28, 2014

Reiner killed the engine, pulling the keys from the ignition and settling back in his seat to smile excitedly at Bertholdt. “You ready?”

“Yep,” the brunette replied with a nod. “Are you?”

“I’m always ready,” Reiner replied assuredly, touching a hand to his chest. Bertholdt laughed. “I hope your exceptional mini golf skills transfer over to bowling as well. We’re gonna need the element of surprise to win.”

“Reiner, it’s a double date, not a competition,” Bertholdt said, rolling his eyes at the blonde’s antics. 

Reiner shrugged. “Hey, this is war. We’re now in competition to be the cutest couple in the squad. We can’t let Jean and Marco take our title,” he said in response. “This is a very serious matter and I think you’re in need of an attitude adjustment.” He hopped out of the car as Bertholdt gaped at him, humor glowing in his eyes. The blonde couldn’t let his boyfriend know just how nervous he was for tonight to go well. This was the first time the two of them were going out together (albeit with another couple) since their trial date. And while the thought of that made Reiner’s head swim, he couldn’t let his guard down for a moment. They were still a new couple. Although he’d captured Bertholdt’s heart, he still had a few laps to go before they’d be back on the level they’d left off on back in the old world. 

Reiner locked the car after both doors were shut, holding his hand out to Bertholdt, who accepted it, and the two walked up to the front door, hand in hand.

“I don’t need an attitude adjustment,” Bertholdt muttered, leaning closer to the blonde’s ear in a way that made Reiner’s heart beat a little faster. 

“I know. I just like to mess with you cause you’re cute when you’re caught off guard,” Reiner answered teasingly. “You either get all defensive or flustered and blushy. Either way, it’s adorable.”

“Reiner,” Bertholdt sighed, looking off at the other cars parked in the lot. Reiner laughed, poking Bertholdt’s cheek as they started to turn the lightest shade of pink.

“See? It’s so easy!” the blonde cheered. Bertholdt pouted at him, but couldn’t hold it longer than a few seconds when Reiner mirrored his face with an extra dose of dramatics. Both boys were bubbling with laughter as they entered the sliding doors to the Garrison Street Bowling Alley. 

Jean and Marco were standing off against the wall to the side, Marco noticing the couple right away and waving them over. 

“Hey guys!” the freckled boy greeted brightly. “It’s really good to see you.” 

“And easy considering you’re both like six foot,” Jean added with a laugh. “Seriously, there’s a party of like eight year olds here. They’re gonna think you’re gods or something.”

“Hey, I could roll with that,” Reiner replied, striking numerous poses, many of which involved flexing his muscles. “I think I could pass for Zeus.”

“Of course that’s what you go for,” Jean shook his head, a smile edging its way onto his lips. Bertholdt snickered next to Reiner as well, and the blonde put on a tough face in order to keep the act up. 

“And that’s why you’re Hades,” Reiner said in reply to Jean, pointing two fingers at the fair-haired boy. “An aversion to fun and sarcasm twenty-four seven.” Marco snorted before bursting out laughing, Bertholdt fighting a smile as Jean’s face dropped into an exaggerated frown.

“You know what? I’ll take it,” he exclaimed proudly, running a hand through his hair and standing up straighter. “God of the Underworld. There’s pride in that. And that means Marco’s Persephone,” he added, wiggling his eyebrows as he slung an arm around the brunette’s shoulders. 

Marco pondered that for a second before nodding approvingly. “Presider of springtime. Yeah, that fits. Does that also mean you abducted me from my mother?” Jean’s face colored slightly as Marco cocked his head ever so innocently to the side. 

“And does that make me Hera?” Bertholdt asked nervously, trying to break the tension as Jean struggled to form a witty answer. And his plan worked as both Jean and Marco fell into a fit of giggles.

“Yes!” Jean clapped his hands. “You as the jealous bitch queen of Olympus. That, that is something I would love to see.” 

“And, to answer your question, yes. If Marco has to be Jean’s goddess concubine, you have to be mine,” Reiner put in, very unhelpfully. Bertholdt pushed his shoulder lightly, but his smile gave him away. 

“Hera was Zeus’ wife, you heathen,” he joked. Jean and Marco ooo-ed like kids on a playground. 

“Did Zeus know that?” Reiner challenged, raising his eyebrows suggestively.

“I guess not, otherwise Hera wouldn’t be the jealous bitch queen of Olympus,” Bertholdt shrugged simply. 

“This is already ten times better than doubling with Ymir and Christa,” Jean chuckled. “We’re allowed to make nerdy references without being mislabeled as geeks and when you make fun of me it’s all in jest.” 

“Yep, that sounds like spending copious amounts of time with Ymir,” Reiner nodded. “But I’m not surprised we’re better, cause, you know…” He pulled Bertholdt closer to him so their heads were touching, “we’re adorable.” He held up half a heart and smiled when Bertholdt completed it. 

“Stop,” Marco groaned, pulling Jean off towards the counter. Reiner and Bertholdt exchanged a glance before following after them, Reiner’s arm tucked around Bertholdt’s waist. 

It had been a week since the trial date, a week since they’d become official. And four days since they’d told the squad. The group had been ecstatic, and (much to Reiner’s surprise) hadn’t made too big a deal about it. In fact, the only direct result had been a discussion concerning which couple deserved the title of the ‘cutest couple in the friend group.’ Which was still continuing on to this day. 

It had been Marco’s idea to go on a double date, which Reiner and Bertholdt had jumped at as a way to ease into the practice of going on dates without too much awkwardness in between. Not that things were ever awkward between them, but a little practice acting as a couple instead of best friends couldn’t hurt. Thus, Reiner had suggested bowling as a fun date venue, Jean came up with a day and time, and all four of them made a pact not to post anything about it on snapchat so the others didn’t find out. 

They arranged to play for two hours, Jean and Marco versus Reiner and Bertholdt. 

“Now, I do have to warn you guys,” Marco said as they approached the racks filled with bowling balls of various colors and sizes after tying on the horrendously tacky but ever so necessary bowling shoes. “I am so good at this game that it may look like I don’t know what I’m doing. Sometimes my skills are just so dazzling, I mess up on purpose to save your mortal eyes from the awesomeness.” 

“Oh man. Bertholdt, what have we gotten ourselves into?” Reiner asked in a panicked voice, making a distressed face at the brunette. 

“It seems to me like a test of pride,” Bertholdt replied. “Either we’ll walk away victorious, or leave with our dignity bruised and beaten and probably a little shaken from having a bowling ball dropped on its head.” Marco chuckled good naturedly as Reiner grinned at the brunette, choosing a fifteen-pound bowling ball of a deep maroon color. Bertholdt reached for a fourteen-pound blue ball. “Look, we both chose primary colors!” the taller boy observed excitedly.

“I love how the little things amuse you,” Reiner beamed, leaning in close until their noses were almost touching. “And that our colors make purple.” Bertholdt blushed madly, and from the panicked look in his eyes, Reiner could tell that he was desperate to move away but didn’t quite want to.

“I can’t tell if it’s dramatics, or if they actually act like that,” Jean muttered loud enough for the two to hear him. Reiner sent a wink in the other couples’ direction before sauntering off towards their lane. Bertholdt followed after an apologetic smile and a hurried “I really don’t know why he does it either,” to Jean and Marco. 

“Damn, they’re so cute.”

Bertholdt blushed again as he heard the whispered comment behind his back as they met Reiner in the lane, where the blonde was busy typing their names into the machine. 

“Alright, let the games begin,” Reiner said, placing his hands on his hips. “God of thunder and his wife versus the God of the Underworld and his concubine.”

“You know, I’m starting to feel a little bit uncomfortable with that title,” Marco inserted. 

“Would you rather be referred to as the flower child I abducted?” Jean asked innocently.

“I really don’t know how you managed to make that worse,” Marco shook his head, resisting a laugh with all his might. 

“Oh trust me, sweetheart. I could’ve done a whole lot worse than that,” Jean said in reply with a knowing look before moving up to the line in his tacky bowling shoes. “Let’s get this show on the road!” he announced, taking three steps forward and releasing his bowling ball to the floor, managing to knock out all but two pins. 

“That’s my man!” Marco cheered enthusiastically. Jean winked back at him, sticking his tongue out challengingly at Reiner and Bertholdt before retrieving his ball and taking his second turn. He miscalculated and didn’t knock down either of the two remaining pins. 

“That’s also my man,” Marco chimed in with a lighthearted smile. Jean narrowed his eyes at him. 

“Well, you know, there is a strategy to this game,” Reiner spoke up, moving up to the line. He spared a side-glance at Jean. “Watch and learn, sonny boy.” 

Reiner stepped up to the line, taking a deep breath. He strode forward, three confident steps ending with a perfect snap of the wrist to send the ball flying down the slicked wooden floor. The maroon ball veered to the right, only knocking out a meager five pins. 

“Strategy, huh?” Jean quipped from the back (where he was probably leaning against Marco’s chair, arms crossed over his chest, with a satisfied smirk pulling on his lips.) 

“Just wait for it,” Reiner said with a devious grin as he prepared for his second turn. He was keenly aware of Bertholdt watching him, a pleasant smile playing on the brunette’s face. With that image in mind, Reiner swung his arm back and set his second shot rolling down the lane, knocking down the five remaining pins. He threw a fist of victory in the air, turning to Jean with a cocky grin. 

“Told ya,” he said. Jean just shook his head and clapped Marco’s shoulder. 

“Come on, freckles. You got this. Show them who’s boss,” he said reassuringly as Marco jumped up from his seat, rolling his shoulders back a few times and jumping up and down to get the blood pumping. Bertholdt laughed at his antics as Reiner settled into the plastic chair next to his boyfriend. 

“Nice shot,” Bertholdt said. “Perfectly executed.”

“Thank you,” Reiner replied with a gracious bow of the head. “I do all I can to put us ahead in the couple competition.” Bertholdt lightly socked his shoulder. Reiner shouldered him back with a devious grin. Bertholdt didn’t take the bait, opting to point at Marco as the freckled boy sent his bowling ball flying towards the pins. 

“Watch the competition,” Bertholdt instructed.

“I’d rather watch you,” Reiner purred flirtatiously. 

“You’re hopeless,” Bertholdt shook his head, waiting a beat before reaching over and ruffling his hand through the blonde’s hair as if he were a puppy. “We’re already dating.”

“Maybe I just really like complimenting you,” Reiner suggested, shrugging his shoulders innocently. “Remember what I said in the parking lot? That’s one of your most endearing features.” Bertholdt shook his head again, but he was blushing, Reiner could see it under the dimmed bowling alley lights. And it made him incredibly happy. 

The game went on in a whirlwind of jokes and jests. Jean taught Marco proper bowling posture as cheesily as a romantic comedy, sidling up next to him with as much physical contact as he could, cradling his arm and sliding effortlessly through each motion in perfect tandem with the freckled boy. Naturally, Reiner stepped in halfway through just to ruin their moment. Bertholdt’s god-like skills at mini golf did not transfer over to bowling, but he did score one strike, which was more than anyone else was able to bowl. In the end, Jean and Marco won by one point. 

“Well. It was a valiant effort, boys,” Jean sighed victoriously. “But I guess we’re just the superior couple…”

“Not so fast!”

“Dear Zeus, why have you forsaken us?” Reiner cried, shaking his arms at the sky as the four boys whirled around to see Ymir, Christa, Connie, and Sasha leaning against the railing of the platform above of the lanes, all four looking a little too smug for comfort. 

“Fancy meeting you here,” Connie drawled, cocking his head to the side. “Guess Friday nights must be popular for double dates.”

“How did you find out?” Jean questioned incredulously. “Seriously. How?”

“And where’s Armin?” Marco demanded in addition, his natural peacekeeping tendencies kicking in as he tried to keep the tension low. 

“Armin’s busy. And we honestly had no idea,” Sasha answered, shrugging her shoulders. “We were planning to double tonight anyway. We promise we had no plans to sabotage your date.”

“Unless you four are trying to sabotage the couple ranking competition by sneaking out like this,” Ymir challenged, pointing an accusatory finger at each boy. A finger that happened to linger the longest on Reiner. 

“Hey. That’s unnecessary,” the blonde boy countered. 

“Well, she’s not completely wrong,” Bertholdt mumbled in Reiner’s ear, earning him an elbow to the stomach, which thankfully prompted laughter. 

“So, it appears that we’ve been assigned the lane next to yours,” Connie said, gesturing wildly (as he was apt to do now that he was off his crutches and had full use of his limbs again) to the empty lane that sat to the left of the boys’. “Mind if we join you?”

Reiner and Bertholdt exchanged glances. Bertholdt’s eyes were beseeching Reiner to make the decision, granting his permission to say yes, but also accepting the possibility of the blonde saying no. It was such a classic Bertholdt thing to do, being so terribly indecisive, that Reiner decided to add another bullet point to the ‘Reasons Why I’m Happy Bertholdt Is Now My Boyfriend’ list: He needs someone to make decisions (particularly concerning social situations) for him that won’t abuse that kind of power. 

“We’re down,” Reiner shrugged, turning to Jean for the final decision, almost completely sure Marco would be down for it. The fair-haired boy sighed and held his hands up in surrender. 

“Well, I guess we have to settle who the cutest couple is somehow,” Jean conceded. “Might as well judge it through a good, wholesome game of bowling.”

“If we do that, we’re gonna need team names,” Christa piped up. “To make it more fun, you know?”

“Can we give them Greek gods and go by those?” Marco whispered. 

“I don’t see why not,” Jean shrugged. “Alright, you want team names? Let’s go Greek. Marco and I are already Hades and Persephone, and Bertholdt and Reiner are Hera and Zeus. Pick your poison, friends.”

“Ares and Aphrodite,” Ymir called, clasping hands with Christa. “War god and her extremely hot goddess girlfriend.” 

“Can’t argue with that,” Reiner commented, earning him a glare from the freckled brunette to which he just smirked. 

“Apollo and Artemis?” Sasha suggested to Connie, raising her eyebrows speculatively. “I mean, I know they’re technically siblings but it’s hard to argue with the sun god and moon goddess.” 

“Yeah, that’d be pretty cute,” Marco added helpfully. “I mean, just cancel out the sibling part for all intensive purposes. And then it’s really sweet.”

Connie and Sasha shared a smile, the boy confidently taking the girl’s hand. “I think that’s gotta be it, then,” Connie conceded. “Apollo and Artemis it is!” 

“Then let the games begin!” Reiner announced with a sweeping flourish of the hand. “Again,” he added as an after thought as the two new couples hurried to their lane to get their game set up.

“You know what? This isn’t so bad,” Jean remarked quietly so only the three guys closest to him could hear. “I would like to propose an alliance between team Underworld and team Infidelity to crush team Eclipse and team ‘I Only Like You For Your Body.’” Marco snorted and Bertholdt laughed out loud at his self-appointed team names. “I’m serious. Ymir can’t win.”

“And there’s the motive,” Marco declared. 

“And it’s a worthy motive at that,” Reiner added. “Team Infidelity will certainly help team Underworld strike down the competition. Isn’t that right, sweetie?” He batted his eyes at Bertholdt.

“Of course, dear,” the brunette replied. “Whatever you say.” Reiner laughed as Jean and Marco did their best to hide their smiles as they turned back to the group to get the game going. Reiner couldn’t get over the smile on Bertholdt’s face. He looked so happy to be here, to be with this group of people, to be with _him._

And suddenly Reiner remembered how he’d fallen in love with Bertholdt in the first place, back in the old world, the one thing that had stuck out so sharply in his memory all these years. Bertholdt’s smile. That simple smile that could brighten up the darkest of days. It had drawn Reiner in immediately, and carried him from friendship to so much more. He’d lived to protect that smile back then. And he wasn’t too surprised to find the same sentiment beating in time with his heart now. 

He would do anything to make Bertholdt happy. 

As the game began around him, Reiner was hit with a sudden wave of humility that crushed his previous thoughts of having a sense of power over Bertholdt. Not that he would ever have used such power to his advantage, he loved and respected the brunette more than that. But it still surprised him to realize that the reality of their situation was actually the opposite of his former beliefs; it was Bertholdt who had the power over him. Just a small smile and Reiner would do whatever he asked him to. 

And the best part of it all, the part that kept Reiner so entranced, was Bertholdt’s obliviousness to it all. He had Reiner wrapped around his finger, and he didn’t even know it. 

 

* 

March 29, 849

Bertholdt’s life had become easier after he and Reiner had started dating. For one thing, he no longer had to fight his feelings for his best friend, or wonder about how Reiner felt. He now had permission to allow himself this one little source of happiness in his life. And, as an added bonus, he’d found a new method for snapping Reiner out of his Soldier personality. 

All it took was a simple touch. Bertholdt just had to hold the blonde’s hand or rest his head on his shoulder and something clicked in Reiner’s brain, something brought him back. Maybe what Reiner had told him had been true, that Bertholdt really was the only thing that could bring him back. Either way, it made the brunette incredibly happy. 

The only problem was finding the time to make those subtle gestures. Sure, their closest friends knew about their relationship, but most of the cadets were unaware, and Shadis seemed to have a sworn vengeance against any pair of cadets who dared indulge their romantic feelings and enter into a relationship. So, they had to keep it secret. Even holding hands had to be carried out as carefully and subtlety as possible. Which was incredibly hard to do in a crowded room or practice field when you were the tallest guys in the room and, whether they were consciously aware of it or not, everyone could see you. 

Still, the moments of silence they’d caught together had been worth it. 

Like now, when they’d been left alone to walk home together through a compound shrouded under the cloak of night. They’d just returned from a weekend expedition and everyone else had already run ahead to complete their final tasks from the event. Reiner and Bertholdt, along with Thomas, Hannah, and Mina, had been assigned to return their team’s supplies to the supply building (as it was so aptly named.) Franz had met them there after they’d finished putting everything back in its proper place, and Hannah immediately snuck off with him. Mina and Thomas had fallen into an intense discussion about 3DMG maneuvers, walking much faster than their other teammates as the heat of discussion fueled their steps. And thus, Reiner and Bertholdt found themselves alone, in the dark grounds, with little to no possibility of getting caught. 

Reiner had grabbed for Bertholdt’s hand immediately and the two walked on in silence for a bit, enjoying each other’s presence. Graduation day was drawing nearer. In a matter of months, they would graduate from the cadet corps, break Wall Rose, join the Military Police, break Wall Sina, and escape the walls for good. Bertholdt wasn’t counting the days yet, though, as he’d started to enjoy his life within the walls more. 

The only thing that really still plagued his mind was the paradox of the Elder’s teachings. But he was able to cast that aside for now, focusing on the last few months he had to be free before it was time for the mission to resume. 

That did not mean, however, that he could let Reiner’s Soldier personality get away with him. Like right now. 

“You know who’d make an excellent squad leader one day?” Reiner asked out of the blue, staring up at the night sky. “Connie. I know he seems a little flighty now, but he’s got major potential. I think with a little time and some more training, he could be an exceptional mentor for young cadets.”

“Yeah,” Bertholdt nodded absently in agreement. 

“Eren would make a good squad leader too,” Reiner continued. “And maybe Mikasa. I don’t know, she might be better suited as just a soldier in the elite corps. She’d probably love to serve under Eren, that way she could be with him all the time and make sure he’s not getting into trouble.”

“Um-hum,” Bertholdt hummed, still nodding. He squeezed Reiner’s hand a little tighter. 

“And I think I’d like to be a squad leader one day too,” the blonde said with a smile, deep and contemplative. “Really help out humanity, you know?” Bertholdt eyed him warily. As usual, nothing about Reiner’s face gave away what personality was talking at the moment. But Bertholdt had his suspicions, and felt his heart start racing at the realization that simply holding Reiner’s hand wasn’t breaking him from the spell. “The guys around here seem to look up to me. I think I could be a good role model for the kids.”

The blonde suddenly looked Bertholdt straight in the eye with a thoughtful expression. “You’d make an excellent commanding officer too,” he said decidedly. “With your height and build and skill level, you’d definitely be able to garner serious respect among the cadets.”

“I don’t think that’s possible Reiner,” Bertholdt muttered plainly. The blonde’s eyebrows knit together curiously. 

“Sure it is,” he argued lightly, encouragingly. As if he thought the issue was Bertholdt’s confidence. “You’d be great at it! Your combat skills are second to none. I’m sure that you’ll be killing titans left and right once we get out in the field.”

“Reiner, we’re joining the Military Police,” Bertholdt reminded shortly, hoping that maybe he could trigger a reaction through words. 

The blonde shrugged. “Hey, who knows. Maybe Wall Rose and Wall Sina will be breached and we’ll get some action from the inside too.” Bertholdt held his breath, waiting for the blonde to elaborate further on the infiltration of the inner walls. But instead of the desired answer, Reiner simply continued, “But I hope it won’t come to that. The last thing we need is to lose more ground to the enemy.” Bertholdt began to panic. This clearly wasn’t the real Reiner. Words weren’t working, holding hands wasn’t working. The more Reiner talked, the more exasperated Bertholdt became. He had to do something; the deadline, though still far, was close enough that Reiner needed to be on top of his game and not stuck in his Soldier fantasies. But how was he supposed to break him now? “I think we can do it. Especially with the class we’re graduating with. I’m sure our combined ingenuity will be able to find a way to stop the titans from encroaching upon the walls once and for…”

The next thing Reiner knew, his back was pressed against the hard stone wall of the nearest building, Bertholdt’s lips pressed forcefully against his. It felt nothing like Reiner had expected. Bertholdt was in complete control of the kiss, his hands wound tightly in Reiner’s shirt collar as his lips crashed with expert precision against the blonde’s, soft and sweet as sugar with a striking kick of confidence. The taller boy pulled away first, olive eyes boring into golden irises expectantly. 

“Reiner?” he asked warily. “Say something.”

“Bertholdt,” the blonde said breathlessly, staring at the brunette in pure shock. He’d never really minded their height difference, but suddenly it seemed that Bertholdt’s face, his lips in particular, was kilometers away. “That was our first kiss.” 

A look of pure horror flashed across Bertholdt’s face as he stepped away from Reiner, hands covering his mouth. His face turned the color of ripe tomatoes. 

“Oh my gosh,” he gasped repentantly. “Reiner, I’m so sorry.”

“Sorry?” the blonde asked. He couldn’t believe the words he was hearing. Did Bertholdt really think…? Reiner burst out laughing. Bertholdt looked like he was about to cry. “Sorry?” Reiner repeated, holding his aching stomach. “Are you kidding? Don’t be sorry. That was even better than I’d been expecting.”

Bertholdt froze. “R-really?” he exclaimed. “I waste our first kiss as an act of inappropriate rage and all you can say is that it was a better first kiss then you’d expected?” 

“What? Isn’t that a compliment?” Reiner asked. 

“I guess, but…” Bertholdt trailed off. He was more than a little flustered, all the words jumbling together in his head. The room was still spinning a bit from the kiss, and he feared that his knees would turn to jelly in a matter of seconds. “I just never thought it would happen like this.”

Reiner shook his head. “Honestly, neither did I,” he replied. “But you know what?”

“Hm?” Bertholdt hummed curiously. 

“I think that was a first kiss to rival them all,” the blonde purred seductively, pulling Bertholdt closer to him again and lightly grazing the brunette’s lips with his own. “And, you know what? That’s one more worry to check off the list. Even if we’re only here to deceive our friends and infiltrate the military to bring about humanity’s downfall, we no longer have to stress about our first kiss.”

Bertholdt smiled, holding Reiner back for just a moment as he gasped, “You remembered.” His happiness melted away into his boyfriend’s lips, fueling the fire of their second kiss. 

** 

Friday, December 4, 2014

Reiner’s nerves hadn’t been this much of a wreck since the trial date. He and Bertholdt had decided to catch a movie together for a spontaneous movie night. And Reiner had been ecstatically awaiting Friday night all week. Or at least he had been until he’d received a world-shattering text message from Sasha that morning. 

**Sasha: CONNIE REMEMBERS!**

But that wasn’t even the worst of it. No, the worst came when Reiner had asked the obvious question of ‘how?’ That one text, that one answer, blazed in the back of his mind like a beacon.

**Sasha: Our first kiss.**

It made very little sense. Christa and Ymir had kissed multiple times and Ymir was no closer to remembering; same with Jean and Marco. But it was something. If it had worked for Connie, maybe it could work for Bertholdt. It was a long shot, but it was hope nonetheless. 

And if Reiner had learned anything about hope, it was that it could make a fool out of anyone. Hence the apprehension he felt sitting next to Bertholdt in the dark, crowded movie theater with their hands intertwined. He’d intended to honor Bertholdt’s wishes and wait a while before their first kiss, but now… The curiosity was making him impatient. He needed to know whether or not what happened between Connie and Sasha could be replicated, or if it was just a fluke, a twist of fate, a miracle. 

Reiner hardly focused on the movie, (couldn’t even remember the title,) his thoughts constantly drawn back to how he could get that kiss. He could do it now, all he had to do was lean over and quickly peck the boy on the lips. But that was too cliché. No, their first kiss had to be a little more special than that. 

When the movie was over, and the two were outside in the parking lot, the crisp, chilly December wind teasing the exposed skin on their faces and fingers as it blew in what was likely to be a cold, pre-winter storm, Reiner knew he had to make his move. And it wouldn’t be too terribly out of place, he reasoned. They’d just had a very nice date full of laughter and smiles and quality time. Bertholdt hadn’t let go of his hand all night. They’d come as close to cuddling in the theater as social norms would allow them. The night was providing him with perfectly romantic ambience to do it, too. 

Bertholdt was quiet. Not an uncomfortable quiet though, but a rather soothing silence. A silence that signified that he felt completely comfortable with Reiner, trusted him, enjoyed being with him. Loved him, if Reiner dared to believe it. And that sentiment meant more to him than the blonde would ever be able to express. 

His nerves were so frayed and worked up that he knew he’d kick himself if he didn’t at least try to make a move tonight. It was now or never, or at least it appeared that way to Reiner. Maybe he was being too impatient, too rash. But his heart pushed him forward. He had to know. 

“Hey, Bertholdt, can I ask you something?” Reiner asked, pulling the brunette to a stop in the middle of the quiet parking lot. They were surrounded by empty cars, almost hidden from view. 

“Of course,” Bertholdt answered, with a nod. “You know you can always ask me anything.”

“Anything?” Reiner questioned, staring the taller boy straight in the eye. He tried to communicate what he was about to do in that one stare. 

A flash crossed Bertholdt’s eyes. “Yes. Anything,” the brunette replied quietly. 

Without hesitation, Reiner moved forward, his hand winding around the back Bertholdt’s head as their lips met halfway. The spark was instantaneous, an electric current of emotion washing over them both. Hands started exploring, Reiner’s curling in Bertholdt’s hair, and Bertholdt’s reaching to circle around Reiner’s back. The kiss drew them closer and closer together until the need for oxygen became too pressing. 

Reiner pulled away, breathless and expectant as he stared up into Bertholdt’s eyes. There were two bright spots of red on the taller boy’s cheeks, his face illuminated by the most adorable smile. But something was missing. The epiphany. The flash of recognition. The pulling away with a gasp before rushing forward and enveloping him in the tightest hug possible. A slight stab of disappointment speared through Reiner’s chest. 

And it must have shown on his face, as Bertholdt’s expression turned to a look of concern. “What is it?” he asked worriedly. 

“Nothing,” Reiner replied, shaking his head with a winning smile. 

Bertholdt wasn’t convinced. He tried to pull away from the blonde’s embrace. “No. No, it’s my fault, isn’t it?” 

“No, Bertholdt,” Reiner insisted, muscles straining as he struggled to keep the brunette close to him. Bertholdt succeeded in pulling away, but was still close enough to touch. The blonde caught the taller boy’s cheek in his hand, rubbing his thumb tenderly over his skin, smiling. “Don’t you dare think for a second that I didn’t enjoy that kiss…”

“Then why do you look disappointed?” Bertholdt asked. 

“I’m not…”

“Reiner, please,” Bertholdt cut him off, reaching for the hand cradling his cheek and pulling it away from his face. He didn’t let go of Reiner’s hand as he went on: “This isn’t the first time I’ve seen you look at me like that. It’s always in a moment when you think I’m distracted, so I won’t see. You’re either disappointed or… or far away. Distant. What is it about me that you aren’t happy with?” He still held Reiner’s hand, squeezing his fingers with his final question. 

Reiner was almost too shocked to speak, and the feeling of Bertholdt holding his hand certainly wasn’t helping. How had he noticed? Or more importantly, how had Reiner thought Bertl wouldn’t have picked up on in eventually? “Bertholdt,” he stammered incredulously. “There is not a single thing about you that could ever make me unhappy.” 

“Then what is it?” Bertholdt asked pleadingly, his dark eyes searching Reiner’s face for something. “I used to think that… that it was my fault. That I wasn’t apparent enough about my feelings for you. Cause I wasn’t transparent at all, cause I’m shy and awkward and you know that but… but I can’t even fall back on that anymore since we started dating and all…” He trailed off, clearly frustrated by his inability to say exactly what he wanted to. His thoughts were working faster than his tongue. And, judging by the way that his grip tightened around Reiner’s hand, the blonde knew that whatever Bertholdt was about to say was something that he both really wanted (and probably needed) to say and something that he feared he shouldn’t say. “Is it your last boyfriend?”

“Why are you so hung up on that?” Reiner blurted before he could stop himself. Bertholdt dropped his hand as his face flared red. “Wait, Bertholdt, I didn’t mean…”

“I’m not hung up on anything,” the brunette argued, shaking his head so hard his hair shook. “I’m not jealous. I… I don’t have any right to be. But I just know that it still bothers you no matter how many times you say it doesn’t. And I don’t care if you ever feel comfortable enough to tell me about him, but if that’s the reason you’re so cautious with me, I think we need to discuss that before we take this any further.” 

Reiner’s heart was pounding in his chest, swelling with happiness for a solitary moment. Bertholdt wanted to take things further. He’d clearly, explicitly said he did. But the joy of hearing those words was shattered by the prospect of talking about things and telling him the truth. “Okay, you want to hear about my last relationship?” the blonde questioned, quickly botching together a half-truth of the very basics of their relationship in the old world. “The last boy I was in love with I met when we were children, and instantly wanted him as a best friend. Over time, we got closer and closer until we were inseparable. I was so desperately in love with him and… and I left him, Bertholdt. I promised him that I would always be there to make everything all right, and I couldn’t keep that promise. And that’s why the thought of him makes me feel like this.”

Reiner looked away, down at the pavement, feeling the prickling sensation of tears start to burn at the back of his eyes. He set his hands on his hips, taking a deep breath through his nose before meeting Bertholdt’s eyes again. He found sadness and sympathy and a little bit of uncertainty staring back at him.

“Reiner, I’m so sorry,” Bertholdt breathed, contrite as Reiner knew he would be. “But… but that’s not really saying much of anything…” He broke off, looking nervously at the lot around them. “I’m sorry for pushing you like this. But you’re my best friend, Reiner; I know when you aren’t being honest with me. And it’s clear that we need to talk about this before anything else happens. I don’t… I don’t want to pursue a relationship that will only make you sad.” The words were rough on his lips, hard for him to say. 

“You’re not being pushy at all,” Reiner said quickly, as reassuring as he could manage around the mania that was quickly enveloping his mind. “And you could never _ever_ make me sad. Being with you is the one thing in this world that will always make me happy no matter what. And you know that I love you, don’t you? More than anyone I’ve ever been with.”

“Then why aren’t you being completely honest with me?” Bertholdt questioned. It wasn’t forceful or accusatory, just candidly, heartbreakingly curious. 

Reiner felt his heartbeat rise to a fever pitch. Two paths opened up before him: he could either test his lying ability and make something up, or he could tell the truth. The whole truth. Stop beating around the bush and tell Bertholdt everything and run the risk of the brunette thinking he was a madman. He chose the latter. 

“Bertholdt, do you believe in reincarnation?” Reiner asked plainly. “And soul mates? And things like that?” 

The brunette blinked, caught off guard, before addressing the question. “I do,” he answered simply, yet warily. “I think it’s all possible.” His expression was so uncertain, so confused that Reiner plowed forward with a renewed sense of inspiration. There was no turning back now. The ball was already rolling, he couldn’t stop it now. 

“Then that’s when my last relationship was, in another life,” Reiner responded assuredly. “Sure, I’ve had a few flings here and there. But the last time I met my soul mate was in a past life.” Bertholdt’s eyes widened as he stared at Reiner, becoming unreadable. Reiner started to panic and before he knew what he was doing, their story was pouring off his lips. 

“When we were ten, he and I murdered a city full of people, and thousands more died in the aftermath. We then pretended to be soldiers, our hands secretly stained with blood. I lost my mind, and he cried every night because he couldn’t handle the guilt without me while holding me up the whole time. Then we joined the military. Then they discovered our identities, and he couldn’t get past the guilt of betraying the friends we’d made. And the last time I saw you was the day I died. But that’s not even the worst part,” he continued. “The worst part is that I came back to life, in a new time and place, but he wasn’t there. And when I finally did find him, he didn’t remember me at all. He still doesn’t. And it kills me every single time I look at him.” 

Bertholdt watched him carefully, taking a hesitant step backwards. His eyes were still frustratingly unreadable. “Reiner, why did you say ‘you’?” 

The blonde boy blinked, frozen in thought. “What?”

“You said ‘you’ instead of ‘he’ once,” Bertholdt said in a deadly quiet voice. “Why did you say ‘you?’” 

Reiner swallowed hard. “My last real relationship,” the blonde asserted forcefully, “was in another life, with you.”

Bertholdt took a step backwards, a shuddering breath catching in his throat. “That doesn’t make any sense,” he whispered hopelessly, shaking his head more and more violently with every motion. “What you just described to me sounds like the plot of a young adult dystopian novel, or an anime or something.”

“Didn’t you just say you believe in reincarnation?” Reiner questioned, indignation pumping through his veins.

“Yeah, but not like this!” Bertholdt exclaimed, throwing his arms wide. He brought his hands to his head a moment later, his breaths coming faster and faster as his mind reeled at a dangerous speed. Reiner felt his own nerves begin to explode in a catastrophic display of fireworks. His hands were shaking at his sides. The situation was spiraling out of control. 

“Bertholdt…” 

The blonde took a step towards the brunette. Bertholdt flinched back. 

“I… I’m sorry,” he breathed desperately. There was fear in his eyes. “But I… I just need to be alone for a little while.” 

Without another word, Bertholdt turned and walked away. He didn’t run, just walked a little faster than normal with his hands shoved into the pockets of his jacket. 

As Reiner watched him leave, rooted where he stood. He didn’t move again until a flash of lightning tearing through the sky snapped him back to reality. And in that reality, the blonde took a shuddering breath as if he’d just been awoken from a nightmare. Holding his head in his hands, Reiner stumbled over to his car, fumbling to unlock the machine and stumbling into the drivers seat as the dark night squeezed tighter and tighter around him. His head felt like it was about to crack into a million pieces. He could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He figured this must’ve been what people referred to when they said they felt as though the world was crashing down on top of them. 

The image of Bertholdt staring at him like a madman crossed through the whirlwind of his mind. And it wasn’t their awkward, cute in a quirky way, first meeting this time. 

Instead, it was the hopeless end to something that was supposed to be beautiful. He’d risked it all, and lost. 

Reiner had never felt so broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And end scene!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, and commenting! You're comments never fail to brighten my day, so please don't hesitate to tell me what you're thinking! I'd love to hear from you!
> 
> *ALSO! I was asked about expanding this universe, showing how some of the other couples found each other and dealt with the Blank issue. I'd be happy to do it as soon as I finish up the main storyline! Let me know if there are any couples in particular you want to see! :)
> 
> Thanks again for reading! And check me out on [tumblr](http://princessofthepen.tumblr.com)


	5. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While Reiner and Bertholdt hurtle closer and closer to chaos in the old world, can Reiner fix the mess he's made in the present?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was based off of the prompt 'Forget Me Not,' which happens to be the prompt that inspired this whole idea! It was just going to be a simple one-shot, about Bertholdt not remembering Reiner, but I felt like that needed more development. And look where we are now! 
> 
> I really want to thank everyone who's been reading along, leaving comments and kudos, and bookmarking/sharing this fic! It means the world to me, guys, and I'm so happy to be writing this for you!
> 
> Now, for a few notes:  
> 1\. I got the canon timeline off by a year; the graduated in 850, so thus I moved things along a bit and corrected it... I apologize for the discrepancy... The dates in the old world kill me so please don't let it bother your reading!  
> 2\. I don't know if titan shifters can die, (except by being eaten, but that aside,) however, I have posited some theories. Take them as you will.  
> 3\. I'm sorry I don't go into the battle of Shinganshina much; the truth is I haven't theorized about it much, and I'm really just waiting for whatever will happen to happen. Maybe I'll revisit this idea later on, but for now, I really only thought about the emotion between our two love birds in the scene, and kinda left out the action. So I'm sorry.  
> 4\. I'm also sorry for skipping around so much in the old world. Again, I'm focusing on emotion, not events.  
> 5\. Also, I researched blood loss, and I know it's a little exaggerated here, but hey, this is fiction and there are elements of the world that can lead to a little bending of the rules. (I know this is vague, but I don't really want to give anything away)
> 
> I hope you enjoy!

* 

June 2, 850

The silence hanging in the air was palpable, thick as fog despite the clear dawn. Reiner chanced a glance sideways at Eren and Ymir, perched in his direct line of sight on the limbs of a tree. Both of them were still unconscious and their wounds hadn’t begun to heal, steam rising from their limbs as if a fire burned within their veins. Eren had lost both of his arms and his legs in their hurry to escape the scene, and Ymir was still torn up from Castle Utgard, with her missing arms as the most notable change. 

Somehow, the sight of post-shift Ymir and Eren didn’t trouble Reiner as much as he thought it would. Of course he was no stranger to how the change could brutally maim the body, and suck all the energy out of you as if your very soul were being ripped from your being. Countless times he’d dragged himself home in pieces, Bertholdt, Berick, and Annie limping next to him, torn to shreds. It wasn’t the carnage he expected to shock him, but the faces of Ymir and Eren disfigured by that mutilation. He’d known Eren was a shifter for nearly a month now, yet he’d never seen him after a change, never seen the boy with scars torn through his flesh or burns lacing his arms, or even thought about it for that matter. And of course, they’d only just learned about Ymir. Reiner had thought that seeing these people, his friends, so terrifyingly wounded would have sickened him, terrified him, something. 

But it didn’t. It didn’t phase him at all. And, though he hated to admit it, it made him feel guilty, guilty for not sympathizing with the only other people in the world who knew how he’d felt for all those years. Or maybe it was guilt for not caring that his friends, sitting right in front of him, were missing limbs. Either way, he was unpleasantly surprised. 

And regardless, it was all a distraction anyway. Something to take his mind off the inevitable question: _what are we going to do now?_

Reiner took a deep breath, leaning back against the trunk of the tree he’d taken refuge in. Even though he was incredibly exhausted from the events of the previous night, sleep was the last thing on Reiner’s mind. The more his body wanted sleep, his mind pitched and rolled at a more feverish pace. They’d been discovered. The Survey Corps knew their identities, and were probably on their way to stop them at this very moment. And while they were in a relatively close proximity to the village, and had acquired the coordinate, they didn’t have Annie. 

There was a lot to think about. 

And Bertholdt hadn’t exactly been in the mood to talk. 

“Bertholdt,” Reiner ventured for the fourth time in the past hour (or at least he figured it had been an hour based on the change in the sun.)

“I’m thinking,” the brunette replied shortly. Reiner looked up desperately at his best friend, his _boyfriend_ , as he sat on the next branch over, knees pulled to his chest and face drawn up in thought. It was the same response he’d been getting from the brunette all night. _I’m thinking._ The only thing that had changed was his tone of voice, going from angry to annoyed to exasperated to… was that scared?

“Bertholdt, please,” Reiner insisted. “Tell me what you’re thinking about.” 

The brunette sighed, not turning to look at Reiner, but simply watching him out of the corners of his eyes. “Reiner. Why are we here?”

Reiner felt his heart drop at the question. “Oh no,” he sighed, rubbing at his forehead with one hand. “I haven’t… have I?”

“On and off. I can see it in your eyes. And I can’t come up with any other feasible explanation as to why else you would have so blatantly screwed up the plan earlier,” Bertholdt answered shortly, curtly. As if it were hard for him to say it nicely, which for Bertholdt who was so adept at keeping his temper in check, didn’t mean anything good. Reiner sighed again. 

“Bertholdt, I’m so sorry,” he began. “I know that means absolutely nothing to you right now but when we made it back from Utgard and you mentioned how we were so close to home I… I stopped thinking. Especially after seeing you know who earlier.” Bertholdt’s spine stiffened at the mention of the ape titan but he didn’t say anything, silently prompting Reiner to continue. “I made a hasty decision. It was stupid and reckless, and I’m sorry that I’ve screwed everything up. You just… looked so happy.” 

Bertholdt’s expression softened for a fraction of a second. He pulled his knees in closer to his chest, resting his chin on top and looking off into the haze of dawn filtering in through the trees. There were still the faintest lines of scars contouring his cheek, ghosts that would be gone in an hour. Reiner looked away, taking a deep breath. 

“How long until they find us?” the blonde asked, keeping his voice as emotionless as possible. 

“They’ve probably already worked out a strategy and mobilized a rescue unit, but won’t launch the mission until nightfall,” Bertholdt answered plainly, still not looking at Reiner. “Judging by the intellectual resources they have in the corps, I’d expect they already know our position. It’s all a matter of time and how quickly, and efficiently, we can get out of here.”

“What do you mean by efficiently?” Reiner questioned. 

“Quietly. All in one piece. Alive,” Bertholdt clarified. “Think about it, Reiner. Unless you were to shift into titan form and carry us back to the village, there’s no way we can feasibly leave here until night as well. There are too many mindless titans out there; we’d get eaten alive. We’re going to have to move very fast and as discretely as possible as soon as the sun sets.” 

Reiner’s lips were drawn into a tight line as he kept his eyes focused unrelentingly on the brunette, who still refused to look at him. He could see the gears turning in Bertholdt’s mind, the cogs of strategy working in time with the wheels of calculation in order to create an optimal plan. Bertholdt had always been the strategist of their team; the brains as Reiner had once declared him. He’d been the one holding them together when they’d first set out on their mission all those years ago, the one who’d memorized the mantras and kept them on track. It was no surprise that he’d be the one strategizing for them again.

Then again, hadn’t Bertholdt been the first to break down the last time the plan was disrupted, when Berick had been taken from them?

“Bertl,” Reiner said, extending his hand out to the brunette, prompting him to hold it. Bertholdt simply looked at the blonde’s hand, not moving a muscle. Reiner didn’t flinch, or back down. “It’s okay to be scared. Plans get thrown off course all the time. Didn’t your dad once tell us that the best adventurer was the one who could think on the spot? And that the new plan was usually better than the old one cause it came directly from the imagination and wasn’t weighed down with procedure?” 

“Yeah,” Bertholdt agreed. His eyes flashed at the mention of his father. 

A placid, reassuring smile pulled on Reiner’s lips. “Then we can do this. We’re still warriors; we can’t let one little set back scare us away from our victory. We’re so close, Bertl. Isn’t that wonderful?” His hand still hung in the distance between them. Bertholdt continued to stare at his hand with a forlorn, searching look in his eyes. His arms tightened around his folded legs, a sign that usually meant that he wanted to say something, but wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it. Something he wanted to say, needed to say, but was terrified to voice. 

“Reiner…” he began delicately, the pause hanging precariously in the air between them. “I’ve been thinking a lot since we got here and… I… I don’t think we should be together.” Bertholdt looked away from Reiner’s hand, leaning his head back against the tree and letting his eyes slip closed. 

Reiner felt his mouth fall agape, stunned by those simple words. “Bertholdt…” he breathed, the only word he could get his tongue to pronounce. The world seemed to disappear in an instant; the forest filled with giant trees, Eren and Ymir, the memories of graduation and Trost and the 57th expedition and Castle Utgard all melting away at the prospect of Bertholdt rejecting him. 

“Reiner, listen to me,” the brunette cut him off calmly, quiet and gentle. “I love you. I love you so much that I can’t even begin to say it any other way than those three words cause when I think about you, I tend to forget what words are. All I know are feelings: how your voice makes everything seem better, how the thought of you brightens the darkest days, the way my heart lights up whenever I see you look at me. I know what I feel for you is love. Romantic love. True love. And when you truly love someone like that, then it’s your responsibility to take care of them in every sense of the word, and doing what’s best for them. Even if what’s best in the long run hurts you, and them. And what’s best for us right now is to stay alive. I want nothing more than to be with you, but if being together distracts you from keeping yourself alive, then I think it’s best if we continue as just… friends again.” 

“Are you… breaking up with me?” Reiner asked softly, disbelievingly. 

“I….I don’t know. I suppose I am,” Bertholdt shrugged. He sounded more resigned than sure of himself, though. A prospect that Reiner jumped on. 

“That wouldn’t make you unhappy?” the blonde questioned seriously, turning to face the taller boy head on. 

“It would make me very unhappy, but happiness isn’t important right now. Survival is,” Bertholdt answered, making a clear point not to look in Reiner’s direction, although he seemed awfully tempted too based on how he started to fidget. “Maybe, if we’d been born in Trost or Jinae or even Shinganshina, we could’ve lived happily together. But… if we intend to complete the mission, I don’t think that _we_ can exist. I can’t worry about you and get us home at the same time. My mind and heart can’t separate like that. I’m not like you.”

Reiner paused at the lack of resentment in Bertholdt’s voice, as if the brunette almost wished he had the power to dissociate as Reiner had. As if Bertholdt was jealous of Reiner, envious of his freedom, if it could be called that. Tired of his own responsibility as the only true warrior left and the bitter loneliness of it. 

The blonde took a deep breath, releasing it slowly and running a hand over his eyes. He should’ve seen this coming. He knew how Bertholdt tended to shut down, to overthink in situations like this. He should’ve known the first thing the brunette’s stratagems would attack was his own happiness, even if it cost Reiner’s as well. “Hm. Guess I never thought you’d be the one that would break up with me,” he laughed sardonically, doing what he did best in stressful situations and reverting to jokes and sarcasm to lighten the mood. “I’d thought that if, you know, we ever did call it off, it would’ve been me.”

“Did you… think we had a shot, then?” Bertholdt asked in a whisper. “You know, of making it? Together? Forever?”

“Yes,” Reiner nodded simply, returning his gaze to the brunette who looked much smaller now as he continued to press in on himself. “I think we still have a shot, if you want to.”

“I just… I don’t know if we can make it out of this,” Bertholdt admitted, his voice growing devastatingly quiet. “We might make it out alive but…” He looked up at the trees, “but we might lose Eren. Or Ymir. Or… one of us could… And we can’t go back alone. Not without Eren… or Annie. And if you know who finds us first…”

“Hey, we can do it,” Reiner said decidedly, reaching across the space and taking Bertholdt’s hand by force, giving it a strong squeeze. “We are going to make it back to the village with Eren, force them to allow Ymir to stay, and then we will go back and rescue Annie.” He paused briefly, allowing a small smile to spread across his face as he added: “And we’re going to do that _together._ We’re stronger together. I know that I fight ten times as hard when I know you’re fighting by my side.” He paused, letting his thoughts order out into words. “And then, after we finish the mission together, we will get married and live happily ever after. I promise you that.”

Bertholdt looked at Reiner, for the first time all night, with a gaze that seemed to go right through him. “Do you really believe that?” There was a hopeless resignation in that gaze as well as a desperate gleam of longing that spoke volumes, relaying without words just how truly and madly in love this boy was with him. And Reiner wanted nothing more than for it to be true, for them to make it out of here alive, for them to return home again and put all this mission business to rest, for his only job in life to be turning Bertholdt’s fear and misery to joy and making him happy for the rest of their lives. But he knew, just as well as Bertholdt did, just how impossible of a wish that was. 

They’d been doomed from the start. 

Reiner didn’t voice an answer. The two just continued to sit, staring hopelessly into each other’s eyes. Bertholdt’s fingers began to constrict the blonde’s hand, just as he had before they’d reached Wall Maria. Reiner didn’t stop him. 

 

** 

 

Friday, December 4, 2014

“Hey! How did it go?” Maureen asked when Reiner walked through the door. She paused at the uncharacteristically soft slam of the door and the stoic expression on her son’s face as he walked right past her. “Reiner? What happened?”

The blonde boy took a deep breath before meeting his mother’s eyes, pushing all emotions down so he could have a civil conversation, if he was even capable of that anymore. He was now convinced that capacity was beyond him. The entire car ride home had been spent flipping back and forth between a self-loathing god of anger and a hopeless wreck, and he’d spent an extra hour driving around to blow off steam, which, in all honesty, hadn’t helped at all. He’d tried to distract himself with music, but he was too wired to actually listen to anything. His brain was turning circles on itself, his heart racing wildly with the guilt of what he’d just done. He’d made the love of his life run for the hills. He’d ruined his one chance at happiness. His hands were shaking so badly, he’d been glad driving only required you to keep your hands firmly rooted in one position. 

Reiner had considered texting Sasha or Marco or Annie even, asking what he should do cause he had absolutely zero clue about how to fix this. Heck, he’d even thought about texting Bertholdt. But he hadn’t ended up contacting any of them, opting for seething and wallowing on his own and concluding that he couldn’t fix it, that there was no possible way to mend the mistake he’d made in that movie theater parking lot. 

“It’s over,” Reiner said simply. 

Maureen frowned, narrowing her eyes as she set down the towel she was washing the counter down with and placed her hands on her hips. “What do you mean?” 

“Between Bertholdt and I,” Reiner clarified, turning away and moving into the family room. He heard the woman’s footsteps following after him. 

“Reiner, don’t you be vague with me,” Maureen said sharply. “What happened?”

Reiner sighed, flopping back on the couch, cradling his head in his hands. “I messed up, Mom. I ruined everything.”

“Explain please,” his mother said gently, settling down on the opposite end of the couch.

Reiner sighed with exasperation. “I told Bertholdt about the old world, how we were… we were together then. And that we were, you know, murderers. And it freaked him out and now he thinks I’m crazy and he probably hates me and never wants to see me again.” Reiner took a breath, much softer than the last one, staring down at the floor with resignation. “It’s over.” 

“Now you listen to me, young man,” his mother said, her tone turning serious. Reiner didn’t look at her. “That boy is the best thing that ever happened to you. I don’t know what he did, if it’s some kind of soul mate magic or whatever, but you’ve been different from the moment he entered your life. You’ve smiled more, laughed more, loved more since you met him, and I will not let you lose him that quickly over something as stupid as…”

“Mom, you don’t understand!” Reiner interrupted. 

“Don’t you interrupt me!” Maureen shot back sternly with a finger pointed in his direction that caused the boy to flinch. “That boy loves you like crazy, Reiner. There’s no way in heaven or hell that he would leave you over something this silly.”

“Accusing someone of mass homicide isn’t exactly ‘silly,’ Mom,” Reiner replied darkly, adding a muttered: “Even if it was in a past life.”

Maureen sighed, pinching between her eyes. “That’s not my point, Reiner. What I’m trying to tell you is that you’re overreacting. There’s nothing to lose if you just go talk to Bertholdt. You either tell him your story again or tell him it was all a lie…”

“But Mom, the damage is already done,” Reiner cut her off, feeling too exasperated to hold back anymore. He finally raised his eyes to stare at the woman next to him with wide eyes. “I can’t take any of it back. I can’t tell him it was a lie, because that would be a lie. And I can’t explain it either because he already thinks I’m nuts. There’s nothing left for me to lose because I’ve already lost him!”

The woman shook her head. “I don’t believe that at all, Reiner.” 

The blonde stared his mother straight in the eye, desperately trying to understand. He couldn’t make any sense of her words, her meaning. 

“How?” he asked plainly, pitifully. 

“Because I know that you love Bertholdt more than anything else in this world. And the Reiner I’ve known these past eighteen years would never let something he loved slip away from him so easily,” Maureen replied simply, scooting closer to her son and brushing his short hair back over his ear. “Not to mention the fact that Bertholdt loves you back just as whole-heartedly and would never let you go so easily either. I can’t imagine how you haven’t realized that.”

“You didn’t see the way he looked at me tonight,” Reiner said quietly, the very image of Bertholdt’s wide, horror-stricken expression playing in his mind. 

His mother smiled warmly, taking his hands in hers. “I wouldn’t let that bother you too much. You know how shy and introverted Bertholdt is, how he overthinks and overanalyzes everything. Heck, I’ve only talked to the boy a handful of times, and I can tell you that! Do you really think he would have reacted to such information well?”

“No,” Reiner conceded begrudgingly. 

Maureen’s smile widened. “Then take a deep breath, and stop thinking the world is ending.” She gave him a reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before she stood up and moved back towards the kitchen. “You haven’t lost him yet Reiner. Trust me.”

“Yeah,” Reiner called back, sitting in silence on the couch for just a moment more, letting her words sink in. Everything his mother said was true but… 

Reiner sighed, pushing off the couch and taking the stairs two at a time until he reached his room. As he closed the door with as quiet a sound as possible, the blonde noticed Lucy lying on his bed, ears perked up and expectant for some attention. Reiner took a look at the dog, then pulled his phone from his pocket. He called up Bertholdt’s contact. His thumb hovered over the call button, then shifted to the text icon. 

Reiner set his phone down on the dresser with a definitive _slam_ before collapsing face first onto the bed, even more upset with himself than he’d been when he’d left the movie theater parking lot. He couldn’t do it. Despite his mother’s words of wisdom, the clear sense she’d just tried to beat into his brain hadn’t stuck. Fear won out. Failure won out. There was no way he could face Bertholdt again tonight, the image of him running away terrified too freshly scorched in his mind. 

The boy felt Lucy nudge her nose against his neck. The boy looked up at the dog’s deep brown eyes and flipped over onto his back. Lucy watched him the whole time, waiting for him to pet her or scratch behind her ears or something. 

“Is this what I have to live with for the rest of my life? You?” Reiner asked, looking pleadingly at the dog. The golden retriever continued to stare at him with an impassive expression. “You’re hopeless,” the boy sighed, throwing an arm dramatically over his eyes. 

_Plink._

Reiner froze. He slowly moved his arm away from his eyes, looking warily towards the window. Nothing but the sound of rain beating against the glass filled his ears. He let his arm settle back over his face. 

_Plink._

The blonde blinked. Nope, that was something hitting the glass. 

Moving towards the window, Reiner shoved the blinds to the side and peered out into the dreary night. Standing in the middle of the lawn, rain pouring on him in sheets, was Bertholdt Hoover, holding a rectangular sheet of paper large enough for Reiner to read the words written on it from where he stood at the window. 

Seeing he had Reiner’s attention, the brunette held his sign a little higher, his expression lifting from anxious to hopeful. 

‘Reiner, don’t leave.’

Bertholdt flipped the sign around to reveal a second message. 

‘Please. Just read this.’

He moved the card away to reveal another poster underneath it. 

‘Then I’ll disappear.’

_Flip._

‘If you want…’

The blonde settled against the window frame, reflexively crossing his arms over his chest. He knew Bertl noticed the change in movement, but it didn’t deter him at all. In fact, through the rain, Reiner could see a look of determination on the brunette’s face. 

‘About what you said,’

‘Earlier tonight,’

‘I don’t think,’

‘You’re crazy.’

‘I just needed time,’

‘To understand.’

‘And I don’t’

‘Understand’

‘But I want to.’

‘Just because’

‘I don’t remember you,’

‘It doesn’t mean’

‘We weren’t together’

‘And it doesn’t mean,’

‘I don’t want to be with you.’

‘Cause I do’

‘Want to be with you.’

‘If you want.’

‘Because Reiner,’

‘Whether past or present,’

‘Whether we knew one another,’

‘Or just met,’

‘Forever and always,’

Reiner pushed away from the window, scared his heart would melt if he waited any longer. His legs couldn’t move fast enough, sprinting through the hall, down the stairs and to the door. It was a miracle he didn’t fumble with the lock, slipping it open on the first try and bolting out onto the porch. He stood on the top step, breathing hard as he stared at the brunette shivering on his lawn. He hadn’t switched the last card. 

“How does it end?” Reiner asked, nodding towards the cards in Bertholdt’s hands. “That last part.”

“You mean you don’t know?” the brunette asked in reply. 

“I want to hear you say it,” Reiner replied, moving down to the second step. Bertholdt moved closer to him, within arms reach in three strides. For the first time ever, Reiner was taller than Bertholdt, gazing down at him by an advantage of at least three inches. The porch lights reflected off the brunette’s olive eyes, making them sparkle with a gentle golden light. 

“Reiner Braun, I truly believe that we were meant to be together. And no matter where or when we are, I need you to know, I love you.” 

Those three simple words pierced the air like a gunshot. 

Without another moment’s hesitation, Reiner pulled Berthold towards him, the cards falling away to the rain-slicked grass. “Took you long enough,” he whispered against the brunette’s lips, meeting him halfway. The spark was incendiary, sending shivers of electricity shooting through the blonde’s every nerve. He wound his arms around the back of Bertholdt’ head, his fingers knotting in his wet hair as his thumbs gently cradled the boy’s face, desperately pulling the brunette even closer to him. Bertholdt’s lips felt so soft against his, sweet and gentle with the tiniest hint of desperate desire fueling the flames. Like sugar coated dynamite. 

Bertholdt pulled away first, if only for a lack of oxygen. The kiss sucked all the breath right out of both boys, leaving them gasping as if they’d been underwater. Reiner leaned his forehead against Bertholdt’s, keeping his hands clasped tightly around the brunette’s head, pulling his fingers through his hair to keep him close as possible. Bertholdt laughed, the sound so genuinely happy that Reiner couldn’t help but laugh too. He opened his eyes, staring straight into endless olive irises shining under the porch lights. He hadn’t seen pure joy in Bertholdt’s eyes like this since they’d been kids in the old world. Reiner was suddenly thankful for the rain. The last thing he wanted was for Bertholdt to see the tears slipping down his face, even if they were happy tears. 

“I guess there must be something about us and rain, huh?” Bertholdt asked, smiling up at the blonde through rain-spotted lashes. 

“I suppose so,” Reiner laughed softly. “Want to forget about what happened earlier and just call this our first kiss?”

“I’d like that,” Bertholdt replied, leaning in closer to Reiner again, his eyes sliding closed. The blonde replied by placing a finger over the taller boy’s lips, grinning gleefully. 

“Sorry. Not in the same place as the first kiss,” he joked. Bertholdt blinked, misunderstanding for a beat until the memory came rushing back and he laughed at Reiner’s witty turn of phrase. 

“Clever,” the brunette conceded, with a jokingly patronizing look. 

Reiner offered him a wink. “But really. Come inside. Kissing in the rain kinda loses its glamorous intrigue the second time around.” He offered his hand, and Bertholdt took it amiably. 

“Fair enough,” Bertholdt nodded as Reiner led him towards the door. He gasped quietly, turning back to the signs now laying in a soggy, muddy heap on the grass. “Should I…?”

“Don’t worry about them,” Reiner shrugged. “Maybe they’ll take root and, when the sun comes out, they’ll sprout into a tree that grows cheesy, rom-com one-liners instead of apples.” 

“I don’t think biology works like that,” Bertholdt laughed. 

Reiner shrugged. “Guess we’ll have to wait and see. In the meantime, why don’t we continue inside and go finish what we started out here?”

“You’re making it sound like we’re super villains or something,” Bertholdt replied, following willingly as Reiner pulled him through the door into the warm, bright light of the foyer. “We’re just dating, not trying to conquer the planet.”

“Not yet,” Reiner winked. Bertholdt rolled his eyes overdramatically, laughing afterwards. He hadn’t taken his eyes off Reiner since they’d abandoned the signs. There was a glittering happiness in that gaze as well as a sincerity that spoke volumes, relaying without words just how truly and madly in love this boy was with him. And Reiner wanted nothing more than to have those soft, green eyes look at him that way forever. 

He couldn’t imagine anything better. 

 

* 

 

June 30, 850

The world was silent. The former village of Shinganshina laid before him, broken and desolate, a ghost town. It was eerie watching the city stand so quietly. A city that had once been full of life, full of people bustling through the streets, children playing and adults going about their daily business. This has once been someone’s home, many peoples’ home. Now here it was, in ruins. All because of him. He’d done this. 

It was a strange sensation seeing the havoc his hands had wrought upon this small section of the world, especially when he considered everything he thought he knew and the actual things he knew now. As small as Shinganshina was, it sure took a heavy toll on Bertholdt’s heart. 

The brunette shifted so his body was facing the land that stretched outside the wall, the great unknown, the lesser or two evils, before turning to wake up Reiner, who was next on night guard. Bertholdt paused, smiling at the sight of the blonde curled up on his side, Ymir’s arms thrown haphazardly around his torso with her freckled face buried in his chest. Reiner had one arm casually draped across her shoulders, as if unconsciously protecting her. It was so sweet and out of character for the pair that Bertholdt almost forgot the three of them were on the run with death slowly closing in from all sides. 

Bertholdt lightly shook Reiner’s shoulder, rousing the brunette as gently as he could to avoid waking Ymir. “Reiner?” the brunette whispered lovingly, smiling as he saw golden eyes peal open to address him. “It’s your turn for night guard.”

“Okay,” the boy whispered back, slowly untangling himself from Ymir as carefully as he could. Thankfully, the girl slept like a rock, and didn’t even stir as Reiner left her to sleep on her own. As he maneuvered into a sitting position, Reiner wound his arm around Bertholdt’s shoulders, pulling the taller boy closer to him. In a moment, Bertholdt had his head resting against Reiner’s shoulder as the two of them watched the dark, silent world together. It had become a habit for them to do this during the change of the guard every night, catching a moment of peace and quiet together under the shadowed shield of night. 

“Could you stay up with me a little while?” Reiner asked, fighting back a yawn as his eyes absently took in the scene. “Just until I wake up a bit? I know you’re probably exhausted…”

“Of course,” Bertholdt replied, cuddling closer to the blonde as he felt the weight of fatigue pulling on his body. 

The night was calmly quiet, almost enchantingly so. 

“Tell me what you’ve been thinking about,” Reiner prompted. 

“Huh?” 

“Tell me what you’ve been thinking about while you’ve been on guard,” Reiner clarified with a gentle smile. Bertholdt studied the blonde’s face for a moment, deciding whether or not to lie about his mind’s true inner workings. He figured he was too tired to make up a new story, or convincingly sell a lie. 

“Reiner, have you ever doubted the Elders?” the brunette began, settling his gaze upon the quiet landscape outside the wall. 

“What do you mean?” Reiner asked, his eyebrows knitting together in thought. 

“When we were in training, did you ever notice any contradictions between their teachings and reality?” Bertholdt asked in reply, twisting his neck around so he was looking up at Reiner’s face at an angle, yet still able to watch his eyes. 

The blonde pursued his lips in thought, his face clouding momentarily as he raked his brain to find an answer. “I don’t know if I’m the best person to ask,” Reiner said with an airy laugh, his voice still rough with sleep. “Why? Did you?” His golden eyes, luminous in the moonlight, turned towards Bertholdt with an inquisitive concern. 

“Yeah,” the brunette said, readjusting his position so that his head once more rested comfortably on Reiner’s shoulder, and his eyes were focused on the night. “I just… they taught us that the people inside the walls were so despicable, that we were doing the earth a service by eliminating them. That they were sinful heathens who abandoned their own brothers, hiding from their problems and squandering the earth and its riches. The Elders made them sound so greedy and heartless and vile that I guess I just assumed they were all these villainous devils and we were the heroes. But now, after meeting all those people who were nothing but kind, self-less, inspiring individuals… I don’t know anymore. I don’t… know who the heroes and villains are anymore.” He bit his lip, losing himself once more to the thoughts that had been plaguing his mind since training. 

“Well, I can tell you for sure that we are not the villains.” Bertholdt twisted his gaze up to Reiner’s once more to find the blonde already looking down at him, his mouth set in a straight line and his golden irises burning with passion. “We may not be the heroes either, but can they really blame us? I mean, we were only kids only doing what we were taught to do, trained to do. Isn’t that exactly what Eren and the others are doing now: what they’re trained to do? They can’t blame someone whose been conditioned against their will; it isn’t fair.”

Bertholdt turned back towards the dark world. “I don’t think many people care what’s fair in moral arguments like this,” he sighed. “Not when so many people died…”

“I don’t either,” Reiner added, following Bertholdt’s gaze. “But if they pursue us, torture us, kill us for what we did, at least we’ll die with some sense of remorse. I mean, I developed a whole other personality from the guilt. And you… gods know how you’ve suffered. That’s gotta count for something, right?”

“I hope it will,” Bertholdt said distantly, staring off at the dark abyss stretching before them. “For your sake, and Annie’s, and mine, I hope it will.” Reiner gave a small sound of agreement before a short, sweet silence enveloped them. It was one of those few moments of peace in the chaos of their lives. And neither one wanted to ruin it with talk of the village, or training, or what they’d done. All they wanted was to capture this moment, wrapped up in each others’ arms, watching the dark world of night tick by. 

“Do remember that song Sasha used to sing at night when we were on expeditions?” Bertholdt asked, his voice distant and reminiscent. 

Reiner smiled, the memories of all those overnight expeditions playing in his mind. “Yeah. Why?”

The green eyes that met his were hopeful. “Will you sing it to me?”

The blonde snorted. “You know I can’t sing, and you’re willingly asking me that question?” Bertholdt nodded, looking so darn exhausted and sad and hopeful. Reiner couldn’t say no to that face. “Okay, fine. But you brought this upon yourself.”

The blonde took a deep breath as he felt Bertholdt curl even closer against him, nuzzling his head deeper into his shoulder. Reiner couldn’t fight the smile edging its way onto his lips as he carefully, quietly, started to sing Sasha’s song: 

_“I met my love one summer’s day below the willow tree. He kissed my cheek and asked me soft: will you remember me?”_

_“My dear, said I, just look above, for here I am your tree. I grow strong, only for so long, yet with you I am free.”_

Bertholdt began to sing along, his voice quiet and sweet like an angel.

_“My leaves grow green in summer’s sun, kissed by his grace and glee. But when cold winds blow, and knock them down, will you remember me?”_

_“A thousand years could not go by without your memory, gracing through my fettered mind, for with you I am free.”_

Reiner gently wrapped his other arm around Bertholdt, encasing the brunette in his arms and pulling him closer as their voices continued to sing in tandem. The blonde’s smile began to fade with every lyric.

_“You hold the weaponry to my heart; the blade, the shield, the key. But when the dragon is slain, will you remain and, Love, remember me?_

_“No monster is a match for us, all phantoms will agree. For true love will destroy it all, in love, Dear, we are free.”_

Reiner hardly noticed when he began to lose Bertholdt to the tempting power of sleep, his soft voice beginning to fade out until only Reiner was left, singing alone. The blonde simply rested his head on top of Bertholdt’s, finishing the lullaby as precisely as he could. 

_“Thus when you asked me on that day, beneath the willow tree; did ye ever doubt my true love’s vow, think I’d fail to remember thee?”_

_“My love did kiss me soft again, my gentle devotee. His answer slipped between our lips, for through love we were free:”_

Reiner’s eyes slipped closed as the last verse ran through his head, the lovers’ words stinging his heart. They hadn’t spoken about Bertholdt’s suggesting of ‘breaking up’ since the day they’d escaped, and they hadn’t stopped acting like a couple (or as much of one as they could given their present circumstances.) He knew that Bertholdt loved him, and he also knew that he’d given his own heart to the brunette a very long time ago. Yet maybe Bertholdt had a point; now certainly wasn’t the time to be together, despite how they felt. But if not now, when? Time was slowly running out. 

The blonde took a deep breath, listening to Bertholdt’s steady breathing for a moment to steady himself before finishing the song:

_“My tree, my knight, my home and light, you will forever be. My hope, my life, my happiness; my love, remember me.”_

 

** 

 

Friday, December 4, 2014

“Well, they should be dry soon enough,” Reiner said, hitting the dryer’s power button and turning back to the boy now wearing a pair of his track pants and one of his football sweatshirts. Bertholdt was preoccupied by Lucy, the golden retriever slumped blissfully against his legs as the brunette scratched her head. “Oh, get out of here, Luce.”

“She’s fine,” Bertholdt laughed. 

“Attention whore,” Reiner muttered at the dog. Lucy gave a playful whine and nuzzled her head harder against Bertholdt’s hand. “See? She’s doing it on purpose!” The brunette only laughed again, sinking to his knees in front of the animal and letting Lucy lick his face. Reiner stifled a laugh at the way Bertholdt’s face scrunched up with a mix of delight and disgust as the golden retriever’s tongue mercilessly scraped his cheek. 

“Are you trying to make me jealous?” Reiner asked jokingly, leaning against the doorframe to the laundry room and crossing his arms over his chest in an attempt to look put off. 

“Depends. Is it working?” Bertholdt asked, pushing gently against Lucy’s body to get her to back down. The dog wasn’t taking the hint.

“Depends. How much are you enjoying making out with a dog?” Reiner asked in reply. 

“It’s completely one sided. You’ll live,” Bertholdt said, losing his struggle with the dog. Reiner finally gave in and moved forward to pull Lucy away from his boyfriend. “Thank you.”

“Hey, anything to get you all to myself,” Reiner teased, nuzzling his head against Bertholdt’s cheek in a fashion that closely resembled Lucy’s pinings, earning himself a laugh and a push from the taller boy. Reiner pulled back just enough so he could see Bertholdt’s face. He smiled. Bertholdt smiled back. 

“Reiner, I’m so sorry about the way I acted earlier,” the brunette said, his eyes distant and sad and so sincere Reiner almost teared up. “It was just a lot for me to take in, too much for me to handle and… I could’ve reacted better than I did. I’m sorry for all the trouble.”

“Apology accepted,” Reiner replied, pushing Bertholdt’s bangs away from his face. “On the condition that you’ll forgive me for rushing that kiss. The blow up was my fault; I’d heard that a first kiss worked for Connie and Sasha and I just got overexcited. I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Worked for Connie and Sasha?” Bertholdt questioned, his eyebrows wrinkling with confusion.

Reiner nodded his head towards the couch. “Come with me. It’s more comfortable over there.” Bertholdt slipped his hand in Reiner’s as the blonde led him over to the living room and gestured for him to sit on the floor in front of the couch. “It’s the best seat in the house.” The brunette smiled as both boys settled down next to each other, side by side so their shoulders were touching. Neither one let go of the others’ hand. 

“So Connie and Sasha?” Bertholdt prompted lightly.

“Yes. So you see,” Reiner began, making sure he had Bertholdt’s full attention before continuing. “What I told you before was not a lie. We really did know each other in a past life. And all of our friends were there too. And Connie and Sasha were together in the old world, and when they came here, they were just like us. Sasha remembered, Connie didn’t. But it still worked out between them. Cause Sasha was still in love with Connie, and Connie fell back in love with her even though he didn’t remember. Or at least he didn’t remember until the other day when I got a text from Sasha saying that Connie’s memories of the old world came back after their first kiss. So I thought that… maybe that would trigger your memories too.”

Bertholdt watched him quietly for a few, heart racing beats. A shadow of panic was inching at the corners of Reiner’s mind, vaguely fearing a repeat of the parking lot. But all his fear dissipated as a small smile worked its way onto the taller boy’s lips. “That’s… actually very romantic,” he commented in a soft voice. 

“Straight out of a romance novel, huh?” Reiner joked, nudging Bertholdt’s side with his elbow. “I thought I might’ve broken you with the sheer cheesiness of the gesture. That your romance glands would’ve been overwhelmed with the situational irony of it all and forced you to remember me in a cosmic rush of emotion and cliché pop music from the early 2000’s.”

The brunette laughed, unrestrained and sincere as he bumped Reiner’s knee with his own. “I lost you at romance glands,” he said, beaming with amusement. “That just sounds wrong.”

“Like… inappropriate wrong…?” Reiner questioned, the hint of a tease in his tone. 

“No, more like those two words should never be placed in the same sentence wrong,” Bertholdt clarified. “But I get what you’re saying and appreciate the sentiment. And feel that it’s my duty to tell you that the hopeless romantic gene expresses itself in the form of an antibody in the bloodstream, not some sort of extraneous organ.” 

Reiner ruffled Bertholdt’s hair, earning him another musical laugh from the brunette. “You’re such a nerd,” the blonde sighed with admiration. 

“At least it makes for really good make-up stories,” Bertholdt smiled. 

Reiner’s face lit up. “So we’re officially back together, then?”

“Reiner,” Bertholdt said, suddenly serious. “We never actually broke up.” The blonde felt his heart freeze momentarily. “I didn’t break up with you at the movie theater. I never intended to. I just needed time to process everything. And I only said make-up now because it was the only word that seemed to fit the situation.” Reiner sat still, blinking in disbelief at the boy sitting next to him, wearing his sweatshirt, holding his hand, and smiling like a gosh darn angel (yes, Bertholdt’s sheer adorableness warranted the child-proof version of the phrase.) “And on top of all that, I just kissed you in the rain. If that’s not a sign to our relationship status, I don’t know what is.” 

“I feel like the biggest drama king on the entire planet,” Reiner exclaimed, letting his head fall against Bertholdt’s shoulder. The brunette laughed. “Do you know how I’ve spent the last two hours or so? In a depression, Bertholdt. I thought you hated me.”

“What?” the taller boy asked, genuinely surprised. Reiner lifted his head to give him his best puppy dog stare. “Are you serious?”

“Yes!” Reiner exclaimed, his voice tripping over a laugh at his utter stupidity. “I really thought… I didn’t think you were going to come back. I know I wouldn’t if a guy I’d been dating for two weeks told me out of the blue that I’d murdered thousands of people with him in a past life.”

“Well,” Bertholdt shrugged, his mouth quirking to the side. “Yeah, that was pretty weird. But I trust you, Reiner. It seems… or I guess it feels right that we’ve met one another before. I’ve felt it since I met you. Like our souls are connected somehow. And even if we were murderers back then, that doesn’t mean we have to be now.”

Reiner smiled at the joke. “Well, if it helps, we were brainwashed as children and forced to do it.”

“That does lift the weight off my chest a bit,” Bertholdt replied, nodding affirmatively. The blonde laughed, beaming at the brunette who was smiling right back at him with that beautiful face of his. 

“How long did it take to make all those signs?” Reiner asked offhandedly. 

“About an hour,” Bertholdt shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if they would hold up in the rain, but looks like they worked out just fine.”

“Just fine indeed,” Reiner commented, leaning his head on Bertholdt’s shoulder again, to which the brunette rested his head against Reiner’s. “You really are a hopeless romantic, aren’t you?” 

Reiner felt Bertholdt’s laugh reverberate through his body, a blissful extra to the happy little sound that seemed to fill the empty living room. “I suppose I am,” he answered, squeezing Reiner’s hand. The blonde squeezed back until he felt as though his fingers were going to explode. 

The sound of footsteps broke them apart a moment later, Bertholdt scrambling away from Reiner as Maureen Braun rounded the corner into the living room. A smile stretched across the woman’s face. 

“Is it safe to assume that things have worked themselves out?” she asked, eyeing both boys suspiciously, silently demanding affirmation from both. 

“Yes it is,” Reiner answered, slinging an arm around Bertholdt’s shoulders as the brunette replied with a simple “Yes.” Maureen’s smile warmed with a gentle delight. 

“Good,” she said, that word meaning so much more than she could ever put into words. The look on her son’s face as he sat hand in hand with Bertholdt, that look signified something that all parents wanted their children to find. A feeling of such pure, untainted happiness, the one thing in their life that could make them feel whole and happy. True love. And Maureen couldn’t have asked for a better partner for her son than the boy sitting next to him on her living room floor. 

“Well, I guess I’ll leave you two to whatever it is you teenagers do after a break up,” the woman said, waving her hands dismissively as she turned to go. “Just remember that your cousins will be home in a matter of minutes and…”

“Mom!” Reiner exclaimed, completely scandalized. He didn’t even dare look at Bertholdt, knowing the brunette would look even more embarrassed and panic-stricken than he did. The tiny yelp that escaped from his boyfriend was enough of an indication. 

Mrs. Braun laughed. “I’m just teasing you,” she said, shaking her head as she moved back towards the kitchen. “Geez, lighten up, would ya?” 

 

*

 

September 13, 850

The battle raged on outside, Bertholdt watching from the sidelines. He’d argued as vehemently as he could when the Ape had given the order that he was to stay back, away from the chaos. While Bertholdt didn’t want to fight the Survey Corps, his old friends included, he certainly didn’t want to sit idly by as Reiner fought for his life, for their lives. It wasn’t fair. So what if his titan form wasn’t built for combat, he’d be a distraction. Heck, he’d be as many distractions as they needed to win. Bertholdt just wanted to do _something,_ be useful in some way. 

But his passive tendencies has won out, capitulating to the Ape’s demands, just like he had been since they’d been discovered on top of the wall not too long ago. The Beast had made them a bargain: he’d square off in a dual against one of them, if they won, they could go find Annie, but if he won, they had to do his bidding first. Naturally, Reiner had opted to be their challenger, both of them knowing full well that the Colossal Titan would not be successful in such a dual. So thus, Reiner and the Ape had squared off, and the Beast had won. And now here they were, subordinate to his plans and schemes. 

All Bertholdt really wanted to do was find Reiner and run away, run back into the interior together, find Annie, and disappear forever. 

But that was a fool’s fantasy, and he knew it. 

The sounds of the battle were far away, near the hole in the wall which had been the Survey Corps’ goal. He could hear the Ape’s booming laugh and thunderous roars, echoing through the ghost village. And he couldn’t help but cringe every time he heard the sound, too many haunted memories of that laugh flowing through his brain.

The sudden sound of footsteps caught Bertholdt’s attention. They were much too close for comfort. The brunette pressed himself closer to the wall on the building he was hiding in, peering out of a nearby window. A figure was limping in the shadows of the secluded street. It could have been a soldier, based on the muscular build of the figure’s body. But the tendrils of steam pouring from the person’s limbs said otherwise. Bertholdt’s blood froze cold in his veins as his feet carried him out to the street fast as lightning. 

“Reiner!” Bertholdt cried, the word pulled from his throat without his volition. He stumbled forward catching the blonde in his arms as Reiner staggered towards him, his face ragged with angry scars and the bottom half of his left arm torn off. Reiner gripped Bertholdt’s elbow with his right arm, squeezing hard enough to cut off the brunette’s circulation as the two fell together to a heap on the ground. Reiner’s body was blazing hot, practically on fire, but Bertholdt didn’t care. He pulled the blonde as close to him as possible. “Reiner! What’s wrong?”

“Bertholdt,” the blonde said, his golden eyes gleaming as he scowled with pain. Bertholdt’s heart began to race faster and faster as he began to take inventory of his companion’s injuries. There was a large gash in his neck, another sliced through his left thigh, another pierced through his right bicep, blood staining his clothes and painting Bertholdt’s hands scarlet. The brunette felt his own blood run cold as he tallied a total of six major incisions sliced into Reiner’s body, each one aligned with a major vein or artery. Whoever had attacked him had had a very clear goal in mind. 

While shifters did have the ability to regenerate their bodies, they had a limit. Two limits actually. One was severing the spine at the nape of the neck. The other was severe blood loss, enough that even the titan genes couldn’t make up the deficit. 

With six major vein cuts, it was a miracle Reiner was still with him. But it didn’t mean much; it was still six vital veins and arteries sliced apart. No matter what Bertholdt tried now, it would be in vain. 

Reiner was going to die here in Shinganshina. Reiner was going to die here. Reiner was going to die. 

And there was nothing Bertholdt could do to stop it.

Reiner reached a shaking hand up to touch the brunette’s cheek. Bertholdt gently covered his trembling fingers with his own. “You aren’t crying,” the blonde observed, his words slowing and slurring as his eyelids grew heavier and heavier. 

“No,” Bertholdt replied. “I wish I knew why,” he choked out with a nervous laugh. “I usually can’t stop crying…”

Reiner smiled. “I’m glad you’re not. That makes it easier for me.” He tried to laugh but the sound died in his throat, his face scrunching up in a scowl of pain. Blood still seeped steadily from his wounds, which he wasn’t even attempting to heal. Or maybe he was, but didn’t have the energy to fix it. Bertholdt would have given anything to let Reiner have his strength, to use his energy to patch himself up and live. He also would have willingly sacrificed his own life if it meant Reiner could live on, go home, and be done with all this. “Bertholdt?” The brunette snapped out of his musings, looking down at Reiner with wide green eyes, eagerly awaiting his question. “Can you smile?”

Bertholdt froze with confusion. “What?” 

“You… You’re smile. It’s the most beautiful thing… I’ve ever seen. It always has been,” Reiner clarified. “That’s how I… I knew I was in love with you: I wanted to… protect you, and make you smile like that for me. That’s how I… I want to remember you. And how I want you to remember me, as the one who made you happy even when things weren’t okay...”

Despite himself, a soft smile tugged at the corners of Bertholdt’s lips as he gently smoothed Reiner’s hair away from his forehead as the blonde took a shuddering breath. “Reiner…”

“That’s all I ever wanted to do,” the blonde continued, still gasping as his golden eyes staring fixedly up at the brunette’s face. An ethereal elation took over the blonde’s face as Reiner watched the boy he loved smile down on him. “Make you happy. Make you smile. Forever.”

“Reiner… you are my reason to smile,” Bertholdt whispered, touching his forehead to the blonde’s, and squeezing his eyes closed. 

“Bertl…”

The simple word carried to the brunette’s ear on the boy’s final breath. Bertholdt felt Reiner’s body go limp against him, and with a choked cry, he squeezed his eyes shut even tighter, willing it to all go away. For it to all be a dream. That he’d wake up tomorrow in the camp he, Reiner, and Ymir had built on top of the wall, surveying the world beyond with Reiner’s arms wrapped around him. Or in the barracks back in the cadet corps, Reiner sleeping peacefully next to him. Or back in the village, snuggled between Reiner and Berick and Annie, safe and sound, before any of this happened. Or, best of all, in a world without titans and titan shifters and walls and greed and corruption and…

A sharp pinch, cold as ice, stabbed the nape of Bertholdt’s neck. The brunette froze, still cradling Reiner’s body, not daring to move as he felt a warm trickle of blood drip down the back of his shirt. 

He should’ve expected this. That someone would have followed Reiner, knowing he’d lead them right to Bertholdt’s hiding spot. The Survey Corps Bertholdt had known was wickedly clever, especially the members of his own cadet class who he knew were present in the city at this moment. A vague thought passed through his mind of how many of his old friends were still alive. How many of them had died here, died with Reiner? 

The thought didn’t remain with him long though, as the pressure on his neck grew more and more agonizing. He didn’t know who held the blade, but Bertholdt knew they wouldn’t hesitate. 

“Wait!” 

Bertholdt recognized the voice as that of Hanji, one of the Survey Corps’ squad leaders who’d been present during the raid on Castle Utgard. The titan enthusiast who’d cried when Annie had killed the two titans she’d managed to capture. The one who seemed well-meaning on the surface, but hid a manic character and tenacity underneath a smile. 

“Could he be useful to us?” Hanji asked breathlessly, quickly approaching whoever held the blade to his neck. “For questioning or experiments? I’m sure there’s useful information he knows about…”

“No. He won’t tell us anything.”

Mikasa. Mikasa held the blade. It was somehow right that Mikasa was the one who would kill him, if not Eren (but Eren was busy at the moment.) After all, if he hadn’t broken the wall five years ago, Eren’s life, and thus Mikasa’s too, would have been totally different: Eren’s parents would be alive, he wouldn’t be a shifter, they’d both be safe and free... 

“And besides,” Mikasa went on, digging the blade a little farther into Bertholdt’s neck. “Annie will talk easier if we eliminate her comrades.” 

The thought of shifting occurred to Bertholdt. He could shift right now and escape in a cloud of smoke, disappear into the inner walls, find Annie, and finally go home. He’d probably kill Mikasa and Hanji in the process, and anyone else in the immediate vicinity. But what did a few more lives matter when you’d already killed so many? 

That very thought was the reason he didn’t shift. Or it was that coupled with the boy whose head was still cradled in his hands, silent and bloody. Reiner would have done it, would have fought back. Because he had more to live for in this world. Without Reiner and Annie to ground him, to hold him back from himself, Bertholdt didn’t know if he wanted to live in this hell one more second.

In that moment, Bertholdt felt more human than he ever had. Vulnerable. Helpless. Fragile. Mortal. 

“Just don’t,” he choked out, feeling a small trickle of blood leak from his mouth. The blade in his neck halted as he heard both of his persecutors lean closer to hear his words. Bertholdt squeezed his eyes shut, biting his lip till he tasted more blood, trying to quell the pain for one more second. “Don’t hurt her.” He swallowed hard. “Please.” 

Bertholdt took one final look at Reiner’s lifeless eyes before blinding pain exploded in his neck.

The world went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! The last chapter will be up as soon as possible! (It's gonna be even shorter part wise than this one, but I promise that has no bearing on content!) 
> 
> Feedback is always appreciated! Thank you all so much!!! :)


	6. Where We Belong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They say home is where the heart is...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapter, here we go! This chapter was based off the prompt 'Home.' Did I meet it? Eh, probably not. But maybe... I don't know. Let's be honest, did I actually meet any of the prompts? Does that matter? I think not! 
> 
> I really hope this chapter doesn't seem rushed (I fear some of the scenes might feel a little rushed, but if they do, it's cause I was impatient to get to the Reibert and may have skimped on the others a little!) I just really hope I finished it strong for you guys! 
> 
> Notes:  
> 1\. I _really, really, REALLY_ hope Ymir is not too out of character (and you'll know what scene I'm talking about)  
>  2\. I make a lot of reference to Christmas-y things in this chapter, so I hope that doesn't offend anyone that doesn't celebrate Christmas. Really, it's just a lot of little things, like Christmas music, movies, cookie decorating, and things like that.

* 

September 19, 841

Reiner could hardly sleep. He had no idea why: he had no reason to be excited or nervous for tomorrow, yet here he was, wide-awake in the middle of the night. Or maybe he did have a reason to be nervous: the Elders hadn’t exactly told them what was going to happen at the ‘ceremony’ tomorrow night. Yet as ominous as the word sounded, Reiner couldn’t help but be excited. It had to be something good, didn’t it? Ceremonies were always good, right?

With a frustrated sigh, the boy pushed his blankets away and slipped out of bed. Quiet as he could, Reiner pulled on his shoes and a slung a cloak around his shoulders to hide his pajamas before creeping to the window and climbing out as silent as could be. 

His feet hit the cool grass and he was off like a thief in the night. The night air was cool and refreshing against his face as Reiner ran to the spot in the woods that he’d dubbed the “Thinking Spot.” It was a small clearing that happened to hold four rocks of peculiarly large size, perfect for four kids to sit on and plan adventures together. Berick had been the one who’d found it first, but they’d all agreed upon using Reiner’s name. Something about it had just clicked. And now, whenever any of them needed someplace to think, they just had to run to the woods and sit on their stone and everything seemed a little bit clearer. 

Reiner figured that same method would help calm him down tonight, allow him to sleep before the big day (whatever it would be.) What he didn’t expect was to find another person in the Thinking Spot. But sure enough, there was a figure sitting atop one of the rocks, causing Reiner to do a double take to make sure the shadows weren’t playing tricks on him. 

His eyes hadn’t deceived him: one of his friends was already here. And he knew who that rock belonged to…

“Bertholdt?” Reiner asked quizzically. The brunette jumped and whirled around at the sound of his name. His face, dappled by the moonlight sneaking in around the leaves above, looked like he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t have. But the brunette relaxed when he saw it was Reiner, giving a sigh of relief. 

“Reiner, it’s you,” Bertholdt said, a tiny smile breaking on his face for a moment before it faded. “You scared me.”

“Well you scared me,” Reiner replied, moving further into the clearing and settling onto his rock next to Bertholdt’s. “What are you doing here so late?”

“What are _you_ doing here so late?” Bertholdt asked in reply, giving Reiner a pointed look. 

The blonde boy shrugged. “I couldn’t sleep. I’m too excited for tomorrow.” Bertholdt looked away at the mention of the next day. The change didn’t escape Reiner’s notice. “What’s wrong?” he asked, frowning as he noticed the other boy’s demeanor: the way his shoulders were caving in, how his arms sagged at his sides, the sad, drawn look on his face that the shadows were trying to hide. 

“Jordan’s going away,” Bertholdt said plainly, hugging his knees to his chest. His eyes still avoided Reiner’s. 

“Where?” the blonde asked in reply. 

“He didn’t say where. Only that he’ll be gone for a very long time,” Bertholdt answered quietly. “And he’s leaving tomorrow.”

Reiner’s eyes widened. “You mean he won’t be here for the ceremony tomorrow?” Bertholdt shook his head. 

“But that’s okay,” he added, toying with the hem of his sweater. “I just wish he’d told me sooner so then… saying goodbye wouldn’t be as hard.” Reiner frowned deeply before stepping forward and throwing his arms around Bertholdt’s shoulders and pulling him into a tight hug. Bertholdt gasped at the sudden kindness, and let himself melt into Reiner’s embrace. 

“It’ll be okay,” Reiner said soothingly, squeezing his friend tight before pushing him away at arm’s length, hands clasped tightly around the brunette’s shoulders. “You still have me!”

Bertholdt gave him one solid laugh. “Yeah.”

“Come on! Doesn’t the brawn of the team get a little more than a ‘yeah’?” Reiner asked jokingly, sneakily tickling his friend’s sides, which he knew to be Bertholdt’s weak spot. The brunette squealed, trying in vain to push his hands away, but Reiner wouldn’t give him mercy. 

“Okay! Okay! I’m thankful to have you in my life!” Bertholdt exclaimed around his giggles, which were quickly spiraling out of his control. Reiner paused, letting up his tickle barrage as those simple words ran circles around his brain, leaving Berthold to regain his breathing and recover his composure. The brunette took three deep breaths of air before noticing his friend’s sudden silence. “Reiner?” 

“Do you… do you really mean that?” the blonde boy asked hesitantly, staring questioningly into his friend’s eyes. They looked so green in the light from the moon. _No wonder he’s the beauty of our team…_

“Yes. I-I do,” Bertholdt nodded assuredly, clasping his hands together in front of him, his fingers locking together. His eyes were drawn to his fingers and his cheeks grew redder and redder as he continued to speak: “I’m… very thankful that I met you and Berick and Annie. And I’m happy that you include me in things, and make me laugh, and try to make me happy when I’m not. And I’m very happy that we’re friends.” 

Bertholdt raised his eyes, not sure what kind of reaction he was anticipating. Reiner stared at him blankly for a heartbeat; absorbing the heartfelt words his best friend had just given him. Given was a good word for it, as if Bertholdt had just physically put something in Reiner’s hands, only the something was a feeling and Reiner’s hands were actually his heart. Reiner felt as though he’d just received the most precious present in the entire world. 

“Your face is really red, you know,” the blonde said as gracefully as any six-year-old. Bertholdt blushed even harder, looking down at his shoes. “It’s nice.” Green eyes met his once again. Reiner shrugged. “It looks good on you.” 

Bertholdt’s smile was bright as the moon, maybe even more so. Reiner couldn’t even give a fair comparison cause the moon meant nothing to him when Bertholdt smiled at him like that. Nothing seemed to matter when Bertholdt smiled at him like that. Everything seemed a little brighter, a little better. The world melted away for that momentary second in which his friend abandoned all shyness and shared with the world something truly beautiful. 

And in all fairness, the brightness of the moon that night was a minute detail that could come and go with each retelling. Many things about this night would fade with time.

But the one thing Reiner knew without a doubt was, from that moment on, he would forever and always be in love with Bertholdt Hoover. 

** 

Friday, December 18, 2014 

“I think you’re just being stubborn.”

“And I think you should know that _It’s a Wonderful Life_ is nearly three hours long, since it’s your _favorite_ Christmas movie. I also think you should know that I can hardly sit through a 43 minute class period, since I’m your favorite person,” Reiner replied frankly, narrowing his eyes challengingly at Bertholdt who sat next to him on the couch. Bertholdt narrowed his eyes back at him, but gave up after a few seconds and started smiling again. Reiner laughed. 

“Fine. If you don’t want to watch the best Christmas movie ever, then how about we compromise?” the brunette suggested, raising his eyebrow speculatively. “ _Nightmare Before Christmas?_ ” 

Reiner’s face lit up. “Ooo, now you’re talking! But we’ll have to wait till the cousins are out of the house cause apparently it freaks them out,” he replied. “Or we could just…” He slung an arm around Bertholdt’s shoulders, “…take things to your place and…” Reiner wiggled his eyebrows as seductively as he could manage.

The tiniest blush began to glow in Bertholdt’s cheeks as he managed a sly grin in response. “Well, you know, my parents won’t be home for the next hour or so…” Reiner raised his eyebrows, lips pressing together in an attempt not to laugh with glee at his boyfriend actually returning his seductive advances, even if it was all in jest. They’d come a long way since August…

“Reiner!” Maureen Braun called, the exasperation in her voice implying no nonsense. Reiner and Bertholdt both gave a start, sharing a panicked look before Bertholdt motioned for Reiner to obey his mom, the blonde scrambled from the couch and towards the staircase at lightning speed. 

“Yeah, Mom?” the boy called as brightly as he could manage. 

“Can you please help me get this thing down?” the woman asked, motioning towards something behind her. Reiner nodded as he took the stairs two at a time. “Your uncle put my box of Christmas sweaters on a shelf I can’t reach and I can’t decide if he did it on purpose of if it was a tragic accident.”

“I’m thinking it wasn’t an accident,” Reiner muttered to himself as he followed his mother’s directions and pulled the cardboard box containing her plethora of ridiculously tacky sweaters down from the highest shelf in the closet. “Why do you even keep these things, anyway? You hardly wear any of them.”

“I keep them because it’s a socially accepted norm to wear the ugliest holiday sweaters you can during this time of year,” Maureen replied, opening the box and rifling through some of her treasures. “You know about the tradition your father and I had; every year, we would try to get each other the dorkiest sweater we could find, and I don’t have the heart to throw them away.” 

Reiner felt a pang of guilt stab through his heart, and a small tinge of sadness at the thought of another year without his dad there. “I know. I know how important they were to Dad…”

“I’ve also heard it’s one of the ‘embarrassing mom’ qualifications and I would _love_ to see your boyfriend’s reaction to one of these babies.” 

The blonde boy clenched his lips together tightly to keep from groaning at his mother’s corny joke, at the satisfied little smile on her face. “Mom, making my boyfriend uncomfortable is my job,” Reiner joked lightly. Maureen smiled at him. 

“You know, I’ve started to realize I’m glad you got my sense of humor instead of my eyes,” she said. “It makes life a little more fun.” Reiner smiled in response. Maureen nodded towards the stairs. “Thanks for your help. You’re free to go.” 

“Anytime,” Reiner replied, giving his mom a quick salute before racing back down the stairs and nearly slipping on the wooden floor in his haste to get around the corner. “Phew, crisis averted,” Reiner sighed as he waltzed back into the living room, where he was immediately met by a sight that stopped him in his tracks. Julia’s Barbie house had materialized in his absence, along with numerous dolls that the girl was currently introducing to Bertholdt, who was kneeling next to her on the floor and giving her his undivided attention. 

“Okay, here, you can be the boys, and I’ll be the girls,” Julia said, pushing the boy dolls towards Bertholdt. “But you have to remember that Leo and Josh are fighting over Maria, Kyle is dating Shelby but likes Leah, and James has a British accent. Can you do a British accent?” 

“I can try,” Bertholdt replied. Julia beamed. So did Reiner. 

“Juju Bean,” the blonde sing-songed as he walked further into the room. The little girl turned startled baby blue eyes on him, like she’d been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. “What did I tell you about bothering Bertholdt?”

“She’s not bothering me,” the brunette spoke up. “She was just introducing me to Leo, Kyle, Josh, and…”

“James,” Julia supplied.

“James,” Bertholdt finished with certainty. 

“Oh yes, I’ve met the boys,” Reiner nodded, settling to his knees next to Bertholdt. “Many, many times.” 

“Please, can he play with me?” Julia pleaded, turning her best puppy dog face on Reiner, lip stuck out and everything. She even clasped her hands together, practically begging him. “Please? Just five minutes!”

Reiner looked at Bertholdt, gauging his answer off of the brunette’s reaction. The boy didn’t look particularly partial either way, ready to do whatever Reiner asked of him. Just like always. 

“I wanna play!” 

Tyler materializied from the hallway, galloping into the living room and collapsing in a heap next to Julia. He immediately began to sift through the dolls. “Where’s Chuckie Jones?” he asked in a panic. 

“I told you, Chuckie Jones isn’t in this game,” Julia huffed with exasperation. “He doesn’t go to their high school!”

“But I wanna be Chuckie Jones!” Tyler complained, his shoulders sagging with sadness.

“Who’s Chuckie Jones?” Bertholdt asked with such innocent confusion in his voice that Reiner was tempted to throw his arms around him and kiss him senseless for how honestly adorable he was being with the kids. (That was normal, right?)

“He’s the coolest character!” Tyler replied.

“No! He’s Tyler’s dumb character,” Julia corrected, crossing her arms over her chest. “He just says a lot of dumb things and always messes everything up…”

“Kids, cookies are ready to decorate!” the voice of Reiner’s Aunt Kathleen called from the kitchen, effectively breaking up the fight about to ensue between her kids. 

“Yay!” Tyler and Julia exclaimed in unison, jumping up, all qualms about the Barbies forgotten. Reiner and Bertholdt simultaneously turned to each other with eyes wide with exaggerated excitement, both cracking up at the other’s face. It took them a moment to collect themselves as both Tyler and Julia waited with excited anticipation for the two teenagers to join them on their feet. 

“I want to be Bertholdt’s partner,” Julia said, grabbing ahold of the brunette’s arm as soon as he got to his feet and nearly throwing him off balance. 

“No, I want him to be my partner!” Tyler exclaimed, latching on to Bertholdt’s other arm. “Bertl, can I be your partner?” he asked, turning wide, puppy dog eyes on the tall brunette. 

Reiner had never seen Bertholdt look so panicked before, desperately trying to smile and be nice to the children, but definitely feeling overwhelmed by their love. It was rather endearing. The blonde quickly jumped in to save him, gently pulling his cousins off of his boyfriend. “Hey, how about we all be Bertholdt’s partner?”

Julia wrinkled her nose. “You can’t have more than one partner, Reiner.”

“Then let’s be a team instead,” Reiner suggested, looping his arm through Bertholdt’s and moving towards the table, cousins in tow.

“Thank you,” the brunette whispered in his ear. 

“Anytime, darling,” Reiner purred back. Bertholdt’s expression went flat. “Too much? No nicknames?”

“We can talk about it later,” Bertholdt said, patting Reiner’s bicep lightly as they approached the kitchen table, which was covered with cookie decorating materials. A steaming plate of freshly baked sugar cookies (that the family plus Bertholdt had just spent the past hour making from scratch,) sat on a plate in the center of the table, surrounded by a few bowls of frosting, jars of sprinkles, and numerous other confectionary oddities. “So uh, how exactly does cookie decorating work here? Cause at my house, we usually just slap frosting on a few cookies and call it a day.”

“Oh, sweetheart, are you in for an experience,” Kathleen said, depositing a few more sprinkle jars on the table. “It’s a Braun family tradition to decorate cookies as if we were the great painters of the High Renaissance, with frosting and sprinkles as our medium instead of paint and marble.”

“You make it sound so eloquent when in reality we’re just slapping more sugar on top of cookies already packed with sugar,” Reiner said in response. 

“Oh, don’t you start. We already know you have it in for family traditions,” Maureen said as she waltzed into the kitchen, wearing a lovely green sweater with numerous, conflicting patterns of snowflakes crisscrossing throughout it. Reiner had to give her points for toning down the awkward; she could have done a lot worse with the supply of sweaters she had in that box. 

“I’m not slamming tradition. I’m just simplifying the task for our newcomer,” he said in a pointed reply, patting Bertholdt’s shoulder affectionately. “Even though he’s like, super AP student, but whatever.”

“I still appreciate the explanation,” Bertholdt replied with a smile. “After all, I can’t screw this up. Gotta prove myself worthy to participate in all these time hallowed Braun family traditions.” The two women laughed, Julia and Tyler joining in without really knowing what they were giggling about. Reiner smiled, feeling that happy, little warmth spreading through his chest at the sight of his boyfriend getting along so well with his family. Although the brunette made it sound like he was under a lot of pressure, working hard to prove himself a suitable boyfriend, Reiner could tell that Bertholdt felt comfortable here. Free to be himself, to let himself have fun, enjoy each moment. And that knowledge was all Reiner needed for his heart to start hammering away, beating with a happiness reciprocal to Bertholdt’s: if Bertholdt was happy, he was ecstatic. 

A vibration in his pocket took Reiner’s attention away from the table, and he quickly checked his phone to see who’d texted him. 

**Mom: Marry him. Do it now!**

Reiner sighed, meeting his mother’s eyes across the table. She made a point of not looking back, only raising her eyebrows down at the cookie she was decorating and laughing at something Kathleen said. Reiner decided to get her back with technology.

**Reiner: Mother, we are in high school!**

The blonde boy watched as his mom discreetly read his message and shot him a text back. 

**Mom: This is the one time I will condone it.**

Reiner shook his head. 

**Reiner: Well be patient. It took us three months to get together, and hundreds of years before that to find each other. We might need a little more time to make it _that_ official.**

**Mom: Whatever you say, lover boy. Just don’t wait too long or someone else might steal him from you ;)**

Reiner paused, eyebrows wrinkling in confusion. He was about to send a snarky “don’t you winky face me, young lady” text back when he heard Julia giggling. 

“What are you doing to him?” she asked, pointing to the snowman shaped cookie Bertholdt was currently adding red frosting to.

“I’m giving him a sweater,” the tall boy replied cheerily, showing the girl his little creation. 

“But snowmen don’t wear sweaters,” Julia pointed out. “Then they’d melt.”

“Well, this is a special snowman sweater made specifically for snowmen so they don’t melt,” Bertholdt explained. “The snowmen were sad that they couldn’t dress up to spread Christmas cheer. So they invented this sweater just for them.”

“Did you make that up?” Julia asked, narrowing her eyes and placing her hands on her hips, interrogating him like a mini mom. 

“No, I’m one hundred percent serious,” Bertholdt replied, nodding assuredly. Julia pursed her lips. “Would I lie to you?” 

“No,” the girl replied, her hands dropping back to her sides. “Are you gonna decorate the sweater?” she asked, leaning against the table once again. “Can I help?”

“Of course you can,” Bertholdt said in response. “I saw how well dressed your Barbies were. I need your fashion expertise.”

As Julia cheered with excitement, Reiner felt his phone buzz in his hand.

**Mom: Told ya. ;)**

Reiner had never felt more inclined to roll his eyes at his mother’s antics than he did at this moment, right now. He settled for scooping a dollop of frosting onto his finger and ‘accidentally’ smearing it across Bertholdt’s cheek, effectively beginning the first frosting war of the year, which happened to be another time hallowed Braun family holiday tradition. 

*

February 28, 848 

The sound of boots crunching over snow filled the air, resounding off the trees that lined the path back to the compound. Connie’s voice echoed with the footfalls, Sasha and Marco’s laughter harmonizing with him. Ymir and Christa’s hushed conversation mixed into the melody, dissonance coming from Eren and Annie’s discourse in the back, punctuated every now and then by Mikasa’s comments. Voices filled the cold, winter air, taking away some of the bite of the chill. 

Not that Bertholdt was particularly bothered by the cold as it was. They’d been outside for nearly two hours, and his internal body temperature had yet to conform to the winter weather, little puffs of steam still escaping from his mouth with every breath while that phenomenon had stopped for the rest of his friends a while ago. He wasn’t particularly trying to hide this fact, as it was a well-known fact by now that Bertholdt was a human heat generator. Multiple cadets had approached him today, asking to just stand a little closer to him to try to absorb some of that heat. No one questioned why he was so warm (and he’d never tell if they did ask,) but that didn’t stop him from pretending to be just as bothered by the cold as the others, trying his best to go unnoticed. As usual. 

“So, how could I have done that better?” Armin asked, his eyes switching back and forth between Bertholdt and the road at the two walked along in front of the pack of cadets. The blonde had asked Bertholdt to watch his form that day to see if he could give him any tips on how to improve in his strike form or maneuvering abilities. 

“I think one thing you could work on is how you approach the strike,” Bertholdt answered, his attention also divided between Armin and not slipping on the ice. “You build the power for the attack before you strike, like what we were talking about in the library two nights ago, with momentum and acceleration and all?”

“Yeah, yeah, I remember,” Armin nodded energetically. “I was trying to use some of that today.”

“Good,” Bertholdt said in reply. “That means you’re already on the right track. However, we might have to work on your application just a bit.”

“Can we do that in the barracks after dinner?” Armin asked. “Or is it more of a trial and error thing in practice?”

Bertholdt considered the implication and shrugged. “A little bit of both. We can talk through it tonight, but you’ll need to get a real feel for it during training exercises.”

“Got it,” Armin replied, nodding again. “But can we do that tonight?” 

Reiner smiled, watching the conversation go down from a few paces behind. He could see the ease with which Bertholdt talked to Armin, the obvious level of comfort that had been established between them. He also didn’t fail to notice the look of admiration in Armin’s eyes as he gazed up at the tall brunette, asking him for help, praising his genius, making Bertholdt feel like he was worth something. The brunette had finally found something to cling to that broke him out of his shell, that brought a spark of animation into his voice, a gleam of joy to his eyes, and utter happiness to exude from his being at the prospect of being loved and accepted. Reiner had never been happier for Bertholdt, or more proud of him. 

And he couldn’t deny the fact that seeing Bertholdt so comfortable and enjoying life made his own world seem a whole lot brighter. 

Even when things didn’t go according to plan. 

“SNOWBALL FIGHT!” Connie exclaimed suddenly, breaking whatever sense of peace had been established after training had ended by haphazardly throwing together a snowball and whipping it at Marco, who took the shot in the back of the head. The freckled boy gave a squeal of surprise, wiggling rather ungracefully as the snow crept down the back of his jacket and tickled his spine. 

“Hey! Don’t be mean to Marco!” Sasha exclaimed, picking up a pile of snow and crushing it together before throwing it at Connie’s chest. “He’s like the nicest guy here.”

“Oh, I’ll show you nice,” Marco shot back, whipping up a snowball and tossing it at Connie with deadly accuracy. It hit the shorter boy in the face, causing him to stumble back into Mikasa. Marco flinched. “Sorry!”

“There it is!” Ymir cooed. “Marco Bodt for 104th cadet class sweetheart!” 

“Whoa, there. Not even voting for your own girlfriend?” Jean teased. Christa blushed as Ymir glowered. “Risky move there, Ymir.”

The freckled girl growled darkly, forming a snowball in lightning speed and whipping it at Jean’s head, despite Christa’s protests. Jean sidestepped just in time, and the snowball collided into Armin’s neck. The blonde boy shrieked from the shock of cold and whirled around, Bertholdt following suit with panicked eyes. 

“What was that?” he cried, staring between Ymir’s look of remorse, Christa’s expression of sheer terror, Marco and Connie’s gaping mouths, and Jean’s smirk that was a mix of surprise and amusement. Panic stricken terror melted away into amusement when he understood the context. “Oh, I get it. Who threw it?” he asked with a smug grin, his eyes scanning the group. 

“Eren,” Ymir blamed quickly.

“Hm?” Said brunette perked up at the sound of his name.

“Eren!” Armin exclaimed with surprise. “How could you?”

“How could I what?” Eren asked frantically. Armin set his hands on his hips before reaching down and crafting a snowball and tossing it at Eren, who dodged accordingly. “What was that for?”

“For throwing a snowball at your supposed best friend when you knew he wasn’t paying attention,” Jean exclaimed overdramatically. Eren scowled before scooping up an arm full of snow and charging Jean with it. The fair-haired boy caught on fast enough and led Eren on a wild chase, dodging in between their fellow cadets. In the meantime, Connie and Sasha got back to the fight, throwing together snowballs and tossing them at Ymir and Marco, who fought back valiantly. Christa, Reiner, Armin and Bertholdt joined in as well, although no one tried to hit Christa for fear of Ymir’s wrath. Even Annie tossed a few in, no one daring to hit her back, except Marco by accident (which was quickly forgiven as it was an accident and Marco.)

“Careful guys,” Reiner warned to the two boys still chasing each other around the frost coated clearing, a hint of a laugh in his voice as he watched them, batting away a snowball thrown in his direction by Connie. “There’s ice everywhere. Don’t slip.”

“And if you do slip, make sure you don’t take anyone else with you,” Ymir added. “That’s a punishment only you deserve if you’re stupid enough to let it happen at all.” Annie nailed her with a snowball at that exact moment, which Ymir failed to return as it made Christa laugh. 

As Eren and Jean continued to circle the group, Mikasa made a perfectly round snowball and launched it in Jean’s direction. The sphere of snow hit its target directly in the face, effectively tripping him up. Eren finally caught Jean, dumping the snow all over the fair-haired boy’s head. Jean gave a frustrated “JAEGER!” as Eren quickly retreated back to the group, hiding between Mikasa and Armin. 

“Sorry Jean. Guess horsepower doesn’t help you much in the snow,” Eren shrugged teasingly.

“That wasn’t even a good joke. And you never would have caught me if it weren’t for Mikasa,” Jean pointed out as he returned to the group, brushing snow off his clothes as he took his place next to Marco and in front of Connie. Eren turned around and simply stuck his tongue out at him. 

“Hey, at least you didn’t fall,” Connie pointed out. Which turned out to be the most ironic thing he possibly could have said, because at that exact moment, Connie himself slipping on a patch of ice and fell, sliding a foot or two forward along the patch of slick ice, and effectively knocking Jean, Annie, and Armin down with him. Mikasa and Eren caught Armin quick enough, and Annie hardly slid anywhere. But Jean and Connie slid until they hit a tree and the impact dumped a heap of snow from the branches above… on Jean only. 

“Damn it, Connie!” Jean exclaimed, muffled beneath the snow. His head popped out a moment later, and he was quick to repeat a vehement, “Damn it, Connie!” 

“What he said,” Armin mumbled in response, rubbing his head as Eren helped him to his feet. Bertholdt moved to help Annie up, offering her a hand that she took gladly. 

“You okay?” the brunette asked worriedly as Connie made some sort of clever retort to Jean as Sasha rushed to help him up. 

“I’m fine. Maybe a little bruised. But I’m fine,” Annie replied shortly, rubbing at her hands which were red from breaking her fall. She clicked her tongue as she caught Connie accidentally slipping again when he was almost to his feet and pulling Sasha down with him. “I’d be even better if my fellow cadets weren’t so incompetent.” 

Reiner chuckled, materializing next to the two of them. “Always the elitist, aren’t we, Annie?” he asked. The blonde girl shot him a deadly glare before moving past both of them and trudging on with the group. “Well, sheesh. I was just joking.”

“You know Annie,” Bertholdt said, touching Reiner’s elbow lightly. “And you also know Annie when she’s been publically humiliated. Give her a little space.” 

“Where would we be without you?” Reiner asked, a tender smile spreading on his lips as his eyes gazed directly into Bertholdt’s. “You’re always so positive, and peaceful. I swear, if we didn’t have you, we’d all just fall apart.”

Bertholdt blushed, avoiding Reiner’s eyes as his words made his heart race. 

“You okay there, Jean?” Ymir’s voice cut into their private reality. “You look a little under the weather.” Both Reiner and Bertholdt burst out laughing at the pun, accompanied by the other cadets in the squad. 

“Ha, ha, ha. You’re so funny,” Jean shot back amidst the laughter, shaking snow off his head. Marco raced forward from helping Sasha and Connie up, offering him a hand, which Jean gladly accepted, but shook off as soon as he was back on his feet. “I just hope I’m not going to get frostbite from all the snow that is now seeping through every crevice of my clothing.”

“Now that sounds a little dramatic,” Sasha chastised lightly, hands on her hips. Jean scowled at her. The girl responded by unwrapping the scarf from her neck and looping it around him. “But it wouldn’t be fun at all if you got frostbite, so here.”

“Here, you can take these too,” Bertholdt suggested, pulling off his gloves and tossing them over to Jean. “I’m sure yours are soaked.”

“Yeah, thanks, man,” Jean replied, sounding genuinely surprised at the kindness his friends were showing him. Bertholdt smiled back, happy to be of help. 

The group set off once again, the lights of the compound coming into view around the next bend in the road. As the cadets got walking again, still laughing about Connie’s fall and Jean getting covered with snow, Reiner casually slipped his hand around Bertholdt’s. The brunette jumped suddenly, tempted to pull his hand away. 

“Come on, you just gave up your gloves. It’s the least I can do to return the kindness,” Reiner muttered so only Bertholdt could hear. He was thankful for the chilly weather, as his cheeks were already so wind burned, he knew the blush he felt rising in them would be indistinguishable from the already red skin. “Besides, what use would you be if you got frostbite, and we had to amputate all your fingers off?”

“You make a compelling argument,” Bertholdt assented, looking down to try to hide the blush invading his face. He was terribly conscious of the fact that his hand was shaking, and not just from the cold (which he knew wasn’t the issue based on the fact that his hand was also sweating, which was another thing he was terribly conscious of in this very moment. Thank the gods Reiner was wearing gloves!)

Reiner grinned. _You’d make a compelling argument._ He didn’t even stop to acknowledge the absurdity of the thought, dwelling purely on the sentiment of it. Bertholdt was holding his hand. It was the first time they’d done so in years. And Reiner vowed that it wouldn’t be the last.

** 

Saturday, December 19, 2014

“Okay, okay, here it comes,” Sasha said, leaning forward on the couch, arms braced against her knees in anticipation. 

“Think they can hit it?” Christa asked, her eyes hopping excitedly between her friends sprawled on the couch around her and the two boys belting out Mariah Carey’s _All I Want for Christmas_ at the front of the room.

“Marco probably can,” Bertholdt spoke up from his spot on the floor, shoulder to shoulder with Reiner. “His falcetto is insane.”

“And I mean, I don’t think Armin’s gone through puberty yet, so he should be fine,” Ymir shrugged casually. 

All talking stopped as the music began to build for the big high note, everyone sitting on the edge of their seats and staring with wide, anxious eyes at the two boys as they prepared to either lose it all or go down in history. The tradition of the “Christmas High Note” had begun freshman year, when Christa and Sasha had ended up signing the song together at The Walled City when they went there for holiday karaoke night, both girls absolutely killing it (especially cause Sasha had opted to harmonize, creating a perfect blend of Christa’s clear soprano with her own creative alto twist that had set very high expectations for the following years.) Sophomore year had been Reiner and Ymir’s square off, which ended more in hilarity than pleasing tonal quality. And now it was Armin and Marco’s turn. 

_Cause baby all I want for Christmas…_ they sang in perfect tandem, Marco trailing off with his own original riff, trying imitate the original but clearly overdoing it for dramatic effect. Both of them continued to dramatics by drawing out the _Is_ as long and as varied as possible before taking a deep breath, meeting each other’s eyes and belting out an impossibly high pitched _YOU!_

“Ahhhh!” Sasha cried, leaning back and clapping her hands with joy. 

“Oh my god, they freaking did it,” Ymir shook her head with disbelief. 

“That’s my boyfriend!” Jean cheered enthusiastically. 

“What he said!” Annie added from where she was perched on a chair, just a little distanced from the other members of the group. Annie and Armin had ‘met’ shortly after the day she’d shown up at Reiner’s house, since she’d texted him that night. They fabricated a story about meeting at a coffee shop by chance, so Jean wouldn’t find their sudden relationship completely weird and off kilter (since she was just a random girl from his high school after all; how on Earth did she end up with this group from a completely different school?)

The karaoke track drew to a close, and both boys took a bow. 

“I feel… like I just hit the very peak of my existence,” Marco declared, staring off at the ceiling. “It’s all downhill from here.”

“Or at least until the next time we have karaoke,” Christa added. 

“That too,” Marco agreed, pointing a finger of affirmation in the blonde’s direction. 

“Alright! Well, I think we’ve exhausted our karaoke abilities for the night,” Reiner said, clapping his hands with finality. “Tis only right that this beith the last tune of the evening, lest we ruin that lovely performance with some other drival of less talented bards…”

“I think what Reiner’s trying to say is that he wants to sing again,” Connie interrupted, dramatically swiveling his head to stare at the blonde with wide eyes. 

“Or he’s trying to save us from having to hear him sing again,” Ymir suggested, shrugging her shoulders overdramatically.

“Okay, I guess I can do another one just for you two,” Reiner said in reply, moving to stand up.

“No, no, that’s okay.” Sasha pushed him back down again. She also grabbed Bertholdt’s arm and secured it around the blonde’s shoulder to secure him to the spot. “I think you said it right the first time. No one can top that performance… or follow it with due justice.”

“I think y’all are just jealous of our mad pipes,” Marco commented, moving to turn off the karaoke machine. 

“And my ability to scream like a child,” Armin added without shame. “Cause that’s what that was. That was not singing. And yes, even I sometimes marvel at that ability myself.”

“Oh was that what that ungodly shrieking was? I honestly thought there was just a child hiding somewhere and just really wanted to start screaming as soon as that note hit,” Ymir replied, holding a hand to her heart, feigning surprise. Armin stuck his tongue out at her. Ymir simply winked back. 

“So, if we’re done with karaoke, what’s next?” Jean asked. 

“Movie time?” Christa suggested. “I think it’s about movie time.”

“Alright then. What’ll it be?” Reiner asked, turning to address the whole room. 

“No musicals,” Jean piped up seriously. “I’m not in the mood for any prolonged musical numbers.”

“Why? Are you still a little shaken up from _Jingle Bell Rock?_ ” Connie asked, barely stifling a giggle at the memory of moments ago when Jean and Marco had been dared to sing the classic Christmas tune… with the _Mean Girls_ choreography; another squad tradition that had been started by Connie and Reiner. 

Jean simply glared at him. Connie shrugged. “Hey, at least we made everyone dance. Yours just… happened to be a little bit worse than the rest.”

“Worse is too strong. I think the word you’re looking for is amusing,” Sasha corrected gently.

“Or gosh darn hilarious,” Annie piped up. 

“Oh, pretty tame of you, Ann,” Reiner commented snidely. Annie simply shrugged. 

“We still have to mind the mystery child who only screams to Mariah Carey,” she explained plainly, earning her chuckles from throughout the room. “I don’t want to get sued for teaching it swear words.”

“I like her,” Ymir said to no one in particular. But her eyes seemed to fall on Reiner. “Let’s keep her.”

“That can be arranged,” Armin said in reply, smiling over at Annie like a prince to his princess. 

“Okay, but really, what are we gonna watch?” Marco asked seriously. 

“A Christmas movie?” Bertholdt suggested. 

“Hm, no. Too old school,” Ymir commented. 

“Old school? Ymir, this is the only time holiday movies are acceptable to watch,” Connie argued. 

“I still veto it! If Jean can veto musicals, I veto Christmas movies!” the freckled brunette declared, making a slicing motion in the air to accentuate her point. 

“You’re such a Grinch,” Connie moaned, falling back against the couch. “But fine. Whatever. Have it your way.”

“I think someone wanted to watch _Elf_ again,” Marco said. 

“Actually, I was going to suggest _Charlie Brown_ but….” Connie trailed off. Marco gasped with excitement. “But alas, we have been thwarted in watching such a classic Christmas tale by a girl whose heart is three sizes too small.”

“You are so funny, I almost don’t want to laugh,” Ymir commented, shrugging her shoulders nonchalantly. 

“What about _Over the Garden Wall?_ ” Armin suggested out of the blue. “I mean, it’s not a movie but it’s entertaining nonetheless.”

“Now _that’s_ an idea,” Marco said, pointing enthusiastically in Armin’s direction, Annie and Bertholdt nodding along in agreement.

“What’s that?” Christa asked, looking back and forth between the two boys. 

“It’s a ten episode miniseries that Cartoon Network made about these two brothers going on this crazy adventure,” Marco summarized excitedly. “Each episode is only ten minutes long, it’s insanely quirky and funny, and the guy that voices Frodo voices the main guy. What’s not to like?”

“That actually sounds like a perfect idea,” Annie commented. “It would be like watching a movie…”

“And it takes the same amount of time as watching a movie…” Armin jumped in.

“And it’s not some cheesy holiday film…” Ymir added. 

“And there’s no singing…” Jean replied. 

“Actually….”

“Damn it, Marco!” Jean exclaimed, to which the freckled brunette just laughed. “I trusted you!”

“Relax. It’s not like there are any big musical numbers. You’ll live,” he replied, ruffling Jean’s hair like he was a child. Jean huffed, but it didn’t last long and he had to look away to keep himself from smiling at his boyfriend’s antics. “Okay, all in favor of watching _Over the Garden Wall,_ say ‘I’.”

I’s resounded from almost everyone in the room. 

“Bertholdt?” Reiner asked, nudging the brunette’s shoulder. Bertholdt looked up startled from his phone, looking around panickedly “Want to watch _Over the Garden Wall_?”

“Oh, yes! Of course,” the tall boy nodded quickly. 

“Who ya texting, Bertl? I thought you already had a boyfriend,” Ymir asked.

“No, no it’s not like that!” Bertholdt replied quickly. “It’s just a guy from swim team. Asking about practice. Sorry about that…”

“Ooo, _practice._ Sounds like a real cutie. What’s his name?” Ymir asked jokingly. Reiner spared her a passing glare. 

“Eren,” Bertholdt replied simply. “Eren Jaeger. You guys might know him; he’s in our grade.”

Almost every heart in the room dropped. Sasha and Marco exchanged a glance. Armin gasped, clapping a hand to his mouth and covering it with a cough. Annie’s eyes flew to Armin, gauging his reaction, which caused the tiniest smile to spread across her face. Christa nodded with interest, keeping her excitement on the inside. Reiner felt a small smile tug at his lips at the sheer irony of it. 

“You mean that loud kid from our history class?” Ymir asked, completely unaffected. “He’s on swim team?”

“Um-hm,” Bertholdt nodded, also not seeing anything wrong with the name of his teammate. 

“Really?” Ymir said thoughtfully. “He doesn’t strike me as a swimmer. I see him as more of a debate team maniac. Or some other activity that involves a lot of yelling.”

“Wow, he sounds like a real joy,” Jean commented sarcastically. “You should invite him to hang with us next time, Bertl.”

“Actually…” Armin muttered, so quiet only Reiner and Annie could hear him as he passed by them and moved into the kitchen. The two blondes shared a look before Reiner made a quick comment about grabbing snacks while Marco booted up the show, and followed Armin into the kitchen. 

“Well?” Reiner asked the boy who was currently pacing back and forth.

“Well?” Armin repeated. “This is like the happiest day of my life!” He paused, looking at Annie. “Or, well, second!”

“Hey, you don’t need to explain yourself to me,” Annie said. “I totally understand what this means to you. And it doesn’t make me feel bad if finding Eren takes more of a priority to you. You two knew each other way longer. And I’m really happy he’s this close.”

“Me too,” Armin said, unable to hide his smile anymore. He cupped his face with his hands, not sure exactly what to do with them. “I just… we finally have a way to him. If Bertholdt can befriend him, it would be so easy to just invite him along…”

“Want me to invite Mikasa too?” Annie asked in response with an uncontainable grin. Armin’s eyes lit up as he turned to her with hope written all over his face. Reiner’s eyes widened, interest piqued. “Didn’t I tell you she’s in my chemistry class?” 

“No, I think you forgot to mention that,” Reiner said with a smile. 

“Is she a Blank?” Armin asked hopefully, praying for the opposite. 

“Yes,” Annie nodded regretfully. Armin’s shoulders sagged. “But hey, would you rather have her here or go on living as if she didn’t exist?” 

The blonde boy shrugged. “I guess it’d be better to have her here. Cause then at least we could be friends like with the others.” He nodded to where Ymir and Jean had started arguing about something, Connie chiming in as unhelpfully as possible. Sasha was laughing along, Connie’s arm hung casually around her shoulders. Christa’s arm was looped through Ymir’s as the brunette continued on whatever tirade Jean had set her on, and Marco was watching Jean with such a star struck expression, it almost hurt. Bertholdt was casually watching it all go down, smiling blissfully, happy to be exactly where he was. 

“Hey!” Fingers snapped in front of Reiner’s face, breaking his concentration. He blinked a few times before drawing his attention to Annie once again.

“Yes?” he asked, putting as much irritation into his voice as possible. 

“You suddenly went all dopey eyed and it was starting to freak me out,” Annie said plainly. 

“You know,” Reiner sighed, scratching the back of his head as if in deep thought. “I’m starting to remember why it was so easy to ignore you for the entirety of cadet training.” Annie socked him in the shoulder, flashing him one of her trademark grins before grabbing a bowl of chips from the table and turning away, pulling Armin with her to rejoin the group in the living room. Reiner chuckled to himself as he watched them go, Armin clinging to Annie’s hand as she led him forward, holding on to her as if she could slip away at any moment. The sight of them together was like watching the couple finally get together at the end of a rom-com; Annie looking off dramatically into the distance and Armin smiling at her as if she were the sun itself. In fact, Armin had been staring at a lot of things with a renewed sense of wonder recently. Reiner felt that it was safe to say that Armin hadn’t been this happy in months, maybe even years. 

And seeing that happy smile on his face now, the gleam in his eye whenever he looked at Annie or even heard her name, never failed to remind him of the hole in his own heart that had recently been filled, the missing piece that had finally fallen back into place. His other half had come home, and Reiner still wasn’t sure if he was ever going to come back down from cloud nine. 

_Buzz! Buzz_

Reiner’s reverie was broken by the vibration of his phone, which he quickly slipped from his pocket.

**Bertholdt: ;)**

Eyebrows furrowing in confusion, Reiner peered into the living room where his boyfriend was sitting. He immediately caught Bertholdt staring at him. The brunette perked up as soon as he had Reiner’s attention, a smile spreading across his face as he silently waved for the blonde to come back to the group. Reiner’s smile widened as he did as he was told, grabbing the pizza boxes from the table to justify his excuse of grabbing snacks before moving into the living room and sidling right up next to Bertholdt. 

“Did you miss me?” Reiner asked jokingly as he bumped his shoulder against Bertholdt’s. He set the pizza down next to him, in easy reach of the rest of the crew. Not that anyone particularly noticed, still caught up in whatever they’d been doing before. 

“No,” the brunette replied just as jokingly.

“I think you’re lying,” Reiner said in a singsong voice. 

“I think you’re just jealous that you have to share me with these people now that I’m actually friends with them too,” Bertholdt shot back teasingly. Reiner pursed his lips, sighing dramatically.

“Fine. But can you really blame me for being selfish?” he asked, putting on his best smoldering look, which earned him the slightest blush from the brunette. “Ha, ha! Gotch’a!” Bertholdt immediately covered his face with his hands, and Reiner laughed as he pulled them away. “Oh come on, you know I love it when you get nervous.”

“Yeah, and you know how I’m not a fan of PDA,” Bertholdt said in reply, his eyes desperately searching the room to make sure they weren’t being watched (which they weren’t.) “Of both the physical and excessively verbal sorts.”

“Oh,” Reiner commented, suddenly remembering that they weren’t alone. “Dang, I’m sorry. I guess I just thought…”

His words were cut off by Bertholdt’s lips pressing softly against his for just a moment too short. Reiner stared, frozen after the kiss as Bertholdt smirked at him ever so innocently before settling back into his arms. 

“Now shhh, they’re going to start the show soon,” the brunette said casually. As if he willing kissed Reiner on the lips, in the presence of this many of their peers on a daily basis. 

The blonde wasn’t sure if he should be happy, confused, or worried. He decided all three could coexist peacefully in his mind, and instead of dwelling on it, let himself enjoy the sensation of having Bertholdt wrapped up in his arms with their friends sitting all around them, laughing and joking like they never could before. 

“You sneaky little cotton headed ninny muggings,” he murmured into Bertholdt’s ear, earning him a quiet laugh from the brunette. 

Reiner wasn’t the philosophizing type, but if he was ever asked what the true meaning of happiness was, he would give an exact description of this night, this feeling. He couldn’t think of anything better. 

* 

September 12, 850

The air felt thick with tension as the three teenagers sat atop the wall, two of them locked in a stare down to the death as the third tried not to look at either world below them. 

“You’re sure you don’t want me to help tomorrow?” Ymir asked in a voice so quiet and strained that it resembled nothing of the Ymir that they were used to. Yet her eyes continued to burn with their fierce intensity they’d grown so accustomed to. 

“No. It’s not your fight,” Reiner answered as he had every time she’d asked over the last few days, since _he’d_ shown up, beaten the Armored Titan to a pulp, and took command. Thankfully, their “leader’s” first position wasn’t inside the city itself, and the trio was given this last night to themselves before all hell broke loose. 

“I want to help,” Ymir asserted, holding eye contact with Reiner, a battle of wits spoken through the eyes. Her voice continued to betray her though, still tinged with an edge of desperation, as if she felt compelled to say it but was ashamed to at the same time, embarrassed to be subjecting herself to his will like this. 

“Then stay hidden and keep yourself alive,” Reiner answered authoritatively. Golden, cat like eyes flashed, a challenge hidden in within them. Reiner simply shook his head. “This is not your fight, Ymir. And besides, what would Christa do if…”

“ _Historia_ probably wants nothing more to do with me after I chose to leave her to follow you two,” Ymir cut him off acidly. “And, as much as I hate to say it, I’ve really come to like you guys in the months that we’ve been together. I know I said that from now on I’d be living my life for myself, but I don’t want to see you get killed if there’s something I can do about it!” Her voice broke, and Ymir hid her lips behind her hand as a rebellious tear slipped from her eye. Reiner’s eyes widened. What… what was happening? Was Ymir _crying? For them?!_

“Ymir,” Bertholdt said softly, moving closer to her and putting a gentle hand on her shoulder. The freckled brunette threw her arms around Bertholdt’s neck and clung tight to him.

“You shouldn’t have to die for a crime you were forced to commit!” she cried, the sound muffled in Bertholdt’s shoulder, but indistinguishable nonetheless. Bertholdt carefully wrapped his arms around her, gently holding her close to him, grounding her as she fought against the tears she did not want to be crying for these two boys who’d somehow wormed their way past her defenses and into her heart without even trying to. The only other person who had ever been able to do that was Historia, and now that there was no guarantee that the blonde would ever take her back… Ymir wasn’t sure if she could handle losing these two. 

“Let me fight with you,” she offered, pleading so soft and gentle Bertholdt almost let her. But instead, his expression grew dark, lips drawn into a tight line, eyes gazing off at a future that only held a few more hours.

“You can’t,” the boy whispered in reply. “If you fight on our side, they’ll kill you too.”

“I don’t care about that,” Ymir insisted, her hands digging into the fabric of his shirt, holding on to this moment as tight as she could. She wasn’t quite sure how to even describe in words the emotions running through her right now; some of them were her own feelings and selfish desire to quell her loneliness. But there were other feelings too that definitely weren’t hers; a bravery that she’d never possessed on her own, a sense that she had a duty to keep these idiots alive, to help them complete their mission. It was more than just the pull of helping those like her, shifters put through a task against their will that the humans didn’t understand. It was as if someone else was thinking for her. And Ymir didn’t want to spoil the moment by admitting her insanity and telling them she possessed the memories of the friend she’d taken away from them in a desperate attempt to let her stay. Cause how crazy would that be: her actually obtaining the kid’s memories as well as his powers?

Crazy. 

“Please… save yourself,” Bertholdt said softly, words only for Ymir to hear. The girl sagged against him, sighing with defeat. Although the little voice inside her continued to scream at her, Ymir knew it was useless. With one last squeeze, she let him go, swiping the tear tracks off her cheeks and staring him in the eye long and hard. Bertholdt thought he could see the world in those golden eyes, staring at him so honestly, vulnerability and fear clearly written in hazel irises. For a split second, he was almost glad that he’d been blessed with the opportunity to see such a sight: Ymir’s vulnerable side. It didn’t last long, but it had meant something. 

Helpless hearts tend to find one another, and cling to each other as only they know how. 

“Try not to die,” Ymir instructed halfheartedly, nodding to Reiner as well. “Too fast at least…”

“Only if you won’t give up on Historia,” Reiner said in reply. The girl’s breath drew in sharply, her eyes burning into him. Reiner’s expression remained flat. “You pushed so hard for Bertl and I to get together. You’d hang on him and whisper about me, and you’d outright make snarky comments to me. You obviously noticed something between the two of us. And we’ve all seen that same thing between you and Historia. She will take you back, Ymir. Don’t let yourself believe she wouldn’t.” 

The girl stared at him for a long time, the gears turning over and over in her mind. “I want to say something sarcastic to you right now,” Ymir finally broke the silence. “But for the first time in my life, your stupid face isn’t inspiring any kind of witty thoughts in my head.”

Reiner smiled. “I think that means we’re finally friends.”

Ymir smiled too. “Took us long enough.” She spread her arms wide. “Okay. Bring it in. Last one, and then I’ll do your bidding.” Reiner moved in and slung his arm around the girl’s shoulders, the other one looping around Bertholdt as the three of them formed a tight hug. 

“I’m sorry you have to see me all sappy like this,” Ymir admitted in the circle. “I feel like it’ll tarnish my memory in your minds.”

“Don’t worry about it. It actually makes you seem a little more human,” Reiner replied with a grin. 

“And isn’t that what we all want to be?” the girl questioned as she pulled away, taking a step back. “Well. It was nice knowing you. I’m sorry your mission was screwed up by Jaeger and co. Wish we could’ve all grown old together. You two have been pretty great friends.”

“And you’re a bigger softie than you let on,” Reiner rolled his eyes in reply. 

Ymir held up a finger. “Uh-uh. I get the last word,” she said, stepping to the edge of the wall that led into the city and took a step down. When she turned back to them, her eyes were shining. “Take care of each other.” And with that, Ymir was gone. 

“Goodbye, Ymir,” Bertholdt said quietly, waving at the empty space. 

Silence found them once again, as it had many times since they’d come to the wall. Reiner sat down, his legs hanging over the edge of the wall facing the city. Bertholdt sat down next to him and gently intertwined his fingers with Reiner’s. The sat like that for a long while. 

“So, I suppose we never actually broke up, did we?” Bertholdt asked. Reiner chuckled, startled to laugh by the sudden topic.

“No, I suppose we didn’t,” the blonde affirmed, nodding his head and turning his head to look at the brunette. Bertholdt turned to look at him too. “Do you still want to?”

“I never wanted to,” Bertholdt admitted with a soft sincerity that made Reiner’s heart skip a beat. “I said that mostly out of fear. Fear that… one of us would die. And I didn’t want to leave you like that. Or, I guess even more than that, I feared that I would fail to save you, and you would hate me for not fulfilling my promise as a significant other to protect you with my life…”

“You’re never good enough for yourself, are you?” Reiner cut him off, shaking his head. Bertholdt paused, drawing in a breath. 

“No. No, I don’t think I am,” the brunette sighed, looking down at the wall.

Reiner gently lifted Bertholdt’s head, guiding him by the chin so that their eyes met. “When are you going to realize that you’re good enough for me?” “In fact, you’re more than good enough. You’re perfect, to me. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I’ll ever want, and nothing you say or do is ever going to change that.”

“I don’t even know what to say to that,” Bertholdt replied, a smile of pure joy spreading on his lips, lighting up his eyes. Reiner smiled back.

“You don’t have to say anything,” he said, shaking his head ever so slightly, his eyes drinking in the sight of that smile. “Everything I need to hear is written all over your face.” Bertholdt laughed quietly, a dash of red appearing across his cheeks. 

“You’ve always paid an awful lot of attention to my face,” the brunette said in response, trying his best to be terribly awkward. 

“Well, you are the beauty of the team aren’t you?” Reiner questioned, making Bertholdt laugh again. The blonde felt his chest swell at the sound, happy to hear that laugh one last time. Reiner released Bertholdt’s face, letting the brunette look out at the dark world again, their hands still intertwined between them. 

“Bertl…?” Reiner asked offhandedly. 

“Yeah?” the brunette replied. 

“Do you… remember when you used to dream about home?” Reiner asked, lolling his head to the side to stare at the taller boy once again, unable to keep his eyes off of him. 

Bertholdt nodded, meeting his gaze. “Yeah.”

“Can you tell me what you dreamed about?” Reiner requested softly. 

Bertholdt smiled, his lips stretching up ever so slightly. “You ask the strangest questions,” he said in reply.

“Please, humor me,” Reiner pleaded, nudging the brunette’s shoulder with a forced smile that he hoped looked genuine. “Tell me what you dreamed about.”

Bertholdt took a deep breath, looking off at the night sky, the stars reflecting in his olive eyes. “I used to dream about my family more than anything. Dad, Mom, and Jordan,” he began with a small smile, as if he were back in those dreams again. “I dreamt about the times before Jordan disappeared, when Mom was alive. And then when I thought the dreams would get to the sad part about my family, they shifted to you, Berick, and Annie and all the adventures we went on when we weren’t in training. The woods and the lake and all of that. Never about training or the Elders or any of the bad things.” 

“Only about the things you wanted to remember,” Reiner stated in summary, peering over at the taller boy with a bittersweet smile.

Bertholdt laughed, soft and sentimental. “Yeah, I suppose I did. I remember I had the exact same dream multiple nights in a row, about the night when you, Annie, Berick, and I thought it would be a good idea to cross the log over the river in the rain? And after all his big talk, Berick was the one that fell in. And you jumped in to save him, and pulled me along with you? And Annie made fun of us, then jumped in so she wouldn’t feel left out? Remember that?”

“Of course I do!” Reiner replied, snickering himself. “And Annie wouldn’t stop talking about it for weeks, going on about how she had to save all three of us. Gosh, that was back when Annie was fun.”

“Annie’s still fun,” Bertholdt argued lightly.

Reiner gave him a suffering look. “You know what I mean.”

“You mean before we became titans?” Bertholdt asked dryly, glancing sideways at the blonde. 

“Yes. Before we were titans,” Reiner nodded plainly. “Before the Elders fed us all those lies and sent us out to do their dirty work. Before we went through years of backbreaking, torturous training, only to end up here. Before we killed thousands of people. Before we knew we’d eaten people we loved….” He paused, not wanting to say any more. Reminiscing about the dark times was not what this night was for, especially if it was going to be their last. Reiner decided to change the conversation topic, and he knew Bertholdt would be all too glad to join him. “Did you ever dream about us?”

“I… I might have,” Bertholdt replied, looking down shyly. As if they weren’t currently holding hands. “That happened right before the dreams about home stopped.”

“Yeah?” Reiner questioned, cocking his head to the side. “What’d you dream about us? I’m sure I looked hot as hell.” 

Bertholdt rolled his eyes. “Actually, no matter how hard you tried, in every single dream I ended up with someone else.”

“What?!” Reiner exclaimed, whirling around to face his boyfriend with his mouth hanging open in an astonished O.

“Yeah, it was weird,” Bertholdt continued thoughtfully. “You would try to be real smooth but then someone else would just slip right in and steal me away from you… usually it was Ymir, or Annie…”

“Are you kidding me?!” Reiner asked around a shocked laugh. 

“Yeah,” Bertholdt nodded with a self-satisfied smile. Reiner stared at him disbelievingly. Bertholdt rolled his eyes. “Yes, Reiner, I made it up. I always dreamt about you including me in activities and making me feel special by taking notice of me. And telling me how you felt about me. Your love confessions were a popular theme.” 

“I hate you,” Reiner muttered, relaxing back against the brunette. 

“The chance presented itself, so I took it,” Bertholdt replied with a hint of snarkiness. Reiner smiled. 

“I trained you really well, didn’t I?” the blonde asked, pecking a soft kiss to the boy’s cheek. 

“That you did,” Bertholdt said, his voice trailing off as he began to roll through his memories again. “We sure have spent a lot of our lives together.”

“Would you have had it any other way?” Reiner asked. 

“Never in a million years,” Bertholdt shook his head, covering Reiner’s hand with both of his and squeezing tight. 

Reiner stared down at their clasped hands with a mechanical smile. “Do you remember when you used to ask me what happened to cowards when they die?” he asked out of the blue. 

Bertholdt paused. “Yes.”

“I don’t want you to worry about that anymore,” Reiner replied, meeting his love’s eyes, holding his gaze to ensure that Bertholdt heard what he’d said. “You are so brave.” 

“No I’m not,” Bertholdt sighed, shaking his head. 

“Yes, you are,” Reiner insisted. “Look at all the brave things you’ve done! You made friends in training. You fought titans in Trost. You fought titans unarmed at the castle. You opened your heart to me, and let me take it. You spent three years dealing with this guilt all by yourself. No one else could have done that, Bertholdt.”

Bertholdt continued to shake his head, his expression full of disbelief. “No, Reiner, you don’t understand. I am a coward…”

“Why? Because you’re scared of death?” Reiner questioned seriously. “Cause everyone’s scared of that. You’d be a fool not to be!”

“That’s not…”

“Then is it because you ‘lack initiative,’ as Shadis put it? Look, that’s no big deal at all,” the blonde continued his argument. “You’re just not meant to be a leader. But you are an excellent soldier with a brilliant mind and the inner strength of at least a hundred men to have put up with all the…”

“Reiner, I tried to kill myself!” Bertholdt exclaimed, cutting him off. The blonde paused, sucking in a breath of shock. The brunette’s shoulders sagged. “Back during training… I… it was just too much for me and… I tried to take my life a few times.”

“But you’re still here.”

Bertholdt’s eyes widened in pure disbelief as Reiner took his face in his hands and kissed his lips ever so gently until the need for air became to great. 

“But you’re still here,” Reiner repeated in Bertholdt’s ear, soft and tender, sending shivers down the brunette’s spine. “I can’t say if what we’re doing is right or wrong. But we didn’t give up, _you_ didn’t give up. And that’s what matters.” Reiner moved away just enough to pull Bertholdt into his arms, settling the taller boy’s head against his collarbone. “Guess we aren’t going to be able to get Annie back.”

“Yeah…” Bertholdt said quietly, gazing blindly at the dead city below, indolently accepting the topic change. “She’s going to be so mad at us.”

Reiner chuckled. “Think she’ll bring us back to life just to kill us again?”

“I wouldn’t put it past her,” Bertholdt said in reply, the ghost of a smile dancing on his lips. “Isn’t it funny that we’re resorting to jokes right now?”

“I don’t know what you mean. I thought jokes were the only way to cope with scary situations,” Reiner responded, his eyebrows knitting together. “Or stressful situations, or sad ones, or…” 

“Yes, yes, we get it, you’re hilarious,” Bertholdt cut him off teasingly. Reiner nuzzled his head against the brunette’s in response. 

“Don’t you forget it,” he mused. 

“Cross my heart,” Bertholdt said, dragging his thumb across his chest in the shape of an X. 

The silence that followed was anything but uncomfortable. It felt almost natural, the two of them caught up in each other’s arms, the world silently existing next to them. 

“Do you think they’ll kill us?” Reiner whispered so the noise would destroy the serenity of the night. But his voice held no hint of fear. It wasn’t even a real question. Just clarification of a fact they were both already resigned to. 

“Who? The Survey Corps?” Bertholdt questioned just as quietly. 

“No. The Elders.” The word seemed to hang between them, like a poisonous star caught in the sky, ready to crash into the earth at any moment and shatter life as they knew it to pieces. 

“I… Probably,” Bertholdt shrugged, admitting a fact he’d come to terms with a long time ago. They’d never meant more to the Elders than petty pieces in their chess game. And now that the game had been compromised… well, who cared what happened to the pieces? “If the Survey Corps doesn’t handle that first, of course.”

“Promise me you’ll run.”

Bertholdt paused, slowly untangling himself from Reiner’s arms and staring the boy straight in his golden irises. “What?”

“If things get messy in the battle tomorrow…,” Reiner paused, taking a steadying breath before finishing: “promise me you’ll get yourself out.” His gaze held steady to Bertholdt’s face, silently willing him to agree. 

Bertholdt’s mouth hung open ever so slightly, the very thought unthinkable. “Reiner…”

“Please. Just tell me you’ll do it. That’ll you’ll run away and get yourself out of there. I want you to live if you have the chance, Bertholdt,” Reiner cut him off, taking a hold of the boy’s shoulders, gripping tightly as if the brunette were the only thing keeping him attached to the ground. “I don’t care if you mean it or not. Just say the words. Just tell me you will so I can go into this without worrying about losing you.”

Bertholdt didn’t move for three heartbeats. His mind was racing, his heart hammering, his inherently self-hatred screaming at his love for this boy not to do anything stupid. 

He took Reiner’s hand and slowly started to trace his finger around the blonde’s palm, as if his finger were a paintbrush. After a few strokes, Bertholdt placed the softest kiss on Reiner’s palm. “I love you.”

Reiner smiled, closing his hands around Bertholdt’s and pulling him forward into a tender kiss, trying to forget the feeling of the brunette tracing the word ‘never’ into his skin with the feeling of his soft lips. But it was of no use. Reiner knew that word would burn there for the rest of his life; he could feel it. “I love you too.”

** 

Sunday, December 20, 2014 

“I imagine this is what heaven looks like,” Reiner said with a nod of the head. 

“Really? Cause I’d certainly hope heaven would have less screaming kids and angsty preteens,” Jean commented, jerking his thumb towards a group of middle schoolers not too far away. Reiner rolled his eyes. 

“Fine. Your heaven can be all serious teenagers and mature adults. But mine’s gonna be covered in Christmas lights,” the blonde said in reply, gazing out at the array spread before them. It was a holiday tradition that a copious amount of Christmas lights were set up in the town square during the month of December. The paths were all covered in archways of multicolored lights. Little figures of reindeer, penguins, and other holiday scenes were set in the snow-covered grass. The gazebo in the center was glossed with white lights, like a shimmering layer of ice. The whole thing glittered and sparkled with illuminated wonder. 

“I think that sounds lovely,” Sasha commented. “As long as there will be Oreos too.”

The rest of their little group burst into laughter. 

“Add in some fruit snacks, and I’m in,” Connie added, slinging an arm around the girl’s waist and pulling her close.

“Hey, hey, hey. Triple date’s not over. No purple,” Jean called out, pointing an accusatory finger at Connie’s hand. 

“Jean, this isn’t purple,” Connie pointed out. “This is.” He took a hold of Sasha’s cheeks and placed a kiss against her lips. 

“This too,” Reiner added, pulling Bertholdt by his scarf into a very similar kiss. 

“And just for good measure,” Marco said, pecking a kiss to his own boyfriend’s lips. “In case the other examples weren’t enough.”

“You are so lucky you’re cute,” Jean shook his head, winding an arm around Marco’s waist and holding him close. 

“So, do we want to walk around together, or split up and reconvene in like fifteen minutes?” Reiner asked, checking his phone for the time. “Cause it seems like some of you can’t contain yourselves and we need to take a short commercial break from the triple date.” 

“You say that as if you’re not having that issue,” Connie accused jokingly. Reiner shrugged. “But yeah. Reconvene at the car in fifteen?”

There were no objections. The group separated, each couple taking a different path. 

“I like tripling with them,” Reiner began, lacing his arm through Bertholdt’s as they walked under a green archway. “They’re a fun group.”

“They really are,” Bertholdt agreed. “And this is absolutely stunning.” He looked at the lights above them with awe in his eyes. 

“Oh yeah, this is your first Christmas in Trost,” Reiner said with a sudden realization. “You’ve never gotten to experience this before.”

“No,” Bertholdt shook his head. “But I’m glad I’m experiencing it with you.” He smiled shyly, looking off at the plethora of lights spanning the field. 

“I’m glad about that too,” Reiner smiled in reply. “And that there are no titan here to ruin it.” Bertholdt laughed out loud. “I’m serious.”

“That would actually be kinda funny to see,” the brunette responded, getting lost in the stories Reiner had been telling him about the old world. His face screwed up in thought. “I’m trying to imagine what a titan would do in a place like this. Would they just run around and eat people and destroy everything, or would the lights scare them away? Or would the lights fascinate them, maybe stirring a little humanity in their limited consciousness?” 

“You know that mad scientist I told you about?” Reiner deadpanned. 

“Hanji, right?” Bertholdt nodded. 

“Yeah, you sound like her right now,” Reiner replied. Bertholdt gave him one satisfied chuckle.

“Well, I’m just asking,” he said innocently. “You know, you haven’t told me everything about that world yet. I’m just simply trying to piece things together by connecting what I know with real life contexts.”

“Well, Christmas lights didn’t exist back then, so I’m not sure that’s your best real life context to use to connect the two,” the blonde pointed out. 

“A guy can dream,” Bertholdt sighed wistfully. 

“That he can,” Reiner agreed. “So. We got like, fourteen minutes. Tell me about yourself.” 

“What?”

“You heard me,” Reiner said, meeting Bertholdt’s eyes with a look of amusement. “Tell me about yourself.”

“Reiner, you know practically everything about me,” Bertholdt pointed out with a nervous laugh. 

“Well, tell me it again in fact form,” Reiner suggested. “Maybe we’ll stumble upon something I don’t know.” Bertholdt sighed, reluctantly giving in. He started to concentrate on facts about himself. Reiner did his best not to laugh at the brunette’s adorable concentration face. As they continued to walk, a family of four passed by them, the children holding hands in between both of the parents. 

“Fun Fact 23: I love kids,” Bertholdt said after they’d passed, looking behind him as the family moved farther and farther away. 

“Hm, knew that,” Reiner hummed unapologetically. “My cousins think you’re a superhero. Try again.”

Bertholdt sighed, a small cloud of air puffing from his mouth in the cold, night air. “Um… Fun Fact 51: I work at a coffee shop, but I don’t even like coffee.”

Reiner narrowed his eyes at the brunette. “It’s like you’re not even trying,” he said with exasperation.

“Ahhhh,” Bertholdt mused panickedly, biting his lip and looking at all the lights for inspiration. “Ah, wait! Fun Fact 74: when I was little, I could watch Disney movies on repeat for days. And that was back when all we had were VHS tapes, so my mom would have to rewind them over and over again until they broke. And many of them did. It’s one of my proudest accomplishments.”

Reiner laughed. “That’s quite the feat,” he said. “Maybe that’s where your hopeless romantic tendencies come from!”

“I think we just solved one of the greatest unsolved mysteries in all my seventeen years of life,” Bertholdt declared. 

“So, if you did learn this trait from Disney, do you believe in fairy godmothers?” Reiner questioned, one eyebrow arching up questioningly. 

“No. Too unrealistic,” Bertholdt shook his head. 

“What about… talking animals?” Reiner tried, pursing his lips in thought. 

“No. Definitely not realistic,” the brunette shook his head even harder. 

“Would you give up fins for a guy?” Reiner posited, wrinkling his eyebrows and staring at his boyfriend with a quizzical expression. 

“Uh, no, cause being a merman would probably be more fun,” Bertholdt answered with a pointed look aimed at Reiner’s antics. 

“Even if it was me?” the blonde asked, turning on his best puppy dog eyes. 

“Hmmmm…”

“Bertholdt!” 

“What?! Being a merman sounds really fun, okay?” Bertholdt insisted, bopping the top of Reiner’s hat. “Next question.” 

“Whatever,” Reiner sighed, rolling his eyes. “Do you believe in true love’s kiss?”

“I do think that exists,” Bertholdt nodded. “Could it wake you up from an enchanted sleep? That’s debatable. But I do think the kiss itself exists.”

“Do you believe in love at first sight then?” Reiner asked, carefully weaving his fingers through the taller boy’s. 

“No,” Bertholdt shook his head. “But I do believe in true love. I just think it takes a little longer than one look to recognize it.”

“Good answer,” Reiner replied, nodding approvingly. “Do happy endings exist in your world too then?”

“They do,” Bertholdt nodded with a smile.

“What? No explanation?” Reiner questioned, eyebrows arching curiously. Bertholdt’s eyes shifted towards him, glowing in the golden lights of the archway surrounding them.

“I didn’t think I needed one,” the brunette answered earnestly. 

“And why not?”

Bertholdt smiled and, without warning, leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Reiner’s temple. “Reiner, you’re my happy ending.”

The blonde paused in the middle of the walkway, his cheeks burning. Standing in the center of town, surrounded by strangers and holiday lights, holding the hand of the love of his life, Reiner had never felt more at home. 

“You’re such a cheese ball,” the blonde sighed jokingly, tightening his grip on Bertholdt’s hand. “And a textbook case of a hopeless romantic. We just proved it.”

“Thanks for the diagnosis, doc,” Bertholdt said with a laugh, touching his forehead to Reiner’s. “But as long as my boyfriend doesn’t have a problem with it, I don’t really see the harm.”

Reiner smiled, seeing only green eyes as he whispered, just inches from Bertholdt’s lips, “And they both lived happily ever after.”

 

 

** Epilogue **

 

 

Thursday, December 12, 2016

Bertholdt had texted his mother. His boyfriend had conspired with his mother to surprise Reiner. The brunette had said he wouldn’t be home from school until the 15th, finals extending longer than Reiner’s. Apparently, that had been a lie that Maureen had allowed Reiner to believe until they came home from grocery shopping that afternoon to find Bertholdt standing in on their front porch with a handwritten sign that said: “Hi Again.”

Reiner had bolted out of the car, racing to his boyfriend who he hadn’t seen in four months, and hugged him as if their lives depended on it, not hesitating to pick him up and spin him around once, laughing like a madman. When Maureen came out with camera, Reiner knew he’d been set up. But he was honestly too happy to see Bertholdt again to be mad, pulling him inside and settling down on the couch to catch up.

While they had been texting and Skyping all throughout their first semester at college, it wasn’t the same as being together in person, able to hold hands or cuddle on the couch, or steal hoodies from each other’s rooms when owner wasn’t looking. It felt heavenly to be reunited once again. 

And they’d been reveling in that for the past five hours, talking and eating dinner with Maureen and talking with her, and then putting on a few mindless TV episodes, while paying more attention to the closeness of the other than the actual show. 

Now, they were sitting on the living room floor, Bertholdt leaning against the couch with Reiner leaning against him. The brunette’s arms were draped casually over Reiner’s shoulders, linked lightly at the wrists as if the blonde would try to escape. Reiner tapped one of his socked feet against Bertholdt’s, keeping in time to a beat that was felt rather than heard. 

“Reiner. What are you thinking about?” Bertholdt asked softly. 

“Puppies,” the blonde replied jokingly. 

“I can leave.” 

“Sorry. You know I had to,” Reiner apologized, laughing softly. “I’m not actually thinking about anything. I’m just listening to your heart beating. It’s nice.” Bertholdt hummed softly in response, laying his cheek against Reiner's hair. A comfortable silence fell over them. 

“Am I still your happy ending?” Reiner asked, turning around to face the brunette with wide, puppy dog eyes. 

“Yes,” Bertholdt answered, brushing his fingers through Reiner’s hair as he offered him that soft, sweet smile of his that made Reiner’s heart melt. “You still make me the happiest man in the world.”

“That’s all I ever want to do,” Reiner sighed, burying his face into Bertholdt’s neck. “Make you happy. Make you smile just like that. Forever.”

“Reiner… you are my reason to smile,” Bertholdt whispered, touching his head to the blonde’s. 

“Bertl…” Reiner whispered, nuzzling even closer to the brunette and enjoying his warmth. 

The world suddenly turned very cold as Bertholdt forcefully pushed him away by the shoulders, staring at him with panicked eyes. Reiner’s face contorted with confusion and alarm, searching frightened green irises only to find Bertholdt’s emotions closed off from him. There was only an unreadable sense of shock, and that irritated Reiner to no end, especially when the love of his life had just pushed him back with more violence than he’d ever exerted on anything in this life. “Bertholdt?!” he asked, clasping the other boy’s face in his hands, heart beating with a stroke of genuine surprise when the brunette didn’t pull away from him. “Bertl, what’s wrong?!”

The response was so quiet, Reiner almost didn’t catch it. 

“I remember.”

Those two words echoed in Reiner’s ears like a gunshot. 

Time froze, suspending the two of them in a moment together, certainty and uncertainty mixing together with fear, apprehension, and a strange, new recognition that not many people had the chance to experience. 

“How?” Reiner questioned, his voice barely audible. 

“I have no idea,” Bertholdt whispered, his hands gripping Reiner’s wrists. “It’s all just…” he looked off at the ceiling, biting his lip as if such actions could give him the words to describe it, “back.” His thumbs were turning circles in Reiner’s wrists, feeling his skin, making sure he was real, that this wasn’t some strange dream. 

“All of it?” Reiner asked, oscillating between ecstatic elation and icy fear. For as much as he’d longed for this very moment, yearned for the day when Bertholdt would look at him with the eyes that had fallen in love with him the first time, in recent days, Reiner had decided it was best Bertholdt didn’t remember the old world and the pain it had brought him. This happy boy didn’t need even the ghosts of memories of something so tragically painful. 

“I think so,” Bertholdt replied, biting his lip again as his eyes continued to move between the corners of the room as he raked over the vast array of information flooding his brain. “I don’t know. It’s… it’s a lot.” He took a deep breath, letting go of Reiner and leaning heavily against the couch, as if he were dizzy. Reiner touched a hand to his shoulder. 

“Hey, you okay?” the blonde said. Bertholdt nodded tightly. “You sure?” Bertholdt nodded again. “It’s probably just because it’s all coming back at once. I can remember getting headaches when I was younger, after my mom told me everything about the old world. It can overwhelm you.”

“Yeah,” Bertholdt said in response, nodding again as if he were a bobble head. Without warning, he dissolved into laughter and threw his arms around Reiner’s neck, throwing the blonde off balance. “Reiner!” 

“What is it?” the blonde asked around a surprised laugh. 

“I remember you!” 

Reiner laughed again, squeezing the taller boy tightly. “Took you long enough,” he joked lightheartedly. Bertholdt pulled back, taking in the sight of Reiner’s face again. Everything was falling back into place; he finally understood why he’d felt so attracted to this boy on that fateful day when he’d rushed him at Sunny and Bean. 

“It’s a lot like you’ve been describing to me,” Bertholdt said, unable to wipe the smile from his face. 

“Hey, I’m a pretty good storyteller…”

“But there are some things that look a lot different than I’d been picturing them,” Bertholdt added. 

Reiner shrugged. “Guess it’s like the book to movie equation, then.” Bertholdt laughed. 

“Yeah, I guess it is,” he mused, getting lost in the memories. “So you never had it like this? All of them rushing in at once?”

“No. I got them over the years in dreams, and then my mom filled in a lot of the gaps,” Reiner answered, shaking his head. “But why don’t you try to calm the tides? Try to focus on a few core memories, maybe that’ll help you sort through them.”

Bertholdt nodded, his eyes gazing somewhere far away as he did his best to concentrate, collect his thoughts and force them into some sort of cohesion. “Things were so different back then,” he said in amazement, green eyes lighting with wonder. “Wow.” Reiner smiled warmly, rubbing his thumb in lazy circles over the brunette’s shoulder. “Wow,” Bertholdt repeated, shaking his head lightly, a small laugh bubbling beneath the word. 

“What are you seeing?” the blonde asked with a warm smile.

“I see… my family,” Bertholdt started, looking unbelievably happy. “And there’s you, and Annie, and… another boy whose name is… Berick! And the four of us are all playing in the woods together.”

“Yeah, good, good,” Reiner commented affirmingly. “What else?”

Bertholdt pressed his lips together. His eyes lit up suddenly. “The training compound! Keith Shadis barking orders at us. The boys dorm, with Jean and Eren fighting and Connie making jokes. And there’s… me, Armin, and Marco in the library. And Annie… not talking to us?”

Reiner nodded sadly. “Yes, that’s a part of the story.” Bertholdt looked at him confusedly. “We hadn’t gotten there in our retelling; it’s a layer I didn’t think you were ready for.” The confusion on Bertholdt’s face identified. Reiner felt his chest constrict as he realized the implications of what he’d just said. In his retellings, he’d made a point skip the part about them being titans, wanting to wait a while before dropping that bombshell (even though he’d already blurted out that they’d murdered thousands of people, but Bertholdt hadn’t asked about it since that night, so Reiner figured he was safe to build to it slowly.) But if Bertholdt had all his memories back… there was nothing stopping him from remembering…

“What else can you remember?” Reiner asked, his tone serious. Bertholdt looked away in concentration again. 

“I uh… something about you forgetting yourself,” he said vaguely. “You and I had some sort of secret and… and you left me alone to deal with it. Unintentionally! It was… unintentional… isolation, but… what were we…”

Reiner watched as the look of confusion on the brunette’s face melted away with a flash of realization, leaving a look of pure sadness in the young man’s eyes. 

“It… it was us,” Bertholdt whispered, his voice suddenly very small and very empty. It wasn’t a question: it was fact. “It was… me… I did this.” Reiner reached forward and enveloped the brunette in his arms, feeling a wave of sorrow wash over him. The dark thread that tied their whole world together had finally been revealed to him; while it had always lurked beneath the surface, waiting for the right moment to strike, Reiner had still believed that he could save Bertholdt from the truth about their past. But the pieces had finally fallen into place to expose who they’d really been, who _Bertholdt_ in particular had been, what he’d really done, all the lies he’d lived, the guilt he’d held. 

As he felt the first sob wrack Bertholdt’s lean frame, Reiner gripped him harder.

“Reiner… what did we do?” Bertholdt gasped into his shoulder. 

“Bad things,” Reiner answered gravely, stroking the brunette’s hair soothingly. “Very bad things. But we never wanted to; you have to remember that. And furthermore, that’s not who we are anymore. It’s a part of our past, but it’s not part of our present. We’re free here. No one will make us do bad things ever again. I promise you that.” He paused for just a second, a second sentiment pushing its way forward from his heart to his tongue. “And I swear to you on my life that I’ll never leave you again either.”

“Reiner…” 

Reiner held him until Bertholdt cried himself to sleep, answering all the questions the brunette choked out, and whispering reassuring nothings in his ear until unconsciousness took him away from the suffocating misery old world he’d just been “happily” reacquainted with. The blonde maneuvered the sleeping boy onto the couch, nestling in next to him despite the lack of space. Reiner kept Bertholdt as close to him as possible. He’d failed him last time, left him alone when he needed him most. But now, Reiner had a second chance to fulfill that promise he’d made all those years ago. 

This time, there were no titans or shifters or lies, they could just be normal guys. This time, they could be heroes, whatever that meant in this world. This time, Bertholdt would be happy. Reiner looked down at the brunette curled up in his arms, a peaceful expression on his sleeping face. The blonde felt a smile form on his lips. He had a new mission now: guaranteeing this boy’s happiness. That goal had taken a back seat in the old world, pleasing the Elders and staying alive taking precedence, and look how well that had turned out for both of them. This time, though, Reiner knew without a doubt that this was a mission he could complete. Bertholdt Hoover would smile for him (and with him) forever. 

Or at least until this life came to a close. Then they’d have to start all over again: search for each other, find one another, leave the past behind, and falls in love as if it were the first time. It was almost like a game. But Reiner wasn’t going to think about that yet. They had such a good thing going right now. The last thing Reiner wanted to do was ruin it by dwelling too much on the future. He’d spent enough time dwelling on the past in the last four months to last them a lifetime. They’d been given the gift of these few precious years together in a time with no titans, no fear or guilt or hate to stop them from being together. 

This moment, cuddled together on the couch with the love of his life, was a gift. Each moment Reiner got share with Bertholdt was a gift. This whole life was something to be enjoyed and celebrated to the fullest, and with Bertholdt by his side, how could it be anything but a gift? Wasn’t that why it was called the present in the first place?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few more notes I didn't want to put at the end:  
> 1\. The 'ceremony' is the night they became shifters.  
> 2\. I have a headcanon, (following Bertholdt having an older brother like Jordan), that Bertholdt's older brother was a shifter, and they had him eat his own brother the night they made him a shifter.  
> 3\. I've recently heard a theory that Ymir inherited Berick's memories when she ate him, and now feels the desire to protect Bertl and Reiner, and I really like that and kinda ran with it. 
> 
> Also: Bonus points to whoever can guess what triggers a Blank's memories to come back... ;) 
> 
> And there you have it. Wow, I honestly can't believe the lengths this story went to. And I'm also astounded by the positive reviews this story has received! THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who's been reading along! This is for you guys; thank you for pushing me to keep writing. It's been an absolute pleasure writing about these two dorks for you!
> 
> Keep on the lookout for some spinoffs for this as promised (Jeanmarco may or may not already be in the works ;) ) And let me know what other couples you'd like to see! And stay tuned for some other fics in the future (with a multitude of pairings and aus and all the fluff you could ever desire.) And you can check me out on tumblr for more SNK nonsense here! 
> 
> THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for reading! Have a wonderful day!

**Author's Note:**

> Stay tuned for the next installment! I may be able to get it up tomorrow, but expect an update on Tuesday instead. I don't intend to finish it in time for Reibert Week to be over, but I will do my best to get as much done in that time as I can!
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! And feel free to leave me your thoughts in comments!


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